Break Me (The Summer Series)

by James, Harper

  “Fine.” Kate walked toward her and handed over the phone, which had started ringing again.

  “Hello.” She stared into Kate’s eyes, not sure if she was looking for strength, comfort, or a way out of what she had to do.

  “Gemma, please don’t hang up.”

  “I’m not, Abe.” She sat down on the edge of her mattress. “Abe, I need you to stop calling.”

  “Gemma, you have to listen to me. We have to fix this.”

  “No,” Gemma said, her voice so cold that even Kate slightly recoiled, “we don’t have to fix anything. There is nothing to fix. You already broke it. You broke me.”

  “No, this can’t end. We’re supposed to be together. We both know it. I don’t know what happened last night, but you are it for me, Gem. I need you.”

  She fought to keep from screaming at him when he called her that and found her next words while her heart screamed at her to keep her mouth shut. “Can you tell me you were wrong? That what happened last night was all a misunderstanding? That it”—she choked on an escaped sob—“that it didn’t happen?” She didn’t realize she had been holding out hope until she asked the question. There was still a part of her heart that needed it all to be a lie. She avoided Kate’s eyes, knowing her sister had to be picking up on what she was doing: her desperate attempt to have him back and the part of her that would even accept the lie in order to remove the ache that was tearing her heart in two.

  Gemma listened to the silence on the other end of the phone. He hesitated. He didn’t deny; he didn’t defend. His silence spoke volumes. Her heart ached with the silence. Each moment that passed meant her heart was falling into shards that she knew she could never piece back together. She had hidden images in the back of her subconscious of their life together, of their college years, their wedding, and their family. She had one last viewing before they disappeared, completely dissolving, and staying somewhere between Emerald Isle and Durham. “Say something!” she screamed into the phone, praying for the words she knew he couldn’t say. “Say something, damn it!”

  “Gemma.” His voice broke and he heaved a sob.

  “What?” She gasped as the pain ripped through her anew. The lack of denial and the complete defeat in his voice broke her again. She thought it could end so easily with one word of denial. What she knew would haunt her for the rest of her life was affirmed with his silence.

  “I love you so much.”

  “No.” She sucked in her sob and tried to find strength she was sure she no longer had to continue. “You can’t. People in love don’t do what you did. People who claim love, maybe. But people who love, value, cherish, yearn, and respect? Those people are faithful in mind and heart. That isn’t you. I know that now. I’m done.”

  “Gemma, please.” The ache was so palpable in his voice that she hesitated. It was only for a second, but she hated herself for it nonetheless.

  “I said I’m done.” Her hurt ripped through her, taking her hope and faith with it. “You were my one, the only one I wanted and would give everything up for. All those years of protecting myself. All that time keeping the world at bay. How could you, Abe?”

  “I—”

  “Shut up.” She gulped, trying to catch her breath, unable to listen to another word. “I won’t do this anymore. Leave me alone. You are nothing to me anymore.” She ended the call and dropped her phone, burying her face in her hands as the tears streamed through her fingers, down her hands, and onto the bed. Her ache was palpable in the room, in the house. No one was immune to the consequences. Everyone ached for both Gemma and her future.

  “Gemma,” Kate whispered as she approached, sitting on the bed and causing Gemma to dip to the side with her weight. “It’s going to be okay.”

  “Oh, Kate,” Gemma shook her head, still buried in her hands. “You have no idea what is and isn’t going to be okay.” Gemma looked up at Kate, knowing her eyes must have been as lost as she felt. “I gave him everything. I let him take my entire heart and body and trusted that he’d cherish it and protect it forever. It didn’t even take twenty-four hours for him to not only disregard my heart but every ounce of trust I had given him.” Gemma let out a sob but forced herself to continue. “I can’t take it back. Anything. The moments he had me this summer are his now. My faith and trust . . . his.”

  Kate simply stared at her. Something close to regret crossing her own eyes. Gemma shook her head and then pulled Kate to her, hugging her sister for what they had lost. For what they could never have again.

  ~~~

  The rest of the summer passed in a blur. Gemma pretty much stayed in bed or on the back deck. She didn’t read. She would only text with her mother, ashamed with herself for bragging about finding something when she should have known better. Kate did what she could but eventually accepted that Gemma needed some time. Instead, Kate dedicated herself to being around at all times for those rare moments when Gemma did want to talk.

  Emily, Ryan, and Simon all alternated calling a few times a day. No one had heard from Abe since Gemma had hung up on him the day everything fell apart. That was until the girls were eating dinner with the family one night a week before it was time for Gemma to go back to school. The dinners had just sort of happened, and Gemma was surprised that it actually helped to sit around a table and pretend everything was okay. She still barely acknowledged her father and Karen, but Gray and Kate always tried to keep the conversation going.

  They all heard Gemma’s phone ring, and no one even reacted; she hadn’t been answering since they left the beach house. Moments after it stopped ringing Kate’s started in. This usually meant it was one of their friends, so again, no one moved. As soon as Kate’s stopped, however, their father’s started. That got everyone’s attention. They all stared at him as he stood and headed toward the counter where his phone sat. “Hello,” he answered gruffly.

  The group around the table watched anxiously as his face began to redden. Karen began to stand in concern, and the others shared a worried glance. “Listen, son, I don’t know what the hell you did, but if you ever come near my daughter again, I will—”

  Gemma was suddenly at his side, grabbing the phone from his hand. “Abe?”

  “Gemma, oh, thank God. I’ve been trying to reach you. You have to talk to me. You have to forgive me. I can’t do this without you.”

  “Do what?”

  “Be.”

  “That’s bull crap and you know it.” She let out a sob as she was inundated with heartache all over again. “You cheated. You threw us away for a few shots and a quick lay. Leave me alone, Abe. I’m serious. I need you to stop. I can’t hear from you again. Tell Emily and Ryan and Simon I said the same goes for them as well. I can’t think of you anymore, Abe. It hurts so bad.”

  “Gem,” he cried.

  “Don’t,” she yelled and then tried to calm herself. “Don’t call me that, and seriously, don’t call me again.” She ended the call and looked for Kate, who was on her way over and immediately pulled her into an embrace.

  “It’s over,” Kate whispered, rubbing Gemma’s back. “It’s all over.”

  “I know.” Gemma sobbed. “It really is.”

  ~~~

  Gemma’s mother showed up the next Thursday evening. She was aware that something was off with Gemma based on her behavior but couldn’t get out of her exactly what the issue was. Deciding it was better to try to cheer her daughter up as opposed to asking a lot of questions, she took Gemma to dinner and they stayed at a hotel that night. It was their last night together before Gemma moved on and started the first phase of her adult life. Her mother spent most of the evening telling Gemma stories about her childhood. Gemma smiled when she was supposed to, laughed when needed, and didn’t let a single tear escape for a solid sixteen hours.

  Gemma fought to hide the truth of her short-lived love life from her mother, but Maggie was far too astute for that. Early the next morning, Maggie walked into the room with a large coffee, a chocolate chip muffin, and a frown.
“All right, tell me what’s going on, Gemma.”

  “What do you mean?” Gemma furrowed her brow, knowing she was busted but fighting tooth and nail not to have to admit to her foolishness.

  “Stop it. You may be trying to hide it, but I’m your mother. I see everything.”

  Gemma snorted but couldn’t quite bring herself to speak. Her mother walked over and set the coffee on the bedside table before sitting on the bed beside her daughter and pulling Gemma to her side. “What’s the matter, baby?” The soothing voice, the feel of her mother’s fingers as they worked through Gemma’s hair, and the still-consuming heartache won out, and Gemma turned her head, burying it in her mother’s neck.

  “He cheated.” She sucked in breath. “I was away from him for an hour, and he went home with another girl, his first girlfriend, who just happened to be small, perfect, and blond.”

  “Oh, Gemma.” Her mother’s voice cracked on the words as she pulled Gemma in tighter. “I’m so sorry.” Gemma didn’t respond. It was too much. She had never planned to say these words to her mother, and Gemma knew she was probably causing some kind of PTSD damage, just with this conversation. “He doesn’t deserve you.” Maggie pulled back and looked into Gemma’ eyes, pushing some hair behind her ear. “You’re going to be okay. You’re strong, stronger than I ever was. You won’t let this define you.”

  There was something so sure, so confident in her mother’s words. Gemma only wished she felt the same way.

  ~~~

  A few hours later, when they showed up at the door of her dorm with her things, Kate was there to meet them. Surprisingly, her mother got along well with Kate, especially after seeing how connected she and Gemma seemed to be. The two had already made plans to live together when Kate came to UNC the following year. There were certain perks to being a renowned college professor’s daughter—one was off-campus living freshman year.

  As the girls and Gemma’s mother moved her things into the dorm, more than one guy took notice. Gemma tried to pretend they were all looking at Kate, but some were just too obvious to deny. Her inability to even maintain more than a couple seconds of eye contact or to feel any flattery instead of the overwhelming dread their attention filled her with, told her just how far she had to go in recovering. When Gemma was all settled, the two women left, and Gemma was alone for the first time since Abe had betrayed her. She hadn’t realized how delicate Kate and Gray had been with her the past month until she spent her first ten minutes with no one nearby. Her roommate was the quintessential sorority girl and would no doubt be spending a lot of time at whatever house she joined or with whatever frat boy she hooked first. That worked fine for Gemma. She wanted nothing more than to spend the next year trying to forget about the last three months.

  ~*~

  Kate

  It took about a month of begging, but Kate convinced Gemma to spend Christmas in North Carolina as opposed to going home. Gemma had been doing a little better, at least when she was around Kate, but she still wasn’t her old self. Kate knew Gemma had to let things go but was worried, due to her history with their father and then her first time out the gate with Abe, that she would just stop having hope. Kate knew Gemma had been killing it at school. One of her recent short stories was even up for publication. It was an annual contest, and usually the privilege went to a junior or senior, but the story had been so well written the professors pushed it through.

  Gemma had been at the house for a few days and had stuck to her routine, only replacing studying with reading. She and the family had created a sort of ritual in that time. Kate would go for her morning run, come home and drag Gemma out of bed and to breakfast where she barely spoke. Then they would all do their own thing for a few hours until lunch. Gemma and Kate would hang out after lunch, and Gray usually joined them. They would all help set up and prepare dinner. Then they would all eat, and everyone would watch TV, read, or just sit around the fire until they were tired enough for bed. It was the most boring Christmas vacation on record.

  Unable to take it another day, Kate went in to Gemma’s room at 7:00 a.m. and flipped on the light. Gemma groaned and buried herself under the covers. “Too early.”

  “Nope.” Kate came and threw the covers off her. “Put these on; you’re coming with me. I can’t do this anymore.”

  “Do what?” Gemma whined as she sat up and studied the sweat pants and hooded sweatshirt Kate had thrown at her.

  “Watch you waste away. You are a beautiful, talented, independent woman. We are not letting he who shall not be named take that away from you. So get up, put on the clothes, and meet me downstairs in five, or your ass is getting an ice cold morning bath.” With that, Kate turned on her heel and was out of sight.

  ~*~

  Gemma

  Gemma obeyed, only because she was starting to get pretty miserable with herself as well. It was time to at least try putting all of it behind her. She was thankful she had packed a sports bra and dug that out before putting on the tight-fitting clothes Kate had brought her. She put on the only tennis shoes she owned and laughed at how perfect their condition was compared to Kate’s. She hurried down the stairs and rounded the corner just in time to run into Kate walking out of the kitchen with a glass of ice water.

  “Good choice,” Kate said, putting the cup on the entry table and motioning for Gemma to follow her.

  Gemma’s eyes were locked on then cup. “Holy balls! You were really going to do it.”

  “Yep,” Kate said as she bent forward and started to stretch. Gemma watched for a moment, shivering in the cold. “It’ll warm up once you start moving. You better stretch.” Kate leaned to the side and grabbed her ankle. Gemma started emulating her. After about ten minutes of stretching, which Gemma knew was longer than usual for Kate, the girls walked to the end of the driveway and then started a slow jog. Gemma felt it almost immediately. She had run some in school—it was required—but she had not done that in probably eight months. With every pound of her foot, she felt her emotions breaking lose. The shift was in no way subtle, coming on almost instantaneously and grabbing ahold of her in a way nothing had since she turned herself off when they came home from the beach.

  She started to gasp for breath as tears filled her eyes. Her legs began to ache and then quiver in protest, but she couldn’t make herself slow down. Kate looked over at her but saw the determination on her face and said nothing, just continued to run beside her. Gemma let the first sob escape and her footing faltered slightly. Still she ran on, wiping a few escaped tears. When she let out a wheeze and then another sob, she started to slow the pace she had built. When the next sob broke free, she allowed herself to stop altogether and stood in the middle of the road, burying her face in her hands.

  “I’ve let him take me from myself.”

  Kate ran her hand up and down Gemma’s back and let her cry. “No one can do that.”

  “Yes.” Gemma looked up at Kate, clearly disappointed in herself. “I let him have me. I let him break me. Look at me. I’m a shell right now. This is pathetic.”

  “Gemma, you are going to be okay, I promise.” Gemma appreciated that Kate didn’t lie and pretend Gemma was doing fine. It was obvious she had lost herself for a while.

  “I want to do this. I want to get in shape. I want to find new hobbies. I want to discover who I am in college as I’m supposed to.” The desperate look in Gemma’s eyes spoke volumes. It wasn’t about getting skinny. It wasn’t about needing something to do; she already knew that writing was her passion. It was about finding a way to be whole again, a way to be okay with just herself and her words, and a way to live, really live, without Abe or anyone else for that matter.

  “Okay.” Kate squeezed her hand, “I’ll help you. I promise.”

  “Thank you for kicking my butt into gear.” Gemma let out a weak laugh.

  “Eh, it’s what sisters do.”

  ~~~

  Gemma was serious when she said she was ready for a lifestyle change. She not only adopted Kate’
s morning runs but she also started to take care of herself in other ways. For starters, she no longer holed up in her room any time she wasn’t with Kate or in class. She even went to a few parties with her roommate. There was still a void in her heart, and no way in hell was she so much as looking at another guy, but at least she was living again, or as close to it as was possible.

  Gemma couldn’t believe it when she agreed to go with Kate and her friends on spring break a few months later. All the girls were nice enough; that wasn’t the issue. It was just so far out of her comfort zone. That was probably exactly why she agreed if she really thought about it. She still hadn’t let go of him. She still cried herself to sleep some nights. She still ached for his touch. He still completely owned her heart. When she arrived at her father’s house to load her things in the car that they would all be driving to Florida, her father was sitting on the front steps, waiting on her.

  “Morning,” he said, bringing her a cup of coffee.

  “Thanks.” She took it awkwardly and shifted from side to side, wondering where Kate was.

  “I just wanted to tell you to have fun and be safe.”

  “Oh, thanks.” She avoided his eyes as she took a sip of her coffee.

  “Uh,” he said quickly as she started to step around him. “I also wanted to say how happy I am to see you and Kate and Gray getting along so well. I know for a long time you blamed them for my mistakes. I’m glad you let them in.”

  She cleared her throat and studied him for a moment. “Yeah, sure.” With that, she did step around him and head in the house to see where Kate and the others were.

  ~~~

  The drive seemed to take forever. Riding with six girls in an SUV was more than Gemma had ever experienced. Thankfully, she had seniority and was able to sit in the front seat with Kate. She may have killed one of them otherwise. The next scream she heard would be the last for whoever let it loose. They pulled up to the beachside hotel they had rented a few rooms in, and Gemma nearly fell out of the car in her haste to get away. She started walking without a backwards glance, pulling her phone out to text Kate that she just needed a minute and would be right back. As soon as she heard the waves crashing in the distance, she let out a sigh of relief. The water and the sand and the silence just felt like home to her. She walked toward an open area on the beach, still needing space from people, and heaved out her exasperation.