What She Left Us

by Stephanie Elliot

  “Hey.” She leaned over to hug Courtney, Clay still holding onto Jenna’s waist so she wouldn’t topple off the stool. “This is Clay!”

  Mitch shook Clay’s hand and Courtney said hi. “What do you guys want to drink? I know the bartender,” Clay said.

  Jenna said, “Get them Ice Bombs!”

  Another round of Ice Bombs were ordered, along with four beers and in no time the four of them were laughing like they had hung out together for years. An hour later, when Jenna grabbed her sister and the two rushed off to the bathroom, Courtney said, “You’re wasted!”

  Jenna said, “So what? I’m having fun. Aren’t you having fun? Isn’t this what we’re supposed to be doing?”

  “Yes, but… ”

  “But what?” Jenna asked.

  “What about Darren?”

  “What about him? He’s leaving for Florida in two days, and he hasn’t called me. I’m not doing anything wrong. I’m hanging out with my friend.”

  “Yeah okay.”

  “What do you mean, ‘yeah okay?’” Jenna asked.

  “It looks to me like Clay would like to be more than friends.”

  Jenna leaned into the sink, washing her hands. “What the hell are you trying to say?”

  I’m not ‘trying’ to say anything,” Courtney shot back. “I’m saying this: I think you need to get a hold of yourself and figure out what you want. If Darren is the love of your life, and if you want to be with him, then don’t fuck it up.”

  “Courtney, are you even kidding me? He hasn’t even given me back the engagement ring. Does he love me enough to NOT go to Florida? Does he love me enough to stay here with me while I go through my treatments? My God. I look at you and Mitch, and you’ve been together, like what, for barely two months, and he’s by your side for everything! Maybe that’s what I want. Maybe I want someone to care for me THAT much. Not someone who cares only a little bit for me. I want someone who is going to invest his whole self in me. Not someone who is going to say he loves me then leave the next day for two months. What the hell is that?”

  Jenna was crying now, and her mascara was smearing, and she was definitely wasted, and sad, and confused, and she didn’t want to be at the bar any longer, and she didn’t want to be having this discussion with her sister either. Her sister who had never been in love her entire life but now had her perfect amazing guy and was an expert at everything that had anything to do with love.

  She pushed past Courtney, slammed out of the bathroom, and ran to Clay, who sat with Mitch, laughing and drinking a beer.

  Through her tears, she looked at Clay, and grabbed his hand.

  “Can you take me home, please?”

  Chapter 47

  Jenna heard her cell phone ring, but didn’t move to answer it. Her face was smashed into her pillow and she could smell her own stale breath every time she exhaled; she knew she had thrown up. Her hair was sticky with remnants of it. Her head pounded to match her pulse.

  The cell phone rang and rang and then she heard her bedroom door open and footsteps. A voice whispered, “I’m going to answer that, okay?”

  It was Clay.

  “Hello,” she heard him whisper into her phone.

  On the other end of the phone, Courtney couldn’t believe Clay answered Jenna’s cell. “Is my sister there?”

  “Courtney, it’s definitely not what you think. She was puking all night. I stayed here on the couch. She’s still in bed. She was in the bathroom until about three, and then I moved her into her bed, and I stayed on the couch. She’s right here, do you want to talk to her?” Clay asked.

  “Yes, I would like to talk to her, please,” Courtney said.

  Jenna moaned from the bed, and shook her head from under her white duvet.

  Clay moved onto the bed and handed her the phone.

  “Talk to your sister,” he shoved the phone to Jenna’s ear.

  “Hulluph?”

  “Are you okay?”

  “Can’t talk. Move. Headache. Call later.” Jenna tossed the phone toward Clay.

  He took the phone and said to Courtney, “Did you get that?”

  “I think so. Is she really that bad?”

  “I don’t think she ate dinner last night.”

  “Should I come over?” Courtney asked.

  Clay moved the phone away from his mouth, and said, “She wants to know if she should come over?”

  Moans escaped from under the duvet.

  “I’m guessing she wants to go back to sleep,” Clay said to Courtney. “I don’t have to be at work until four. I can hang here, and make her some soup when she feels up for it. How about she calls you later?”

  “Okay,” Courtney said. “And Clay?”

  “Yeah Courtney?”

  “Thanks, she’s needed a friend.”

  **

  When Jenna woke up a couple hours later, her head still ached, but she didn’t feel like she was going to die any longer. Clay must have heard her moving around because he came right in with a glass of water and three Advil.

  “Thanks,” she said.

  “You were wrecked,” he said. “What happened?”

  “I haven’t done shots and drank like that since college,” she admitted. “Thanks for getting me home. And taking care of me.”

  “It’s no problem. I’m really sorry about the Ice Bombs. I shouldn’t have made you drink them.”

  He waited for her to say something. They were quiet for a moment. She sipped the water, afraid that it would come right back up, but she wanted to chug it, she was so dehydrated.

  “So, what exactly happened?” she finally asked.

  “Fortunately, you didn’t puke in the taxi. You waited until we got out of it, then you blew all over the bushes outside. And in your kitchen sink. Then I got you into the bathroom. So, no real messes to clean up. And you were crying and going on and on about Darren.”

  “What did I say?” she asked.

  “Oh, the usual girl crap.”

  “Like?”

  “That you didn’t know what you were going to do, that you love him, but why is he leaving, blah, blah.”

  Jenna put her hands in her head. She was still in her Klippy’s T-shirt but was no longer wearing her jeans. Had he taken them off for her or had she done it? She guessed at this point it hadn’t mattered; Clay had seen her puke her guts out, and probably do so in her underwear. It was like nothing was sacred now.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “What are you exactly sorry for?” Clay asked.

  “For being a stupid drunk. For making you listen to all my pathetic crying. For puking everywhere. For wasting your time.”

  “Hey, you’re not wasting my time,” he touched her shoulder lightly. “You’re my friend. I like you. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about you Jen. I want you to be okay. Okay?”

  She smiled.

  “You want some soup or something?”

  “Soup would be awesome.”

  Chapter 48

  “So I think we’re going to put an actual band together.”

  Courtney had just come back from Art Concepts and Mitch was in her room, waiting for her. She had given him an extra key but this was the first time he actually used it. He was lying on her bed with his hands behind his head, looking pretty comfortable propped up against her pile of pillows, like he belonged there. Courtney dropped her bag and went over to him, settling next to him.

  “Tell me, tell me!”

  “We put an ad out for a lead singer and are doing auditions and it looks like it might actually happen. We’ve got our bass guitarist and drummer already. And of course, me.”

  “Holy crap, that’s awesome. Then you can get gigs around school and everyone will know you!”

  She hugged him close, and he wrapped his arms around her. He looked at her, different than he had ever before, more carefully, like he was trying to figure out the puzzle of her, trying to put the pieces of her together. He didn’t know that since she met him, the puzzle had
seemed to have fallen in place.

  “I love you,” he said.

  She looked into his eyes, not believing he had actually said it. Sure he had said he was falling in love with her, but to actually say the words, to look into her eyes and say them, well, that was amazing. She felt her world turn brighter, and her smile exploded across her face.

  “You do?” she said.

  “I do. Are you good with that?”

  “I’m good. I’m so good.” Courtney said.

  Mitch held onto her, wrapped his long legs around her ankles playfully.

  “And?” he asked.

  “I love you too.”

  “You do?”

  “I do.”

  “How much?” he teased.

  “What do you mean, ‘how much?’”

  “Why don’t you show me how much?”

  “How about you show me how much,” Courtney said. “You’re the one who fell in love with me first.”

  “Okay,” Mitch said, “I’ll show you how much I love you, but first, you’ll have to take off that sweater of yours.”

  “Oh really?” Courtney grinned.

  “Really.”

  “I think it works the other way around.”

  “How so?” Mitch asked.

  “Well, if you love me so much, then you have to show me how much by taking it off for me.”

  “Oh, I’m going to show you exactly how much I love you, right this very minute.”

  “I can’t wait. I can’t wait for you to show me exactly how much you love me, Mitch Nathaniel.”

  Chapter 49

  Darren had been in Florida a week. Jenna and he spoke briefly the night before he left but aside from that they kept missing each other. He stood by everything he had said when he came to see her, wanted to make their relationship work, missed her like crazy, kept telling her that he was going to Florida only to secure a better career to make a better life for the two of them, and he loved her with his whole heart and soul.

  And Jenna had felt guilty. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong, but being at the bar with Clay, and getting so drunk, and making him take her home… where had her thoughts been that night? Certainly not with Darren. But Clay had told her she'd been going on and on about Darren. She was so confused, and being away from Darren made things that much harder.

  Flowers started arriving almost immediately. Carnations and Peruvian lilies, with cards that said, “Because I want this to work” and “I love you more than all the flowers in the world,” and “I miss you more than you can ever imagine.” When she walked through the door at night, she was overcome with the scent of flowers, and overcome with the feeling that he loved her enough. That he loved her quite possibly enough to carry her through the rest of her life. That he always had.

  He was busy with his work training, and they rarely had time to talk on the phone, and so they exchanged texts mostly. When they did have time to talk, the calls were tearful, on Jenna’s part.

  She missed him, wished she could go back to before. So she could have made different decisions, maybe wiser ones, she wasn't sure, but definitely different ones so she wouldn't be in the situation she was in now, apart from him, unsure about everything. She wished she could have undone the choices she made back then, when her mom had died, when she could have chosen differently.

  Now Jenna's landscape was completely off-kilter, with a whole set of people and rules that were new to her. It was like not only would she have to relearn everything about the both of them, but she was learning everything about her new surroundings.

  She wished more than anything she could have undone the hurt she caused them both. She didn’t like the path they were on now, this redoing of everything, of having to start over, this getting reacquainted even though they knew everything about each other, although they were miles and miles and millions of thoughts apart. She wished they could be together.

  So when the Fed Ex envelope with the round-trip ticket to Florida for Thanksgiving came, she knew that she would go. She needed to see him. She would go for a week and spend time with Darren. She owed it to their relationship, to see what might become of their future, and she wanted to see him.

  Work would be slow over the holiday – students went home over the break, and Jenna was sure that Doug, her boss, would let her off for the week. At least she hoped so.

  Treatments were going okay, aside from Courtney having had that fainting spell. She hadn’t fainted again, but kept feeling woozy after the sessions, which was causing a bit of concern. (“You have GOT to eat breakfast!” Tish and Sadie kept hounding her.)

  Yes, she had decided she would make the trip to Florida. She’d go see Darren, spend a week in sunny Florida, and get things back on track with their relationship. It was exactly what she needed. She would make sure to locate the closest hospital so she could get her treatments there, and everything would be fine. Courtney had Mitch; he’d take care of her. Maybe she could go home with him for Thanksgiving.

  Jenna held the plane ticket in her hand and smiled. She picked up the phone to tell Darren she’d be there for Thanksgiving.

  Chapter 50

  It was the Monday before Thanksgiving break and Courtney and Jenna were at their treatment, and then Jenna was heading to the airport for Florida. Courtney and Mitch would leave the next day for his parent’s house.

  “You nervous?” Courtney asked.

  “No.” Jenna said. “You?”

  “No. Liar.”

  “You’re lying too.” Jenna laughed.

  “I know. I’m terrified to meet his parents and all his sisters,” Courtney said. “What if they don’t like me?”

  “Well, he’s got like six of them, right?” Jenna said. “There’s a big possibility some might not like you.”

  “He’s only got four, and yeah, some might not like me. Thanks. Ugh. And considering he doesn’t have the best relationship with any of his family lately, I’m kind of on edge about the whole thing. Really, what are they going to say about him bringing home a girl?”

  “Be your charming adorable self. One of them has got to like you,” Jenna laughed. “At least the most important person likes you – Mitch.”

  Tish and Sadie were doing their usual poking and prodding, but the girls were immune to it by now and soon they were lying back in their chairs, eyes closed.

  “You ate breakfast this morning Courtney?” Tish asked.

  “Yes, Mom!” Courtney said, then felt a tinge of regret for saying that. Oh God, she hadn’t thought of Mom in a while, and the guilt of calling some other woman Mom fell into her stomach like heavy syrup.

  “Jenna, we have to get back to the house over Christmas break, clean it out, and get it on the market. We have to do that.”

  Jenna sighed. “I know. It’s just… I can’t think about it now.”

  “There’s time, I guess. Maybe we needed this time to step away. Get perspective, figure stuff out,” Courtney offered.

  “There’s really nothing to figure out,” Jenna said. “We really have to do it, get all the stuff out of that basement especially, and sell the house. It’s time to move on.”

  “Oh God,” Courtney said.

  “I know.”

  “No, I feel sick,” Courtney said, “Tish, I need you.”

  Tish rushed over to Courtney’s side and saw that her face was pale gray. She grabbed her wrist and counted silently, then said, “Your pulse is thirty beats per minute. Sadie, let’s stop her bag.”

  Sadie and Tish worked together quickly. Sadie pulled out the needle and stopped the rush of blood. Tish grabbed a cold cloth for her head, and the smelling salts in case Courtney passed out. Her breathing became shallow, and Jenna, unable to do anything, watched her sister closely from her chair.

  “Is she okay? Why does this keep happening?”

  “We don’t know,” Tish said. “Court, you still with us?”

  Courtney’s eyes rolled back for a second, and Sadie placed the smelling salts under her nose. Courtney
coughed, leaned her head to the side and vomited bile onto her shirt.

  Then she started convulsing.

  “Oh my God!” Jenna yelled. “What’s wrong!”

  “She's seizing! Buzz the doc on call!”

  Mitch must have heard the commotion from the waiting room because he rushed in as Courtney was coming to, and then seconds later a doctor came in.

  Mitch stepped away, a concerned expression clouding his face. The doctor asked what had happened as he took Courtney’s vitals.

  “Let’s get an iron count,” the doctor ordered.

  Tish pricked Courtney’s finger and filled a machine with the droplet of blood. The doctor checked Courtney’s blood pressure, placed an oxygen mask over her nose, and put his fingers to her wrist to get a pulse. Only then did Mitch feel like he could move to Courtney’s other side.

  She was weak and shaking, and very pale, but when she saw Mitch a small smile spread across her lips. Jenna wished more than anything that she could go to her, but she was still tethered to her needle and tubes.

  “Court, baby,” was all Mitch said. It was enough to bring the marathon of tears to Courtney.

  “Oh God, Mitch, I’m so scared.”

  “It’s going to be okay. I’m right here. I’m going to take care of you. I’m here baby.”

  The doctor moved over to the machine where Tish inserted the drop of blood. “Did you spin her blood?” he asked.

  “Yes, why?” Tish asked.

  “You sure?” he asked.

  “Of course I’m sure. What’s the problem?”

  “It shows here that her iron count is seven-point-three. Dangerously low. You should not be removing a pint of blood from a woman with an iron count of seven-point-three. She should be hospitalized immediately.”

  Jenna’s eyes filled with tears. She’d never been so scared for her sister. This is when the disease really began to scare her, this is when it started taking over; this is when everything that had been gray about their disease became crystal clear. This is when she thought, “Oh my God, this disease could kill my sister.”