Without A Pail

by Michelle Marra

  “I can take you home,” Jill’s voice reduced to a mere quivering squeak. “Tomorrow.”

  “Jill said she’ll bring me home. Please, Joni…I really need to talk to Jill.”

  Jackie slapped the counter in frustration before dropping her head in her free hand. “Yes…yes. YES! I already told her that.”

  Jill giggled in spite of her own angst, surely Joni needed more reassuring than she did and although the situation was not funny, she did find Jackie being verbally accosted by her worried sister amusing.

  “How about I call you before that…and yes I will call the police now to let them know.”

  “Okay...Goodbye Joni.”

  “I love you too.”

  Jackie clicked the end button, “I know that was traumatic for her…but damn, she is relentless.”

  “She’s not the only one it was traumatic for,” Jill whispered still nearly crippled with fear herself as she looked shyly at Jackie.

  Jackie’s face softened seeing remnants of pain and fear on Jill’s face, in her eyes and in the smile she tried desperately to show. “I’m so sorry. I was so distracted when I got off my bike…this mess could have totally been avoided.”

  “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” Jill diverted her eyes from Jackie’s intense stare, she thought if she looked into those blue eyes one more second she would collapse into a ball of tears, but the tears came anyway.

  Jackie hurried around the kitchen island and pulled Jill into her arms. “Shh…it’s okay.”

  “I don’t know what I was going to do. It felt as if my heart was ripped out and my life was over…which I know is stupid considering we weren’t even together. I just felt like I missed out on what would have been the best thing in my life.” Jill pulled tighter into Jackie’s embrace, “I’m sure you’re going to really run for the hills now.”

  “No…actually I’m flattered you think I could be the best thing in your life; especially since I really messed things up.”

  “Did you mean what you said earlier?”

  Jackie pulled herself back far enough to look Jill in the eyes, “Every word.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, I wasn’t sure you heard anything I was saying, it looked as if you had seen a ghost.”

  Jill smiled and shook her head, chuckled in spite of herself, “well I thought I was looking at a ghost or I was dreaming. It actually felt as if my soul was being torn from my body.”

  Jill clutched onto Jackie like a frightened child, “I don’t know how I was going to live without you.”

  “So it’s not too late for us?” Jackie whispered into the side of Jill’s head.

  Jill pulled out of the embrace to gaze into Jackie’s eyes, “No it isn’t too late.”

  Jackie’s face turned up into a large grin, “Well…will you be my girl?”

  Jill swallowed nervously as she felt her face begin to warm, finally she thought, finally my dream is coming true. And when she gazed at the smiling face she couldn’t help but to lean in and kiss that beautiful mouth. Not that it was the first time they had kissed, but at that moment it felt as if it was the first time her lips touched Jackie’s. As she tangled her hands into the blonde locks feeling the sensual kiss the tears began to flow again.

  “Is that a yes?” Jackie asked when she pulled out of the kiss.

  “Yes, until the day I die.” Jill said when her lips found Jackie’s again.

  “Holy shit. It’s Suzanne,” Jackie said when Jill pulled the car up in front of her sister’s brownstone. “She has flowers in her hands. I hope she’s not coming here to apologize or ask me to come back.”

  Before she could throw open the passenger side door, Jill grabbed her by her arm, “Wait…she might have seen the news last night.”

  Jackie looked out the window trying to gauge Suzanne’s facial expression. She’d seen them all and could decipher if they were genuine or not and most times it would be the latter. Suzanne Brooks wasn’t one who expressed her feelings much less her emotions. “Humph, well if she thinks I’m dead I’m sure she’ll use it to her advantage.”

  “She may be genuinely upset.”

  “Nope…not buying it, she’s a sociopath. And if she is upset, if the ice queen really does have a heart…I hope it hurts.”

  “Jackie, gloating over her pain is not going to give you a victory…” Jill smiled when she saw Jackie drop her shades down and peer over them. “I’m not lecturing you….I’m just saying that maybe if she does think you’re dead, the guilt must be eating her alive.”

  “Hmmm…let’s go find out.”

  Before Jill could stop her, Jackie was out of the car and walking toward the visibly upset woman with a bouquet of flowers in her arms.

  “Can I help you with something?” Jackie’s tone was bearing a hint of arrogance.

  “No…I was just going to pay my respects to my friend’s family.”

  Suzanne obviously didn’t recognize Jackie’s voice which made her laugh, “What’s your friend’s name?”

  “Jackie Evans…she was killed in a motorcycle accident last night and….” Her voice cracked and she paused for a moment to gather herself.

  Jackie let out a cocky grunt, “As you can see it was a case of mistaken identity.”

  When Suzanne spun around on her heel, Jackie extended her arms from her sides as if to say ‘ta-da.’

  “Jackie!” Suzanne rushed over to the blonde nearly knocking her down in the process of pulling her into a bone crushing hug. “I thought you were upset and not paying attention and…”

  “And what got myself killed over you. Wow, you really are a narcissist,” Jackie said as she pulled herself from Suzanne’s grip. “Well I guess I was distracted enough with my anger to leave the keys in the bike and an innocent girl paid for my mistake with her life,” Jackie sighed loudly, “Why are you here Suzanne?”

  Suzanne shrugged her shoulders, “I don’t know…I had to do something. I felt so responsible and I wanted to say I was sorry. I did a lot of soul-searching last night after I saw the news and realized that everything you said was spot-on. What I did to you was wrong…but I want you to know I meant what I said when I begged you to come back to me, well most of it anyway. But then I met Meredith and….well you know the rest.”

  By this point, Jill was standing at Jackie’s side, “Yup, I certainly do.”

  “I’m sorry I hurt you, and I’m sorry I got in the way of this.” Suzanne gestured between Jackie and Jill with her hand. “We just were never right for each other, but you and Jill; well I can see it in your eyes. You see stars when you look at her.”

  Jackie’s face bore a shade of crimson as she glanced at Jill searing holes into the side of her head.

  “I could see it too,” Meredith appeared as if out of nowhere taking Suzanne by the hand. “Mostly in Jill’s eyes…but in yours too. Glad to see you finally figured it out.” Meredith’s focus drifted to Jill, “And I’m glad we never…you know.”

  Now it was Jill’s turn to be embarrassed as she nodded her head in agreement.

  “Anyway, I’m glad you are okay.” As Suzanne went to hand Jackie the flowers, she held up her hand.

  “No…but thanks for the thought. And thanks for caring,” Jackie turned to smile at Jill but as she went to walk away, Suzanne pulled her into another hug.

  “Hey…have a good life.”

  “Thanks…you too.”

  “Maybe we’ll see you around.”

  “Yeah…maybe.”

  Suzanne released the embrace with a smile and a wink as she turned and walked away arm and arm with Meredith.

  “Humph…who knew they would hook up,” Jackie shook her head as she pulled Jill by the arm, “Prepare yourself for the blubbering.”

  “What?” Jill stumbled over a rock as she tried to catch up with the woman practically dragging her to the front door of the brownstone.

  “Oh…you’ll see,” Jackie said when she looked up at the window and saw the curtains swaying.

&nb
sp; Chapter 26

  Since they made it official on that night Jill knew her life would never be the same at the thought of Jackie’s death; they had made every effort to get to know each other a little before jumping between the sheets. Jill had certainly been okay with ‘sex off the table’ after the whole debacle with Meredith, Jeff and Suzanne…she figured they needed a little time to let old ghosts fade away. But after a few weeks in their relationship several dates were postponed because of their conflicting schedules. Jill wanted a date night. So, she made sure she cleared a night for the two of them and prepared Jackie’s favorite Italian meal wanting a romantic evening; wine, candle light, soft music, maybe even slow dancing. She had created a playlist of romantic songs on her Galaxy, the first one at the ready was that magical and haunting song by Boz Scaggs, the one they danced to at the club and the one that helped her realized without a doubt that what she was feeling was more than just attraction, more than a crush…she was in love. The date night didn’t pan out the way she had hoped, the dinner was spectacular, but the dim lighting of the candles and the wine did not lead to romance and as they snuggled on the sofa Jackie fell fast asleep and didn’t wake until the next morning.

  “I think we are cursed,” Jill whispered into her cell phone while her head pressed against the large window in her living room overlooking the darkened scenery. It had been over a week since she had seen her girlfriend due to Jackie’s crazy schedule with her new client. “Should I be jealous?”

  “Jill come on, what is there to be jealous about…this is the client you referred to me.”

  “I know, but she is getting a divorce and she is attractive.” Jill’s voice had a hint of pout to it.

  Jackie laughed into the phone, “Oh God…really? Jill, you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of my dear. Did you forget it’s you I love?”

  “I know…but it’s just been a while since I’ve looked into those beautiful blue eyes.”

  Jackie smiled at the strange feeling pressing into her gut, she never had anyone miss her before, especially since most of her relationships were casual except for Suzanne and she couldn’t have cared less where Jackie was most times. It was nice to hear the pouting in her girlfriend’s voice. Truth be told, she missed her too. They had been seeing each other for several weeks, but most of that time was spent on the phone or passed out in each other’s arms. Jackie’s schedule was insane with her new client load at the firm, and since she worked twelve to fourteen hour days, it didn’t leave her much time for anything else.

  It was well past 2:00 a.m. and she knew she had to meet her client in several hours…and as exhausted as she was she grabbed Joni’s keys and headed out the door. Jackie mentally agreed, it had been too long since she had looked into Jill’s beautiful eyes and now she felt a need to see her right away. She stilled herself as best as she could to not alert the woman on the other end of the phone to her actions. She wanted to surprise Jill and at this time in the morning, she should be able to get there in less than thirty minutes.

  “Jill, what did you mean by ‘we are cursed’?” Jackie was curious about the statement and she needed to distract Jill from the sounds of the car starting.

  Jill shook her head, how was she going to put this into words without sounding stupid or like a petulant child herself. She turned on her heel and began to pace the floor behind the sofa where Molly was sprawled across sleeping like a baby. “Um…it’s just that we haven’t…well, you know.”

  The corners of Jackie’s mouth formed a wicked smile, “No, I don’t know. Haven’t what?” She knew exactly what Jill meant, in the two months they’ve been seeing each other exclusively they hadn’t slept together other than just sleeping, but she wanted to make Jill say it.

  “Jack….you know.”

  “Jill...I promise you I don’t.”

  “We haven’t…um.” Jill’s voice started to crack in her nervousness. Was she really going to say it, after all, she knew there was more to a relationship than sex. And she was enjoying their time together without it, but dammit she longed for that woman. “Made love.”

  Jackie stifled her laughter, “Made love…huh. Well my love, I’m not sure we’re there yet.”

  “Oh…I’m sorry. Is there a standard time of waiting after becoming a couple?” Jill’s cheeks suddenly felt warm as the embarrassment began to grow. “I didn’t know.”

  “Um yeah, I’ll have to show you the guide to lesbian dating. It says couples should wait at least six months before engaging in coitus,” Jackie had to bite her lip to keep from laughing as she pulled the car into the garage in Jill’s building.

  “Six months…seems excessively long if you ask me, but okay. I think I can do four more.”

  “What do you mean, ‘you think?’ You’re not going to wait for me?”

  “Oh God yes…I’m sorry, of course I’ll wait. I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing.”

  “Oh, and the guide also says we should abstain from masturbation too. This way when we are together for the first time, it will be magical.”

  Jill let out a nervous laugh, “I suppose it will be more than magical by that point.”

  Jackie was now at Jill’s door when she heard the patio door open, “What are you doing?”

  “I need to cool myself off with the chill of this cold November night since I can’t even masturbate with fantasies of you for the next four months.”

  “It will go by in a flash, you’ll see. Look, I need some sleep. I can’t be late meeting Marjorie Bennett. You know she’s worse than you were.”

  “Okay…call me tomorrow?”

  “Sure Babe…and remember, no masturbating,” Jackie ended the call before unlocking Jill’s front door and tiptoed into the apartment. As she entered the living room, Molly barely lifted her head to acknowledge Jackie as her tail slowly thumped the couch until her head crashed back down onto the cushion.

  Jackie stood in front of the glass doors and watched as Jill looked out over the desolate and barren park. No signs of life anywhere to be found at the late hour on a cold Thursday morning. She had a twinge of guilt for making her girlfriend think there was some form of lesbian code for couples…she expected to be found out at any moment, she really didn’t expect Jill to buy the whole thing. And knowing Jill, when she found out Jackie was just teasing her it might prove to bring on an actual outcome of no sex.

  Jill was dressed in a baggie pair of gray sweat pants with an oversized t-shirt…and she looked amazing in Jackie’s eyes. She hadn’t realized how time had gotten away, this new schedule was killing her and it was one of the reasons she left her law career behind the first time. She didn’t want to miss out on a good thing in her life, well that didn’t turn out to be the good thing…this, however, was. Now just seeing Jill so natural, so sweet and so pure; she had to have her…hopefully, Jill was forgiving and could take a good ribbing.

  “Wait a minute,” Jill said aloud as she rubbed her bare arms trying to generate some heat. “She’s gotta be putting me on, there is no way there is a six-month rule.” She looked out over the park seeing only faded grass and barren trees with remnants of the early snow they received the day before. She missed the warm days and the liveliness of the city, seemed as soon as the leaves fell to the ground, everything shut down. However, she was excited to experience her first Christmas in the city and with a girlfriend.

  “I’ll bet she is pulling my leg.” Jill grabbed her phone and pressed Jackie’s contact button. “I don’t care if you’re asleep…”

  “Hello.” Jackie tried to speak with a sleepy tone.

  “You’re a liar.”

  Jackie stifled a giggle, “And you’re sexy in those gray sweats.”

  Jill spun on her heel to see Jackie’s smiling face on the other side of the glass door and nearly dropped her phone. “Hi.” Was all she could eek out.

  “Why don’t you come in from the cold? I have something to warm you up.”

  Jill didn’t hesitate as she practically crashed through
the glass door trying to open it too fast.

  Jackie quickly typed a text to her sister. Took the car, at Jill’s. Then she silenced the ringer as she closed the distance to the woman with the nervous grin on her face leaning against the patio door. “I don’t think you’ll need this,” she said as she pulled the phone out of Jill’s hand before placing them both inside the Chihuly glass sculpture.

  Jackie snickered when Jill raised an eyebrow, “I know it’s priceless…but so is this.”

  Jackie pulled Jill close capturing her lips into a sweet closed mouth kiss.

  “Wait…wait…wait.” Jill pulled out of the kiss. “Did you think your little story was funny?”

  The mischievous smile on Jackie's face indicated she did.

  “Well, I didn’t think that was one bit funny.”

  “Oh Love…just a little harmless fun. Did you really think I could go another four months without touching you?”

  Jill shrugged as she walked past the questioning gaze on her girlfriend's face. “Seemed easy for you so far.”

  “Easy…are you kidding me? It has not been easy.”

  Jill smiled as her back was turned away from Jackie, two can play at this she thought while she continued her course through the living room toward the bedrooms. “How about I make up the guest bed for you?”

  Jackie’s face fell, “Hey…I’m sorry. Really, it was just a joke. Please don’t be mad at me.”

  Jill stopped in her tracks but didn’t turn around, “Oh you are too easy.” She turned around with a wide smile, “There definitely won’t be a need for a guest room tonight.” Jill sauntered over to where Jackie was standing, “That is if you think you can stay awake for me tonight.”

  “If I’d known you were coming over I would have put something a little sexier on,” Jill's voice diminished to a breathy whisper while Jackie's lips left a trail of soft wet kisses down her neck.

  “You look amazing in my old ratty t-shirt,” Jackie slipped her fingers under the fabric of the shirt and gently lifted it over Jill’s head leaving her naked from the waist up. Jackie’s gaze found Jill’s pert nipples and immediately reached for them, grazing her fingers lightly over the hardened buds, she watched the pleasured expressions wash across her lover’s face. “You’re so beautiful.”