What She Left Us

by Stephanie Elliot

  “You found it.”

  “Wow. I haven’t even eaten yet, and I’m in love with this place,” Jenna said.

  “Just wait,” Clay said. “Come on, let’s grab a table, they fill up fast.”

  He touched her on her low back to move her through the tables, and she felt something spark, something she hadn’t expected to feel, and it shocked her and excited her at the same time. She wasn’t supposed to feel this way about Clay. But she couldn’t help it.

  “Hey Carina,” Clay nodded to the woman Jenna had suspected was the owner. “I brought a friend, who will now be a new regular. Because everyone becomes a regular after their first time at Carina’s!”

  Carina made her way over and hugged Clay, then reached out to shake Jenna's hand, “Pleased to meet you, I’m Carina.”

  “I’m Jenna. I love your café already! What a great place!”

  “Oh thanks! You guys like some iced tea or coffee?”

  Clay and Jenna grabbed a table, and he ordered Carina’s special fruit infused iced tea for them both.

  “I adore this place! I love how the chairs are all hand-painted and mismatched, and the décor is so unique. How’d you find this place?”

  “Isn’t it great? Just a well-kept secret around campus. Great for breakfast. Carina’s only open for breakfast and lunch though.”

  “It’s so cozy, and comfortable. Totally like family-esque. You know? Like I could see families coming here on Sundays after church.”

  “Yeah, I come here a lot. So, how was your treatment this morning?” Clay asked.

  “Not too bad. It’s starting to feel like the new normal, you know? I mean, I go, I’m bringing music now, and I kind of chill out. Sadie and Tish are great. They’re really taking care of me. They said my vitals and iron counts are great. I almost had a meltdown this morning though, thinking about Mom. The holidays – they’re going to be really hard.”

  “I can understand.”

  “It’s also going to be weird going to see Dad. We haven’t seen him since before Mom died. He didn’t come in for the funeral. I mean, well, he sent a gorgeous floral arrangement, and it would have been awkward for him to be there. I know they loved each other for a while. I just don’t understand why… there’s a lot I don’t understand.”

  “Life is all about not understanding things I guess. And then figuring it all out as we get older.”

  “I guess. It still doesn’t make it any easier,” Jenna said.

  Carina came back with their drinks. “Do you guys know what you want?” She placed her hand on Clay's shoulder.

  “Oh, wow, I haven’t even looked at the menu yet,” Jenna said.

  “Do you want me to order for you?” Clay asked.

  “You know what’s good?” Jenna asked.

  Carina piped in, “Oh honey, do you have to ask – everything’s good! Plus, Clay's in here all the time. He'll choose right for you.”

  Clay ordered egg-white frittatas with veggies for the both of them and a fruit plate for them to share. “And two buttermilk spice muffins while we’re waiting please?”

  “Good God Clay, we’re going to eat all of that?” Jenna asked.

  “Oh, yes we are,” he said, “And you’re going to love every bit of it.”

  Jenna laughed, and Carina said, “I’ll be back with those muffins in a few.”

  “Thanks Carina,” Clay said.

  Jenna reached for her iced tea and took a sip. “That’s good, really good.”

  “Yeah, Carina infuses it with blackberries from out back on the property. Picks them in the summer and freezes them so she has them year-round. The best stuff.”

  They were quiet for a few and then, out of habit, Jenna began tracing her tattoo. Clay noticed immediately.

  “So, that’s supposed to be your forever, huh? You’re branded?”

  Jenna looked up, startled at having been caught touching her inner wrist and the tattoo.

  “It might have been a mistake,” she admitted.

  Clay searched her face. “The tattoo?”

  “Maybe the whole thing.”

  Chapter 66

  After breakfast, Clay said he wanted to show Jenna the property that Carina owned. During the summer, she opened the outdoor deck overlooking a small lake but it was closed because of the weather. Still, Clay knew of some of the trails, and he thought they could take a short hike before heading back toward campus.

  Jenna bought some buttermilk muffins for Courtney and Mitch and two apple scented candles for Tish and Sadie. She promised Carina she’d be back soon and that she would bring Courtney and Mitch along as well. She knew Courtney would go nuts over the food, and Jenna wanted to come back and try some of the lunch selections.

  “Carina never met a first-timer that didn’t become a regular,” Clay laughed.

  Jenna put her baked goods and the candles in her car and she and Clay started down the frosted sunny path that led toward the forest preserve. It was the perfect winter day to be outside and she was so glad she decided to call Clay instead of dwelling on what Darren might have been doing.

  Jenna wrapped her scarf around her neck and zipped her coat up to the top, and Clay reached his hand out for her as they came upon a fallen tree branch. She placed her mittened hand in his and climbed over the tangled trees and brush that were frozen over. When she made it over the barrier, Clay didn’t let go of her hand.

  “So, do you want to talk about things?” he asked.

  “What things?” she asked, although her heart was doing that flippy move again, the one that started when he said he was thinking about her earlier that morning, and continued practically every time he looked into her eyes. So she kind of knew what ‘things’ he was talking about.

  “I don’t know,” Clay said, “Maybe the fact that I kind of like spending time with you.”

  He stopped walking then, and turned toward Jenna, placing his hands on her shoulders lightly. Their breath came out in icy puffs, and the sun all around them sparkled off fallen snow, making the moment that much brighter, that much more intense.

  Jenna didn’t know what to say, so she didn't say anything.

  “I don’t want to get in the way of you and Darren. But I don’t think that’s what you want. Is that what you want?”

  “I don’t think so,” she whispered. Jenna heard a bird chirp high above them, and then some sort of small creature scurry behind her, but she didn’t want to take her eyes away from Clay’s face. How did we get to this point? she wondered.

  “Do you know what you want?” Clay asked. He had moved his hands down to hold her elbows now, and the action seemed so intimate somehow, it made Jenna shiver.

  “I’m not sure.”

  “Well, can I tell you what I want?”

  Jenna couldn’t speak, so instead, she nodded.

  Clay took his right hand from Jenna’s elbow and moved it to Jenna’s chin, touching her softly. With his other hand, he pulled her body closer to hers, carefully, tentatively. She didn’t pull away, but kept looking into his warm eyes, waiting.

  He brought his lips closer to hers and right before he kissed her, he said, “This is what I want.”

  Chapter 67

  “So then what happened?” Courtney swirled the ice in her rum and diet Coke she had Jenna order for her as the plane cruised at a comfortable thirty-three thousand feet.

  “We kept kissing for a while in the woods. I swear I was lost in that kiss, Court. I didn’t know what was going on.”

  “That’s how it feels every time I kiss Mitch.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah.” Courtney took a sip of her drink.

  “Then we stopped, and he pulled away, looked at me for what seemed like forever, and then he broke out into a really big smile. I’m pretty sure I was smiling just as big. I bet we were smiling at each other like a couple of seventh graders who were making out behind the school for the first time, or something like that. He said he wanted to do that for a really long time. And then we walk
ed back to our cars.”

  “That’s it? That’s it?” Courtney asked.

  “He held my hand the whole way back. But we didn’t talk while we walked back. Until we got back to our cars. He told me to have a safe trip to Chicago, and to think about things while I was away. He said, ‘Really think about things.’ I told him I would. And then we kissed again. Like crazy kissing. Oh my God. I didn’t want to go. I wanted to take him back to my place and–”

  “Jenna!”

  “What?”

  “I don’t know, that just doesn’t seem like something you’d do.”

  “I know, but believe me, I thought about it. He’s such a fabulous kisser. I definitely thought about it. But then, after I got home, I wondered if, with everything going on, with the stress of everything, maybe I just got caught up in the moment of it all. And before Clay kissed me, he asked about Darren, and I didn’t know what to say. Here, look. Darren sent this text last night.”

  Jenna reached into her purse and grabbed her phone, sliding through her texts until she found the one from Darren. She handed the phone to Courtney.

  Jenna, been thinking. We REALLY need to talk about us. I miss you. I’m not sure I’m making the right decisions. I love you. Safe travels to see your dad. I hope it all goes okay for you and Court. XO

  “Sounds sweet,” Courtney handed the phone back to Jenna. “What did you say back to him?”

  “Nothing. I mean, he can’t call me to say this? He’s got to text me?”

  “True.” Courtney said.

  “So, I don’t even feel like talking about Darren, or even thinking about him right now. Are you ready for what’s going to be happening in the next couple of hours?” Jenna asked.

  “Well, what other choice do we have? You know, it’s not all about me. They lied to you too. They lied to both of us,” Courtney said.

  “I know, but it’s mostly about you, it’s your story. We’re going to see Dad to find out why… I mean, shit, I don’t know what I mean.” Jenna rubbed her temples. “Why the hell would they have kept such a secret from us growing up? Why didn’t they make it part of our lives? I don’t understand why they adopted you but couldn’t tell us? It wouldn't have been a big deal for them to just tell us, to make it a part of our lives.”

  Jenna hugged her sister then and the two of them were quiet together in the lull of the cabin of the aircraft as it moved across the country and toward their truth.

  Chapter 68

  When they arrived at the airport, a driver was waiting for them with a sign that read HADDONFIELD. Of course their father would send a driver. He was uniformed too, with a cap and everything. Courtney wondered if he drove a stretch limo and hoped it had a bottle of rum in the back. The two cocktails she had on the plane had calmed only some of her nerves and another drink on the way to her dad’s condo would definitely help ease her into the realm of numbness she felt she needed to experience in order to deal with what she was about to face.

  Jenna, on the other hand, had not had anything to drink. Her fear of flying had offered her a chance to pop a couple Xanax instead, so her nerves were already stable.

  “We’re Haddonfield,” Jenna waved to the driver.

  “This way, ladies,” He tipped his cap to Jenna and Courtney. They only brought carry-on luggage for the weekend, so there was no need for a trip to Baggage Claim. The driver led them outside to a Town Car.

  “Damn, not a limo,” Courtney whispered to Jenna as they slid into the back.

  “But there are beers back here,” Jenna said.

  “Dear old Dad,” Courtney laughed. “Gets a point for that right there.” The girls each took a beer, opened them, and clicked the bottles together.

  “To our unknown future,” Courtney said.

  “To being sisters, no matter what,” Jenna said.

  “To fucked-up families,” Courtney said.

  “To fucked-up relationships,” Jenna said.

  “You can drink to that one, mine’s not fucked up,” Courtney laughed.

  “I love you,” Jenna said.

  “Love you too,” Courtney smiled, and took a sip of the chilled beer.

  “Ladies,” the driver interrupted. “Your father asked that you call him when you were en route.”

  “Okay, thanks,” Jenna said to the driver, then to Courtney she said, “You want me to call?”

  “Yeah. I’m going to be busy getting a buzz-on as quick as shit,” Courtney said.

  “Okay.” Jenna took her phone out and dialed her dad. When he answered, she put him on speaker.

  “Hey Dad, we’re in your car. Thanks for the beers. We’re getting shit-faced.”

  “Not the intention of the beers, but hello girls, how was your flight?” he asked.

  “Hi Dad,” Courtney said. “Flight was good, not enough rum.”

  “Don’t drink too much.”

  “We’re not,” Jenna said, slapping Courtney on her knee.

  “So,” their dad continued, “You’ll be happy to know your stepmother won’t be here this weekend. She’s away visiting her mother.”

  “Dad, she was never our stepmother,” Courtney said. “You married her like three years ago.”

  “I know, but it’s funny to call her that,” he laughed, and the girls laughed with him. He was quiet for a minute and then he said, “I’ve missed you girls.”

  Neither girl spoke, so their father continued. “I want you to know that what your mother and I did, and what you’ll find out shortly, it was all for the best. What we did for the family, it was the best for everyone involved. For everyone. And that we all love you.”

  Jenna and Courtney stared at each other as the car cruised along the highway. Courtney tilted her head back and took a long swallow of her beer. She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to handle what was about to transpire, this next phase of her life, this unexpected part of her future. She was scared to death of what she was going to discover. She reached for her sister’s hand. Jenna put her beer aside, deciding she wanted to be clear-headed for what lay ahead of them.

  The car exited onto Lake Shore Drive and Jenna looked out the window as Lake Michigan stretched ahead of her. Courtney finished her beer, and put her head against the back of the warm creamy leather seat.

  What did their father mean, that they all loved them?

  The girls would know soon enough. They’d know it all very soon.

  Chapter 69

  Their father met them at the door to his condo and enveloped them into a huge bear hug. Jenna and Courtney let him hug them, their arms at their sides, like lost souls. The girls started crying and they weren't sure if they were crying from the exhaustion of the flight or the thought of what their family could have been had their parents stayed together and the truth been known earlier. It was unknown, and scary, and the girls fell into their father and wept.

  “Girls, don’t cry, everything is fine, right? You’re both healthy?” He pulled away and looked at each girl closely, as if he was seeing them for the first time ever, holding Courtney at arm's length, and then Jenna.

  “You girls are okay, right? With the hemo… hemocro?”

  “Dad, it’s called hemochromatosis. And yeah, I’m fine,” Jenna wiped at her tears, attempting a smile. “Actually, it’s going way better than we could have imagined. Tish and Sadie, they’re my phlebotomists; they say I’m doing great. My iron levels are almost perfect, and when we get home, I’ll be seeing Dr. Rhetler, my specialist. In another few months, I may only have to go for treatments twice a month.”

  “Oh honey, that’s great news,” her dad said. Then he looked at Courtney. “You okay?”

  “I’m pretty freaked out.”

  “Everything will be okay, just fine. I promise.” He closed the door behind them. “Just remember, and this is the most important thing. We're a family. You’ve always been sisters, you’ve always been the very best of friends, yes?”

  Jenna and Courtney looked to one another, and then back at their father, and each n
odded.

  “What your mother and I did, when we made the decision nineteen years ago, we made it out of love, and, and well, just know that we love you both very, very much. And I loved your mother too. You know that? I loved her.”

  Jenna chose this moment to speak. “How were we to know this? You got divorced. It seemed pretty messy to us at the time, and it certainly didn’t seem like you loved each other when you got divorced.”

  “There were some things we couldn’t agree on, and that pulled us apart. But this isn’t the only thing that broke up the marriage. Your mother and I had different opinions on a lot of things. We couldn’t live together. One thing for certain though, I didn’t want this family secret to go on for as long as it did. And now, finally, it doesn’t have to be a secret any longer.” He picked up their bags. “I’m so glad you’re both here. Come on into the living room.”

  It was Jenna who saw her first, the woman sitting at the far end of the corner of the brown suede couch. Her eyes were big and rimmed red, as if she had been waiting for years, waiting for this moment to arrive. There was a familiarity about her, Jenna realized, the way she sat, with her ankles crossed and her hands twisting in her lap. Her face looked like she had lost years of a life she hadn’t known existed, yet she was young, maybe mid-to-late-thirties at the most. She was motionless except for the twisting of her hands and the jittering movement of her feet. She kept bouncing her heel up and down as if it was a nervous tic she had no control of. Other than that, and the fact that she looked like she had been crying for the past decade, she looked, well, she looked like…

  “Aunt Helena?” Courtney stared at the woman on the couch. She hadn’t seen her aunt since that one year they had visited their father, and she took them to the Ferris wheel out on Navy Pier. They had ridden to the top and Courtney had clung to Aunt Helena while she peeked over the side, looking out at the tiny people down below, not believing how high above the world they were. She had felt safe up there, despite being so high.