What She Left Us

by Stephanie Elliot

  They were quiet for a moment, and then Darren said, “Here’s the minor glitch – I have to go for training in Florida for eight weeks. But you can come. You can get your treatments done there, right?”

  Florida for two months?

  Jenna’s heart sank. She couldn’t leave Courtney now. There was no way she was going to leave her sister.

  Chapter 44

  “So then what happened?” Courtney asked.

  “I let him go,” Jenna said. She had been pretty calm about explaining the whole scenario to Courtney, and told her almost everything, omitting how many times they made love. She decided to keep that to herself.

  “Don’t you want to go to Florida with him?” Courtney asked.

  “I can’t do that! I wouldn’t do that to you.”

  “So how did you leave it?”

  “I told him to go, and that I could visit him during his training. I’m not going to leave you here by yourself while we’re going through our treatments together. No way am I going to leave you all alone.”

  “Jenna, really. I’m not alone. It hasn’t been that bad. And I have Mitch.”

  “I know, but I’m not going to do that to you. We’re sisters. We’re doing this together.”

  Darren had been less than thrilled with Jenna’s decision to stay, but he understood her dedication to Courtney. He stayed the night with Jenna, and they got up the next morning and had breakfast. He tried to convince her further that it would be healthy for her to come to Florida, that they could spend eight weeks together, away from anything else, all other distractions. He said they needed the time to get to know each other once again, to have time to reconnect with one another.

  But Jenna said he would be all consumed with studying and training, and she would be stuck alone in an apartment, and all on her own to get her treatments done. She and Courtney had bonded with their nurses, and felt comfortable with the treatments they were getting there, and she didn’t want to be away from Court. Not when they were going through their treatments. It was as simple as that.

  Finally, unwillingly, Darren agreed she should maybe stay with Courtney. After the eight weeks, he would come back to Jenna. Still, after training, he didn’t know if he would be assigned to another location for the air medic job. He would have to go where the need was. Would Jenna be willing to go with him? By then, she and Courtney would have a better idea on how their iron counts were stabilizing. By then, she could be able to tell how her future was looking. She could only hope so.

  She told Darren yes.

  She would be there for him when he got back in eight weeks.

  She hoped she would be able to stand by that answer. She had disappointed him enough already.

  Chapter 45

  Tish and Sadie rubbed iodine on Jenna’s and Courtney’s vein sites and bantered back and forth about their weekends. By now, the girls were used to their usual chatter and also used to the routine.

  “You girls know that you’ve already saved about twenty-four lives with all the blood from these treatments? It’s so nice of you to donate the blood. Not everyone does, you know?” Sadie said.

  Jenna had her eyes closed as she could tell that her needle was about to go in, and said, “Uh huh” while Courtney said, “that’s great to know.” Both of the girls liked to lie back and keep relaxed while during their ‘sessions’… to think of good thoughts. Imagining the lives they were saving while going through the process, including their own, was probably a good thing.

  Courtney turned her head to her sister, "You sure about this?"

  "What?"

  "You and Darren? You guys are really back together, like together, together? And you're okay with him being gone for two months right away?"

  "We'll see. I don't know. It just felt right when he was here."

  "Yeah, but now he's gone. For two months. Why don't you want to go with him?"

  Jenna was quiet for a moment, then spoke, "I belong here. I'm finally feeling settled, and I'm not leaving you. You wouldn't leave me."

  Courtney sighed. “You're right. I wouldn't.”

  “Mitch looks good,” Jenna changed the subject, opening one eye and popping her head up to look at Courtney. He sat in the waiting room, and Jenna thought she might as well bring him up to her sister, since they hadn’t talked much about their relationship.

  “Yep, he’s good; he’s been playing a lot of guitar.” Courtney knew her sister wasn’t the biggest Mitch fan, but hoped she might come around soon. “He could play for you sometime?”

  “Sure, that might be cool.”

  They were quiet for a little while, then Courtney asked, “How are things over at Klippy's?”

  “Pretty good. Clay’s a lot of fun to hang around with and the girls there are actually not too bad. I was expecting them to be a bunch of sorority snobs, but they've been really helpful and super nice. Work will keep me busy when Darren's gone.”

  “Girls,” Sadie interrupted, “Your bags are half-way filled. Are you both doing good?”

  “Fine” and “Okay” came from the girls.

  “Good,” Sadie said.

  “Keep squeezing your fists lightly every now and then to keep the blood flowing,” Tish added.

  “We know,” Jenna said.

  They were quiet for the next several minutes and then Tish said, “Okay ladies, we’re about done!” Then Tish and Sadie began the steps to remove the needles and bandage the girls up. As Sadie lifted Courtney’s arm and put the bandage on her vein site, Courtney began to fan herself with her free hand.

  "I don't feel too good."

  Her face went ashen, her eyes rolled back, and then she passed out.

  **

  When Courtney woke up it took her a few seconds to figure out where she was. There was Mitch, Jenna, Sadie and Tish all staring down at her like she was some freak show in the circus.

  “What?”

  “You fainted,” Jenna said.

  Mitch took hold of her hand, the one that hadn’t been jabbed with the needle minutes before. It took Courtney a few seconds to figure out that Mitch must have rushed in from the waiting room – that’s how he was there now.

  “Are you okay?” Mitch asked. “Thank God you didn’t stand up and fall on the floor. Good thing you passed out on the chair.”

  Tish was on her other side taking her blood pressure. “Did you eat breakfast?”

  “Yeah, um, well, not really. Two bites of an apple.”

  “Girls, you know you’re supposed to eat breakfast every time you come in here to bloodlet. In fact, with hemochromatosis, it’s especially important that you eat breakfast every morning,” Sadie added.

  “Your blood pressure’s really low.”

  “I might have to puke,” Courtney said.

  “Sade – grab a vomit bag,” Tish ordered, removing the blood pressure cuff.

  Sadie handed a bag to Courtney and she took it gratefully. “I’ll get you some apple juice and crackers.”

  “I don’t know what happened,” Courtney said apologetically.

  “Hon, you need to eat, that’s all,” Mitch said, and kissed her on the forehead, moving her bangs gently away from her face.

  She smiled up at him. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, just remember to take care of yourself, okay?”

  Jenna watched the exchange between Mitch and her sister. She wished Darren was there. Then she got angry. Why couldn’t he have postponed his training for a little while? If he loved her as much as he said he did, why couldn’t he have stayed with her while she went through her treatments?

  Did he even know what this was like for her? Did he even care? He hadn’t even really asked her about what she was going through when he was there. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe they were a mistake. Well, this eight weeks would be the time they would need to figure it out. And what had happened to Courtney further proved to Jenna that she had made the absolute right decision about staying and not going with Darren to Florida. She needed to be
with her sister. They needed to be together for these treatments.

  But as she watched Mitch comfort her sister, the way he held her hand and touched her face so carefully, she wondered how much her sister really needed her? How important was she to her sister?

  Chapter 46

  Jenna and Clay were both done with their shifts and as Jenna was untying her apron, Clay said, “Hey, wanna stick around for a beer?”

  “Absolutely.”

  “That didn’t take much coercing,” he laughed.

  “It’s been one of those weeks.”

  “Lucky for you, the doctor is in,” Clay said.

  Jenna threw off her apron, stuck it into her locker in the back and told Clay she’d be right out. She stopped into the bathroom, checked her reflection and skipped any girlie maintenance. She had spent the last six hours slopping burgers, beers and fries. There was no hope, and besides, Clay was her friend. She didn’t need to do anything to look good for him. Still, at the last minute, she brushed on some mascara and a quick stroke of lip gloss.

  Clay was at the end of the bar chatting with Mandy, the bartender on duty. She smiled as Jenna made her way to the bar stool next to him. “How’s it going Jenna?” Mandy asked. Jenna took a seat and sighed. “That was a long shift,” she said.

  “You want your usual?” Mandy asked, and Jenna nodded.

  It was nice to be in a place where the people knew what her ‘usual’ was – a Blue Moon on tap with a wedge of orange. Mandy slid it her way and dropped off a Sam Adams for Clay. “Thanks, Mandy,” Jenna said.

  “Cheers to the weekend,” Clay lifted his beer.

  “Amen to that,” Jenna drank.

  The beer tasted good – citrusy tang, and it went down smooth. It had been a bad week. Well, it started out good, with Darren’s arrival putting her on a major high, and then disappointment and uncertainty had set in almost as soon as he left. What would happen in the next eight weeks? Then Courtney fainting on Thursday had freaked her out and added to her upset.

  Darren was supposed to leave for Florida on Sunday and he hadn’t even gotten in touch with Jenna. Well, that wasn’t entirely true. He had called and left her a message while she was on shift Wednesday, and then she returned his call, but he hadn’t answered. Phone tag. Come on, he couldn’t answer her call? How much had he wanted this to work if he couldn’t try her more than once before he left for two months? Was he really willing to make this work?

  Jenna began to think of alternatives – like couldn’t he postpone his training? Ask if he could have gone to Florida a couple of months later? He’d been working as an EMT long enough, surely they would have at least considered his request, but had he even thought of it? She wondered how much of her situation even came into play? Again, angry feelings rushed in, and she tried to push them away. It was too much to think about.

  Tonight though, Jenna wanted to put it all aside and relax. She loved Klippy’s, the energy, the people, the music, and she felt like letting go and having fun, forgetting Darren, the disease, the future, everything, for just tonight.

  Before she knew it her first beer was gone, and her second was ordered. Clay was trading bartender stories with Mandy, and Jenna was laughing along, but she was only half-listening.

  “Hey, I should call my sister and her boyfriend to see if they want to meet us out!” Jenna yelled over the music, which was total old school – Sugar Hill.

  “Sounds good. I’d love to meet your sister.”

  “Yeah?” Jenna said.

  “Sure, she’s got to be cool if she’s related to you.”

  Jenna tried Courtney and got her voicemail. It was loud in Klippy’s so she ended up screaming her message: “COURT, YOU AND MITCH GET YOUR BUTTS OVER TO KLIPPY’S. WE’RE HAVING BEERS AND I WANNA DANCE!”

  “You want to dance?” Clay asked.

  “Well, maybe not this second, but probably in another beer or two,” Jenna said.

  “All right. Mandy – more beers!” And he turned to Jenna. “So, why was the week so crappy?”

  “Okay,” Jenna was feeling relaxed from the two beers. “You know my ex, Darren?”

  “Well, not personally, but yeah, you’ve mentioned him.” Clay looked into her eyes, his attention unwavering. It was unnerving how he looked at Jenna, and she felt like she had said something wrong, yet she couldn’t look away.

  “Well, he came back.”

  “Came back, came back?” Clay asked.

  “I think so. I mean, I’m not sure. But yes, I guess so. See, it’s so damn confusing,” Jenna admitted, taking another slug of her beer. Thank God for beer, she thought. It made everything so much easier. Even though things were getting foggy, like her mind, some things were easier. Talking to Clay was easier, looking in his eyes was easier, being with him was so much more relaxed. She took a deep breath and continued.

  “Okay, you’re my friend right?” she asked.

  “I hope so,” Clay said.

  “All right, so, he came back, and I thought everything was great. He shows up. Here actually. You weren’t working. God, I was so glad you weren’t here when he came in–”

  “Wait. Why were you glad I wasn’t here?”

  “I don’t know. That’s really weird of me to say, right? I mean, I, I was so freaked when he came here, I didn’t know what to do. It was really awkward. I didn’t want him to be here. Wait, maybe that’s a sign? Is that a sign?” Jenna asked.

  “How the hell am I supposed to know?” Clay asked, looked deeply into her eyes.

  “You’re the doctor. You said, ‘The doctor is in!’ You’re supposed to know these things!”

  Clay drank from his beer, which was again almost empty, as was Jenna’s. Then he clasped his hands together and leaned his chin on top of them, as if he were deep in thought. “Tell me more about what happened.”

  “I’m not telling you everything!”

  “You’re not?”

  “Nope.”

  “Shit.”

  Jenna laughed. “So, I don’t know, I guess we got back together, but then he tells me he’s leaving for Florida for two months for a new job he has to train for. And that he wanted me to go with him!”

  “Did you want to go with him?” Clay asked.

  Damn. Clay was a really good listener. He asked all of the right questions. He looked at Jenna intently when she spoke to him, he was considerate and waited for her responses, and just looked at her. And those eyes – his hazel eyes that were sometimes green and sometimes a shimmery brown, depending on the light and what color shirt he wore. His mouth. His face… now she was comparing him to Darren… while she was talking about Darren and getting very, very drunk. This was not a good thing to be doing. Not at all.

  Still, she couldn’t stop talking about it. She wanted to know what he thought. She wanted Clay’s opinion. She valued Clay's opinion.

  “I don’t want to be away from my sister. You know about why I’m here. Why I have to be here. So we can get our treatments done together. But I was miserable without him. I really was.”

  “Was it being miserable without him, or were you miserable about the idea of him?”

  “I’m not really sure. That’s a really good question.”

  Mandy brought over two more beers. That was the great thing about working in a bar. You never had to wait for your drinks. It was crowded now, after eleven, and co-eds were packed in tight, the music was loud, the dance floor was alive. People smashed up close to the bar, trying to get shots and beers, and Clay pulled his seat closer to Jenna’s so they could hear one another talk over the noise. Rihanna’s Stay blared, and Clay placed his hand on Jenna's knee.

  “You’ll figure it out. You’re a smart girl.”

  “Okay, I’m done talking and thinking about me. What’s your story?” Jenna asked. “You never talk about you and your story.”

  “I don’t have one,” Clay answered.

  “Sure you do,” Jenna moved closer. “Tell me yours.”

  “You’re not ready to
hear it. It’s gruesome,” he teased. “No one at Klippy’s knows it.”

  “Yeah right.”

  “It’s true,” he looked toward the bar and yelled to Mandy. “Hey Mand! Two Ice Bombs over here, okay?”

  “Really?” she yelled back.

  “Yep, time we introduce our pal Jenna to them!” Clay said.

  “Two Ice Bombs coming up!”

  “Ice Bombs?” Jenna said to Clay.

  “Yep, we’re going to have some Ice Bombs, and then we’re going to dance. You didn’t want to think tonight, so I’m going to make it my job that you don’t think tonight.”

  Mandy brought over two shots, the Ice Bombs. They were icy blue and when Clay said go, they threw the shots back. It was like doing a shot of mouthwash with a rush of burn afterward.

  “Wow! What was that!” Jenna asked. “That was actually pretty good.”

  “You like it? I invented it. It’s got peppermint liquor, one-fifty-one and a slip of Goldschlager liqueur.”

  Jenna felt loose now, as if all her worries were fading, at least for the moment. Through the crowd, she could see the height of Mitch making his way toward them. She stood up on the edge of the stool, and reached onto Clay’s shoulders to steady herself.

  “There’s Mitch!” Then she looked down at Clay who was looking up at her. She knew he liked what he saw, and she enjoyed the attention, for a moment forgetting the drama of what might or might not be happening with Darren. Because really, she had no clue what would be waiting for her in eight weeks. She hadn’t even spoken to him since they had been together. She was convincing herself with every drink that he didn’t care about her. That was the trouble with alcohol. She could convince herself of anything if she wanted to.

  “Mitch! Courtney!” she called out, still steadying herself on Clay. He had now moved his hands to her hips, to keep her from falling from the barstool. Jenna waved them over to the bar and they shifted through the crowd.

  “Hey guys! Over here!” she yelled.

  “Jenna!” Courtney yelled back, Mitch holding onto her like she was a piece of fine art that would crack if someone got too close.