Without A Pail

by Michelle Marra

  “From the valet lot?” The detective asked as he began to scribble down some notes.

  “No, there was an open parking space on the street and I wasn’t going to be there long to have it valeted and pay the ridiculous rates.”

  “Okay, makes sense I guess,” he said as he eyed her suspiciously.

  Jackie could tell he was judging her from the clothes she was wearing and it was really starting to piss her off, “Look, when I came out of the hotel I could see someone sitting on it. I thought maybe it was just some drunk college kid. I was going to hit the alarm, but then realized I didn’t have my keys. I left them in the ignition.”

  His eyes went wide, “Really.”

  “I was in a hurry and preoccupied,” she said as she pulled her eyes from his to the desk phone when it began to ring.

  Jackie eyed the clock on the shabby office wall while the detective glanced over her complaint form while taking a call.

  “Sorry for the interruption Miss Evans. Do you have the registration to the motorcycle?”

  “No.”

  “Do you know the plate number?” He asked while he tapped his fingers against the desktop.

  Jackie searched her brain but could not think of the numbers, she had recently received the New York plate. “No, I’m sorry. I transferred it from South Carolina and hadn’t had time to memorize it. Could we hurry this along, I have somewhere I need to be.” Jackie’s anxiety was increasing, she needed to get to Jill.

  “Okay, let me see your ID and will look it up through the DMV.”

  Jackie rolled her eyes, she was sick of this bureaucratic bullshit, “I don’t have my license. It’s in my wallet in my bike. Look, can’t you just look me up? It is a Harley Davidson Wide-Glide, black tank with blue flames.”

  “I’m sorry, but if you don’t have your license, how do I even know this is true?”

  “Why would I be here if it isn’t?” Jackie sat on the end of her seat closer to the desk and the detective who was basically brushing her off.

  “There are tons of people that come down here and give false statements just for the attention. Look, Miss Evans. If in fact this is true and your bike was stolen…”

  “It is true.” Jackie’s voice grew loud in her frustration.

  The detective held up his finger, “If it is true, then it has probably been taken to a chop shop and is being stripped down for parts.”

  Jackie’s eyes grew large, “So you’re saying I’m fucked.”

  “Basically, but I will enter the complaint into the system just in case.” The detective rose from his chair and gestured Jackie towards the door, “Thank you for coming in, hope you have an enjoyable evening.”

  Jackie walked out of the detective’s office feeling dejected. “I can’t believe this shit,” she said as she walked out of the station just as it started to rain. “Oh great, just fucking great.”

  With a leather jacket and thick heavy boots, walking a mile in the rain was not going to be easy. Jackie looked up at the sky as the rain poured down on her face and shook her head as a smile spread across her face. She couldn’t wait to see Jill, to tell her how stupid she’s been and how crazy about her she is. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say, how she was going to say it or what she’d look like when she got there. She was sure it would be a soggy mess.

  Meanwhile, Jill was lying in the prone position with Molly by her side. She couldn’t shake the feeling of dread and even though the tears stopped momentarily, her heart still ached. She knew Casey was on her way, and she thanked God for her friend and her dog because at the moment of sheer and utter despair and hopelessness, she was ready to throw herself off the balcony. Suddenly she saw the dog’s ears stand up and figured she heard Casey’s key in the door, Jill didn’t move…she didn’t have it in her at the moment so she waited for Casey to come in and pull up the lifeless form she had become. But as a few minutes elapsed and Casey did not emerge from the foyer where Jill’s eyes were firmly planted, she just figured it was something out in the corridor that sparked the dog’s interest. However, whatever was going on must have been more than a passerby because Molly sprang to her feet and scurried toward the door.

  Jill was too overwhelmed to try and make sense of Molly scratching at the front door. Surely she didn’t have to pee, it hadn’t been that long since the evening walk and Casey would use her key. But when she heard a faint knock at the door she figured Casey must have forgotten the key with her own concern and panic trying to get there as quickly as possible.

  She pushed herself up into a seated position and took a deep breath trying the stave off the near hyperventilation she had been teetering with for the past forty-five minutes. Using the bottom of her pajama top to wipe the mess from her face she picked up her phone wondering why Casey didn’t text or call instead of rapping her knuckles against the door…but maybe she forgot her phone, Jill concluded as she slowly rose to her feet feeling the dizziness set in at once.

  She staggered down the hallway where she heard the knock again and Molly standing, wagging her tail with her nose pressed into the crack of the door jam. “Watch out girl,” Jill said as she unbolted the door and turned the knob. Trying to get between Molly and the door was always nearly impossible, so she just held her by the collar as she slowly opened the door.

  The face she stared into was not the one she expected to see. Were her eyes playing tricks on her? Was this Casey and she was just too distraught with grief that she imposed Jackie’s face in its place? While her gaze locked upon the image, she stood silently…motionless; almost afraid to breathe. Seeing Jackie one more time in life even if it was just a mirage was something she wasn’t ready to see fade away so quickly.

  “Hey,” Jackie said to the woman whose face was nearly white as a sheet. But when she didn’t get a response she figured Jill was still pretty pissed at her. “Um look. I’m sorry it’s so late, I just couldn’t let this go another minute. I hope you can relate.” She smiled thinking with some light humor in reference to Jill’s proclamation of love at the courthouse would loosen up the stiff at the door whose face grew paler with each passing moment. What she wanted to ask if she was feeling okay, but didn’t want to derail the task at hand and end up in another argument and her storming off like so many other times before. She was going to have her say and hope that Jill was a forgiving woman who believed in second chances.

  “Okay…I’ll just say what I came here to say. Um…” Her words felt heavy and clumsy, there was no sweet talking tonight…just awkwardness causing her eyes to find the floor between them. “I know it’s late and I know this is ill-timed…but I hope it’s not too late.” She paused just in case the walking dead wanted to chime in…but the silence indicated a big fat ‘no.’ “I know I was blind, stubborn, and mostly stupid to ignore everything the way I did and make matters worse in my denial and unwillingness to see what was right in front of me.”

  Jackie paused for a moment as she tried to carefully gauge her next words since she didn’t want to mention the name Suzanne and ruin any more of what was already a weird encounter. “God knows I fought it and somehow in my own denial of these feelings I thought resisting them and maintaining status quo was what I was supposed to do…not upset the apple cart so to speak. But the fact is I was terrified to take a risk since I’m not very good at it. My philosophy has always been ‘be prepared’ for everything and anything in life. I certainly can’t get a pail of water without a pail…and yes I know it is a stupid metaphor…but when I took the risk it backfired on me; not once but twice.”

  Jackie knew she was babbling, but she was still amazed that Jill hadn’t said a word…not one stinking word. She didn’t think Jill was one to be spiteful after the incident earlier today. But thankfully they didn’t since she knew it was happening for the wrong reasons and Jill would have most likely regretted it and could have ruined things worse than they already were. “It was the first day in the park, there was something about your eyes. When you were shamelessly co
ming onto me in the restaurant, the dance, the kiss, and everything in between…Jill, I’m so sorry that I’ve been a stupid fool. The fact is that I am in love with you and have been probably from the first time I looked into those caramel-colored eyes of yours.”

  Jackie finally was able to look up into the face of the woman that filled her thoughts, dreams and fantasies for more than three months. But the deadpan stare was really starting to get old, she thought she deserved something even if it was ‘too late’ or ‘fuck off.’ But the silence was killing her. “Jill, I love you and I’m hoping it’s not too late for us. Do you still love me?”

  Jackie’s eyes drilled into Jill’s blank stare and she was starting to get concerned. She looked down at Molly who was sitting at Jill’s side with a jovial pant-smile on her face. Then when her gaze found Jill’s again, she had noticed her face softening a bit and saw tears falling.

  Jill let go of Molly’s collar and stepped closer to the apparition she now thought was standing before her, telling her everything she ever wanted to hear coming from those beautiful full lips and thought at any moment she would awaken to the sound of Casey calling her name because she had hyperventilated and passed out on her living room carpet. But this specter was not dissolving into the abyss, it was standing there with warmth…with those piercing blue eyes and that beautiful face.

  “Jackie?” Jill reached to touch Jackie’s face. Jackie caught her hand and pressed it firmly to her cheek.

  “Yes…Jill, it’s me.”

  With that, Jill’s eyes rolled back into her head as she began to wobble. Just as she was about to fall Jackie reached for her, pulling her close…but Jill’s dead weight caused her to stumble into the adjacent wall.

  “Shit…Jill, are you okay? Jill?” Jackie’s voice filled with concern as she looked down into the very ashen face of the woman who had just fainted. Jackie needed to get her into the apartment, but when Jill stepped out of its threshold, the door closed behind her trapping Molly behind it and making her express her unhappiness by way of barking and howling.

  “Shh…Molly. It’s okay,” Jackie knew that any neighbor or building security that came upon them could completely misunderstand the situation. She needed to see if the door was unlocked since she didn’t have a key, but could not put Jill on the floor in the hallway outside her apartment. She could only imagine how that would look to any onlookers and besides that Jill would definitely have a conniption once she woke from her fainting spell to find herself on the floor. Jackie certainly didn’t want to be on the receiving side of that potential lecture.

  Once she had Jill cradled in her arms she heard a gasp come from someone approaching them and she thought, Oh God…here we go. But when she turned her head to see who was approaching she saw Casey with almost the same pale dead-pan stare. “Casey, can you please open the door before my arms fall off.”

  Casey was suddenly a mute as she dug the key from her pocket with a shaky hand.

  “Come on…Molly is freaking out in there.” She could see Casey’s hand shake profusely as she tried unlocking the door.

  Finally, the door was opening and Molly nearly knocked Jackie and Jill to the floor when she flew from the threshold. “Dammit, Case…get the dog.” Once Casey had a grip on the dog’s collar, Jackie entered the apartment with lightning speed toward the living room sofa terrified that she was going to drop Jill...her strength was waning.

  Once she placed Jill on the sofa, she spun on her heel to face Casey who was looking at her like she had seen a ghost.

  “What is with everybody tonight?”

  Chapter 25

  “Casey, don’t just stand there…get me a cold washcloth,” Jackie’s face contorted in confusion when she saw Casey not moving. “Now!” she yelled out as she turned back to Jill and knelt down next to the sofa. “Jill...Jill.”

  When Casey returned with the cold cloth, Jackie placed it on Jill’s forehead with a perplexed look on her face, “She just fainted…fell right into my arms. Do you know what’s wrong with her?” She asked as she looked up at Casey standing over them.

  “She thinks you’re dead?”

  “What? Why in the hell would she think that?” Then Jackie’s eyes flew open wide when she heard her name on TV.

  The picture of her from the Firm’s website stole her attention. “What the…..”

  New York Attorney Jacqueline Evans from Collins Family Law died at the scene of the motorcycle and tow truck accident earlier this evening. The driver of the tow truck stated the motorcycle was moving at a rapid rate of speed and suddenly swerved into on-coming traffic, hitting him head on….

  The sound of the news correspondent was trailing off, she looked up at Casey, “Obviously that’s not me….my bike was stolen tonight. Dear God, Jill thinks I’m dead…no wonder she was so freaked out. Did you hear this too?”

  “Um…yeah. I was telling Jill not to panic since we didn’t know if it was you in the accident. But when I walked into the building I saw the TV at the guard’s desk and saw your picture and heard them say your name as the casualty…” Casey’s voice cracked as she wiped the tears from her eyes. “I knew Jill would be wrecked, but when I saw you….well you know I was stunned.”

  Jackie’s mouth pulled into a comforting smile as she stood and hugged her ex-girlfriend. “I’m sorry you had to see that. But as you can see I’m okay…guess you still like me then?”

  Casey smiled through her tears, “Don’t be getting all cocky now. Of course I do and I was hoping you would stop being an asshole and stop denying your feelings for Jill.”

  “Was it that obvious?”

  “Well…yeah!”

  “I’m sorry, I don’t even have a valid excuse why it took me so long. I just hope it’s not too late.”

  “What about Suzanne?”

  “I dumped her…was there tonight to catch her red handed. Oh, and guess who she’s fucking…Meredith! Well I guess you knew that since you gave me those pictures.”

  “Did you see them?” Casey bent down to give Molly a reassuring kiss to her snout.

  “No…I couldn’t bring myself to look at them.”

  “Then how did you know?”

  “Same old Suzanne. Same patterns, same MO...I just knew.”

  “Well, I’m glad you got rid of her…I told you she would do that again,” Casey said with a glint in her eye.

  “I know you did….I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

  Casey shook her head with a small smile, “Well it appears you would have one way or the other. Jill is completely in love with you.”

  “Case…I feel the same way.”

  “I seriously doubt you have anything to worry about…by the way, since you aren’t dead; why the hell didn’t you respond to our calls and why are you soaked?”

  Jackie pulled her mangled cell phone from her back pocket, “A bus ran over it.”

  Casey looked at the crushed phone and shook her head, “Just one bus?”

  “Yup…just the one. I had no way to call anyone for a ride when that chick stole my bike. I spent all my cash bribing the room service guy and my wallet was in the saddle bag on my bike, so I had to walk to the police station to fill out a report and seems that was a big waste of time and when I got out of there and headed over here it began to pour.”

  Just then Jackie heard her name being announced again, “That poor girl. I’m gonna have to call the station and tell them it’s not me….” Then her face went white as a sheet.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Shit…my sister. They had to have notified the next of kin in order to put my name in the news report. I need to call Joni. Can I borrow your phone?”

  Jackie took the offered phone and headed toward the kitchen while kicking off her boots and shaking off her jacket. She was not only soaked clear through her undergarments, but she was also chilled to the bone.

  Casey could hear Jackie’s voice from the kitchen trying to calm her sister down and explain the situation. As she knelt down by Jill,
who was still passed out on the sofa, she heard a moan. “Jill…Jill, wake up.”

  When Jill opened her eyes and focused in on Casey her face contorted into a horrified expression, “Oh dear God, it was all a dream.” She sat up quickly causing her to moan again, this time from the pain shooting through her skull. Her eyes found the TV screen still displaying a picture of Jackie. “She really is gone.” The pain tore through her chest like a freight train and with it started the tears again.

  “No Jill, she’s not dead. She’s in the kitchen.” Casey grabbed the TV remote and hit the power button.

  “Are you trying to be funny? Because that is not one fucking bit funny.”

  “No…really. She’s not dead, she is in your kitchen on the phone with her sister. Listen.”

  When Casey was quiet Jill listened intently and when she heard Jackie’s voice, she sprung to her feet, stopping just a moment to get her bearings before making a beeline to the kitchen.

  Jackie’s voice grew in volume as Jill quickly closed the distance, but as soon as she could see her blonde hair and the back of her head she stopped in her tracks. Jackie wasn’t arguing but her voice was loud just the same, she was trying to allay her sister’s angst which was certainly understandable.

  “Joni…come on. I’m fine. I told you, my phone was smashed and the bike was stolen. My wallet was in there with all my identification so it was just assumed by the cops and they had to call you.”

  “No, I’m not making light of it…I’m sure it was awful to get a call like that.”

  Jill couldn’t make out the words from the other end of the conversation but it was certainly loud enough and she knew Jackie was getting the frightened ‘mother’ speech. Then Jackie spun on her heel catching Jill off guard making her knees nearly buckle.

  “Joni, I need to go. I need to talk to Jill.”

  “I’ll come home later.”

  “I don’t know, I’ll get a taxi or something. Maybe you could come pick me up.”

  Jill smiled as she watched the expressions on Jackie’s face. At that moment this thirty-something woman was reduced to a teenager and the rolling of the eyes confirmed it.