The Decision

by Wanda E. Brunstetter

  Elaine hoped that Grandma would respond properly, or better yet, just drop the subject. To her surprise, Grandma looked at the cashier with a sympathetic expression and said in a tone of sincerity, “I’m very sorry. I didn’t realize that.”

  “I’m sorry, too,” Elaine put in. “And I hope you’ll be better soon.”

  “Thank you.”

  After Elaine had paid for her purchases, she gathered up the packages, took hold of Grandma’s arm, and led her out the door. She was relieved that this shopping trip was over.

  CHAPTER 35

  I hope Elaine is at home,” Leah said to Priscilla as she guided her horse and buggy down the road the following day. It was another beautiful autumn morning, but there was a definite bite in the air—the kind of nip that warns of winter coming soon. “Maybe we should have called and left a message yesterday to let her know we were coming.”

  “Well, if she isn’t home, we can visit with Edna,” Priscilla responded. “I’m sure she would appreciate some company, too.”

  “I doubt that Elaine would leave her grandma at home unless someone is there with her.” Leah shivered as the cold air seeped into the buggy. “Let’s hope Edna knows who we are today. Sometimes when I’ve dropped by, Edna didn’t have a clue who I was. Elaine’s even mentioned that some days her grandma thinks she’s Elaine’s mother, Nancy.”

  “That’s so sad. Dementia is such a cruel disease for the person who has it, as well as for their family. I wish this had never happened and that Edna could be healthy again.”

  Leah shook the reins to get her horse moving faster. “I guess that won’t happen till she’s in heaven with Jesus. Only then will God’s children be completely healed of their diseases.”

  Elaine gathered up the living-room throw rugs and was on her way to take them outside when she smelled something burning. Oh no, not this again. Had Grandma decided to bake another pie or some cookies and left them in the oven?

  Elaine dropped the rugs on the floor and hurried to the kitchen. No sign of Grandma in there. She opened the oven door and was relieved to see that it was cold and nothing was inside.

  When she sniffed again, she suddenly realized that the odor she’d smelled was drifting down the hall. As she headed in that direction, it became clear that something in Grandma’s bedroom was burning.

  Alarmed, Elaine jerked the door open. When she stepped into the room, she gasped. Grandma stood near the ironing board, staring across the room with a faraway look, as though completely out of touch with what was going on. One of her dresses lay on the ironing board, with the iron resting on top of the bodice. Smoke from the burning material drifted in front of Grandma’s face, but she didn’t seem to notice.

  Elaine rushed over, snatched the iron up, and grimaced when she saw a nasty hole with the telltale signs of brown where the iron had scorched the material.

  “Oh, Grandma, just look at your dress!”

  No response. Grandma kept staring across the room.

  Elaine tried again, this time giving Grandma’s arm a little shake and hoping to get through to her. “What happened here? Didn’t you see that your dress was burning, or even smell the smoke?”

  Slowly, Grandma turned to look at Elaine and blinked her eyes several times, as though coming out of a daze. “I’ve been thinking about Lloyd and wondering if he fed the katze this morning.”

  Elaine groaned inwardly, placing the iron upright on the end of the ironing board. Today was starting off on a bad note. “Well, your frack is ruined now, and you should have asked me to iron it for you.” Annoyed, Elaine gestured to the hole. Sometimes she felt like she was dealing with a child instead of a seventy-five-year-old woman. But then, she had to remind herself that Grandma was ill and couldn’t help the things she said and did. “Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of a battle,” she’d heard Grandma say. Now it was Grandma’s turn. She was fighting the battle of dementia, and Elaine needed to be as kind as possible. She touched Grandma’s arm. “I’m not mad at you, Grandma. Just concerned. Next time you need to have something ironed, would you please ask me?”

  Grandma pointed at the hole in her dress. “What happened to that? It’s disgusting!”

  “You were ironing and must have forgotten to lift the iron from your dress.” Elaine talked calmly, trying to keep her patience and not upset Grandma.

  “Why would I do that?” Tears welled in Grandma’s eyes and dribbled down her wrinkled cheeks. “Lloyd won’t like this one little bit. He always liked it when I wore that dress.”

  Elaine made no comment. She picked up the dress, as well as the iron, and left the room. She would need to find a better place to store the iron so that Grandma couldn’t find it, because she couldn’t take the chance of her burning another dress—or worse yet, catching the house on fire. From now on, she would need to keep a closer watch on Grandma.

  Sara hummed to herself as she buttered a piece of toast for Mark. He’d already eaten breakfast, but around ten this morning he’d said he was hungry again, so some toast with peanut butter would get him by until she fixed their noon meal. It wouldn’t be a big lunch, however, because this evening Jonah would be coming to take them out for pizza. Sara looked forward to going. Not just for the taste of tangy pepperoni pizza, but because it was another opportunity to be with Jonah. The more time she spent with him, the more she found herself enjoying his company. And the more she got to know Jonah, the more he reminded her of Harley. Of course, he had been Harley’s friend, so they must have had some things in common. Something seemed to be happening between Sara and Jonah—something she hadn’t expected. Was it possible that after just a few short months of spending time together, she could be falling in love? Or could it be that she still missed Harley and being with Jonah filled a void in her life? And how did Jonah feel about her? Was he still in love with Elaine, or had he begun to see Sara in some other way than just Harley’s widow who needed a friend? She remembered her mother saying, “When God wants to bless you, He brings certain people into your life.” Sara certainly felt blessed to have Jonah in her life right now—even if it turned out that he was only a friend.

  Sara’s musings halted when Mark meandered into the room, asking for his toast. She lifted him into the high chair, placed the toast on his tray, and then filled his sippy cup with milk and gave him that, too.

  While Mark ate his snack, Sara busied herself at the sink, cutting vegetables for the soup they would have for lunch. She was glad Mark liked most kinds of soup and wasn’t a picky eater, like some children his age. That made it easier to prepare meals they could both enjoy.

  Once the veggies had been cut, Sara placed them in the kettle, added water and some beef broth, then set it on the stove to simmer. By the time the noon hour rolled around, it should be ready to eat.

  The clip-clop of horse hooves drew Sara’s attention to the window. She was pleased when Jean got out of the buggy, along with her three children. It had been a few weeks since they’d visited, and Sara was eager to find out what was new with her friend.

  When Jean and the children entered the house, Sara asked if they would like to have some toast. The children eagerly agreed, and after Sara fixed their snack, she and Jean sat at the table so they could visit.

  “Would you like a cup of peppermint tea?” Sara asked.

  Jean nodded. “That sounds nice.”

  “You’re welcome to have toast, too, if you like.”

  “No thanks. I had a big breakfast.”

  “Will you and the kinner stay and have lunch with us?” Sara motioned to the stove, where her soup simmered in the pot. “I have more than enough soup for all of us.”

  “That sounds good, but not today. We were on our way to town to do some shopping, and I decided to stop in here first and see how you’re doing. Maybe you and Mark can come over to our place soon, so he can play with our new beagle pup, Chubby.” Jean smiled. “That little beagle loves to play with the kinner, and he seems to be full of
boundless energy. I don’t know who gets played out first, Chubby or Rebecca and Stephen, but they sure do have a good time together.”

  “Mark likes puppies, too. I’ve even thought about getting him one but haven’t done it yet, since training a pup and taking care of its needs requires a lot of work.”

  “That’s true,” Jean agreed. “But I think it’s worth all the trouble. Chubby is just the right size for our kinner, too. He’s a miniature beagle and won’t grow to be a whole lot bigger than he is right now.” Jean’s expression turned serious. “I’ve been meaning to ask. Have you had any more dizzy spells or other unusual symptoms lately?”

  Sara hated to admit it, but she told Jean how, just last night, when she was heading upstairs to get ready for bed, she’d had trouble making her left leg work.

  “That does not sound good. Now, when are you going to see the doctor about this, Sara?” Jean released her breath in a huff. “You could be dealing with something serious, and if that’s the case, then you need to know what it is so you can handle it.”

  Sara nodded, and as she looked up at Jean, a lump formed in her throat, making it difficult to swallow. “You’re right. Tomorrow morning I’ll call the doctor’s office and make an appointment.”

  Jean placed her hand on Sara’s arm. “Promise?”

  “Jah. I won’t forget.” Sara sat quietly for several seconds; then, gathering up her courage, she decided to ask a question that had been on her mind for some time. “I know that Jonah isn’t seeing Elaine anymore, but I was wondering if you know the reason.”

  Looking a bit uncomfortable, Jean quietly said, “Elaine told Jonah that she doesn’t love him and never did. He didn’t admit that to me at first, but several weeks after they broke up, I questioned him about it, and he told me what Elaine had said.”

  “I see. Danki for sharing that with me.” Now that Sara knew the truth about why Elaine and Jonah had broken up, she felt a little more hopeful that there might be a possibility of her and Jonah developing a serious relationship. But she couldn’t understand how Elaine, after being courted by Jonah for nearly a year, could not have fallen in love with him.

  When Elaine stepped onto the porch to shake out a few more throw rugs, she spotted Leah and Priscilla riding in on their bikes. She knew without asking why they were here. No doubt they wanted to talk to her about what had happened yesterday. Elaine wished she hadn’t overheard their conversation, and more than that, she still wished one or both of them had told her about Jonah and Sara. She guessed it was better hearing it that way than if she’d seen Jonah with Sara in town or noticed them leaving together after church.

  “Wie geht’s?” Leah asked after she and Priscilla parked their bikes and joined Elaine on the porch.

  “I’m doing okay, but Grandma isn’t.” Elaine went on to explain how Grandma had burned a hole in her dress.

  “That’s baremlich,” Priscilla said. “I’ll bet it really upset her.”

  Elaine shook her head. “Not really. I was the one who was upset. Grandma seemed more concerned about how Grandpa would respond, saying she’d ruined his favorite dress.”

  “Sounds like she’s getting worse.”

  Elaine nodded, her shoulders sagging from the weight of the day. “When we went to the kitchen for coffee awhile ago, Grandma pointed to the coffeepot and called it a ‘putalator.’ I was about to correct her when she squinted and pointed again, saying this time that it was a ‘purfalatore.’ I can’t stand to see her like this. I’ve done everything I know to do, but it’s just not enough, and I feel like I’m at the end of my…” A slight sigh punctuated her unfinished sentence, and she let her head fall forward into her hands.

  “I’m sorry, Elaine; I know how difficult this is for you, but remember that when you’ve done all you can, God will do what you can’t.” Leah touched Elaine’s shoulder gently. “Priscilla and I came over here today, not just to check on you and Edna, but to say how sorry we are for not telling you about Sara and Jonah. You were right to be upset when you heard us talking at the store.”

  “That’s right, and we hope you’ll find it in your heart to forgive us,” Priscilla put in.

  Elaine had to move past her feelings of betrayal and had already come to realize that she’d overreacted. Priscilla and Leah were her best friends, and she wanted to keep it that way. “I accept your apology,” she said sincerely. “I’m sorry, too, for responding in such a negative way. It was just such a shock to hear it like that. But to be truthful, I would have been stunned no matter how I found out.”

  Leah and Priscilla slipped their arms around Elaine’s waist, and they shared a group hug. Then, at Elaine’s suggestion, they all took a seat on the porch.

  “It concerns me,” Elaine said slowly, “that at the rate Grandma’s memory is failing, any day now she could completely forget me, her sister, or her two brothers and never remember any of us again.”

  “Say, here’s a thought,” Leah spoke up. “Why don’t you invite your Grandma’s relatives here for a get-together? It will give them all the chance to spend time with her now, before her memory is completely gone.”

  “That’s a good idea.” Elaine nodded. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of that myself. Grandma’s birthday is in three weeks, so maybe I could plan a party in her honor and invite her sister and brothers, as well as any of their families who might be able to come. Hopefully it will be a good day for everyone—especially Grandma.”

  CHAPTER 36

  Oblivious to the scenery as they went down the road, Sara stared blindly out the window of her driver’s van, struggling not to cry. She’d just come from seeing the doctor, and the news wasn’t good. It was so dreadful she could hardly believe it. After a series of tests she’d been given the week before and based on her symptoms, the doctor had determined that Sara had multiple sclerosis. She should have gone to see the doctor much sooner. No wonder she’d been having such unusual symptoms.

  The doctor had explained that Sara’s blurred vision, extreme fatigue, loss of balance, numbness, tingling, and weakness in her arms and legs were all symptoms of the disease. He’d also told Sara that MS was a complex illness, and it could affect people differently. A person with MS might have a single symptom and then go for months, or even years, without any other indications of the disease. For some people, however, their symptoms could be varied and become worse within months or even weeks.

  For Sara, the worst part of learning all of this was in knowing that there was no cure for MS. Some medications had been developed that helped control symptoms, but all of them had side effects. Sara didn’t want that. The disease alone was enough to cope with. She thought she might be better off trying a more natural approach, which would include getting plenty of rest, exercising regularly, eating a healthy, well-balanced diet, finding ways to relax, and keeping herself as cool as possible, since the symptoms of MS often worsened when a person’s body temperature increased.

  The worst thing Sara’s doctor had told her was that some MS patients’ symptoms got so bad they eventually ended up in a wheelchair. Of course, some people with the disease never reached that point, but Sara couldn’t help worrying that she would be severely disabled. If she decided to stay in Arthur, her barn could be rebuilt. While the fire was an unfortunate event, her MS diagnosis was far worse. Unlike a barn that could be built again, there was nothing that would cure her body. It seemed like any chance of hope and happiness was out of Sara’s reach.

  As the scenery rolled by, Sara thought of the night Jonah had taken her and Mark out for pizza. It had turned out to be a wonderful, relaxing evening. She’d felt pretty good that entire day, almost normal, and for that she’d been thankful. It was one of those rare times lately when she hardly knew she had any health issues at all. Mark had enjoyed himself, too, especially when Jonah surprised him with a wooden horse he had carved. Ever since then, Mark wouldn’t let that toy out of his sight.

  After their meal, Jonah had brought them home, and he and Sara had
visited awhile. When it was time for Mark to go to bed, he wanted Jonah to tuck him in. Smiling, Sara remembered how she’d stood in the doorway watching and how the scene had tugged at her heart. Harley would never be able to do these simple little acts of love for their son. But Sara was glad Jonah was there and had taken such a liking to Mark. Watching the two of them together, she’d felt something that, until that moment, had been buried for too long. She felt hope.

  Dared she even dream of living a normal life now that she’d been diagnosed with MS? There were so many things Sara wanted to do. She had yet to go through the barn to see what items could be salvaged, and several projects around the house needed work, too.

  Her eyes brimmed with tears, and Sara tried to hold them back. What if I’m one of those people who will become hampered by my symptoms? I won’t be able to take care of Mark if I end up in a wheelchair. Should I move back home with my folks, so they can help me raise my boy? That would be the sensible thing to do, but I need to pray about this before I make a decision.

  “Have you seen my aageglesser?” Grandma asked, shuffling into the living room where Elaine was dusting.

  “No, I haven’t, Grandma. You usually put your glasses on top of your dresser when you’re not wearing them. Have you looked there?”

  Grandma gritted her teeth while twisting the end of her apron. “Of course I looked there. Do I look dumm?”

  “Of course you’re not dumb. I just thought—”

  “Never mind. I’ll just have to keep looking.” Grandma turned and plodded out of the room, but not before Elaine heard her mumble, “She’s always hiding my things.”

  It was then that Elaine noticed Grandma was wearing two different shoes. On her left foot, she wore one of her black dress shoes. On Grandma’s right foot was a navy blue clog that she wore when she worked in the garden. Elaine debated about whether to say anything or just let it go. She decided on the latter for now but would make sure Grandma wore her dress shoes for her birthday party tonight.