Break Me (The Summer Series)

by James, Harper

  As she looked around, her heart ached at the familiarity and felt renewed by her surroundings. She needed this. She needed a break from life—on the beach, surrounded by the peace and comfort she craved—but she needed it far, far away from the memories and possibility of seeing Abe. She twisted her feet back and forth, burying them in the sand, and closed her eyes, absorbing the feel and sound that surrounded her. For the first time in a long time, her mind was able to relax. She was able to ignore her head’s convictions and her heart’s ache and just melt into her surroundings. The peace she felt was welcome. She felt the smile forming on her lips and wanted to hug Kate for her genius.

  She returned to the group soon after and felt her peace leave quickly as she surrounded herself, again, with the chaos of Kate’s friends. They spent the first evening at some bar with the worst food she had ever eaten. Gemma didn’t have a fake ID, so she was the designated sucker to make sure they all made it home alive. It wasn’t all bad. She did get to watch one of Kate’s friends fall off the bar. It felt like retribution for the hour-long discussion she’d had to endure on the way down about her boyfriend’s motives in taking her to dinner at Angelo’s instead of The Grill.

  Kate woke up early the next morning and ran with Gemma, admitting she hadn’t had that many drinks since she wasn’t here to hook up. She fessed up to Gemma that she just wanted a little break. Gemma resisted the urge to ask how much of that had to do with Simon. She had tried to forget about a lot of things from the prior summer, but the memory of how happy her sister seemed with him and the thought that she had left so abruptly still bothered her. The night before Gemma’s world had imploded something had shifted for Simon and Kate. Gemma still felt guilt over their abrupt departure and what was left unsaid for Kate.

  By the third night of their trip, the appeal of the getaway and even the beach was lost to Gemma. A packed beach with people looking for any chance to hook up all while wasted just wasn’t her thing. Too many bad memories revolved around that very scene. She asked Kate if they could just have a boring dinner in a boring restaurant that night and Kate readily agreed. Apparently, she was hitting her limit with the four bimbos of the apocalypse. As they sat and talked, a couple of guys were making their interest obvious. When they offered to take the girls to a local bar that was spring breaker free, the girls excitedly agreed—Kate because it would finally be a fun night and Gemma because the thought of going back to the room to watch the History Channel just depressed her far too much.

  The bar happened to be a karaoke bar that was pretty lenient on its serving policies. The girls sat at a table with the guys, drinking beers and laughing as contestant after contestant failed to hit the mark. The guy who had chosen to pair off with Gemma wasn’t terrible looking. He was average height with dark hair and hazel eyes. He had a couple of adorable dimples in his cheeks, which seemed to draw her eye more than she expected they would. He wasn’t Abe, but maybe it was time she tried to see someone else besides him when she thought about her future. Kate leaned over and said she was going to go for a walk with her bachelor but for the sake of safety they would remain right in front of the bar on the beach.

  Gemma leaned over and asked if Bryan would like to do the same. He smiled at her while nodding his agreement, and after he paid everyone’s tab, they walked out and made their way the opposite direction down the beach. When they were far enough away that Gemma could make out the shape of Kate but couldn’t see any specifics, she pulled him to a stop and made him face her. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “What was it that drew you and your friend to our table?”

  “Aside from the fact that you’re both beautiful?”

  She laughed. “Yes, aside from that.”

  “I guess you just seemed as if you wouldn’t be a waste of time. You didn’t seem like the rest of them.”

  She stepped forward and put her hand behind his head, pulling him toward her mouth. He placed his hand on the small of her back and pulled her flush to him and gently placed his lips on hers. The kiss gained speed quickly, and before she knew it, his hand was on her bare stomach, working its way higher.

  Twenty

  That small and simple movement snapped her back to reality, and she jerked away, putting her hand to her lips. “I’m sorry,” she said as tears filled her eyes.

  “What happened?” He started to step towards her, and she took another step away.

  “I just can’t. I’m so sorry.” She turned then and ran toward their rooms, hoping Kate noticed her leaving and didn’t worry. It was as if, with that kiss, the reality she had been avoiding finally came to light. Yes, she could move on with life and even find some form of happiness. No, she wasn’t completely broken by what happened. And, yes, she was so much better than what Abe had done to her. However, she still did and always would love him. For her, that once-in-a-lifetime love had happened and she was oddly thankful for it, but now she would forever have to live without what she had only been able to enjoy for such a short period of time.

  The rest of the week was pretty mellow. Gemma gave up pretenses and just did her own thing. She found a cute little coffee shop that reminded her of Sarah’s Dockside, so like most days for her when she was at the beach, she made herself at home there and caught up on some reading and writing she had been putting off. When they finally drove home, everyone was so tired there was a lot more sleeping and a lot less talking, thankfully.

  When Gemma decided to accept that she would be alone but could still be happy, it completely changed her outlook. It lifted a weight off her shoulders while leaving her perpetually sad, less sad than before but sad nonetheless. She wasn’t content, but she wasn’t miserable. She just . . . was. Kate hated to see it, so she was constantly trying to distract Gemma and come up with things for them to do and places for them to go. By the end of the school year, when they weren’t both studying, they were searching for an apartment and the things they would need to fill it. Kate had officially been granted permission to live off campus since it would be with her sister, and this was actually something that lifted Gemma’s spirits.

  And then, before either of them knew it, it was that time again. They had talked about how they were going to handle things on the beach a few times over the past few months. There was no way it was possible for them to avoid everyone all summer. Emerald Isle was just too small, and after both of their affairs with the local eye candy the summer before, they were just too noticeable. One thing had changed over the previous year: along with Gemma’s acceptance of her future was the confidence she now had. It wasn’t as if she’d had some crazy or cheesy makeover montage like one would see in a movie. It was just that with her workouts came a little more pride. With her acceptance of what had happened and who she was destined to be came a few more smiles. And with the success she had in her writing over the school year came assurance that she at least had her future career figured out.

  She moved out of her dorm room a week before they left for the beach. The kids were still in school, which meant she spent her day with Karen and her father. Awkward was an understatement. Over the past year of seeing each other almost weekly, she had been able to make herself talk to them in small spurts, but she was nowhere near ready to spend all day everyday with them. Gemma would eat breakfast with Kate before she left for school and then head to her room to spend some time writing. Then, when it was time for lunch, she typically sat at the table with her father and Karen as they tried to force conversation. She never wanted to admit how much they were growing on her, and being with them like this made it even more difficult. The fact of the matter was that they had been selfish and left her to figure life out while they moved on with their happily ever after.

  Karen made peanut butter cookies or had Reese’s in the house at all times. Gemma wasn’t clueless. She knew that they’d figured out her weakness for peanut butter. She just tried to keep from getting caught enjoying them.

  Kate was a senior, so her day e
nded at 1:30 p.m. That was when they were taking their runs these days. It was beautiful outside, and Gemma couldn’t believe that she was starting to get a few tan lines for the first time in her life. Kate teased her mercilessly about it.

  A day before they left for the beach, Kate dragged her to the hair salon and had them clean up her cut. She also bought her a few new eye shadows and liners. Gemma knew what she was trying to do, but she wasn’t an eat-your-heart-out kind of girl. She was also a broke college student, so she took the free stuff and smiled about it. Kate was excited to go back, most likely hoping things with Simon could pick back up, and Gemma had no intention of standing in her way, even though the thought of Kate being able to pick up where she left off last summer put Gemma in a funk she hadn’t been in for a couple of months.

  Kate swore she would have nothing to do with Simon when Gemma asked her what her plans were with him. Kate must have thought she hid the look of yearning when his name was mentioned. Gemma fought with herself over them. She didn’t want to see her sister hurt as she had been already. She didn’t want Kate to have to eventually face the reality of what she lost with Simon when she was clearly working very hard to hide what she already felt, even after nine months apart. But what if? What if Kate was the lucky one like Karen? How could she possibly step in when Kate claimed to have it all under control and Gemma would just be projecting her insecurities onto her sister?

  “If you want to see him, you’re allowed to, Kate. He isn’t the one who cheated.”

  “And I’m not the one who was cheated on, but I hate Abe just the same.” Kate raised a brow at Gemma in challenge. “Just let me have my high ground, and you worry about keeping that tan going when we get to Emerald Isle.”

  “Maintain skin cancer. Ignore Kate’s love life. I think I’ve got it.”

  “Good.” Kate turned around quickly. “Wait, are you sure you have it? I can write it down. I know you struggle.”

  “Shut up!” Gemma laughed as she left the room to finish packing.

  Twenty-One

  The day they were to leave Gemma was sitting on the back deck of her father’s home, waiting for the family to finish getting ready to drive to the beach house. It was the first day of her sibling’s summer vacation and the first time she would be back where all of her hurt happened. It seemed like some kind of evil contradiction. Happy days and sad days shouldn’t be one in the same. It just seemed wrong. Kate found Gemma already up and approached her as she sipped from her mug of coffee in thought. She reached out and handed Gemma one of her own. “You okay?” Kate whispered, taking the rocking chair next to her.

  “Have you ever seen such a beautiful sunrise?” Gemma asked, worrying Kate with her lack of response to the question. Kate decided not to interrupt and to let Gemma continue with whatever it was she needed to get out. “I love how it goes from orange to purple to clear blue. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen, actually.” She took a drink of her coffee and then looked at the liquid inside, refusing to make eye contact with Kate. “That’s how I feel, you know?” She wiped at a lone tear. “When he hurt me, I was that orange section burning with pain and empty of anything but this desperate, aching fire of . . . well, of suck.” She let out a weak chuckle. “And then this whole last year I’ve been trying to fix me. I let go of my mom’s fears and insecurities. I let go of some of my own. And yet do you see that line where the orange meets the purple? Kind of like a bruise changing colors as it heals?” She nodded her head in the direction of the sunrise and finally looked over at Kate. “That’s me. All this time. All this work. I’m just now taking on the hint of the first stage of healing. I thought I had made so much progress, but look at me.” She turned to Kate then, tears starting to fall down her cheeks rapidly. “When do I get to the blue? When does it stop hurting and get clear and peaceful again? When do I stop burning and aching for him and start living again? How did he make me love him so much in that little amount of time, and then how could he do what he did so easily?”

  Kate jumped to her feet and wrapped Gemma in a hug. “I don’t know, sweetie. I can’t understand it because I saw how he looked at you. Hell, it was so bad we could all almost feel how he felt about you. But you can do this. We will get through this summer. And you will have clear blue skies again. I promise.” Gemma just nodded into Kate’s shoulder, trying to compose herself and fight her way back to the level of okay she had been before this day.

  ~~~

  Unlike any other year, the drive to the beach could not have gone faster. Gemma felt as if she had crawled in the van only to immediately be climbing out again. She knew for a fact everyone in the car had spent the ride trying to distract her. Karen had questions about her latest manuscript, her father had questions about whether or not she planned to try writing while they were at the beach, and Gray had stories about his end-of-year party. It was crazy to hear what her now sixteen-year-old brother had been up to when she wasn’t paying attention again.

  Kate, of course, did the best job by spending the majority of the ride trying to convince Gemma to join her in a half marathon early the next year. “Oh, come on, Gemma. Please? We’ll be living together; we can train together every day. It’ll be perfect. I’ve always wanted to do one.”

  “Kate, my limit is, like, three miles.”

  “Gemma, this is why we’ll train for the marathon.” She looked at Gray as if Gemma were the dumbest person she had ever met.

  “Ugh.” Gemma threw her head back. This had been going on for at least twenty minutes; she was at her limit. “How do I let you talk me into this crap?”

  “Yay!” Kate yelled while Gray laughed behind them.

  In her turmoil, Gemma threw her head back and looked to the side just as they were pulling into the driveway. She took a deep breath and looked toward Kate for some sort of support. Her sister winked at her and squeezed her thigh. “I can do it.” Gemma whispered.

  “Yes, you can.”

  “Thanks, Kate.” Gemma started to get out of the car and then turned back to Kate. “Was that all a distraction or do I really have to run a marathon?”

  “It’s a half marathon, and I’ll see you outside at oh-700, partner.”

  “Poop.” Gemma laughed as she finished getting out of the car. She was the first one to gather her things, so her dad handed her the key and she made her way to the door to let everyone inside. As she approached, she noticed something and froze a few paces from the door, fear icing her veins. Kate and Gray walk up behind her and looked between the door and Gemma in confusion. It was Karen who broke the silence. “What is that?” She walked forward, and just as she was about to lift it off the ground, Gemma gained her voice.

  “No.” She walked forward and rested her hand on Karen’s arm until she stepped away. “Don’t touch it. Just leave it there.” Gemma knew that Kate had to recognize the loaf of bread, what it represented, and who it represented. She had been the one to help him buy it last summer for Gemma’s birthday dinner. But Gemma wouldn’t let him have another piece of her. Without looking at it again, she unlocked the door and headed to her room.

  Gemma volunteered to go to the store with Kate and her mother to stock up the house with the food and necessities they hadn’t wanted to worry about packing. They stopped by Dockside Coffee so she could see Sarah on the way, but she didn’t stay long, just in case anyone thought to find her there. After helping cook dinner, Gemma finally retreated to her room. She started to unpack and was distracted looking out her window toward the beach. She wanted nothing more than to be down there, reading or people watching. Instead she had to worry if he would be there, or worse, Megan. What if they were together now? What if he had taken her command to stay away and decided he would move on? But then, why would he have left the bread? Gemma shook her head and went back to work, setting up her room, making sure in the process she locked her window to avoid temptation.

  The next morning Kate’s alarm woke them for their run. Gemma knew this would be her best time of day.
There was no way in hell any of their old friends would be up this early, and it was her chance to be on the beach or just around town without any worry. Kate had decided that, to celebrate the beginning of summer, they would go for coffee as soon as they were done with the run, and Gemma hugged her immediately. “You really do get me.” Gemma smiled.

  “Yeah, yeah. Just get your butt ready. We’re going four miles today. Gemma made a pouty face but headed for her dresser to get her clothes.

  They were rounding the final corner, heading back to the house, when they saw Emily leaning against her car in their driveway. Kate looked to Gemma as if to make sure this was okay. “We can take another lap if you need?” Kate panted out.

  “No.” Gemma started to slow her pace as they got closer. “I need to do this. She isn’t the one who cheated. It’s time I let go.”

  “Sounds familiar.”

  “Shut up.” Gemma smiled over at Kate.

  When they were right in front of Emily, both girls came to a stop and bent over their knees to catch their breath. When Gemma had taken a bit longer than usual in that position and felt as if she were fully composed, she stood up straight and looked at Emily, waiting for what she had to say.

  “How are you?”

  “I’m okay. I’m better. You?” Gemma put her hands on the back of her head to help her breathing.

  “I’ve been better.” Emily pointed to the house. “I’m glad you all came back. When you left so suddenly and wouldn’t talk to anyone, I started to think I would never see you two again.”