Gravity (Free Falling)

by St. Pierre, Raven

  “Yes, daddy,” I sighed. When he didn’t move to go back down the stairs, I realized that he wasn’t going to leave. I folded my arms over my chest and paced back to my room, leaving AJ behind. I heard them both on the steps as I sat back down on my bed. When daddy passed by my door I cut my eyes at him. AJ entered laughing quietly to himself. “I learned something new about you today,” he stated.

  “Like what?” I asked.

  AJ’s laugh faded into a smile. “You’re a brat……a big one,” he said and then kissed the top of my head. I glared at him playfully and waited for him to sit back down, but he didn’t.

  “You’re not leaving already. Are you?” I asked desperately.

  “Yeah, I have to stop by Karl’s to pick up his phone charger and I should be there if my dad decides to call tonight.” He assessed the sadness in my face and started smiling again. “But I promise to call you soon,” he added.

  At the door I had to subdue my feelings because my parents were sitting nearby on the couch watching TV. I limited my goodbye to a kiss on AJ’s cheek and a brief hug. When I tried to pull away from him, he wouldn’t release me from his grasp right away. “I love you,” he whispered as his lips grazed my ear. The warmth of his breath made me quiver.

  He stared into my eyes before he turned to walk out the door. I closed it behind him and leaned against the wall, trying to remind myself that I only had three days until I’d see him again.

  *****

  Monday morning I turned off my car and ran inside to wait by the door. There was lively conversation buzzing behind me, mostly people bragging about the gifts they’d received for Christmas. It all went in one ear and out the other as I waited. A dark Blue Benz pulled up in front of the school and I was shocked me to see AJ climbing out the passenger side of the car. His face was twisted up in anger as he stormed toward the door. From inside the car I could see Mr. Hahn glaring back at me. AJ was so upset that he nearly walked past me. “That sucks a little,” I stated flatly, referring to his new driving arrangement.

  He looked shocked to see me standing there, but his expression softened and he leaned in to hug me. “You don’t know the half of it.” He replied. We walked to my locker hand in hand and were nearly to my locker when I stopped dead in my tracks. “What’s the matter?” AJ asked. I quickly shifted my eyes to the floor so that he wouldn’t catch on to what grabbed my attention.

  “Nothing. I’m fine,” I replied quickly.

  “Did you forget something?”

  “No, I just thought of something. It’s fine though.” AJ looked at me questioningly, but dropped the subject before turning to walk to his class. I stood there in the hall for a moment as I watched Antonio and Megan standing at her locker. It was hard to look at. They were laughing and talking more closely than I was used to seeing them to one another. Antonio looked at her the way he used to look at me and it made me uncomfortable. She was being flirtatious with him and I know Megan. It wouldn’t be long before she would let her guard down and give in to anything Antonio asked her to do. That was another thought I could’ve lived without.

  Did it even cross her mind that I might mind that she went after him? Was she plotting against me the whole time, secretly wanting him for herself? I definitely knew her better than he did and she was nowhere near good enough for him, but I guess that’s something he’d have to find out on his own.

  At lunch I couldn’t help but to think about Leila. I tried to just be glad that she’d seemingly fallen off the edge of the Earth, but something didn’t feel right. Trevor had stopped sitting with us shortly after Leila’s last outburst in Karl’s basement. I made up my mind to talk to him after school, just to find out what was going on. Deanna, noticed that I was deep in thought. “You look like your mind’s a million miles away” she said.

  “I was just thinking.” I leaned in so that no one else could hear me. “Have you heard anything else about Leila?”

  “Nothing. It’s kinda weird that she just stopped showing up. Maybe she changed schools or something. I wouldn’t be disappointed” Deanna replied.

  “I’m going to talk to Trevor at the end of the day. Maybe he’ll tell me something. You should come with me. He knows you better than he knows me.” She nodded in agreement to my request. I had to know what happened to her and what made Trevor stop hanging out with his friends.

  I talked to AJ during Ms. Jamison’s class and told him that I wouldn’t be at my locker right after school let out, but to give me about five extra minutes. As Deanna and I stood in the hall waiting for Trevor I thought of the many reasons he could give me for Leila’s absence. When he came into view I straightened my posture to approach him. Deanna waved. “Hey Trevor.” He gave an unenthusiastic nod and started to walk past us. “Wait we want to talk to you about something,“ Deanna blurted. Trevor sighed, rolled his eyes and turned to face us.

  “What is it?” He asked sharply.

  Deanna was visibly shocked by his tone. “We were just wondering if you’d heard from Leila. It’s been a long time since she’s been in school and we were worried,” she lied.

  “What, you all weren’t finished taunting her? She knew none of you liked her, but she insisted that you’d warm up to her eventually. That’s the only reason she kept trying to come around and hang out.” His rant proved that he was more delusional than I thought. He really had no clue that she came around to be near AJ.

  “What are you talking about? We weren’t mean to her?” Deanna retorted.

  Trevor rolled his eyes. “She heard the things you all were saying about her. You didn’t exactly try to hide your feelings,” he sighed. “But, no I haven’t heard anything from her. She won’t return any of my calls and her dad won’t give me any information either.” After he finished his statement he turned to walk away. Deanna looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. Now, more than ever, I was unnerved with the realization that no one knew what happened to her. I’d hoped that he’d say that she moved away or something, so I could stop watching for her when I was in public. Every car that resembled hers sent a chill down my body.

  AJ was waiting at my locker like he said he would be. I smiled trying to mask me feelings, but he saw through it. “What happened?” He asked.

  “Deanna and I went to talk to Trevor. I was hoping to find out what happened to Leila, but he didn’t know anymore than we did.”

  His expression was curious. “Why would you wanna know about her? Just be glad she’s gone. I know I am,” he stated flatly. “She’s probably in an institution or something. That’s where she needs to be anyway.”

  I was silent as he walked me to my car, still thinking about my conversation with Trevor. “Well, I have to get back inside for practice,” AJ said. I didn’t want to leave him. There had been far too much distance between us lately and it was killing me. The look of longing on his face led me to believe that he felt the same way. He kissed me and held his hand to my cheek for a few seconds before he ran back inside.

  My phone rang a few minutes after six pm. It was Leslie of all people. My first thought was to ignore the call complete, but my curiosity got the best of me. I closed my math book and sat up on my bed. “Hello?” I answered dryly.

  “Hey, Sam. Can we talk a minute?” She asked.

  I sighed. “Yeah, what’s up?” She didn’t deserve even a few seconds of my time, but I’m generous.

  She hesitated for a brief moment. “It’s a new year and I really wanna clear things up between us.” She paused. “I miss you.”

  I almost laughed out loud. “That’s funny, because I would think that if you missed me you would’ve returned my calls, or not turned me down every time I asked you to hang out. Seriously, Leslie I don’t even feel like I know you anymore. All of this because you didn’t like that I hurt Antonio. Even he forgave me.”

  “Is that what you think this is about? No, I don’t like what you did to him, but this is about you and the choices you’ve made.” Her tone was more harsh than I’d ever heard it.
I didn’t like where this conversation was going.

  “Then what is it?” I asked, matching her irritation.

  “I just don’t like it. There’re lots of boys - black boys – that would wanna be with you, but you apparently think you’re too good for any of them. It’s like you think you’re special or something cause AJ has you thinking he’s into you. Do you realize that you gave up your friends for him? Who are you gonna run to when he dumps you?”

  I couldn’t believe she was coming at me like this; the one who’d had her back through everything. I worked to control my anger. “First of all, I didn’t turn my back on you all. You turned your backs on me!” I was nearly screaming at her.

  “I thought it was a phase you were going through, but you still haven’t seemed to come to your senses,” she replied. “You’ve changed.”

  “I don’t understand you. You never seemed to have a problem with AJ before this, but now all of a sudden he’s the devil himself,” I stated.

  “I don’t have a problem with him. I just don’t believe that we’re supposed to mix like that. I’m sure there’s a nice little Korean girl out there for him.”

  “Japanese.”

  “Who cares? All that matters is that he isn’t black. And in case you’ve forgotten, you are,” she replied with a straightforward tone.

  We were both silent for a moment. “So, was this your idea of clearing things up between us, Leslie?” I asked emotionlessly.

  She didn’t respond immediately. “I don’t know what I expected. Maybe we’ve just come to a fork in the road. You go your way and I’ll go mine. Call me if you ever get yourself together,” she said just before I heard the dial tone on the other end.

  I threw my phone on the bed and tried to grasp what just took place. Leslie and I had been friends all our lives and now she was willing to let that go over something as simple as AJ’s race. It was strange that this didn’t hurt nearly as much as I would’ve imagined. Mostly because I was at ease knowing that there was nothing I could have done to change things short of breaking up with AJ. And as much as I loved her, she wasn’t worth that.

  Chapter Sixteen

  AJ’s punishment – that was beginning to become more of a prison sentence for both of us – was still in full effect well into February. His father continued to transport him back and forth to school and still hadn’t returned his cell phone. One night AJ decided to sneak out to see me. As soon as he walked back through the door his dad was waiting for him and immediately changed the code to the gate for a second time. When it was time to return Karl’s cell phone, Mrs. Hahn started making it a habit to leave hers under AJ’s pillow before she went to bed at night. So this became our only means of communication outside of school. I couldn’t help but to notice the irony in the situation. My father finally decided to ease up and give me a little breathing room just as Mr. Hahn decided to take AJ’s freedom away.

  Before everything fell apart on Christmas, I’d been looking forward to our first Valentine’s Day together. To add insult to injury, it fell on a Saturday which meant that I wouldn’t get to see him at all and we wouldn’t get to speak to one another until around ten that night. Deanna and Karl had plans set already; meaning that hanging with her wasn’t an option. So that left me two choices. I could either sit in my room and pout, or I could paint. After changing into some old clothes that I didn’t mind ruining, I was on my way up to the attic, locking the door behind me. My parents were long gone, but I wanted to insure that they wouldn’t bother me if they returned before I finished.

  I smeared a bunch of dark colors on the canvas. By the time I finished, the picture resembled army camouflage. Needless to say I scrapped it and started over. My eyes were fixed on the blank surface for a long time while I searched for some sort of inspiration, but it didn’t come to me. Frustrated, I tossed my brushes and paints into the sink and went back down to my room. The one day that I was wishing would pass by quickly was lingering like a bad rash. I lay across my bed and prayed for sleep to come.

  At 9:30 pm I heard my parents come home. As soon as the garage door began to hum, I ran to wait for them on the steps. I was desperate for some sort of human contact. Mom was holding a carryout container and a box of chocolates in her hands. She was surprised to see me sitting there pitifully. “Oh, hey sweetie. These are for you,” she said as she handed me the red box of candy and the food she’d brought me. They quickly moved past me headed up the stairs toward their bedroom.

  “Goodnight, Baby Girl.” Daddy said as he patted me on my head.

  “But you guys just got here. You’re going to bed already?” I whined.

  A smile crossed his face. “Your mother and I are feeling a little…..tired,” he said as he made googly eyes at her. Gross! I knew what that meant. Realizing that they weren’t going to be much company tonight, I sat in daddy’s study while I waited for AJ’s call. At 10:13 my phone finally rang.

  “Happy Valentine’s Day,” I answered.

  He laughed quietly on the other end. “You too. How was your day?” He asked with just a hint of sadness.

  “Fine I guess. I tried to paint and the picture sucked, so I threw it away, and then I just sat in my room the rest of the day until my parents got home. What’d you do?” I asked.

  “Played video games mostly,” he sighed. “I hate this. My dad went from having zero rules to turning my house into freakin’ Alcatraz.”

  “Yeah, I definitely know what it’s like to be on lockdown,” I replied. “But your mom seems to be ok with our relationship. Has she said anything about how your dad’s acting?”

  “She thinks he’s being stupid about it too.” He sighed. “Well, maybe those weren’t her words, but she may as well have said it that way. She feels like he, of all people, should understand how it feels to fall in love with someone and not want to let them go. I guess she was talking about how quickly he decided that he wanted to marry her.” He paused another minute. “I hope you don’t mind, but I talked to her about some of the things you’ve been through to be with me. It reminded her of how she felt about leaving her family. Once she finally made up her mind that she felt as strongly about my dad as he felt about her, nothing was going to stop her from being with him. No matter how hard it was.”

  His comparison made me smile. I liked that Mrs. Hahn saw a little of herself in me. It was nice to know that she was on our side and that she understood that I couldn’t leave AJ. No matter what price I had to pay. “Tell her that I said thank you for being so understanding. It’s nice to know that she’s routing for us…..even if your dad doesn’t like it.”

  He was silent for a few seconds. “So……are you looking forward to us going to Charleston together?” He asked. I could tell he was up to something, but I wasn’t sure what it was.

  “Yeah, you already know that. What made you ask?” I inquired.

  “I just wanted to be sure……because I got my acceptance letter today.” If he’d been here I would have squeezed the life out of him. His good news was right on time, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that he had something else to tell me.

  “That’s great! I mean, I knew you’d get in because of your grades and all, but I wasn’t sure if you applied too late.”

  His lack of an immediate response made me nervous. “About that,” he said and then paused while my heart fluttered wildly. “I’ll only have to be at Westwood until next January, but we’ll make it work. I’ll come see you every chance I get. I promise.” Nooooooooooooo! This isn’t happening. His words nor his optimism did anything to calm me down. Westwood was almost eight hours from Charleston and driving or flying, it was an expensive trip to make. There was no way his father would help him pay to visit me. I’d have no choice but to get used to being away from him. What AJ and I were dealing with lately with him being grounded would be a walk in the park compared to what was facing us.

  “Wow,” I said flatly. That was all that would come out without me getting emotional on the phone. My mind was racin
g too quickly for me to grasp on to any one thought. I hoped that he’d chime in and tell me that he was joking or that there was maybe something that he could do. I waited, but he was silent.

  “I’ll try to call you back. Love you,” he whispered just before he hung up. I opened my mouth to tell him that I loved him too, but I was too late. This happened every time he thought he heard his father coming into his room. Mr. Hahn made it a habit to check on him every hour throughout the night ever since he got caught sneaking out. My guess was that he was going to be even more watchful because it was Valentine’s Day. With a heavy sigh I shut my phone. Deep down I knew that I wouldn’t hear back from him that night. His father was doing his best to drive a wedge between us, but he had no idea how impossible that task was.

  I lifted myself from Daddy’s desk chair and left the study. I lay across my bed in the darkness and let it sink in that I was going to have to spend my first semester at Charleston without AJ. It felt like I couldn’t breathe. We’d be apart for nearly six months and to me it seemed like an eternity. I tried not to think about it, so instead I thought of what this day was supposed to be like for AJ and me. We should’ve spent the entire day together even if we did nothing at all. Being in his arms would’ve been enough for me. But instead this special day had been reduced to one short whispered conversation. Our feelings for one another were so simple, pure even. But for some reason we couldn’t seem to outrun the dark cloud that hovered above us. I took a deep breath and exhaled. “I love you too AJ,” I whispered to myself then turned over and fell asleep.

  I didn’t hear from him at all, Sunday. So, needless to say, I missed him terribly by Monday. In sixth hour, Ms. Jamison was absent, so the substitute gave us a short assignment and then let us converse for the rest of the hour. I took advantage of the opportunity to spend time with AJ. He stared blankly at the chalk board with a frown on his face, slumping down with his arms folded over his chest. Something was definitely bothering him, but, considering our situation, that could be any number of things. “What’s the matter?” I asked softly.