Gravity (Free Falling)

by St. Pierre, Raven

“Does he eat like that all the time?” I asked.

  AJ nodded and laughed. “Yeah, when we order pizza, we make sure that he has one to himself. Even then we still have to fight him off from eating ours.”

  It just didn’t seem possible. I smiled at Randy as he wiped the ketchup and mustard from the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand. He didn’t even seem embarrassed when he let out a belch loud enough to startle those sitting close by. I couldn’t control my laughter anymore. Deanna, grossed out by his actions, rolled her eyes and turned her chair around so that her back was to him.

  We sat outside until about ten or so before packing up and going back in the house. Once downstairs, Deanna suggested that she and I play cards to keep ourselves busy while the guys hogged the TV playing their videogames.

  “So, has Leila said anything to you yet?” Deanna asked in a low voice as she shuffled the cards.

  “No, I’m not expecting her to,” I replied.

  “Did AJ tell you what he said to her?”

  “No, why? Did you hear something?” I asked.

  “Well, I don’t know the details, but Karl was with him when he called her and he said it was pretty brutal. When it was all over with she was crying and everything. Karl said he could hear her through AJ’s phone.”

  It made me feel good that he stood up for me. Leila needed to be put in her place. I tried to fight back a smile to no avail. “Good. She deserved it! I hate her! I mean, what kind of nut job would go through all that trouble to hold on to someone who doesn’t want them?”

  “Well, Leila’s a special brand of nut. One of a kind.”

  Deanna and I burst out laughing prompting Leila to roll her eyes at us. She didn’t hear our conversation, but she appeared to be annoyed by my and Deanna’s friendship nonetheless.

  We played a few games of War and Slap Jack before the guys finally turned off their game. Karl walked over to the table where Deanna and I sat. “What do you guys wanna do? Truth or Dare is out I guess,” Karl said as he glanced momentarily at Leila. “Ding Dong Ditch, a movie, Spin the bottle.” The words were barely out of his mouth before Deanna gut punched him, giving it all she had.

  “What the heck was that for? You know I was kidding,” he said in a strained voice as he doubled over in pain.

  “You’re stupider than I thought if you have to ask that question,” Deanna responded in a calm voice as she continued to stare at her cards. Their relationship was functionally dysfunctional and it worked for them. She was feisty and even though she seemed to be the more dominant of the two, he seemed to like it.

  He was eventually able to stand upright again. “I hate when you do that,” he said before kissing her on her forehead and walking away.

  We finished up that hand and both went to join A.J and Karl on the couch. It was a little after 12 a.m. and Randy decided to put on a scary movie that he brought from home. Trevor was sitting in a ratty old recliner with Leila perched on his lap. She stared at the movie, but it didn’t look like she was paying it any attention.

  When it was over, everyone took turns changing for bed and setting up makeshift sleeping pallets from the pile of blankets Karl brought out. I wasn’t keen on sleeping in the basement, but everyone else seemed to be comfortable so I didn’t make a fuss.

  Call me crazy, but I felt the need to keep a close watch on Leila. She hadn’t come back from changing yet, so my eyes were glued to the steps, waiting for her to return. Eventually, I saw her red pale legs showing through the darkness at the top of the stairs. Part of me wished that she’d just left and gone home, but no such luck. She pulled a blanket from the pile and laid it out a little closer to mine than I was comfortable with. She sat and stared off into the distance at nothing in particular. Deanna was dozing off as she waited for Karl to find a radio station that was playing soft music. When he was satisfied, he smiled and walked toward the light switch. Just before we were plunged into darkness, Leila snapped her head in my direction with a wild look in her eyes.

  I couldn’t even see my own hand in front of my face, but here wasn’t much I could do. I was tempted to grab my phone and shine the light on Leila just to see what she was doing. That look she gave me meant something and now that it was dark, I felt vulnerable. But all of a sudden, I had a new concern. This was the first time I’d ever slept next to a boy and I was a little more nervous than I thought I’d be.

  AJ turned toward me and wrapped his arm across my stomach, startling me a little. His warm breath on my skin calmed me down and excited and me all at the same time. The room fell silent pretty quickly as each one drifted off to sleep. I still wasn’t totally convinced that Leila was a safe distance away, so I lay there wide awake trying to make out shapes in the dark. As AJ apparently felt himself being overcome by sleep, he kissed my shoulder once and quietly whispered the words, “I love you,” in my ear. Our intimate moment was interrupted by the sound of someone’s piercing scream, and I knew that it could only be one person. Leila had awakened everyone with her shrill cry.

  “What the heck is her problem this time?” Karl growled.

  “Who knows? Why is she even here?” Randy grumbled from the sofa.

  I heard Deanna sigh in irritation as she made her way to the light. When she flicked it on, I was surprised to see Leila standing over AJ and me. She had mascara stained tears flowing down her face. She had apparently been listening to us and that triggered her emotional outburst. Her eyes shifted back and forth crazily between AJ and I, then, without warning, she let out another blood curdling scream that seemed to fill the whole house. Her hands were raised up to her head and gripping her fiery red hair as she ran up the stairs, slamming the door behind her. Trevor looked around at all of our faces, searching for some explanation for Leila’s breakdown. No one said a word. He rubbed his eyes and then ran up the stairs after her.

  A minute later Mr. Holmes was in the basement with a bewildered look on his face. “What the heck was that all about? Someone had better be hurt.”

  “No, Dad. Leila’s just psycho,” Karl explained.

  “I don’t know why you all keep inviting that wacko here anyway. She’s not right in the head.”

  “No one invited her. She just comes along with Trevor,” Karl stated.

  “Well, she can’t come here anymore. I can’t control whether you all hang out with her otherwise. That’s your business, but don’t bring her back here,” He rattled off, his southern accent heavier than before.

  He returned to his room mumbling incoherently and the rest of us sat around. One by one everyone drifted back to sleep except for AJ and me. We laid there in each other’s arms, but said nothing. I don’t know how much time passed, but it felt like hours before I finally dozed off in his arms.

  The next morning, I couldn’t help but to wonder what AJ made of Leila last night. I could tell that something was on his mind, but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. When I made it home I considered calling him, but decided against it. He probably needed his space to work through whatever he was dealing with. I plopped down on the couch and turned on the TV to keep my mind off it.

  Somehow my thoughts drifted to Antonio’s return to school tomorrow. The last time I’d talked to him, I’d hurt him yet again. He must hate me by now. I sighed and slouched down into the couch and put my feet up on the coffee table. I hadn’t totally fallen out of love with Antonio, but he and AJ were the difference between what I wanted……and what I needed. While Antonio was absolutely wonderful, I found myself unable to live without AJ from almost the first day I noticed him. It was as though we were supposed to run into each other in the hall that day.

  I wasn’t even sure what it was fair for me to expect from Antonio. I desired his friendship, but it seemed like that was an impossible thing to hope for. Friends don’t do the things to one another that I’ve done to him. As much as I wanted to be in his good graces, I didn’t believe it would ever be so. I sighed at this realization that I’d lost a great friend and could do nothing to gain hi
s trust again.

  I left Karl’s and came home at around 11 a.m. Time passed in slow motion that day. I’d cleaned my room and bathroom, watched TV, put away my clean clothes, read a little, and it was still only 3:00. Feeling like a little fresh air would do me some good, I headed outside to sit on the porch. I thought about AJ again and decided to go ahead and call him this time. He didn’t answer. Things were a little awkward between us after Leila’s outburst. Was he avoiding me? My question was quickly answered when my phone began to ring. “Hey.”

  “Sorry I missed your call. I got to it right when you were hanging up,” he apologized.

  “It’s cool. Just checking on you. You seemed like something was wrong earlier.”

  He waited a moment before answering. “I was just thinking.”

  I watched traffic pass as I waited for him to continue. “About?”

  There was another long pause. “I know last night was strange – even for Leila. I wanted to make sure you’re not having second thoughts or anything?” He blurted.

  I laughed a little to myself. “Are you crazy? Because of Leila? She’s gonna have to come harder than that to push me away.” My mind was set at ease to know that this was all that was bothering him.

  His laugh was still tense, but I could tell that I’d reassured him some.

  “AJ, I love you and I’m not going anywhere. Trust me.”

  “Good,” he breathed. “Because I’d have to stalk you and that’s not a good look for me,” he joked.

  Chapter Ten

  Thursday morning I awoke with Antonio on my mind again. When I walked into the school I found myself becoming nervous as I thought of how it would make him feel if he saw AJ and me together again. Would he overreact like last week? My stomach churned. As I rounded the corner, my heart stopped beating for a fraction of a second. Antonio and I stood face to face. He didn’t speak, only stared, giving me a chance to assess his mood. To my relief, he didn’t seem angry……only hurt. I could see in his eyes that he missed me. In that instant, I wanted to reach out to him. His eyes shifted upward and focused over my head. Curiosity caused me to turn around to see what caught his attention. It was AJ standing, staring in the middle of the hall. When I turned back around, Antonio was gone and I had to close my eyes while I got myself together before going to AJ. I walked to him slowly. His expression was softer now that Antonio was out of sight. Things didn’t have to be this way, but I didn’t know how to change it.

  The Leila issue was still troubling me when lunch came around, and now there was Antonio. I sulked down to the cafeteria and observed him sitting at my old table as he stared at the wall. AJ was already seated next to Karl. I couldn’t move my feet. If Antonio saw that I was now sitting with my new boyfriend and my new friends at their table he’d be hurt. And if I decided to sit alone, AJ would assume that it was because I didn’t want Antonio to see and then he’d be hurt.

  I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. As I stood there deliberating, my choice was clear. If I was going to continue to make this work with AJ, then I’d have to live in the present and leave the past behind no matter how hard that transition would be for me…..or Antonio. I walked toward AJ. It felt like I had on concrete shoes and I breathed unevenly as I sat beside him. I didn’t look back at Antonio…..I couldn’t. That would be more than I could stand. AJ looked at me curiously. “Everything alright?” He asked.

  “I’m fine,” I said as convincingly as I could and then stared straight ahead. From the corner of my eye I could see Antonio leaving the cafeteria with his head down. Brian and Terrence followed close behind him. I fought against my own emotions, closed my eyes and breathed deep.

  Caught up in thoughts of Antonio, I hadn’t even noticed that Leila wasn’t at our table. I leaned in toward Deanna. “Is she here today?” I whispered.

  “She wasn’t in my second hour, so I guess not,” she replied. I didn’t know what to make of her absence, but with her gone that was one issue out of the way.

  After school, I nearly hyperventilated when I was finally alone. It felt like I’d held my breath all day. The air burned my lungs as I panted and put my head down on the steering wheel. I fumbled with my keys and started the car. My drive home was a blur, but I’d driven the path so much that it I made it there easily. I ran up to my room and lay across my bed, praying for sleep that seemed afar off. I felt like my heart was going to jump right out of my chest. The tears that I’d been trying to suppress all day finally flowed and I cried myself unconscious……..again.

  Somehow, I managed to sleep straight through to the next morning. I’d made it all the way to lunch not having to face Antonio at all without even trying and I’d only seen AJ when I first arrived in the morning. Deanna found me before lunch and walked with me to my locker to put my bag away. We rounded the corner just as Leila was heading toward the stairs, but she stopped to look at us and smiled deviously first. Deanna and I both rolled our eyes and continued on to my locker.

  Deanna was telling me about the difficult exam she’d just taken in her Geography class while I fidgeted with my combination…10...44…17. I removed the lock and lifted the metal handle, flinging the thin, green painted door open, and stepped back questioningly when four large pictures spilled out onto the floor. As I stared at the ground, horror crossed my face, realizing what the images were. These were the dreaded pictures of Leila and AJ. I was forced to stare at their bare flesh intertwined in various positions as I stood there helpless.

  Deanna stood beside me in shock as both of our eyes looked over the pictures that lie on the ground. I composed myself and gathered them up quickly. One of the photos had a message written on it that read: “You will NEVER replace me!” Deanna stared at me wondering what my next move was going to be. “Dude, if you wanna get her, I’ve got your back.”

  I ignored her, folded the pictures and put them in my purse, before walking calmly to the lunchroom. When Deanna and I entered, everyone was already seated, including Leila. She watched me as I rounded the table and took my seat next to AJ. His eyes were on me too as she and I continued to stare each other down. I didn’t even bother to consider Antonio today. I had a one track mind.

  Deanna finally got my attention. “Sam, just say the word.” She said as she balled up both of her fists.

  “No, I’m cool.” I replied

  AJ looked confused by the private conversation between Deanna and I. “What’s the matter?” He asked. Neither Deanna nor I answered.

  I feigned calm for the rest of the day and headed straight for my car after last period, wanting to avoid seeing anyone. I had so much on my mind.

  Leila was in the wrong place at the wrong time. As I walked down the aisle, I saw her walking toward her car without a care in the world. Instantly, my pulse quickened and my feet picked up speed to match it. Before I knew it, I was only a few feet behind her. It would’ve been so easy to snatch by her hair and toss her to the ground, but I wanted her to see it coming. When I reached her, I called her name and she spun around unsuspectingly. My hand was already drawn back, anticipating how sweet it would be to make contact with her face. But nothing compared to the actual feeling of my open palm burning into her flesh. My blood ran cold in my veins with relief as I tried my best to slap the fire out of her. When I was finally able to focus again, I saw a bright red stain forming underneath her skin. The feeling was euphoric. As I drew back again and clenched my fist I felt someone grab me from behind and lift me off the ground where I couldn’t reach her. I stared at Leila who stared back at me with the same intensity.

  It was A.J who was holding me. He put me down and dragged me away by my arm as I continued to look back at her. He pulled me in between two cars so that I could focus on him. “What are you doing?” The words came from a place of absolute confusion. It wasn’t a secret that I hated her, but had no idea why I’d just lit into her.

  There was nothing to say. I unzipped my purse and pulled out the pictures, glanced at them one last time and closed my e
yes in disgust as I shoved them against his chest. When I finally looked at him again, he was still focused on the pictures. His expression was a mix of embarrassment, regret, anger, and disbelief. But he said nothing.

  I left him standing there and walked to my car. The entire ride home, my mind flashed between the four images in the photos like they were emblazoned in my brain. It killed me seeing him like that with someone else…..with her. It was different when I imagined it on my own. The scene in my head was of her being very much into him and him bored to tears. But these pictures told a different story.

  I tried to remind myself that this was a different time in his life before I came around, but that didn’t help. I couldn’t handle seeing him enjoying her the way he was. It made me sick to my stomach. I pulled my car into the parking lot of a fast food restaurant and opened the door just in time to stick my head out and throw up on the pavement. After a few heaves I felt well enough to continue home.

  I ran straight up to my room and locked my door behind me. My stomach was still upset, but I fought it. I wanted desperately to keep my eyes open to prevent the images from coming back. I turned on my radio and grabbed a book from the desk. My phone was buzzing in my pocket, but I ignored it and kept reading. Minutes later it went off again. It wasn’t possible to talk to him right then.

  I wasn’t sure how I felt. Was I angry with AJ? Did I have a right to be? Of course I didn’t have the right to be, but I was honest enough with myself to admit that I was in fact angry. Although I knew that he was with Leila long before me, it did nothing to dull the feelings that I was experiencing now. The photos made me face the reality that I’d tried to suppress. He’d shared something with her that I hadn’t shared with anyone. For some inexplicable reason, that made me feel alone. I was jealous of the way he touched her. Would I have felt so strongly about this if I weren’t still a virgin myself? Would that have softened the blow at all? Who knows? But before I knew it, I had my phone in hand and I dialed AJ’s number.