Gravity (Free Falling)

by St. Pierre, Raven

  He exhaled sharply, closed his eyes and rested his head on the back of his seat. “My dad. This whole thing is so stupid. And now that I know we won’t be leaving together, it pisses me off even more.” He sighed and opened his eyes, but he still didn’t look at me. “We should be spending all our time together, but instead he’s keeping us apart. I’m just frustrated I guess.”

  I wanted to say something that would make him feel better, but I drew a blank. “AJ, I’ll be here no matter what, even when things get rough.” I didn’t know what else to say to him.

  A faint smile crossed his face. “I keep telling myself that, but in the meantime I can’t stand not seeing you when I want to.” When he turned to face me there was sadness in his eyes. It killed me knowing that there was nothing I could do to take it away. I had to hope that my words were reassuring to him and he knew that I meant every word of it. In the big scheme of things, six months was nothing considering I’d wait a lifetime for him if I had to.

  He reached for my hand and kissed it before leaning his head back on his chair again and focusing his eyes on the ceiling. From the corner of my eye I could see Leslie glaring at us. I snapped my head in her direction and met her gaze. Her face was void of the warmth and kindness that once dwelled there. Her cold, icy stare made my heart freeze over. An entire month had passed since our unpleasant conversation had taken place. Neither of us had tried to speak to the other. There wasn’t really anything to say anymore. She’d pretty much said it all already. As we continued to stare each other down the bell sounded. Neither of us moved right away. Eventually she rolled her eyes and rose up from her seat. I was developing a very strong dislike for the girl I’d once considered to be my closest friend. It was hard to admit, but I almost hated her. As she paced toward the door I was tempted to throw my government book at her head, but I’m better than that.

  When school let out I walked to my locker to drop off my back pack. I rolled my eyes to myself and quickened my pace as I saw Antonio coming down the hall toward me. I was in no mood to deal with him. We hadn’t talked on the phone or at school since we went to dinner in December. I assumed it was because he and Megan were getting closer. “Hey,” he said as he approached me.

  “Hey,” I replied flatly. I still had an attitude from the incident with Leslie earlier, but I was admittedly a little irritated with him too. I couldn’t help but to feel that it was a little underhanded that he’d decided to date Megan. Did he do it to make me jealous?

  He seemed to pick up on my tone. “What’s new?” He asked nervously.

  I really didn’t feel like talking to him so I tried to keep it short. “Nothing much.”

  “Can you believe we’ll be leaving here soon?” He said as he looked around.

  I rolled my eyes again. “I’m looking forward to it more and more as the days go on. There’s nothing here to miss.” I purposely stared into his eyes as I replied.

  “What’s your problem?” He asked.

  “I’m just irritated. This hasn’t been such a great day for me. Don’t take it personal.” I moved aside and started to walk past him, but he reached out for my hand to stop me. This must be his signature move or something.

  “What happened? Your boyfriend piss you off?” The corners of his mouth tightened like he was trying to fight back a smile and that did it for me.

  “You’d love that wouldn’t you? You’re just waiting for the day that I fall on my face so you can laugh about it. Well, Antonio, I’m sorry. Today is not that day, but if you’d like you can check back next week. Leave me ALONE,” I hissed.

  I’d half expected him to storm away in anger, so imagine my surprise when he tightened his grip on my hand and yanked me closer to him. I stumbled a little over my own feet. He was now so close that I could feel the warmth of his breath on my skin. When he leaned in even closer to speak I gasped. “You’re right I would love that.” He stared into my eyes intently. “But not for the reason you’re thinking. It wouldn’t be because I wanted to see you hurt.” This sudden spell of aggression had definitely taken me by surprise. Antonio smiled sinisterly and then quickly released me. I didn’t know whether to run away screaming or to punch him in the face. In my peripheral I could see AJ approaching just as Antonio turned to walk away. His eyes were fixed on Antonio, but his expression was far too calm for him to have witnessed anything.

  “Sorry it took me so long.” He paused and changed his tone. “What did he want?” AJ asked dryly.

  I was still unnerved by Antonio’s behavior, not quite sure how to interpret it. “Nothing really. He was talking about leaving the school after graduation and stuff like that.” He waited for me to elaborate, but I didn’t. What would I have said?

  “He still wants you,” AJ stated. “I can tell by the way he looks at you.” I knew that, but I wasn’t really comfortable with AJ knowing that. I tried to focus on unlocking my locker. To my relief he dropped the subject. I was petrified that his line of questioning would somehow lead to him finding out about Antonio and I going out to dinner and I didn’t want to risk hurting him over something so trivial.

  I forced a smile and reached for his hand. Once we got to my car, he kissed me once before rushing back in for practice. Even the thought of him being concerned about Antonio and I made me nervous. I had to hold onto the steering wheel just to steady my hands. From now on, Antonio was off limits. I wouldn’t answer his calls, and I’d be as brief as possible with him at school. There could be no more close calls.

  As fate would have it, Antonio called that evening while I was in the studio painting an angry picture that I had no intentions on keeping. I pressed ‘ignore’ and continued. Not seeing AJ was really affecting my artistic ability. It seemed like everything I’d done in the last couple months was all crap. I slapped another gray streak across the canvas as I sighed in frustration. Then my phone rang again. What the heck does he want? I ignored it again thinking he’d get the picture.

  During dinner my phone buzzed a few more times in my pocket. I couldn’t take it out to look at it while I was at the dinner table because that was one of Daddy’s many rules. No phone during dinner. But I would’ve bet that it was Antonio again. AJ couldn’t call this early, but I suppose it could be Deanna. I’d have to wait to solve the mystery when I got up to my room.

  I swallowed my last bite of food and rushed to clear my spot. My parents looked at me curiously, but didn’t saying anything. I thudded up the stairs and swung the door closed. I jumped up on the bed and checked the missed calls. All three were from Antonio. As I stared at the phone it began to buzz in my hand again, causing me to drop it to the floor when it startled me. Him again. Now I was irritated.

  His calls continued throughout the night. Turning the phone off wasn’t an option because I definitely didn’t want to miss AJ’s call. Luckily for me he finally gave up around 10:30.

  I was half asleep when my phone rang again……12:32 am. Antonio must have a death wish. And I was going to grant it. “What?” I answered angrily.

  “Did I wake you?” AJ asked sounding surprised by my tone.

  Oops! I cleared my throat before replying. “I was dozing off, but I’m up. Sorry about that.”

  “No, I’m sorry for calling so late. My parents went to sleep later than usual tonight. I heard them arguing about something, but they were downstairs, so it was hard to tell what it was about.”

  “It’s fine. I’m just glad to hear from you at all,” I replied.

  “This is killing me. I’d give anything to be lying next to you right now,” he stated. I closed my eyes and tried to imagine it. Sharing a bed with him at the guesthouse was the best sleep I’d ever had in my life. He made me feel completely safe and I loved waking up and seeing him there at my side. I exhaled, realizing that he wasn’t actually here.

  “Me too,” I finally replied. There was a question on my mind, but I thought about it for a moment before asking. I already knew that he’d say something comforting, but could he be positive of the wa
y things would actually play out? “How do you think it’s going to be when we’re away from each other that first semester?”

  AJ was silent for a long time. I understood that he didn’t want to talk about it, but ignoring it wasn’t going to make the problem go away. I needed to hear him say that he knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that we’d make it and everything would be just the same when he got there. I had total trust in him, but I’d be lying if I said that the thought of him being around all those unfamiliar and more experienced girls didn’t scare me. He may have been worried about the same thing with me and the guys on Charleston’s campus, but he had absolutely nothing to worry about whether he knew it or not. I was totally and unchangingly devoted to him.

  I heard him take a breath. “It’s gonna be hard, but we’ll make it work,” he finally replied.

  “What about all those girls? They’re gonna be all over you.”

  I heard him laughing quietly. “You don’t even have to worry about that. I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Yeah, but there’ll be parties and drinking, anything can happen. Right?” I asked anxiously.

  “Sam, you have nothing to worry about. Trust me! If it makes you feel better I won’t go to any parties or anything like that. That would give me more time to study anyway.” I could tell by his tone that he was serious.

  I felt bad for bringing up my insecurities about the other girls. It wasn’t my original intention to be so specific about my concerns, but it just came out. He’d never given me any reason not to trust him up to this point, so it dawned on me that I was probably worrying for nothing. “No, you should enjoy yourself. I’m just freaking out a little. Ignore me; I’m being neurotic again.”

  He laughed at me. “You’re not being neurotic, but I don’t want you to waste your time worrying about something that’s not gonna happen.” I did my best to believe that AJ hooking up with another girl wasn’t even a possibility. But the truth of the matter is, it was. We’d be apart for a long time and he could start to fall for someone else in my absence.

  He interrupted my thoughts. “Are you ok?”

  “I will be,” I replied flatly.

  He sighed heavily. “I think I just heard my dad get up. Promise me you’ll stop thinking about it.”

  I didn’t want to lie to him. “I promise that I’ll try.”

  He sighed again. “I guess that’ll have to do. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  I ended the call and set the phone down on the nightstand. In my head, visions of AJ with random girls flashed, making it hard to fall asleep. In spite of his certainty that nothing like that would ever happen, I couldn’t shake the feeling. What girl wouldn’t jump at the chance to be with a guy like him? Aside from his physical appearance, he was still one of the most perfect men that I knew. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I grabbed my headphones and plugged them into my radio. With the volume turned all the way up, I couldn’t focus on it anymore. Once I was too sleepy to keep my eyes open, I turned it off and covered my head with my pillow. The rancid thoughts tried to overtake me again, but my need for rest won the fight. Lucky for me.

  I sat in Mr. Kendall’s class in a zombie-like state. Three hours of sleep hadn’t refreshed me in the least. I put my head down on my arms and fell asleep while he lectured. The sound of the bell ringing at the end of class startled me and sent my heart racing. I couldn’t recall one thing that Mr. Kendall had said the entire hour. I gathered my things and stepped out into the hallway. My slow pace annoyed some kid and he pushed past me in a huff, and both of my books and notebook fell to the ground and slid across the floor. Great! I sighed and bent down to pick them up and was shocked when I saw Antonio’s large hand reach out in front of me and scoop my belongings up from the floor. He was the last person that I wanted to see this morning.

  I stared at him cautiously as I grabbed my things from his hands. “Thanks,” I replied hesitantly. Before I could move my feet to walk away he spoke.

  “I tried to call you last night.”

  No kidding! In an effort to keep to my new resolution of not having too much conversation for him, I made my response short. “Yeah, I saw that.”

  Antonio looked hurt as he realized that I’d simply decided to ignore him. “Well, why didn’t you pick up then?” He was different from yesterday in some way. I wasn’t sure what had changed, but he was more subdued today. His voice seemed more even and smooth now. When I didn’t answer he continued. “I was trying to apologize for my behavior. I shouldn’t have said what I said……even if that is how I feel.” He smiled faintly. “You looked like I scared you, and I don’t ever want you to feel that way around me.”

  I started to think that I’d misunderstood his behavior the day before. Did I overreact? I searched his face to see if he was sincere. He seemed to be, so that made me relax a little. “It’s fine. Guess I owe you an apology too. My attitude was a little funky.”

  He smiled at me and looked at the ground sheepishly. When he gazed back up, he seemed even more like himself. There was longing in his eyes as he stared into mine. Megan approached us with a questioning expression. Antonio didn’t even turn to look at her. I smiled at her weakly and waved. Her expression was almost a snarl, but she waved anyway before turning to look at Antonio. It was obvious that she was uncomfortable with us conversing. Drama was not something I craved, so I didn’t stick around to see what happened.

  After school AJ sat in my car with me for a while before going to the gym to practice. I hated that it still felt like we were sneaking to be together after all this time, but I was grateful for the few stolen moments that we managed to grab hold of.

  “I know why my parents were arguing last night.” His eyes lit up as he spoke.

  “What was it?” I asked.

  “Well, I talked to my mom last night about having to start the year off at Westwood. Then this morning she told me that she told my father about it, but left out that I’d be switching to Charleston. So, now he thinks I’m going to Westwood.” AJ’s smile grew. “She’s trying to wear him down to let me have my phone and car back since I’m leaving soon. She thinks that he might go along with it because he thinks that you and I are gonna be separated soon enough anyway.”

  I was reluctant to get excited. If this didn’t work out in our favor, I’d be hurt all over again. He seemed to notice that I wasn’t as happy as he was. “What’s wrong?” He asked

  I tried to muster up some sort of a smile. “Nothing.” I forced myself to look away from him. AJ always seemed to know what I was thinking, so I hoped that hiding my face would spare him the details of my thoughts. There was no reason for him to feel guilty, but I knew that he would. He wanted more than anything to protect me, and it was no secret that I was having a difficult time with the separation. There was no point in him stressing further about something he couldn’t change.

  He put his hand to my chin and turned my face back toward his slowly. “I’m sorry this has been so hard on you. I wanted for things to be so much different.” As he turned away I could tell that he felt bad.

  “AJ this isn’t your fault. I know that if it was up to you things wouldn’t be this way, but it’s out of your control.” I leaned over and kissed him once gently on his lips. It was my intention to pull away after a peck, but he gripped my face firmly in his hands and kissed me so passionately that even my toes were tingly. I was almost starting to hate letting myself get this close to him because that made it that much harder to bear being away from him. The fresh memory of his lips on mine was like pulling the stitches out of a wound that wasn’t fully healed. My heart felt as though it was slowing down as the sadness seeped into it. With each gentle thud I pulled further and further away from AJ. I kept my eyes closed and rested my head on the back of the seat and tried to pull myself together. I opened them slowly and focused on his face. There was a dark figure behind him outside of the passenger window. When I noticed it I nearly jumped out of my skin. AJ turned to see what caught my attention
. He rolled his eyes and flung the door open angrily before I could grasp what was going on. It was Mr. Hahn. Apparently we’d lost track of time. He must’ve gone inside to look for AJ at practice and when he discovered that he wasn’t there he’d come to the parking lot to search for him.

  The fury in Mr. Hahn’s eyes was incredible. “Get inside,” he growled at AJ. Even though months had passed since our encounter, Mr. Hahn still harbored just as much hatred for me as the first time we’d met – maybe even more than before.

  “I thought I told you to leave him alone.” Mr. Hahn turned up his nose and spoke to me like I was the lowest life form on planet Earth.

  “Don’t say anything else to her.” AJ warned him sternly, just before closing the car door and walking toward the school. Mr. Hahn glared at me through the window, but didn’t try to go against AJ’s command. He looked back over his shoulder at me one last time before following AJ inside.

  At about a quarter to ten my homework was finished and I decided to take a hot bath. The thoughts of AJ being surrounded by the awaiting female population at Westwood was still taunting me. My muscles were in knots because I was stressing over it so much. The back of my neck hurt so bad that I was almost craving the warm water. I’d just put my foot in it when my phone went off on my dresser. Ignoring it was a tempting option, but I knew that it could be AJ. It stopped ringing just as I placed my hand on it. When I checked the call log I was shocked to see that he’d called from his own phone. I frantically pressed send and waited for an answer.

  When I heard AJ’s voice on the other end I breathed a sigh of relief. His father returned his phone despite the fact that he’d caught us together. He explained to AJ that once he got to college and saw all the girls he’d forget about me instantly anyway. It stung a little to hear the words, but AJ only told me because I kept pressing him for the details of his conversation with Mr. Hahn.