Without A Pail

by Michelle Marra

  Meredith pointed to Jill’s glass when she saw the bartender approach and held up two fingers. Placing a hand on Jill’s cheek, she captured her gaze, “Beautiful…we are both single and adults, you don’t have to trust yourself, that’s the whole point. Plus it’s your birthday and I wanted to give you a gift I know you will love.”

  Jill swallowed her nervousness down when she watched as a seductive smile expanded across Meredith’s face. This woman scared her…completely terrified her. She didn’t know why since what she wanted these days was to be taken, unraveled…but the thought of the frenzied incident left her breathless and trembling, and it wasn’t from excitement. She thought about just getting drunk enough to lose all her inhibitions and letting go, but that thought quickly faded when the images of waking up the next morning filled with shame and regret.

  Jill agonized over it for hours the night before and came to the conclusion that it wasn’t because she was a woman…because she wanted that experience, oh how she wanted it; but it was because of the type of woman Meredith was, too confident, too alluring and most of all she was too seductive. Jill was afraid this woman was going to devour her soul which made her realize that really she wanted more than just hot, unadulterated sex…she wanted a connection, she wanted to feel that pull of the heart when being kissed and touched…Jill wanted love.

  As the word ‘love’ circled around in her brain like a buzzard waiting to devour a carcass she closed her eyes trying to keep her hands from shaking when Meredith brought her face in close. But as she braced for the kiss, she was taken aback when Meredith gently kissed her ear lobe.

  “I know you’re afraid…don’t be. I would never hurt you,” Meredith paused as she stared into Jill’s eyes. “Jill, I really like you and if you want to slow this down, we can. I don’t want you to do anything you’re not ready to do.”

  “Really?” Jill’s relief came out in a breathy whisper.

  Meredith’s grin widened when she recaptured Jill’s gaze with her own, “Really. I don’t want you to think this is just sex for me…I really like you. Don’t get me wrong, I want to be with you and I would be lying if I told you I don’t imagine you naked all the time. But I want it to be when the time’s right and you’re ready. I’m sorry if I’ve seemed impatient, it’s just been a long time since I dated a woman like you.” She caught the bartender putting their drinks on the bar out of the corner of her eye and squeezed herself between two girls at the bar as she grabbed them.

  She handed the bartender her MasterCard, “Open a tab and keep ‘em coming.” She could see by the look in Jill’s eyes that she hit home with her little speech and between that and the booze, she would most assuredly get invited up to Jill’s penthouse tonight, and Meredith smiled when the thought echoed through her brain. Tonight is going to be the night my little tease will going to discover the wonders of lesbian sex.

  With a smile, she turned back and handed a drink to the object of her obsession. “Here ya go my dear. Let’s drink to romance.”

  Jill smiled in turn and clinked the rim of her glass to Meredith’s, “To romance.”

  “You won’t believe who’s here,” Casey said as she reappeared and catching the two love birds pressed together kissing like teenagers.

  Simultaneously, Jill and Meredith broke the kiss and regarded the woman who was invading their space. Casey ignored the scowl on Meredith’s face and directed her attention to Jill’s questioning one. “It’s Jackie…she’s here with that bitch.”

  Jill pulled away from Meredith’s embrace, “Oh no. Do you want to leave?”

  Dammit! Meredith thought. “Wait, this is a big place and there are a lot of women here. Just ignore them Case. Chances are we won’t run into them and besides you will need to get used to seeing them around, so why don’t you get yourself somebody and throw it in her face. Plus, you know what they say…to get over someone you should get under someone else.”

  She realized the joke was ill-timed when the mouth agape look of repulsion enveloped Jill’s face. “Hey, I was just kidding. But come on Casey, just ignore them.”

  Jill wasn’t too thrilled with Meredith’s lack of empathy for her friend, but she did agree with her, “She’s right Casey…just ignore them. I’m sure if Jackie saw you too, she’s either left the club or will keep her distance.”

  “Look I don’t want to put a cramp in your style and you two look like you are having a good time. I’m just going to leave.”

  “We’ll go too, we can go back to my place and hang out,” Jill said after seeing the sad look on Casey’s face.

  “No, no. You guys enjoy your night. I just want to go home.” Casey hugged her friends, “Really…please stay. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  As Jill watched her friend somberly walk away, she became angry and slapped Meredith in the arm. “How could you say that to her?”

  “Ouch.” Meredith rubbed her arm as a grin appeared on her lips. “I was only kidding, besides I know Casey. She’ll have a new girl as soon as she stops feeling sorry for herself. How do you think her and Jackie got together? It was a hookup on the first night they met, that is what she does. She really doesn’t want a long term relationship no matter what she says, she enjoys the player’s life.”

  Jill’s face contorted into a confused expression, she was silent for a moment while she sipped at her drink. She needed a minute to ponder this, were all lesbians this way. Just going from relationship to relationship? There had to be some happy long-term couples out there, having families…doing the whole domestic thing. Her eyes caught the back of her date’s head at the bar fetching them another drink. She’d had three already and feeling a bit over the edge as she finished the last of her third.

  During a slow dance, Jill realized that Meredith was certainly a ‘take charge’ kind of girl and one who really didn’t like to be told ‘no.’ Despite the sweet things she said early, Jill had a suspicion she was the fatted calf ready for the slaughter and just another couple of drinks and she would be ready for the kill. When the sweet, pouty, full lips left hers, the feeling of breathlessness was all consuming, making her knees weaken to the point where she needed to grasp onto her dancing partner before she stumbled to the floor. Jill was unsure if it was the booze or the sexual delight coursing through her veins or maybe a combination of them both. Meredith was onto her neck now, kissing, licking, sucking…it was all she could do not to scream out ‘fuck me’ in the middle of the dance floor.

  Suddenly she could feel the weight of someone’s gaze and she scanned the dance floor until she found those blue eyes on her. “Jackie?” She whispered as she watched her and Suzanne approach.

  “Excuse me. May I cut in?” Jackie stood there with her hands on her hips and a very displeased look on her face.

  Jill’s eyes grew wide. What the hell was she asking that for…do girls cut in on other girls? Oh shit, is there going to be a fight? Wait, who does she want to dance with? The questions rattling around in Jill’s brain made her mute and Meredith either didn’t hear the request or pretended not to as she was still making a meal out of Jill’s neck.

  Jackie cleared her throat, “Um excuse me!” Her voice went up a few decibels. Suzanne looked uneasy standing behind her girlfriend like she didn’t know what to do next.

  Meredith finally gave Jackie’s presence notice, “What?” she asked in a harsh tone.

  “I would like to cut in.”

  “Cut in…what is this the fucking forties? I don’t think so, you’re not dancing with my girl.”

  “Jill, please indulge me for a couple of minutes. I need to talk to you about something important…you know professional.” Her voice lowered as she spoke the last few words emphasizing the confidentiality of the situation.

  Jill was a bit too drunk to discuss her case with her attorney, but she thought ‘what the hell’, it must be important or she wouldn’t try to interrupt such an intimate moment. “Okay.” Then when she saw the juxtaposed look of disbelief and anger twist up her girlfri
end’s face she patted her on the arm. “Just for a couple minutes Mer. Dance with Suzanne…I’ll be right back.”

  Jackie took Jill by the hand and led her a few feet away from the other two women who looked completely dumbfounded.

  Jackie’s hand gently gripped Jill’s hip while the other took her hand. Jill’s hand rested on Jackie’s shoulder close to the base of her neck. They didn’t speak a word as they swayed slowly to the Boz Scaggs romantic hit, Look What You’ve Done To Me. The melody of the song coupled with the lyrics poured through every cell of Jill’s being. She couldn’t help but stare into those piercing blue eyes, the ones that have driven her to distraction and into denial. But now she could feel it…the swelling of the heart, the twisting of her insides, and the ache in her soul. This was the best birthday gift ever…dancing with Jackie Evans and all she wanted to do was pull her in for a kiss that she had craved from the first moment their eyes met. And she was just about drunk enough to express her feelings…but to what end? What would she say? How would she say it without sounding like a douche bag? Casey was her friend, she couldn’t just declare feelings for her ex. And really, what feelings were they anyway? She really didn’t understand everything she was feeling and the attraction she had could be getting misread with emotions which didn’t really exist. Then there was Meredith, whom she liked…but was frightened of. Maybe it was her tall frame, looking down on Jill with that predatory look she always had, or maybe it was those dark eyes which seem to hold such intense desire, Jill always felt like an object. But dancing now with Jackie, it was almost like a dream. They were just about the same height, so Jill found ease with gazing into those blue eyes.

  Oh God…those eyes. Jill thought to herself as she couldn’t bring herself to pull her gaze away. The song was beautiful and in this moment it was like she was hearing it for the very first time and its story now became hers. Jill could feel the heat radiate from her cheeks as a wide smile spanned her face and when Jackie smiled lightly, almost shyly with a slight blush coloring her cheeks, Jill wondered if Jackie was feeling the same way. And the yearning tore through her heart like a wrecking ball. But considering what she knew and her love proclamation to Casey about Suzanne, it was highly unlikely Jackie was feeling any of the silly things Jill was, so she concluded that maybe it was just embarrassment dancing with her boss especially after how Jill blatantly tried to seduce her a few weeks ago. Jill’s uncertainty and more importantly insecurity crept up wiping the smile from her lips.

  “I guess you’re wondering why I asked you to dance.”

  Jill diverted her eyes looking everywhere but to the face in front of hers, “The thought did cross my mind.”

  “Look, I know you’re new to this and I’m trying to stay out of it and respect you as Casey’s friend and my client of course. But I can’t continue to watch that woman disrespect you like that anymore.”

  “She’s not disrespecting me.”

  “Oh no? She’s practically fucking you on the dance floor. She’s making a spectacle of herself and you.”

  “We were just kissing.” Jill was starting to get annoyed.

  “No, her hand was up your shirt; she’s been unbuttoning your jeans and has unzipped them.”

  “What? Na-uh.”

  “Look down Dear.”

  When Jill saw that her jeans were wide open displaying her lacy panties beneath, she was mortified.

  “People are watching, laughing. She’s making you look like a whore.”

  “Hey, I’m not a whore.” Now Jill was completely pissed off.

  “Well then stop acting like one,” Jackie lowered her voice as she held Jill’s gaze.

  Jill pushed Jackie away, “You know what, this is none of your fucking business. We are just having fun and she likes me.”

  As Jackie started to walk away, she shook her head at the naïve brunette, “Let’s see how much she likes you after she fucks you.”

  Jill stood there completely astounded by the accusations and judgments. How dare she judge my competence? How dare she stick her nose in…what did it matter to her anyway?

  “Hey, fuck you!” she yelled out loud enough for the blonde walking away to hear. All Jackie did in response was to wave her hand without turning around. This infuriated Jill even more.

  She quickly closed the distance spinning Jackie around by her arm, “Listen to me little girl, I don’t know who the fuck you think you are to judge me or my situation. What I do in my life is my fucking business. I don’t know why you would care anyway. You got what you want. You busted Casey’s heart and took back that bitch who is a fucking snake. So before you lay down judgments and hurl insults about my girlfriend take a good look in the mirror. I’m not a cheater…you are. I haven’t blurred the line between love and sex…you have.”

  Jill leaned in closer, her anger boiling over to the point of seething. “I’m nobody’s whore, especially yours.” Her emphases on ‘especially’ was a bit dramatic as she felt the spittle leave her lips causing Jackie to wipe it from her cheek. She didn’t care, she was pissed off and it got her point across. “Let’s go Meredith…take me home.”

  “Don’t worry Sweetheart…I wouldn’t want to fuck your withered up old ass anyway.”

  Jill pretended she didn’t hear the remark as she stalked across the dance floor toward the door…but she did and it cut her to the core.

  Chapter 18

  “Oh God…don’t stop,” Jill said through a breathy moan while being pinned between Meredith and the wall in the elevator of her building. She was in a whirlwind of desire and Meredith was doing all she could to keep Jill in this seductive trance as she sank her teeth into Jill’s neck while sliding a hand into her panties. Jill was so turned on at the moment she couldn’t remember her own name let alone hear the bells going off inside her head. She didn’t care about the whole ‘heart-strings’ thing…all she wanted now was the hot, sensual, frenzied fucking. And when Meredith’s hand pushed its way beneath her panties sliding a finger into her slickened folds and touched her clit…she about came on the spot.

  “Oh, you are so wet,” Meredith’s grin began to grow while she massaged Jill’s clit bringing on an array of pleasured sounds. Her hand pushed down farther and the tips of her fingers grazed Jill’s center causing a loud gasp. This woman hadn’t been fucked in so long and probably hadn’t had a decent orgasm in a decade, she knew Jill would be a delight to push over the edge. But her jeans were way too tight to gain entrance. She wasn’t opposed to ripping her pants down and giving it to her right there in the elevator as it slowly ascended the nine floors to Jill’s condo.

  Meredith’s face displayed a wicked grin as she watched Jill writhe beneath her touch…her spell. “Jill…,” she whispered causing her eyes to open and lock with a laser focus. “I want to see it in your eyes, I want to watch it wash across your face. I want to see how beautiful you are when you go over the edge and I want to watch you unravel as you come all over me.”

  Jill wanted that too, she wanted not to feel old, useless and worthless…the feelings that were there in the back of her mind, always killing her confidence. But she was actually having fun, even had a chance to gaze into those blue eyes again. To touch her, to feel Jackie’s hands on her. The sweet, shyness of the moment…it was so beautiful and she smelled so amazing. But now…now after she said what she said, showing her true feelings, Jill wanted nothing more to do with her, she never wanted to look into those amazing blue eyes again…because now she would only see a petulant child, a stupid and foolish asshole.

  And right now, Jill had just enough alcohol in her to push past the decorum, drop her pants and allow this vixen to fuck away her demons. And that was exactly what she did, Jill pulled her hands from Meredith’s long, wavy black hair and gripped the waistband of her jeans and pushed them down to her knees. Her eyes found the elevator display seeing they were past the third floor as they continued their ascent. ‘Plenty of time,’ she said to herself when her eyes stared back into one's almost as bla
ck as night. “Fuck me…please; fuck me now.”

  A wicked grin spread across Meredith’s face, “It would be my pleasure.”

  But before she could comply, the elevator slowed, chimed, and stopped on the fifth floor.

  “Shit!” Jill giggled as she clumsily pulled her jeans back up over her hips. “Dammit!” She stood there breathless with a goofy grin on her face when the doors opened and a maintenance man walked on.

  “Evening.” He said as he eyed them both suspiciously.

  “Good evening,” Meredith cleared her throat in an effort not to laugh as she held the giggling, nearly hysterical woman against her chest.

  The elevator stopped on the sixth floor and the maintenance man exited the elevator, “Enjoy your evening ladies.”

  “Lazy bastard, he could have taken the steps up one fucking floor.” Meredith sneered pushing the drunk woman from her form. “Hey, we are almost to your floor, do you still want this?”

  “Oh God, yes.” Jill pulled Meredith’s face toward hers capturing her mouth in a kiss. Not giving Meredith a moment to catch up, she pushed her tongue passed the full lips of her would-be lover.

  When the doors opened to the ninth floor, two women wrapped around each other engaged in a passionate kiss stumbled out of the elevator and down the corridor until they reached her door. With her back pressed against the door and Meredith mauling her, Jill blindly searched her clutch for the key to her apartment. She didn’t dare knock for fear Molly would savagely bark and snarl waking up everyone in a six apartment radius.

  “Okay Baby, let me unlock the door,” Jill said in a breathy whisper.

  When Meredith pulled herself away, the malevolent look in her eyes was a tad frightening and made the hair on the back of Jill’s neck stand on end while a cold shiver ran up her spine. Quickly she spun around and unlocked the door ready for the furry light of her life to barrel her over. She hoped that the new girl, Jeanine, had recently walked Molly so she could send her to her bed with a bone while she allowed Meredith to take her into the depths of passion. Experiencing sex with a woman for the very first time, twisted her stomach up in excitement just at the mere thought.