Cowboy Daddy

by Carolyne Aarsen

  Nicole heard the conviction in his voice, and her tears slowly subsided and she closed her swollen eyes. Her aching head rested on Kip’s shoulder. She didn’t want to be strong anymore. She didn’t want to be responsible, and she didn’t want Kip to let her go.

  She stayed there a moment longer, letting his strength hold her up and support her.

  He murmured her name again and she looked up at him. His head was a silhouette against the blue prairie sky. Then he lowered his head and his lips touched hers.

  She reached up to him, wrapping her arms around him, returning his kiss, letting herself be drawn closer, letting him into her heart.

  His lips touched her cheek and then he buried his face in her hair, his one hand caressing her head.

  “Don’t go, Nicole,” he said. “Don’t go.”

  She hardly dared wonder what he was saying. Hardly dared let his words enter her soul.

  Instead she stayed in his arms, her own clinging to him, the sun pouring down on them both like a benediction.

  She didn’t want to go either, but reality seeped into the moment. The boys and the reality of their legal status still stood between them. She knew that she didn’t want to take them away from here either. She knew they belonged here.

  “We should go back,” she said quietly. “I’m sure your mother is wondering what’s happening.”

  “I think she knows.” Kip gave her another quick kiss as the wagon jolted. The horses were getting antsy.

  Nicole didn’t want to go. She wanted this moment to stay forever, this time out of time. She didn’t want to go back to the ranch and the boys and the cold, hard reality of the decisions she had to make.

  She lowered her arms and drew away.

  “Let’s go, then.”

  When they got back to the ranch, Doreen and her kids had arrived, so Kip took the boys and Doreen’s kids for a couple of tours around the track while Doreen and Nicole hung over the fence and watched.

  “Kip looks good driving the team again,” Doreen said quietly, her arms folded over the top rail of the fence.

  Nicole wasn’t sure what to say in reply, so she just nodded.

  “I love watching him with the horses. He hasn’t done it for a while and I know he misses it.” Doreen’s eyes were on Kip, watching his progress around the track, smiling at the sounds of the children’s laughter drifting back to them. “Thanks for helping me push him into this.”

  “I didn’t really do much,” Nicole protested.

  Doreen shot her a wry glance. “You’ve done more than you might think. I haven’t seen Kip this relaxed in a long time.” Her voice seemed to hint at something Nicole wasn’t sure she wanted to examine. At least not with Kip’s sister watching her.

  Half an hour later Doreen helped the protesting kids out of the wagon.

  “We should go see Grandma,” she said as she and Nicole herded the whole works toward the house. “Nicole, you’re the horse person. Why don’t you help Kip with the horses while I get these kids cleaned up.”

  And before Nicole could say anything, Doreen was gone, the children trailing behind her.

  Thankfully Kip hadn’t heard the exchange. She hesitated, but only a moment. The thought of spending more time with Kip was greater than her self-consciousness over what Doreen had hinted at all.

  She walked back to where Kip was, helped him lead the horses back to the barn, then helped him unhitch them.

  They worked together in silence, but Nicole was aware of every brush of their hands, every time they bumped against each other.

  It was like slow torture, she thought. Thankfully, the boys stayed away, letting her and Kip have this moment.

  Nicole helped him hang up the harnesses and when everything was done, when there was no job left to do, he turned to her and rested his hands on her arms.

  “So, Nicole Williams, where do we go from here?”

  She didn’t want to think about that. She wasn’t sure herself. It made her heart hurt.

  Kip’s hands lingered on her arms, drifted down to her hands and caught them in hers. The calluses on his hands were rough against hers. The hands of a working man. The hands of a man who cared so much for his family that he was willing to make all the sacrifices that each callus represented.

  She chanced a look into his eyes, then brushed her fingers over his cheek, his whiskers rasping against her hand.

  “I don’t know.” She couldn’t give him anything more than that. “I simply don’t know anymore. The truth is your brother rescued the boys. He saved them when he brought them here.”

  Kip gave her a sad smile, as if he understood. “They were his boys. What else could he do?”

  “But the will. I don’t know what to do about the will. If it’s proved to be Tricia’s…” She wasn’t sure where to go anymore. At one time everything was laid out so clearly. Her obligations. Her work. Her plan to bring the boys back to her father where she had, at one time, thought they belonged.

  Now it was as if that everything that had given her life meaning was no longer as valid as it had been.

  It’s not your fault.

  Kip’s words comforted and frightened her at the same time. Because if Tricia’s leaving wasn’t her fault, if she was absolved of what Tricia had done, then where did that leave her with her father?

  Their entire relationship during the past few years was built on the foundation of Nicole’s obligation to her father—first by way of the adoption, then by way of the repercussions of her “talk” with Tricia. The talk that drove Tricia out into the world.

  It’s not your fault.

  “I’m willing to wait,” he said quietly. “I’m willing to give you time to sort things out.”

  His tenderness and consideration cradled her soul.

  “You are an amazing man, Kip Cosgrove,” she said quietly, squeezing his hand.

  Kip’s smile created an answering happiness.

  Tell him. Tell him that you think the boys should stay.

  She held his gaze, wondering what he would say if she told him that. Wondering what would happen.

  Kip’s words wound themselves around her weary soul, then his arms held her close. She rested in the shelter they offered, laying her head against his chest, drawing from his quiet strength.

  You are a good daughter. You are a good daughter.

  She had thought bringing the boys to Toronto could change everything between her and her father, but she also wondered if Kip was right. Was she pinning too much on the boys?

  They should stay.

  Nicole let the words drift through her mind, testing them.

  They belong here.

  As Nicole let the words settle, peace entered her soul. And even more important, Kip was offering her something even more.

  Did she dare take that too? Wasn’t that too many under-served blessings?

  And then her phone jangled a tune.

  “You were carrying your phone around with you?” Kip laughed.

  “I forgot about it,” Nicole said with a gentle smile as she pulled the phone out her pocket.

  Kip caught her hand. “Just leave it, Nicole. Don’t let anything else come in right now.”

  But as he spoke, her eyes slipped down, as if they had no power of their own. It was her father calling.

  Kip didn’t let go of her hand, and as she looked back a him, he didn’t let his gaze leave hers as he gently shook his head.

  She looked from him to the phone, torn. But years of obligation drew harder on her than her recent moment with Kip.

  “I’m sorry. I have to take this.” She took a few steps away from him and answered the phone.

  “Nicole. Have you spoken to that cowboy’s lawyer yet?”

  Trust her father to get straight to the point. He must be feeling better, she thought with a measure of relief.

  “No, and I don’t believe Kip has either.”

  “You may as well know, we got the first DNA test back today.”

  “Which one?�
�

  “Mine won’t come for a couple of days, but we got Mary Cosgrove’s. And we got good news. Mary Cosgrove is not the boys’ grandmother.”

  Nicole pressed her hand to her chest, her emotions in a sudden tailspin. A few weeks ago she would have welcomed this news.

  But a few weeks ago, Kip was a hindrance to her goal. A few weeks ago Kip was simply an annoying, attractive complication getting in the way of her plan to take the boys back to where she thought they belonged.

  How much had changed in the past week. The past few days.

  Nicole didn’t want to let her mind dwell on that. Her father’s phone call and the hard reality of the boys’ parentage were what she had to face now.

  She tried not to look at Kip, refocussing her emotions. She knew her father well enough to understand what his next step would be.

  “So that means…”

  “Scott Cosgrove is not the boys’ father. The boys belong to me. I want you to bring them back here as soon as possible. I’ve got the lawyer coming tomorrow afternoon. He’s filing the papers and after that I want the boys back here.”

  “How can you—”

  “I’ll use the police if I have to,” Sam growled.

  Nicole rubbed her forehead with her fingers. He would, she thought. Once Sam Williams had an idea in his head, there was no stopping him no matter how he felt.

  Nicole glanced back at Kip, who was watching her. Again her obligations to her father pulled on her.

  She looked away from him. She had to make a choice. Had to make a decision.

  But how could she go through with it?

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kip watched the interplay of emotions on Nicole’s face while she spoke to her father on the phone.

  Panic shot through him when her eyes widened and she glanced at Kip. The expression on her face wasn’t encouraging.

  Then she walked away from him, talking in low, urgent tones.

  He wanted to grab the phone out of her hands and tell her to put her father aside. To put the boys aside. To focus on what she needed and wanted.

  Kip stood, his hands on his hips, watching as she wilted in front of his eyes. Her shoulders dropped, her head lowered and she seemed to turn in on herself.

  Did she even realize what effect her father had on her?

  A few minutes later she was finished with her call. She stood with her back to him, her head lowered, and Kip felt as if everything he’d told her had been erased with that one phone call.

  She turned back to him and he read the anguish on her face.

  “I have to go back,” she said quietly.

  Kip started. This was not what he expected to hear. “Go back? To Toronto? Is something wrong with your father?”

  She shook her head. “He’s feeling much better.” She bit her lip and Kip’s heart dropped into his gut.

  “So why do you have to go back now? Just as things are changing for us?”

  “I know, but…” She lifted her hands toward him, then clenched them into fists. “The situation is different.”

  “How? What did your father say to you that could possibly have made such a difference?”

  Nicole pressed her fists against her forehead. Kip wanted to drag her hands away and tell her how much he hated seeing her like this.

  Nicole lowered her hands, but still didn’t look at him. “My father got the first of the DNA tests back.”

  Kip’s breath left him in a rush. His heart vibrated erratically, like it always did before a big race when he thought about the uncertainty of what lay ahead and where events would take him.

  At least, when he was racing, he had the reins in his hand. He was in charge.

  “There were no DNA matches between the boys and your mother. From what the lab could figure out, Scott wasn’t the boys’ biological father.”

  Kip could only stare at her. It was as if her mouth was moving but he couldn’t figure out exactly what she was saying. Something about Scott not being the boys’ father? “How…how can that be? That’s impossible.”

  Ron was supposed to have heard about the tests the same time as Mr. William’s lawyer. Why hadn’t Ron called him?

  “Why would Scott…he mustn’t have known…” Kip’s voice drifted off as the implications of this slowly sank in.

  “It was what I had told you from the beginning,” she said.

  Kip could only stare at her. Was that all she had to say? “Are you kidding me?”

  Nicole frowned as if she didn’t understand. “Kip, why is this such a surprise? I told you that Tricia said—”

  “And Scott told me they were his kids.” Kip shoved his hand through his hair and spun away from her. He couldn’t pull his thoughts together into a coherent sentence.

  When Nicole had first come with her far-fetched story of the boys not belonging to Scott, he’d never, for one moment, believed her.

  His thoughts sped back and forth as he tried to think. To plan.

  “She left them,” he growled, his pain and frustration seeping into his voice. “She abandoned those boys and Scott saved them.” He turned back to her. “That has to mean something.”

  Nicole didn’t reply.

  “He did what he was supposed to, even if the boys weren’t his. Nicole, tell me what you’re thinking.” He wanted to pull her close. He wanted to go back to where they were before her father intruded into her life again. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

  She reached out and touched his face, her cool fingers trailing a light caress down his cheek. “I have to go,” she said quietly.

  “Don’t do this, Nicole,” Kip said. “Don’t throw what we have away.”

  She took a step back.

  Away from him.

  “Don’t go, Nicole. Don’t make me your enemy.”

  She gave him a sad smile. “You’ll never be my enemy.”

  “If you try to take my boys away, you will be. I’ll fight you tooth and nail for them.”

  As soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted saying them. It wasn’t about the boys. It was about her. He didn’t want her to go. He didn’t want to lose her.

  But he wasn’t sure he could say that yet.

  She paused, the hurt in her eyes obvious. Then she turned and walked away.

  This wasn’t where they were supposed to end up, but he didn’t know how to get back to where he wanted to be.

  Go after her. Don’t let her leave you like this. Tell her how you really feel.

  He took a step toward her, then stopped himself. No. She had made her choice. In spite of everything he had told her, everything he had offered her, she’d chosen her father over him.

  He had to stay back here and fight for his boys and let her go back to where she thought she belonged.

  “I’m sorry, I don’t have the best news, Kip,” Ron said.

  Kip clutched the telephone, glancing over at his mother, who stood by the sink, peeling potatoes.

  Since Nicole had left two days ago, his mother had been working harder and harder on her exercises. It was as if she wanted to get strong enough to stand up for her grandsons.

  But they’re not her grandsons.

  Kip pushed the traitorous thought away. The boys were as much a part of his family as they were part of the Williams family. More, in fact.

  “They’ve filed for legal custody of the boys.” Ron’s voice was a disembodied sound as Kip realized what had happened. No wonder she took off so quick.

  After Nicole had left, some part of him had nurtured the faintest hope that she would come back and tell him she had changed her mind.

  But he heard nothing. No phone call, no email. Just a long, frustrating silence that grew more oppressing each day. A silence that choked off the brief moment of enthusiasm he’d experienced when he hitched up the horses.

  A silence that slowly eroded at the hope she would come back and tell him she would help him fight for the boys.

  Instead she had chosen her father over them.

&nbs
p; What did you expect? A few kisses and a few declarations of affection and she was going to throw over nearly a lifetime of obligation to a man who required more than she could give?

  “So what do we do now?” Kip asked, fear and frustration and confusion warring in his gut.

  “We can fight back,” Ron said. “Claim that Scott acted in the best interests of the boys when he took them. I’m still working on the validity of her will, but I’m warning you, it’s uphill now that it’s been proven the boys aren’t Scott’s.”

  Kip sighed and tunneled his hand through his hair.

  “So what do you want me to do?” Ron pressed.

  “I can’t think right now. I’ll have to get back to you.” Kip disconnected the phone and released a heavy sigh.

  “I take it that’s not good news,” Mary said, her voice small.

  Kip glanced her way, wondering how much to tell her. “Nicole’s father has filed for custody of the boys.” Kip said, preferring to break things to his mother one piece of bad news at a time.

  His mother flipped her tea towel over her shoulder and came to sit beside him. “What are we going to do?”

  “I don’t think there’s anything we can do,” Kip said. “I’m sure that’s why Nicole hightailed it back to Toronto so fast. She didn’t want to be around when everything imploded.”

  Mary laid her hand on his arm. “I know that you cared for her,” his mother said quietly.

  Kip sighed. “Yeah. I did.”

  “Did?” his mother pressed.

  “Do.” He tapped his fingers on his arm. “I don’t know what to do. Don’t know what to think.”

  “Why?”

  Kip held his mother’s gaze, then looked past her to the kitchen with its worn cupboards, stained linoleum and scarred countertop. He had only seen pictures of the outside of Nicole’s home, but he was sure the countertops were granite, the floor solid hardwood and the cupboards crafted from some exotic wood that he’d never heard of.

  “Even before Nicole came, I often wondered how I would take care of everyone.” He hated to admit this to his mother, but he had to be honest with her. “I wondered especially about the boys. Would I be able to give them the life I thought they should have.” He looked up at her. “I don’t think I can give them the life that I know the Williams family can.”