Keep Her

by Faith Andrews

  It was the best way to start our new beginning.

  “My boyfriend and my brother? Wow! You get around. Just like your whore of a brother. Guess that makes you quite the slut, yourself.” Her words dripped with pure hatred and disdain.

  “You have no idea what you’re talking about, Marissa.” It was unnerving being cornered and attacked this way. I feared she might do something stupid out of rage and jealousy. But the only thing that kept me calm was that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I shouldn’t have to defend myself. I wasn’t a whore. But the idea that she thought that—that she might put the idea in Beck or Griffin’s head—“Just leave me alone. This has nothing to do with you.” I tried to stand my ground, but the way my body quaked gave me away.

  Stalking closer and pointing a threatening finger in my face, she barked, “It has everything to do with me, you bitch! Griffin and I… My brother deserves better than you. Stay the fuck away from him! And just to make things clear… Beck. Is. Mine. He loves me. You’re nothing to him.” Her words stung. I didn’t know much about Griffin’s past—I guess I hadn’t really given him enough time to tell me. But it didn’t matter anymore. I would never get to know him better. I was with him for all the wrong reasons. I needed a distraction from the man I really wanted. And that man was no longer in love with this evil witch before me.

  It was time to tell this bitch how things would go down. I wasn’t a coward. She was no one to me. No one to him now. “You’re wrong, Marissa. He doesn’t love you anymore. He wants me. He loves me.”

  Wrong move. Her face became the mottled crimson of a blood orange, her eyes popping out of their sockets. “You motherfucking whore!” she shouted, lunging at me with her claws ready to dig into my skin.

  I backed up, shielding my face with my arms, knowing I had nowhere to hide. “Please! Stop! Don’t hurt me!”

  “Riles? Riley! Wake up!” Beck’s voice and his strong grip on my arms woke me from my nightmare.

  When I opened my eyes, I realized my arms were still in front of my face, my heart was thumping so rapidly I could taste it in my throat, and my skin was damp from my dream-induced sweat. “Oh my god. How embarrassing.” I finally spoke, panting and coming back down to reality. “I must’ve been dreaming.”

  Swiping away the hairs that stuck to my forehead, Beck studied my face with a worried expression. “That was some dream, sweet thing. You sure you’re okay?”

  “I’ll be fine.” There was no reason to overanalyze it. Marissa wasn’t a psycho, Griffin and I hadn’t been together long, and everyone else would understand—when the time was right.

  “I’ll make you some coffee. Stay put.” Beck covered me with the blanket that I’d kicked off in my slumber-scuffle and stood from the bed to go downstairs.

  Before he could take a step further, I grabbed his hand to stop him. “No. Really. I’m good. Just come back to bed. I’m not ready to get up yet.” Stupid dream behind me, it was time I started enjoying this for what it finally was. I hadn’t slept in—with a handsome man in my arms—in a very long time.

  “I wouldn’t mind staying in bed all damn day if that’s what you have in mind.”

  It was a wonderful plan, but I did have work to do. And some explaining to do to poor Griffin.

  After Marissa left his apartment last night, I’d made up an excuse to cut our night short. Looking at the clock now, I realized I should call him to let him know I was okay. That would of course be after I told him that I couldn’t see him anymore. I wasn’t about to fill him in on every detail of my dating life—especially not the who part—but I did owe him honesty. He deserved to know I was seeing someone else. And Griffin wasn’t the only one who deserved an explanation. I wanted to tell Beck about Griffin before he heard it through the grapevine.

  “Sure you’re okay?” Beck leaned against the headboard, appraising my distractedness.

  Already I felt like I was starting this off on the wrong foot. I didn’t want to be dishonest about anything. Keeping things from each other this early on was not the most stellar way to build a trusting foundation for our future. And if I knew one thing after this whole hot mess, it was that I wanted a future with Beck. A strong, solid, long lasting one.

  I owed him some truth.

  “It’s not the dream. B, I need to tell you something.” I inched up so our bodies were level with one another, pulling the blanket higher for some form of comfort and protection.

  “Anything,” he said in the sweetest, most understanding way possible. Perfect. Just perfect.

  “I was seeing someone else while we were apart. I just thought you should know before we started this and you found out and it looked like I was hiding it from you. If we’re going to do this right, I want to make sure that—”

  Shaking his head, he interrupted me before letting me get to the good part. “I’m not an idiot, Riles. Well, actually I am a pretty big jerk for letting you go in the first place, but that’s not what I mean. You are one of a kind and you deserve only the best. I didn’t expect you to sit around and mope over me—I also didn’t expect you to just date the next bozo that came around, either—but I get it and it’s okay. I can’t judge you for what you did or who you spent your time with when we weren’t together. It’s none of my business and you owe me no explanation. But, from this moment on… clean slate, fresh start, balls to the wall.”

  All worry vanished for a fleeting second and I smirked, unable to suppress a giggle from his comment. “Balls to the wall? What the hell does that have to do with it?”

  “I don’t know,” he shrugged adorably. “Just sounded right.”

  “In some strange way, it’s true. This all just sounds so right.” I didn’t want to get all mushy and girly on him, but I wanted him to know I was serious about us. I didn’t want to press the Griffin issue because he’d managed to change the subject, but was that omitting a truth? Wasn’t that the same as lying?

  “Wanna know what else is right?” he asked, nudging me in the stomach with his elbow.

  “What?” I mused, looking into his eyes and forgetting all about the things weighing heavy on my mind.

  He stripped the blanket off of us, stood up on the mattress, and started dancing. “Breaking out in song! And this one’s just for you since I’m bringing sexy Beck.”

  I busted out laughing so hard I thought I might pee in his bed and ruin the sheets. He stood there doing a little strip tease while singing the lyrics to Sexy Back, causing tears to burst from my eyes.

  “Dirty babe. You see these shackles, baby, I’m your slave. I’ll let you whip me if I misbehave. It’s just that no one makes me feel this way… Take ‘em to the chorus!”

  “Beck, you’re killing me,” I managed to get out between snorts and giggles. “Come back down here.”

  He curled his finger, gesturing for me to join him in his dance and continued serenading me so much better than JT ever could. “Come here girl. Go ahead, be gone with it. Come to the Beck. Go ahead, be gone with it…”

  As if of their own accord, my legs made the decision for me. I jumped up to dance and Beck grabbed my hands, swaying me around as if we were on a dance floor and not a queen-sized pillow-top mattress. “I’m so glad you showed up and brought my sexy back.”

  “Yeah, well, those other boys don’t know how to act.”

  Tilting his head and rewarding me with a soft peck, he arched a brow. “I’m glad we’ve moved from Cabaret to this, but I don’t even like that dude, Riles. Can’t we paraphrase Zeppelin or The Who?”

  “Who?” I exaggerated, as if I was clueless.

  “The Who. You know, Baba O’Riley, Won’t Get Fooled Again.”

  “I know who The Who is, B. But I’m dating a younger man, not an old fart. You should be hip to Justin and Drake and Usher.”

  Pulling me closer to him and nuzzling his scruffy face in the crook of my neck, he laughed against my skin. “My little hip-hop lovin’ freak. I learn something new about you every day.”

  There were a l
ot of things he didn’t know about me. A lot I wanted to tell him, so much I didn’t. But I was getting ahead of myself. I needed to be present in our moment. I owed it to myself—to Beck—to enjoy this and worry about the rest later.

  “Do you have plans today?” I asked, hoping he didn’t have to pull a three day shift or something like that. I knew little about his schedule, except that it was erratic. There would be times he’d be off for weeks and then others when he’d probably be MIA for a while. I hoped we could spend some time together, getting reacquainted and reconnected.

  “As a matter of fact I do,” he said pointedly.

  I couldn’t help hide my disappointment. I was very comfortable wrapped in his arms, dancing like a fool in nothing but one of his oversized T-shirts. “Really?”

  “Yup. With you.” He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. “I let you go once and I’m not letting it happen again.”

  “B, that sounds like the fairytale I’ve always wanted, but unfortunately this is reality.”

  “Not in this room it ain’t. When you’re in here…” he crooned, guiding me back down to our still-warm pillows. “… it’s all about the fantasies, baby. And I plan on living them out all damn day.”

  There was this saying I’d heard a couple of times that popped into my head as I stared into Beck’s hungry dark eyes. I still believe in fairytales, they’re just a little dirtier now. I loved the idea of living out my knight-in-shining-armor, white-picket fence, picture-perfect fantasies with Beck—I wanted to make them a reality.

  After living out quite a few fantasies, napping while spooning, and snacking on the only unexpired thing in his cupboard—peanut butter and jelly—I convinced Beck to release me as his sex prisoner. I wanted to go home, take a shower and change into my own clothes. I felt grimy from all our… reacquainting… and I wanted to look nice for my man.

  We made plans to head into Hoboken and had reservations at one of my favorite Cuban restaurants. Not only was their sangria the best in town, but we also picked the spot to be discreet. Marcus and Tessa rarely had the opportunity for fine-dining since they had Luca to take care of, but Beck and I decided that keeping things on the DL for a little longer wasn’t the most terrible idea.

  As I got in my car and plugged my cell phone into the car charger, I felt a pang of guilt over Griffin. It was mid-afternoon and I still hadn’t called him. He was probably worried or annoyed and I really didn’t want there to be any hard feelings between us. Aside from having fun together, we’d formed a friendship that I hoped would remain plutonic. Especially since he’d hired me to work on his studio.

  Turning at the green light, I slid my sunglasses from the top of my head to shield my eyes from the sun, and decided to give him a call.

  “Get it over with before you make it worse,” I told myself. I couldn’t just ignore the last few weeks and pretend he didn’t exist. That would be the most immature thing I could do. And Griffin was far from immature. From what I’d seen he was a secure and confident man. He didn’t need to play games, and he certainly didn’t seem like the type to stand for them either. Having knowledge of what it was like to be on the shit end of the game-playing stick, I struck up the nerve to speak the truth as his phone continued to ring.

  Just as I thought his voicemail would pick up, and wondered if I should punk out and let him down in a message, his gruff, sexy voice filled my car on the Bluetooth. “Thank God, you’re alive!” He was clearly being sarcastic, probably ticked off that I’d taken so long to give him a call.

  For whatever reason, Griffin’s opinion of me mattered. He was a good person, someone I liked having around; if not on a romantic level, at least as someone I could call a friend. I didn’t want him to be irritated with me, so I started off with an apology. “Yes, I’m alive and I’m so sorry I didn’t call sooner, but I was… tied up.” The simple phrase could be interpreted in many ways. It was his choice to decipher it before I explained myself.

  He cleared his throat and spoke in a sultry voice. “That’s quite a vision you’re painting for me, Riley. I would have liked to see it for myself.”

  That was the one scenario I’d hoped he didn’t envision. “Listen, Griffin.”

  “Uh, oh. I’ve been on the other end of those words in that tone before. What’s up?” Poor Griffin. I should have known not to get involved with such a perfect person so soon after Beck. I always had the hope we’d find our way back to each other so maybe I was a bitch for agreeing to spend time with Griffin. Was I that girl? God, I was that girl!

  “Griffin, I hate to be that girl and I hope you understand, but…” Why was this so hard? I didn’t owe him anything. We’d barely kissed. It wasn’t like I’d led him on. These things happened all the time. Right? “I really think you’re a great guy. Like really great, but I just… I shouldn’t have gotten involved with you in the first place. You see, there’s someone else and I thought… it doesn’t matter, really. I’ll spare you the details and just let you know that I can’t go out with you again. I want to give it a shot with this guy and it wouldn’t be fair… to either of you… to continue whatever it is you and I started. I had a lot of fun with you and I would still love to work for you, that’s if you’ll still have me, and even though this sounds like a shitty cliché-like thing to say, I would really like to stay friends.”

  The line fell silent for a few seconds and I worried that I’d gone through a bad area and dropped the call. I really didn’t want to have to say that all over again. My body was a little shaky from getting it out the first time. I was thankful I didn’t live too far from Beck’s—driving while preoccupied and jittery wasn’t exactly safe.

  Unable to stand the silence any longer I blurted out, “Hello? Griffin? Did I lose you?”

  “I’m here. I’m just… well, this blows.” He finally admitted, huffing. “I like you a lot, Riley. You’re a very unique woman and I wanted to get to know you better, but… I understand and it was very noble of you to come out and just say it. So, thank you.”

  “You’re welcome?” It came out as a question because, really, was this guy serious? Thanking me for breaking up with him out of the blue.

  Chuckling, the musical rasp in his voice spread a comforting warmth through my nerve-chilled body. “Don’t sound so surprised, Riley. What did you think I was going to do? Demand you to continue dating me? Give you a hard time for being honest? You’re a sweetheart, and I’m sorry we can’t be more because I really dig you, but… I’d love to remain friends. There’s no reason we can’t be. Unless of course your boyfriend is jealous of the older, rugged, artsy gentleman type?”

  I laughed, relieved by his cool response. “Oh, Griffin, you are one perfect gentleman, for sure. I’m happy we met on the beach that day.”

  “Me too. Let’s just say it’s your loss, babe.”

  “Hey!” I shrieked.

  His booming laugh filled my car before his words made me sigh. “He’s one lucky guy, Riley. I can’t help feeling like a sore loser.”

  “There are no winners or losers, Griffin. It just… is what it is.”

  “I guess so and thank you for being honest with me. I’ll just have to take what I can get.”

  A bit mournful over the premature ending to whatever it was we’d yet to even start, I tried to hide my melancholy over the situation. I couldn’t have my cake and eat it too. And I wasn’t about to date two men at the same time just to figure out who was the right fit. Besides, I already knew who I wanted to be with. My feelings for Beck were so much stronger than the tiny bit of regret I felt ending things with Griffin. It was time to make this professional and amicable with just the right amount of sincerity. “Now you’re making it like it’s goodbye. It’s definitely not goodbye… we’ll need to meet up in a week or two to go over all the ideas I have for that impressive studio.”

  “I look forward to that. And Riley?”

  “Yes?”

  “You’re one special lady. Don’t ever forget that.”

  “
Thank you, I won’t.” I hesitated for a second before saying what had to come next. “Bye, Griffin.”

  “Bye. Call me to set up our appointment.”

  “Okay. Have a good one.”

  “You too, love. Ciao.”

  He hung up the phone just as I turned into my driveway. I put the car in park and rested my head against the seat. That totally sucked. I hated doing things like that. I shouldn’t feel any remorse—I was ending things with Griffin to start things with a man I was pretty sure I was falling in love with.

  As I let it all sink in—getting back with Beck, letting go of Griffin—I smiled, knowing this was what my mother meant when she told me to live. Part of living was losing. Part of living was loving. I’d done my fair share of the first, I intended to spend the rest of my meager life doing the latter.

  Riley and I had hit the three month mark. Three months since our first time together—a drunken night of what we thought was a mistake and turned into the best decision of my life. Three months of sneaking around—even keeping the wool over Tessa’s eyes since getting back together—and enjoying the thrill of it all the while. Three months of taking things slow—learning new things about each other, enjoying making sweet love and fucking like animals, and just doing what any normal couple did in the beginning of a relationship. Three months of holding in how much I loved this girl—that part was unbearable. I only held off because I wanted the timing to be perfect. But now I was at the point where I couldn’t wait one more day to express how deeply I’d fallen in love with Riley Grayson.

  Up until this moment, I couldn’t have asked for more. We spent as much time together as we could without letting anyone now how serious things were becoming. Other than Fallon, who was actually becoming a good friend to me as well, we’d made a fun game of keeping everyone out of the know. Tessa and Marcus were so wrapped up in themselves and Luca turning one that they didn’t even notice we’d spent less time with them and more time on our own. Together.