Daddy Lessons

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Natasha gave a halfhearted nod and Dan gave her the phone.

  She lifted it, frowning just a bit, as if unsure what she would hear.

  “Hi, Grandmother…I’m fine… Yes, I love my daddy. And he loves me.” Natasha sat down on the first stair, fidgeting with a piece of her skirt as she listened to her grandmother. “My Gramma and Grandpa Deacon are really nice too.... It’s cold here but I don’t have to go to school.” Natasha looked over at Dan, puzzlement crossing her features. “Because my daddy said so… My daddy can homeschool me, like my mommy did.” Her frown deepened with each pause in the conversation as she listened to what her grandmother was saying. “But I like being with my daddy and I don’t want to live with you—”

  Fury rose up in Dan and he had to stop himself from snatching the phone away from Natasha. “I need to talk to Grandmother Anderson,” he said, keeping his voice calm as he held out his hand.

  Thankfully, Natasha willingly gave the phone up.

  Dan took in a deep breath, then another, then raised the phone to his ear.

  “We have all kinds of fun toys and I can take you to the park all the time because it’s not cold here,” Carla Anderson was saying.

  “This is Dan.” His words came out clipped and he didn’t bother smiling this time. “What are you doing?”

  A pause greeted his angry question, then Carla cleared her throat. “I was merely pointing out to Natasha the advantages of residing with us. And I think they are numerous.”

  Dan massaged the bridge of his nose, praying for patience, praying he didn’t lose it in front of Natasha, who was watching him from her perch on the stair.

  “We are not having this discussion now.” He pitched his voice low, hoping he sounded nonthreatening. Hoping the fear twisting his gut didn’t come out in his voice.

  He’d spent almost six years of Natasha’s short life battling with his ex-wife to get her to respect Dan’s court-ordered weekend visits with his daughter. He had struggled not to run to court every time Lydia had decided this weekend she might take Natasha out of town, or Natasha was too sick to come, or any other lame excuse. He didn’t want Natasha to become a pawn in their battle. But it had been difficult not to succumb when a month could go by with no visit.

  Sad as Lydia’s death had been, in one way, for Dan, it had been a relief from the constant tension of battling over visits with his daughter.

  Then, shortly after the funeral, he’d received a phone call from Lydia’s brother, a lawyer, warning Dan that his parents wanted to sue for custody of Natasha. Since then the battle lines had been drawn and Mr. and Mrs. Anderson had slowly advanced, revealing their strategy one methodical step at a time.

  The past few days their tactic had been to convince Natasha she wanted to live with them.

  “We’re not giving up on Natasha.” Carla warned. “We have much to give her.”

  Dan bit back an angry reply. Mr. and Mrs. Anderson owned a condo in Hawaii, a twenty-six-foot yacht anchored in the Victoria Harbor, a small private plane and a home just outside of Vancouver with more square footage than both his parents’ hardware store and the grocery store beside it.

  “She’s my daughter,” he said, “and I will take care of her.”

  “That may be, but she said she’s not going to school. How is that taking care of her?”

  Dan should have known Carla wouldn’t have missed one beat in Natasha’s conversation. “She’s having a hard time adjusting.” No sooner had the words left his lips than he felt like banging his head on the wall behind him. Why give them any kind of ammunition? What kind of idiot was he?

  “You do realize your daughter needs to attend school. That is still required,” Carla replied, a note of triumph in her voice.

  The all-too-familiar panic rose up in him as he felt himself backed into a corner. He glanced over at Natasha. She was smiling at him, rocking back and forth on the stair. He wasn’t letting her go. Never.

  Mrs. Anderson was still talking. “If you aren’t responsible enough to take care of her schooling, perhaps we will have to—”

  “I’m getting a tutor,” he snapped, cutting her off mid-threat. He leaned back against the wall behind him, the old cliché of being stuck between a rock and a hard place suddenly becoming very real. Could he hire Hailey? See her every day?

  Maybe there was another way. Someone else to tutor Natasha.

  “I see.” Mrs. Anderson’s clipped tone showed him that he had, for now, caused her to retreat. “Then I guess we’ll have to see how things pan out for her.”

  “Yes, we will.” Dan experienced a momentary reprieve and, to his disappointment, one of his knees began to bounce, an involuntary reaction to stress. He pushed it down and forced a smile that came more naturally this time. “And now I’m saying goodbye.” He ended the call before Mrs. Anderson could ask to speak to Natasha again.

  He laid his head back against the wall, closing his eyes.

  “Are you tired, Daddy?” Natasha asked him, tugging on his hand.

  He looked down at her, feeling the weight of his responsibilities. He was tired. Tired of trying to balance all the emotions his homecoming had created. Tired of trying to do it all himself.

  In spite of what he had told Natasha’s grandmother, however, he wasn’t sure he was ready to have Hailey tutor his daughter every day. Surely he could find someone else to do the job.

  “No, honey. I’m fine.” He dropped his phone in his pocket and took her hand. “Now, let’s go see if Gramma needs any help.”

  Hailey smoothed her hair, pressed her lips together and then caught herself mid-preen as she walked out of the cloakroom. It’s church, silly. And like last week, Dan won’t be here anyway.

  In spite of her self-chiding, she still tugged on the wide leather belt cinching her knit dress, pressed her lips together to even out her lipstick, then threaded her way through the people gathered in the foyer, toward the doors leading to the sanctuary.

  She paused in the doorway, glancing around the church, looking for a place to sit. Shannon was working at the hospital this morning and her Nana wanted to sleep in, so neither of them would be here this morning.

  She caught sight of her cousin Carter’s dark head bent over his fiancée, Emma, her son, Adam, sitting on his lap. People sat on either side of them, so it didn’t look like there was room for her there.

  “Miss Deacon. Miss Deacon,” Natasha’s voice called out over the buzz of conversation from the lobby. Hailey’s heart skipped its next beat.

  She turned to see Dan’s tall figure moving through the people gathered in the foyer. His dark blond hair still glistened with moisture, as if he had stepped right out of the shower, gotten dressed and come here. As Natasha pulled him closer she also saw a line of blood trickling from a cut on his cheek. Probably shaved as quickly as he had dressed.

  “Miss Deacon, you come to church too?” Natasha asked, beaming with pleasure.

  “Yes. I do.” Hailey returned her smile, yet couldn’t stop her eyes from drifting toward Dan.

  He wore a blue blazer over a light blue shirt. No tie, and jeans with cowboy boots. Just as he always did. And just as before, one point of his collar was tucked under the lapel of his blazer and the other lay overtop.

  Hailey had to stop herself from reaching out to straighten it. As she always did.

  “Hello, Hailey,” he said.

  Hailey hoped her smile looked as polite and emotionless as his. Then she noticed the trickle of blood heading dangerously close to his collar.

  “You’re bleeding,” Hailey said, pointing to his face.

  Dan grimaced and lifted his hand to the wrong cheek. Without thinking Hailey pulled a tissue out of her purse and pressed it to his face. She felt the warmth of his cheek through the tissue.

  Dan,
however, pulled back, smearing the blood.

  “Sorry. So sorry,” she said, angry at how breathless she sounded. “It’s just the blood was going to stain the collar of your shirt. I thought I should stop it. I didn’t mean—”

  Stop now, she chastised herself as she handed him the tissue again.

  He took it from her and slowly wiped his cheek. “I should go to the washroom and clean this up,” he said. “Would you mind watching Natasha for me?” he asked.

  Hailey gave a tight shake of her head, pulling her gaze away from him. She drew in a long, careful breath. Please Lord, help me through this, she prayed. I’ll be seeing him from time to time. Just let me get my silly emotions settled down.

  As Dan left, Natasha caught Hailey’s hand in hers, clinging to it. “I wanted to wear my fairy wings to church so I could look like an angel, but my Daddy said I couldn’t.”

  Hailey dragged her attention from Dan’s retreating back to the little girl.

  Natasha swung Hailey’s hand as if they had known each other for years instead of only a few days.

  “I think you look like an angel now,” Hailey returned.

  “I don’t like this dress, but my daddy said I had to wear it.” Natasha pulled at the dress, her blue cotton tied at the waist. White tights and black patent leather shoes finished the look.

  “You look really nice,” Hailey said, but from the look of Natasha’s sloppy ponytail she suspected Dan hadn’t had much luck with her hair.

  “My daddy said we had to hurry to get to church so we could sit with Gramma and Grandpa, but I want to sit with you,” Natasha said, looking up at Hailey.

  “You better wait to see what your daddy says,” Hailey returned. Knowing the tension surrounding them each time they got together, she doubted Dan would give in to that request.

  People moved past, smiling at her and Natasha. A few stopped to chat, but most walked directly into the sanctuary. Finally Dan appeared again. The cut on his cheek was only a tiny red line and seemed to have stopped bleeding.

  Without looking at her, Dan reached for Natasha’s hand. “We should go, sweetie,” he said.

  But Natasha wouldn’t let go of Hailey. “I want to sit with Miss Deacon.”

  “I’m sure Miss Deacon has her own place to sit,” he said, motioning her forward.

  But Natasha wouldn’t move.

  Hailey saw Dan press his lips together and tried to release Natasha’s death grip on her own fingers. “You should go with your daddy,” she said.

  Natasha’s lips thinned and she gave a quick shake of her head as she gave Hailey a determined look. “I want to sit with you.” Her voice rose on that last word and people already seated in the sanctuary were looking back at them. Some looked concerned, some grinned, and Hailey sensed Dan’s growing frustration.

  Dan tried one more time to take Natasha away.

  “I want to be with Miss Deacon,” she called out as Dan took her hand firmly in his.

  A few more heads turned and a few titters flew around the sanctuary. And in case neither Dan nor Hailey understood Natasha’s determination, she emphasized her little pique with a stamp of her foot.

  Hailey looked over Natasha’s head at Dan. “I don’t mind if you and her sit with me,” she said, giving him a gracious way to give in to Natasha.

  Dan drummed his fingers on his thigh, then gave a reluctant nod of his head. “Okay. I guess we can.”

  In spite of the tension of the moment Hailey couldn’t stop a tiny frisson of pleasure at the thought of sitting with him. She dragged her attention back to Natasha. “I guess we’ll need to find an empty spot,” she said to the little girl. Then without another glance at Dan, she turned and walked down the aisle, searching for a place near the back where they wouldn’t be too obvious.

  As they passed Carter and Emma, she caught Carter looking at her and Natasha. Hailey averted her glance, but not soon enough to miss the smirk on her cousin’s face. A flush heated her cheeks, but she kept her head up and finally found a spot at the end of a pew. Hailey slipped into the empty space, Natasha right behind her. And Dan right behind Natasha.

  Hailey settled into the pew and, as Natasha slipped her arm into hers, tried not to look over at Dan. Thankfully the service started and the first song was announced. Hailey reached for the songbook at the same time as Dan. As their fingers brushed, she pulled her own hand back, curling her fingers against her palm.

  Dan simply opened the book to the correct page and held it out for her to follow along.

  Please help me get through this service, she prayed as she folded her hands together and sang along. Please help me to stay focused on You, Lord, and not be distracted by Dan.

  When the song was over Hailey sat down and kept her gaze forward, concentrating on the worship team. The pastor. Anything but the man sitting a couple of feet away.

  Natasha leaned contentedly against Hailey, swinging her feet back and forth, her arm tucked in Hailey’s. By the time the pastor started preaching, however, Hailey felt Natasha’s body grow heavier and heard her breathing slow.

  She shot a quick glance down at the girl, surprised to see her eyes closed. Dan seemed to have noticed too. He reached over to take her from Hailey, but even in her sleep, Natasha clung to Hailey, shifted, then laid her head on Hailey’s lap.

  Hailey looked down at the little girl’s face, so relaxed and innocent in sleep. Her heart faltered and she couldn’t stop her hand from lightly brushing the child’s hair back from her face, then letting her hand rest on Natasha’s shoulder. She looked over at Dan at the same time he looked at her, and in his eyes she caught a fleeting glimpse of sadness. It’s not my fault, she wanted to say, as she did not understand the strange attachment the young girl seemed to have to her.

  Dan held her gaze a moment, then looked down at Natasha. He reached over and put his hand on her arm, as if laying his own claim to the little girl.

  The service flowed on and still Natasha slept, her warmth and vulnerability creating a surprising feeling of protectiveness in Hailey.

  But, to her shame, in spite of focusing her attention on the pastor, she was far too aware of Dan’s hand resting only inches from hers.

  Chapter Three

  The chords of the last song rang through the sanctuary and Dan waited a moment, too many emotions storming the defenses he’d spent seven years putting in place.

  All through the service he’d been far too conscious of Hailey. Her movements. The way she would curl her hair around her finger. The way she would smile at a point the minister had made.

  Sometimes it seemed that the past seven years were just a drift of smoke, but then all he had to do was look at his daughter and realize that, between him and Hailey, everything had changed.

  Now, as Natasha lay with her head on Hailey’s lap, part of him wanted to snatch Natasha away from Hailey, pull his little girl to himself. Pull himself into the present.

  But part of him also felt a disturbing sense of rightness. Hailey had always wanted to be a mother. She had always talked about having a large family. Six kids. Maybe more.

  Dan gave himself a mental shake, erasing past emotions and history that had come back to haunt the present. What he felt for Hailey didn’t belong here and now.

  However, right now he had another reality to deal with. Natasha’s schooling.

  Hailey gently shook Natasha, trying to wake her up, but she wouldn’t even open her eyes.

  Dan sat down again. “Just leave her,” he said quietly. “I need to talk to you anyway.” He glanced over his shoulder at the people leaving the sanctuary. He couldn’t see his parents, which was just as well. He needed a moment with Hailey. Alone.

  As he waited, the buzz of conversation from the exiting congregation was punctuated with bursts of laughter. Lig
ht streamed over the emptying pews from the stained glass windows, bathing everyone in a multicolored glow.

  Not much had changed here, he thought.

  “What do you want to talk to me about?” Hailey asked, shooting him a puzzled frown.

  Dan didn’t say anything right away. In a few moments they could speak in private. Finally, the last people left the foyer and only then did Dan turn to Hailey.

  “I have a favor to ask of you,” he said, keeping his voice low so he wouldn’t wake Natasha.

  “Sure. What is it?”

  Dan tapped his fingers on the back of the wooden pew, realizing how silly he was about to look, given his initial resistance to Hailey tutoring his daughter.

  But that was before the in-laws’ phone call. Before the pressure to come up with a solution had pushed him to this place. Before he had realized there was no one else to do the job.

  “I was wondering if you’re still willing to tutor Natasha,” he said.

  “What? Why now?”

  Dan pursed his lips, trying to think of how to tell her, then decided to go with the easiest response. The truth.

  “Ever since Lydia died, her parents have been pushing to get custody of Natasha. When they found out she wasn’t going to school, they saw it as ammunition.” He couldn’t stop the bitter tone that crept into his voice. Or the anger. He paused a moment to settle himself, then looked over at Hailey. “Truth is, I’m stuck. I need a tutor, and because you’re a qualified teacher, that makes it easier to prove I’m doing the right thing with Natasha’s schooling.” He didn’t add that he couldn’t find anyone else.

  Before Hailey’s glance slid away from him, he caught a glimpse of pain in her gray eyes.

  He didn’t want to analyze why she might feel that way. He felt as if he was using her, but when it came to his daughter he would do anything.

  “I’ll pay you,” he added, hoping, praying she wouldn’t turn him down. “I don’t expect you to do this for free.”

  Hailey raised her hand as if to say stop. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll tutor her.”