The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  Tuesday 7 August [Halifax]

  Nice clean bed & slept very comfortably. The people very attentive & civil, nor do I think their charges high. Dinner, 3/6; dessert, 1/–; bed, 2/–; & breakfast, 1/9; my sitting room not charged. In fact, I have every reason to be satisfied & shall go to the Bridgewater in future. The mail left Manchester so punctually at 9, that it obliged me to bring away a crust of roll & leave my breakfast untouched. Had an inside place but came the whole way on the box with the coachman… The man offered me the reins 2 or 3 miles on this side of Rochdale, gave me some good instructions & I drove 2 or 3 miles… Got into Halifax at 20 minutes before 2.

  Wednesday 8 August [Halifax]

  My own room very comfortable. The new bed & window curtains put up & as soon as I am settled here, got all my letters written, etc., I shall resume my studies & enjoy myself.

  Thursday 9 August [Halifax]

  I felt so little inconvenience in my jurney [sic] home &, till this mornmg, I was in the hope this venereal taint would give me little or no trouble; that cold water would be enough & indeed, not take the cubebs12 or use the wash, but the discharge is so much increased tonight, I shall begin with the medicine as soon as I can. It is an awkward business, tho’ I hope I shall be well in a little while.

  Friday 10 August [Halifax]

  Called at Whiteley’s & got vol. 1 Rousseau’s Confessions13… Ordered Suter to make me up Steph’s prescription for venereal & what I copied from Mr Duffin long ago for an injection. A scruple of calomel gradually mixed in a marble mortar with an ounce of sweet oil… Two or three drops to be injected two or three times a day after making water generally cure in two or three days. Asked Suter if he had ever made up Steph’s prescription before. ‘Yes,’ said he, ‘very frequently.’ I have felt the discharge a good deal today & as if my linen, rubbing against my thighs, made them feel hot & irritated. There can be no doubt, surely, of its being venereal… Came upstairs at 11. From twelve until the time of getting into bed, trying to use my two ivory syringes that were Eliza Raine’s. Let the common one fall & broke off the top of the piston but afterwards got to manage very well with the uterine syringe.

  Saturday 11 August [Halifax]

  Just before dinner, George brought me the medicine from Suter’s. The liniment for the injection, according to Mr Duffin; fifteen of his pills & Steph’s cubeb powders & lotions. That is, an ounce of cubebs – pulvis cubebs – in twelve equal powders, one to be taken three times a day, & for the lotion, ten grains of hyd. oximur, that is, corosive [sic] sublimate, with two drams of tincture of opium mixed in a quart of water. Just after tea, poured about a tablespoonful of this lotion into a cup & used it with a bit of sponge. It did not feel sharp & I think will do me good.

  Tuesday 12 August [Halifax]

  I have told my uncle & aunt I am set wrong & shall take physic. She constantly inquires after me. How little she dreams what is the matter. How lucky that I happened to be rather out of sorts before I went, which makes my present condition easier to pass off.

  The journal continues to relate day-by-day reports on Anne’s attempts to cure herself of the infection she contracted from M—. The daily treatment of injections, washes, the taking of pills and powders continued unabated for a considerable length of time. M— supplied Anne with regular bulletins of her own state of health and Anne advised her of any new medication which she thought would better the condition. Once Anne ceased having sexual relations with M—, she eventually became free of infection.

  Wednesday 15 August [Halifax]

  Martha Ingham came to pay her church-pew rent… (She) mentioned a famous kind of man at Manchester who cures most inveterate rheumatisms, etc., by literally sweating people in a sort of stove. He watches them while they are in it, & knows when they have been long [enough] by a particular vein in the head.

  Friday 17 August [Halifax]

  My aunt had a letter from Marian this morning announcing their having sent off 2 hedgehogs which have just arrived safe (about 12) by the mail coach, packed in straw in a basket. We have put them under a hot bed frame in the back room where they are to be kept a day or two, before being turned out into the garden to clear it of snails & other vermin, with which it is at present exceedingly infested… Went down to the hedgehogs for 10 minutes, took them a plate of gooseberries & watched 1 of them drinking the milk set for them.

  Saturday 18 August [Halifax]

  Mending my stocking tops for an hour… Just before I went out this afternoon, George took the hedgehogs from the back room & put them loose under the great yew tree.

  Monday 20 August [Halifax]

  George having to go for the lotion tomorrow, my aunt asked so many questions she almost posed me. I said it was to soften my hands. I believe she suspects something, for she said, ‘Well, you’re a queer one & I’ll ask no more.’

  Sunday 9 September [Halifax]

  Sauntering about the back of the house & on the terrace till after 1, when the rain drove me in. Afterwards, in the bottom chamber, upper kitchen ditto, etc., planning alterations. To make a passage thro’ the upper kitchen & buttery to a new on-vous-savez.14 A back door thro’ the near parlour window & a passage forwards to the back room turned into a store room. The bottom chamber to be a servant’s room & the upper kitchen chamber entered by the Blue Room (my room) stairs. Fireplaces in the ale-parlour & North Room to be opposite the windows. Did not mention these plans except casually, to my aunt.

  Tuesday 10 September [Halifax]

  Wrote 3pp… & sent them off to M— (Lawton) at 1½… Settled that M— & I are, every morning at 10¾, to read a chapter in the new testament & asked her to begin next Monday. She first proposed at Newcastle our reading something, the same thing & at the same hour every day – & we have agreed on the new testament & the hour above named.

  Saturday 15 September [Halifax]

  Asked Fourniss for what he would make a first-rate set of gigharness with covered buckles. These last would make it a few shillings dearer than with plated buckles, but he would make it for 7 guineas.

  Wednesday 19 September [Halifax]

  Went & sat ¾ hour at Well-head. Their maidservant ill in a rheumatic fever & the other servants tired with sitting up with her that I went inconveniently, which she told me of in her usual awkward sort of way, saying they had no cold meat, no servant & no fire to cook any, etc., etc., at tiresome length. That she was the only one who told me honestly & she always would. Others received me when it was inconvenient & would not say a word. I wonder if she meant Emma? I said I really had not intended staying &, at last, she pressed me to stay [for] tea & said perhaps there might be some cold beef found. She means well & so does he, but I am sick to death of their vulgarity & shall not run the risk of going inconveniently often.

  On Tuesday 25 September 1821, Anne left Shibden to pay an extended visit to York in order to purchase a horse and gig for herself. While there she made short excursions to Market Weighton to sort out her father’s financial affairs; to Elvington to visit Ellen Empson; and to Langton to stay with the Norcliffe family for a couple of days. She saw quite a lot of M— and Isabella who both visited Anne in York while she was staying with the Duffins and then later with the Belcombes.

  Tuesday 25 September [York]

  Mrs Duffin came to the door to meet me. Not so Mr Duffin. He went almost immediately to a small party at Mrs Crosby’s… The Duffins seemed glad to see me but somehow there is a sort of dictatorialness or, I know not what, expecting of deference & attention about Mr Duffin that makes me never much like being here. Everything upstairs in my room is more comfortable than before. The whole chest of drawers & a foot-pot. I have the room over Mr & Mrs Duffin’s, looking on to the wall.

  Wednesday 26 September [York]

  I went out at 12½ & went to 2 or 3 shops. Bean, in Stonegate, would cover my umbrella (with silk) for 25 or 26s., & Mr Metcalf, in Spurriergate, for 22s. or 23s. The former valued the old frame at 3s., the latter at 5, & advised a new thing altogether, for c
overing old sticks did not always answer… After staying about an hour at the Belcombes’… Mr Duffin called for me about 2½. We went to Morley’s, the coach makers. Saw some very neat gigs and one, a Dennett, which I liked very much. They will let me have it, quite complete, with very good harness with covered buckles (which, the man said, made it a little cheaper) at £44. Lamps would be £2 additional. A Tilbury would be £50 or rather guineas. Surely the man at Leeds did not understand the difference between this & a Dennett. There is a difference in the springs, the former having a cross spring, or more springs in some way or other. Their lancer shafts are more bent at the ends & the box part under the seat is smaller than in a Dennett. Morley was not in the way, but the man said they would make a very good travelling-chaise for £180.

  Saturday 29 September [York]

  Before breakfast, wrote 2pp. to Marian… & bade her ask the price of Mr Inman’s old gig… Asked Marian to ask my father what I should give for a gig horse, or if he had one he could lend me till February, when I could send it back by M— on her way here from Lawton… From the Belcombes’ went & sat 20 minutes with Miss Hall to shew myself in one of Mrs Milne’s frills stuck on over my cravat, for she told me I should look better with one. Thanked her for being thus interested about me. Said what a bad figure I had & explained a little my difficulty in dressing myself to look at all well. Told her that, for this reason, I always wore black. She certainly likes me & I am indeed very attentive to her.

  Monday 1 October [York]

  A young man from Morley, the coachmaker, came during breakfast with some drawings of gigs. Dennetts gone out of fashion, & Stanhopes, which would carry as much luggage in the same sort of way, superior to Tilburys and all the fashion at present. A very neat Stanhope with harness and lamps & quite complete, £47. Would build a capital chariot for £180… Between dinner & tea, we [Mr Duffin & Anne] walked as far as the 2nd milestone on the Boroughbridge road. Speaking of M—, was led into telling him that C— & I were not on speaking terms & why. Mentioned his intrigue with the housemaid, Sarah; that he did not like my firmness of conduct on this occasion, & afterwards, opened M—’s writing-case, took out one of my letters, & said what sort of consolatory sentence had caused the blow-up. Mr Duffin does not think well of him, but I said how he was now improved.

  Wednesday 3 October [York]

  Letter from my aunt (Shibden), mentioning the failure of her teeth & desiring me to speak to Horner & engage rooms for her at the George Inn, Coney Street.

  Thursday 4 October [York]

  Small parcel from Marian (Low Grange, Market Weighton). Might have Mr Inman’s gig for £10 but it will cost £10 repairing & he will not sell the harness, which would be altogether about £30 for what, from Marian’s account, is a Dennett & ‘small & old-fashioned’. My father will lend us his mare till we can [get] a horse to suit us better, or let us keep her for always… Wrote 3pp. to thank Marian & say I should give up the thought of Mr Inman’s gig.

  Thursday 11 October [York]

  The idea of publishing at some time or other has often come across me & I have mused on what subject to fix; it occurred to me, when getting up this morning, that people very often talk of things they don’t understand & that, with tolerable management, one might give a few useful essays on these matters, such, for instance, as politics, religion, etc., & each essay containing a sort of digest of its subject.

  Friday 12 October [York]

  I begin to feel that want of freedom here that always annoys me sooner or later with Mr Duffin. He is unintentionally roughish & unpolished in his manners & I am tired of being here. He often contradicts on subjects I feel to understand better than he does.

  Tuesday 16 October [York]

  Found a note from Mrs Best [Isabella Norcliffe’s widowed sister] asking me to dine with her at 6… Went, had a very good dinner… After dinner, Mary [Best] made a flourishing story of my going upstairs with loaded pistols & turning out a man. I therefore told the story as it was. He, Mr V., was one of Kit Saltmarshe’s bride’s groomsmen & had a jobation [sic] for ogling the girls at one of their parties. I alluded to it & did not much like his manner of acknowledging it. In fact, I never will refer to anything at Halifax, for it always ends in giving rise to disagreeable sentiments.

  Thursday 18 October [York]

  Went over the bridge at 11¼. Went shopping with my aunt… Walked with my aunt round the castle yard (she wanted some knitted nightcaps of the debtors)… I am glad the day is over. My aunt wants a little furbishing up & I shall be heartily glad when she is safe at home again. She is to dine at the Belcombes’ on Sunday & talks of going that night by the mail… Came upstairs at 10.35. Wrote the above of today. Mending my stockings & gloves.

  Friday 19 October [York]

  Called on my aunt at Horner’s. Went to the Belcombes’ to excuse her dining there on Sunday on account of her being able to go home tomorrow… It was a great relief to me to know my aunt would go tomorrow. Sunday morning would have [been] an exhibition & a drag.

  Saturday 20 October [York]

  Went to Whiskers for an eye-glass for my aunt, tho’ none would suit, & got to the George at 5. At 5½ sat down to a goodish brown soup & good veal cutlets… had coffee at 9 & I did not come away till a few minutes before 10. She got a gauze handkerchief she had bought, pinned upon a satin foundation, into a turban cap, at Miss Gledhill’s. Gave me ten shillings to pay for it & a pound note besides, offering me more if I wanted it, saying she could spare a little more.

  Monday 22 October [York]

  Went to Breary’s to look at the 2nd hand gig with a top to it. Afterwards, took Dr Belcombe & Anne to see it & I think I have determined to take it… Told Anne this morning she had set me all wrong, unnerved me for the day, at which she seemed nothing displeased. I did feel slightly, but am really much altered in these matters since my more thorough engagement to M—… Played 4 games at chess with Mr Duffin, of which he won the 1st 3. Then lost a game to Miss Marsh. My thoughts were not on chess.

  Wednesday 24 October [York]

  Went… to the Macleans’ to play chess with Miss Breadalbin Maclean. Played 1 game – won it in an hour. Miss Crosby then came in & Mrs & Miss Fletcher of bas bleu celebrity. Staid them out & thought them neither very genteel, nor very profound, but probably bas bleus – learned ladies – in the most usual sense of the words – especially the young lady looked rather a figure & plebeian… Got home at 3½. Can do nothing from dinner at 4 to tea at seven because we have no candles. Have once or twice written by my bed-candle but it seemed yesterday that Mr Duffin does not like it. His sort of temper is not pleasant to me & I am tired of being here. I cannot feel comfortable because far from independent.

  Thursday 25 October [York]

  Isabella Norcliffe came a little before 9 & staid till 10, when I walked after her chair & slept with her at the Black Swan.

  Friday 26 October [York]

  A kiss of Tib, both last night & this morning… but she cannot give me much pleasure & I think we are both equally calm in our feelings on these occasions… For my own part, my heart is M—’s & I can only feel real pleasure with her. I hope Tib will not have caught any infection from me. At the moment of my offering to sleep with her, I forgot this, & afterwards there was no retracting… Set off with Isabella in the gig… Went to several shops. Ordered the gig at Breary’s. Handsome brass harness (evidently only used 3 or 4 times) & lamps to the gig. All together, £48.

  Tuesday 30 October [York]

  Letter from M— (Lawton)… to say she was a good deal better… Francis, the footman, discovered to be a thief. Letter, also, from Isabella, (Langton). John Coates, the head groom, strongly advises me not to have the yellow gig, but the green one, which will cost £15 more. At 2, went to Breary’s to look at it again & intend to follow John’s advice. Soon after 3, Parsons came to cut & dress my hair.

  Wednesday 31 October [York]

  Went to the Belcombes’ & staid some time, sporting my false ringlets pinned on each side o
f my hat. Eliza Belcombe… went with me to Breary’s where I ordered the green gig with lamps & harness & all complete.

  From Friday 2 November until Monday 3 December, Anne left York to pay visits to friends and relatives at Darlington, Elvington and Market Weighton. She returned to York for one night during that period, but did not return again until 3 December. In the meantime, M— had arrived in York to pay a visit to her parents and return with Anne to Shibden for a few days.

  Monday 3 December [York]

  Got into York at 12. Left the coach at the end of the pavement & walked to Dr Belcombe’s… Isabella Norcliffe & Charlotte here… I rowed Isabella just before dinner for kissing & seizing hold of M—, especially before the housemaid who was passing through, & Tib seemed out of sorts the whole evening. M— very kind and affectionate.

  Tuesday 4 December [York]

  Fine evening or, rather, fine night when the Norcliffes went at 11.20… M— & I sat up talking till 1.50. Told her of the bad cooking here; that I could get nothing to eat here or, sometimes, even at Shibden. We agreed we would have things nice sometime, our tastes suit & we are very thoroughly happy together. We cosed very comfortably.

  Tuesday 11 December [York]

  In the evening, at 8¾, M— & I went to a small party at the Crosby’s… Cold fowl, & sweets & hot port wine negus for supper. Got home at 11¼.

  Friday 14 December [York]

  Mrs Belcombe & Mrs Milne & M— went before 7 to the Manor school concert & exhibition – to shew of the music, dancing, specimens of work, etc., of the schoolgirls. Vulgar girls, Lady Johnstone & a few others, & the rag, tag & bobtail there. I would not go myself & did not like M—’s going, but could not well help it.