The Secret Diaries Of Miss Anne Lister

by Helena Whitbread

  The Listers stayed in Paris until Saturday 28 September, when they began the return journey to England. Captain Lister had decided that living in Paris, or any part of France, was not to his taste. On Monday 30 September, they landed in England much to the relief of all concerned. A few days were spent in London and they returned to Halifax on 8 October.

  Tuesday 1 October [London (Webb’s Hotel)]

  Slept very comfortably & very well last night on the sopha… Walked 1st to no. 17, Albermarle St, Miss Harvey, M—’s dressmaker. Staid a long while there & liked her very much. Explained about my bad figure, etc. That I always wore black. Wished to leave all to her choice. Had a limited allowance, could not afford more than one gown a year. Hoped she would charge me as little as she could, which she promised to do, & ordered a velvet spencer & black velvet hat, to be sent to Shibden. Somehow told her of spending all my money in books & I think she understands me to be a character. She evidently took me for a gentlewoman. I can make my way well enough when left to myself. To have my father or even Marian would have spoilt it & I managed well… From Miss Harvey’s walked forward to Buckley’s, 7, Upper Grosvenor St. Ordered a black pelisse to be sent to Miss Harvey to be sent by the waggon. In returning, strolled up Burlington. Went into 2 or 3 shops to see if I could get a hat but unsuccessfully. I went out in one of Mrs Webb’s bonnets, black leghorn, & looked very decent in it, but so unlike myself Mrs Webb almost smiled… After all this, got home at 1… Marian, too, bought a leghorn bonnet, pair of stays, pair of shoes, & may at last begin to shift a little for herself. I had told her of a leghorn bonnet nine shillings dearer, but, more than that, neater, in Burlington, but of course have said nothing but of approbation of her choice, tho’ I certainly would not have advised so city-like a concern. It is too gaping & staring now when little bonnets are beginning to be worn.

  Wednesday 9 October [Halifax]

  From 11¼ to 2.40, watching Chas. Howarth put up the bookshelves in my closet, & then arranging my books in there – bringing some from the library passage. From 2¾ to 4.05, writing the account of the journey.

  Saturday 12 October [Halifax]

  Mr Green brought me a box from London, dated 5 October… by waggon from the Bull & Mouth & a letter from Miss Harvey. Gown & velvet spencer from Miss Harvey & pelisse from Buckley. Till twelve trying them all on & going down to shew my aunt. They all fit beautifully. From twelve till two thinking how to put them away (gown & spencer in the gig imperial, I want more room, another drawer) & trying how the leather girdle I got in Paris will do with my old pelisse. Miss Harvey’s bill eleven pounds, eighteen & twopence. My pelisse will be eight pounds, as many shillings being discount allowed for ready money… I must manage my dress as well as I can. All my pelisses from Buckley (7, Upper Grosvenor St) & something yearly from Miss Harvey (17, Abemarle St). If my aunt will give me thirty a year in addition to my uncle’s fifty, I can do & have a book or two into the bargain. I should like to save fifty more so as to have a good five pounds a year but I know not what I can do towards it. This year I have already spent sixty-three pounds, three & ninepence, & books, etc., & the twenty I have to pay in town will make it above ninety before the year’s end. But I shall want very little dress for some time to come. ’Tis enough to frighten one who has never had so much to spend before. But I see my yearly expenses get more & more & I must take care, but I have always had more than I have spent & I will try to manage so, always. At all events, I keep good accounts.

  Monday 14 October [Halifax]

  From the post-office to Whitley’s… Speaking of paying ready money, said I never paid postage when I sent a bill for ready money. No, said he, nor I, when the bill is not under £2. Thought I to myself, I have come at the knowledge I wanted. I was right not to pay the postage to Miss Harvey, nor will I ever pay it to any tradesperson when the bill is not under £2… Told my uncle the amount of the bill. He had asked my aunt & I thought it best to tell at once. He seemed rather startled at the amount. Said it is to them both, Miss Harvey & Buckley. I have spent almost all my aunt’s legacy. ‘Yes,’ he replied, ‘It soon goes.’ I must be very cautious how I seem to spend money & must make a great appearance of carefulness. Not a word about all these additional books.

  Thursday 24 October [Halifax]

  Letter from Mr Duffin, (York). No York news. A dead time just now. He had mistaken Hotspur for Percy. ‘You do not surely mean to have him trained for your own riding, & why send him to the barracks?’… but I have settled the business with Major Middleton who is the present commander at the barracks, who says, ‘You shall have every care taken of the horse; that he shall stand in his own barracks, & fed by the contractor the same as the troop horses, & that the use of the riding-house, under the eye of the riding sergeant who is a careful man, shall be afforded him.’

  Saturday 26 October [Halifax]

  Wrote 3pp. & the ends to explain to Mr Duffin about Hotspur… Hotspur is the colt we bought last spring & perhaps it will be soon enough to put him in bridles next February or March, when we can send him over or, if I should happen to be going to York about that time, he can run alongside the gig-horse.

  Sunday 27 October [Halifax]

  Out at 7½. Went immediately into the stables. Set John (Booth) to sweep & wash it. Latterly had William Green to help & staid with them 1 hour 10 minutes to see they did it properly – but not having time to have it done as thoroughly as I wish, desired them to be here by 7 tomorrow morning & we will have it as clean as hands can make it. I am determined to look after the stable thoroughly & try if I cannot manage it as it should be.

  Sunday 3 November [Halifax]

  3pp. & the ends from M—. They were at Birmingham on Friday & got back at 1 on Saturday morning. The night had been fine & this led M— to muse on ‘the past, present & to come’. The whole of her letter bears the stamp of this… ‘but hope still occupies the heart of your friend, & the state of my mind was, on the whole, favourable to our mutual happiness… If some we know could glance over what I have written, they would say I had turned methodist.’ It seems as if Miss Ellen Pattison, who had been staying with her, had given rise to much seriousness.

  Monday 4 November [Halifax]

  Speaking of the Staveleys (Mrs Staveley, too), said no talent could make up for such bad manners. Bold, boisterous, vulgar, & Mrs Staveley slatternly, strangely singular… Met her walking one day in the town with her hands under her petticoat & she pulled out 2 great muffins.

  Wednesday 13 November [Halifax]

  Harriet Baxter, our new housemaid from Whitchurch, sent by Davis’s mother, arrived about 6 yesterday evening. My aunt does not like the look of her; large & grinning & up-shouldered and awkward. My aunt sick at the sight. I have only had a glimpse but think my aunt rather too hard upon her. She may turn out very well.

  Thursday 14 November [Halifax]

  George does not like to be both groom & footman – does not like to bring breakfast in.

  Saturday 16 November [Halifax]

  Letter from Isabella Norcliffe (Langton)… ‘The new Dean has already given great offence by not remaining there above one day & only staying ten minutes in the Minster. His great desire was to know everything about the fines & releases. I hear his health is so bad that he is obliged to reside ½ the year in Devonshire & that his wife is very high & mighty. He has 3 or 4 sons.’ So much for Dr Cockburn & his wife, the sister of Mr secretary Peel.

  Tuesday 19 November [Halifax]

  Shockingly late. Out at 7.55. Detained ten minutes or quarter hour giving Davis my dirty stays to be washed, taking the cotton wool out, etc. At 9, down the old bank to the vicarage to speak to Mr Knight about 1 of my uncle’s library tickets being so made over to my father that he might be allowed the use of it. Staid at the vicarage (found them all at breakfast) 12 minutes. Returned in ¼ hour & got home at 9.40. Always go into the stables both before & after my walk… At 11¼, off in the gig. Drove my aunt thro’ the town… then drove down to Messrs Jones & Ashforth’s in Horton
Street, to Mrs Taylor, the miniature painter. I agreed to go again in an hour to sit for a 2 guinea water colour sketch… Surprised at Mrs Taylor’s saying she thought I had no recollection of her. Certainly I had none, but soon remembered her when she told me she had been at school (Mrs Haigue’s & Mrs Chettle’s, Low Anne’s Gate) with me at Ripon… I was only just 7 the month before I went to Ripon… It seems I was a singular child & ‘singularly drest, but genteel looking, very quick & independent & quite above telling an untruth.’ Whistled very well. A great favourite with Mrs Chettle.

  Wednesday 20 November [Halifax]

  At 12.40, took George in the gig & drove to Mrs Taylor’s. Sat for my likeness perhaps 1¼ hour. Very well satisfied with the sketch. There is something so very characteristic in the figure. Paid for it, 2 guineas… Neither Mrs Rawson nor Catherine thought it a good likeness. Found great fault with the mouth &, at first, with almost every part of the whole thing.

  Thursday 21 November [Halifax]

  Before breakfast, out at 8¼. Down the old bank to Mr Stansfield Rawson’s. Breakfasted there… thence to the Saltmarshes’. Shewed them my picture. They did not like it at all. Thought it very silly looking. The mouth, a little open, was frightful. Not at all like me. What was meant to be mouth seemed like the tongue hanging out… Mr Stansfield Rawson… thought [it] a very strong but very unpleasant & disagreeable likeness… Went to Mrs Taylor… sat nearly an hour during which she closed the mouth, improved the picture exceedingly & made it an admirable likeness… Got home at 2.25. The likeness struck me as so strong I could not help laughing. My aunt came up & laughed too, agreeing that the likeness was capital. Ditto my uncle. We are all satisfied, let others say what they may. Settled with Davies about what she had to sew for me & set down what I spent this morning &, except cutting open my book, spent all the rest of the afternoon looking at my pictures, thinking how pleased Mary would be.

  Towards the end of November, Anne went to Langton Hall to pay a visit to the Norcliffes; the stay highlighted her disillusionment with them. She made it plain to Isabella that she had no plans to include her in a longterm domestic relationship and though they might carry on an intermittent sexual liaison, Isabella was to understand there would always be someone to whom Anne would be closer. This might or might not be M—, depending upon future developments. Anne also obtained medical advice whilst at Langton on the treatment of venereal disease.

  Sunday 24 November [Langton]

  Off from Northgate in the new mail at about 1½. Terribly stormy over Clayton Heights. Got to Leeds about a little before 4. Stopt there almost an hour. I sat by myself in the mail at the door of the Golden Cross. Opened the coach door & sat down, or squatted, in the bottom & made water, so that it ran out… Got into York at 7.40… the chaise took me up at 9¾ & I got out here, at Langton, at 12½.

  Monday 25 November [Langton]

  Better kiss last night than Tib has given me for long. Uncomfortable in dressing with Tib in bed. She taxed me with using a squirt, as she called it. I denied, but won’t use the syringe again, however gently, when she is in the room. Cut my finger with the broken handle of the foot-pot. Sad, careful, economical or stingy work. Dawdling & did not come down till ten & a half. Tib soon followed. A little bit of butter at breakfast, but saw it would not do to ask for more. Two saddish, old-made buns, & it will take some time to reconcile me. I shall be glad to get home again.

  Tuesday 26 November [Langton]

  Out with Isabella about planting laurel & spruce firs near the house… In the morning & evening talking about housekeeping. Mrs Norcliffe has twenty-one hundred a year. All her taxes, one hundred & fifty. Uses not quite three bushels of wheat, & nine & a half stones of all sorts of Shambles10 meat, per week. Veal, 7d. & beef & mutton, 5d. per lb.

  Wednesday 27 November [Langton]

  Walked around the garden & looked at the laurels & the newly planted shrubs… Isabella & I sat up talking in my room till 12.20. She takes much less wine now, for economy’s sake. Only four glasses a day… Told her how much she was improved. We talked about M—. She likes her as much as ever. Nothing can ever make her dislike her again. If she lived with me, Tib would come & see us &, tho’ M— slept with me, Tib would not dislike her.

  Tuesday 10 December [Langton]

  At 2¼, set off to Malton in the gig with Isabella & got back at 4. In passing, Isabella set me down at Dr Simpson’s & took me up as she returned. Consulted the doctor about my complaint & the consequent discharge. Said I had caught it from a married friend whose husband was a dissipated character. I had gone to the cabinet water-closet just after her. Mentioned the state she was in & my fears. Said I had taken cubebs & used a wash of corrosive sublimate & opium &, latterly, alum lotion. He would consider the case & wished me to call again tomorrow.

  Wednesday 11 December [Langton]

  John Exley, the groom, drove me to & from Malton. First set me down at Dr Simpson’s for ½ hour… He said… such habits of cleanliness like mine would have worn out whites, or even nature herself might have done it. The disease might be merely local but by continuing so long, it might be absorbed into the habit. He could give me a wash for the present & some pills, not intended for my present cure but merely to guard against any future inconvenience. With these pills, which will be mercurial, I am to avoid evening & the early morning air, & to take no acids. The water I wash with is to have the cold taken off. His prescription will be ready for me tomorrow. Said how old I was, that is, thirty-one, but that it was my family constitution to give up my ‘cousin’ early, & I should be glad to do it while I had strength of constitution to get over it & would, therefore, never take forcing medicines to bring it on again. He said I was right & that I should leave nature to herself… Gave the doctor a guinea. I liked Doctor Simpson’s manner of conversation & had deemed him a man of talent & shall adopt & follow his prescriptions implicitly… Burnett told me this morning that, tho’ we have soup every day, there are only six pounds a week of gravy beef, the shin bone included in this weight. Mrs Fisher is surprised at the smallness of the quantity, for there used to be three pounds a week merely for gravies.

  Saturday 14 December [Langton]

  I had a very good kiss last night. Tib had not a very good one… I have been perpetually in horrors for fear of infecting Tib. I wonder whether the discharge is at all venereal or not?

  Sunday 15 December [Langton]

  The following paragraph, apparently cut out from a news -paper, but without date or reference, has been lent me by Mrs Norcliffe. ‘Old maids. A sprightly writer expresses his opinion of old maids in the following manner: – I am inclined to believe that many of the satirical aspersions cast upon old maids tell more to their credit than is generally imagined. Is a woman remarkably neat in her person? “She will certainly die an old maid.” Is she particularly reserved towards the other sex? “She has the squeamishness of an old maid.” Is she frugal in her expenses & exact in her domestic concerns? “She is cut out for an old maid.” And, if she is kindly humane to the animals about her, nothing can save her from the appellation of an “old maid”. In short, I have always found that neatness, modesty, economy, & humanity, are the never-failing characteristics of that terrible creature, an “old maid”.’ Burnett brought into Mrs N—’s room, this morning, some black bombasine, a petticoat, she had had washed for her. It had not run up much, if at all. Had kept its colour. Looked very well. It had been washed with beast’s gall – a lather made of it by pouring it gently into the water & stirring it & thus making the lather with the hands all the while. Get the beast’s gall in a bladder! To have washed the bombasine with soap would have made it shrink & look white.

  Monday 16 December [Langton]

  Letter from my aunt (at Shibden), to bid me make no further inquiries about a housemaid. Things going on rather better in the kitchen at home, & resolved to go on as we do at present, at least till the winter is over. I am glad enough to have no more trouble & I shall care no more about it… At 3, went into the vi
llage & then, after taking a pencil sketch of Mrs Norcliffe’s entrance gate, past Etty’s to the turn up to Malton. Isabella asked me, on Saturday, to ask at Todd’s what would be the price of a translation of Pliny’s Natural History & Plato’s works. Musing on this as I walked along. Thought I myself would fit myself to translate Pliny & also that I would write an account of my acquaintance with M—, surely in a series of letters to a friend. Think of calling myself, ‘Constant Durer’, from the verb dure, to endure. In the evening, wrote the whole of this page. Mrs Norcliffe had just shewed a most excellent composition candle. Outside, wax. Inside, tallow. Wick waxed. Excellent light, very steady, from Brecknall & Turner, Tallow Chandlers, 6, Charles St., Covent Garden, London. 2/9d. per lb.

  Tuesday 17 December [York]

  Packing. Not down to breakfast till 11.50… Mrs Norcliffe had exprest [sic] her obligation for my going there & seemed as sorry to lose me as Tib did, who bore my going without the smallest pretence at a tear & this made me care little or nothing about it. However, I spent my time pleasantly enough at Langton. The Duffins glad to see me.

  Wednesday 18 December [York]

  In the evening, dressed & we all went to the Belcombes’, I in a chair, at 7½ & we got back at 12… Miss Bell Fenton & Miss Jane Smith met us in the evening. The latter a friend of Eli’s. Not popular in York. Thought rather forward. She is like a Bath-girl… had speaking black eyes & had plenty to say for herself. Towards the close of the evening I talked to her ½ hour. Rather agreeablized & I think she liked it. She prefers the society of gentlemen to that of ladies & would rather make a friend of the former. I could flirt with her if I liked. Miss Fenton would gladly attract Colonel Spearman. She is about forty. Large & fat & ready to marry almost anyone. She is fruit that would fall without shaking.