Keep Her

by Faith Andrews

  I tried not to pry into Tessa and Riley’s friendship. It was their own special connection, much like the bromance they all joked I had with Marcus. But even though we’d decided to keep things discreet, I was pretty sure Riley was feeding Tessa some gossipy version of us fooling around. I was certain, though, that it was impossible for Tessa to know Marcus was no longer the only Grayson sibling planning a future with someone special.

  Riley and I had our own plans. And we talked about them often. Once this damn birthday party was over and Marcus and Tessa were moved into their brand new surprise-this-is-our-new-home present he’d bought for Tessa and Luca, we’d come out as a couple. Then everyone would just have to deal. It was none of their business anyway. If Riley could accept her best friend and her baby brother shacking up and starting a new life together as a family, then Marcus would have to give his blessing to his best friend and his big sister.

  “So what time do you have to be there tonight?” I asked, curling a strand of her hair that she’d grown a bit longer since the summer. I liked it. There was more to grab during sex. And just like that I was hard again and ready for another Saturday afternoon quickie.

  “Whoa, partner. Tame the beast.” She wedged a pillow between my package and her ass. “I have to get back to my place to take care of a few things and then head over to Tessa’s. They’re going to an early dinner and then he’s bringing her by the new house. Oh, and he’s showing her the motorcycle today too.”

  First the new house and then the Harley—Marcus was making all kinds of outlandish purchases these days. “Dude’s losing his mind. He’s too young for a mid-life crisis, so he must be booking those underwear gigs left and right. Making big bucks.”

  She laughed at the way I swayed my hips and snapped my waistband at the mention of her brother’s underwear. “Or maybe he’s just happy. He’s finally settled down and doing the right thing. I’m happy for him. For all of them. It’s about time someone got a happy ending around here.”

  My eyes went wide and I snorted, trying to hold in my laughter. “Yeah, you’re right. I could totally use a happy ending, sweet thing. What’s say we get started right now?” I inched my hand down my stomach seductively and grabbed my junk, jiggling the overflowing (yup—perfect adjective) handful.

  “God, B. Always about the pecker.” She ignored the suggestive stroking motion I made with my fist, and started to get up from the bed. I yanked her around the waist and pulled her back down to me.

  “I was kidding about the pecker’s happy ending, Riles. You left yourself wide open for that one.” I kissed her on the cheek, sniffing in her sweet, ruffled after-sex aroma. “Marcus and Tessa aren’t the only ones who’ll get their happy ending. I promise.” I should’ve just come out with it right then and there. I love you, Riley. And we’re going to spend the rest of our lives together. We’ll get our happy ending—the one you want (and me too—wink wink). I haven’t been able to think of anything other than our future since you came back to me.

  Sounded easy enough—maybe not poetic, but it was the truth. So why was I keeping those three words to myself when she deserved more than anyone to hear them? One reason was that we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. While there was nothing wrong with that, I had a method to my madness. My rotations at work were so wonky lately, I didn’t know whether I was coming or going most of the time. And when I wasn’t working Riley was busy with her ever-growing client list or off at the latest convention. So when we were together—you bet your ass we were all over each other. I didn’t want to blurt out those words during sex. The first time I told her I loved her I wanted us to be fully clothed, completely sober, and not groggy from another sleepless night of screwing. She needed to know those words were not just the result of a mind-blowing fuck.

  And then there was this teensy ounce of doubt I had. Could it be I was afraid she didn’t feel the same? I thought she did. The signs were all there. Besides, she was the one who got all mopey-eyed and envious when she mentioned Marcus and Tessa getting their silver lining. There was no denying she was waiting for me to make the right move—she didn’t want to go first and I respected her for that. She was a stubborn little firecracker, but I owed her the honor of confessing my love before she did. It was the proper order of things. Guy meets girl, guy falls for girl, guy tells girl how much he loves her. Of course our meeting had taken place years before I could even spell half that shit, but whatever—our history didn’t matter. What mattered was what came next. And the beginning to our “next” would happen tonight when I surprised her at Tessa’s.

  “Okay, I really have to go now. It’s getting late.” She stretched and sat upright, then leaned down to leave me with a soft kiss. “You sure you can’t babysit Luca with me tonight? We can pretend we’re like teenagers. I’ll sneak you in through the back door after Luca falls asleep and you can sneak back out before Tessa gets home.”

  That’s exactly what I had planned, but she didn’t need to know that. “I wish, babe. But I promised Ramos I’d help him with the last of the baby’s nursery. Angel’s about to pop any second. If I put him off any longer he’ll have my balls.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I would help Ramos put together a few pieces of furniture for his little rugrat and then I’d make my way over to tell my girl I loved her.

  “Fine,” she huffed, rolling her eyes. “But I’m coming over right after, so keep your phone handy so I can text you when I’m done there. Okay?”

  “Sounds perfect, doll.” I slapped her on the ass, and watched as she shook her head and walked out of my bedroom.

  “Want me to walk you out?” I yelled out to her, realizing it might be nice for me to see her to the door like a gentleman.

  “Nope. I’m good,” she answered from the living room. “I’ll see you in that exact same spot in about eight hours. Make sure Pecker’s ready.”

  “He’s always ready for you.” I tucked my hands under my head, even though they itched to stroke out the throbbing ache Riley left me with at the mention of my pecker. God, would this ever get old? I doubted it.

  “Shit, man! Keeping you from something? Look at your phone one more time and I’m gonna shove it up your—”

  “Victor, watch it. You have to start curbing that mouth of yours once the baby gets here.”

  Angel was rubbing her massive bump, overseeing our efforts to put together the crib.

  I nodded in her direction and gave her a wink. “Tell him, Mamacita. Kid’s first word’s gonna be pretty colorful with this dude’s repertoire.”

  She leaned down and biffed her husband on the head. “Not if I have anything to do with it. You guys want anything from the kitchen? I want more ice cream—did you pick up that hot sauce I asked you to get, Vic?”

  “Yup. Middle shelf.”

  Angel waddled out of the soon-to-be baby’s room and I eyed Ramos suspiciously. “What does hot sauce have to do with ice cream?”

  He shook his head with his mouth agape. “Don’t even ask. You’re worried about my kid’s mouth? I’m worried about its poor stomach. She’s been eating such spicy shit the kid’s gonna come out with a sombrero and an ulcer, God forbid.” He made the sign of the cross and just as I was about to ask him if he was warding off the ridiculous hat or the latter, my cell phone buzzed.

  “What the hell?”

  “What’s wrong?” he asked, taking note of my disappointment.

  “It’s Marissa. I haven’t heard from her in over a month. I don’t really want to answer it.”

  “So don’t.” He had a point. I didn’t have to. And I wasn’t about to let her ruin what I had planned for Riley tonight.

  “Fuck! Of all nights.” I tossed the phone to the side and got back to tightening a screw with an Allen wrench.

  “Why? Is there ever a good night to hear from your ex?”

  “I’m telling Riley I love her tonight. And then I want to tell Marcus about us tomorrow. It’s time we cut the shit and stop worrying about everyone else. I’m not ashamed and I’m
tired of worrying what people will think. We’ve kept it to ourselves long enough. But once I tell her how I feel—shit! I want the world to know.” Ramos was the perfect guy to have this conversation with. Any other guy in the firehouse would’ve laughed his ass off at how pussy-whipped I sounded—again. Marissa was the first girl to wear that crown, but with Riley it was different. I didn’t give a shit what they said. As long as I was being pussy-whipped by Riley—bring on the leather belt!

  “Good for you, bro. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thank you. She’s the real deal, Ramos. I thought I had it all figured out with Marissa, but this—there is not one single thing lacking. Not one doubt. She’s it. I know it.”

  My phone buzzed again, vibrating against the oak floors. “Then you better tell that one to leave you alone. There’s no reason to keep in touch if you’re not friends.”

  “We’re not, but—”

  “Dude, answer that shit.”

  I crawled over to the phone and scowled at the screen. It was her again. I had to answer.

  “Hello?”

  “Beck? Oh my god, Beck. I need you.” She sobbed in between words, bellowing out moans and blowing her nose. “Please come here. My life is falling apart. I failed the goddamn bar, Beck. I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do now. I need you,” she begged.

  I looked at Ramos, who had to have heard her through the phone. He shook his head, disapprovingly. “Don’t do it, dude.” He mouthed.

  He was right. It was a disaster waiting to happen. It was a kink in my plans. But leaving her feeling this way was a dick thing to do. “I can stop by for a few minutes. Just to make sure you’re okay. But I can’t stay, Marissa. You know that, right?”

  “Yes. Please. Just come. I need you. Everything’s… falling… apart.”

  “Calm down and hang tight.” I ended the call and ignored the hole Ramos was burning into me with his critical stare as I searched the contacts in my phone and pressed send.

  The phone rang twice and his deep, gruff voice sounded annoyed when he picked up. “Beck? What do you—?”

  “Griffin, hey buddy. Listen, Marissa just called. She sounds like—I don’t know. I’m worried. I promised her I’d go there to make sure she’s okay, but… I don’t want to give her the wrong impression. Can I swing by and pick you up on the way? You free?”

  “What the hell’s going on? I just spoke to her earlier this week. She’s been a little screwed up since you two split, but she seemed fine.” I could tell he was worried. He was a good older brother. He cared a lot about Marissa, even though she wasn’t his full-blooded sibling.

  “She failed the bar. She sounded… desperate.”

  “Shit! I’ll meet you there in twenty.”

  We hung up and I jetted out of Ramos and Angel’s, waving goodbye and slamming the door behind me. My whole night was officially fucked.

  “You called my brother, Beck? You called my brother? Are you that scared to be alone with me? What? Does your new girl have some kind of golden whoo-ha or something? I can’t believe you called my brother.”

  Her eyes were red and swollen from crying. Her hair greasy and unruly, her clothing wrinkled and mismatched. She was always a beautiful girl—still was, even if she was a mess. But something just wasn’t right about all this. Becoming a lawyer was her life, so failing the bar definitely had to have rocked her, but there was something more. Something about the irrational look in her eye as she watched my mental exchange with Griffin.

  “You can take it again, Rissy. Why are you so worked up? Why didn’t you call me, or Dad? We would have been here in a second.”

  She flopped onto the couch, turning off the Pandora channel. She’d been listening to the Mumford & Sons station—I’d always told her they were too damn depressing. “My whole life is falling apart. Everything is just… gone.” She held her head in her hands, her shoulders jutting up and down as the sobs wracked her body.

  I’d never seen her so out of control. This was so uncharacteristic of the strong, confident, career-hungry woman I used to call my girlfriend. Unable to make sense of it all, I stood, stunned-still, behind the couch.

  Griffin took the initiative and sat next to her, wrapping an arm around her small frame. “Rissy, stop this. Nothing’s falling apart. You’re just upset. This too shall pass, remember?”

  Marissa took a long, deep, shaky breath, and let her hands fall from her face. She swiveled around to face me and zeroed in on my eyes. Her lip quivered and her tears flowed freely. “Why did you leave me, Beck? I thought we’d work things out. I never imagined it would be over for good. I can change. Maybe I’m not cut out to be a hard-assed lawyer after all. I can’t even pass the damn test. I can put that aside and be the woman you wanted. Marriage and babies. I want that all with you.”

  Shit! This wasn’t about me. She was just overwhelmed and confused and it was all coming to a head—here, in front of her brother who was eyeing me like I was Jeffry Dahmer incarnate. Not tonight. I couldn’t talk my ex-girlfriend off the ledge with her brother ready to pounce and my heart belonging to someone else—someone who was unknowingly waiting for me to surprise her with our first I love you. Not fucking tonight!

  “Marissa, you don’t mean that. I know you better than this. Sure, I miss you too.” I didn’t really, but I wasn’t about to pour salt in her wounds. “But we’re just not right for each other anymore. You’re going to pass that test, land the sickest job in the most prestigious law firm and when you’re ready—not when someone tells you to be ready—you’re going to make some guy the luckiest bastard on the planet.” I’d walked around the couch during my speech and sat in front of her on the coffee table. I reached out to grab her hands, to comfort her, but Griffin’s scowl warned me not to.

  “Why don’t you want to be that lucky bastard? Why am I not good enough anymore?”

  I hated to see her so weak. I hated to think I made her this way, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I didn’t love her anymore. It wasn’t my place to fix her.

  “Rissy, have you eaten yet today?” Griffin tried to divert his sister’s attention from me, rubbing circles on her back with his thumb. “I can order from that Thai place you like. It will make you feel better.”

  Ignoring Griffin, Marissa’s eyes never left mine. “Will you stay? Just to eat?”

  “You have me here, sis. Aren’t I good enough?” Griffin faked a smile, nudging his sister.

  “Of course you are, Griff, but… he’s already here. And who knows when I’ll see him again.”

  Griffin stared me down again. I wasn’t afraid of him, but I wanted to respect his wishes for his sister. He had her best interests at heart. I was just here because she called. “I can stay until you’ve calmed down. Until I know you’re okay. But I have plans. I have to finish helping Ramos with his baby’s room.”

  “Okay,” she conceded, still disappointed. “I’ll take what I can get.”

  I never wanted to run out of a place so badly in my life. This was wrong. Everything about it felt wrong. I shouldn’t be here comforting Marissa. She had her brother for that, but I couldn’t just up and go and leave her in this state. There was a sense of security that I guessed only I could give her right now. I’d spend an hour here, getting her to come to her senses and then hand her off to Griffin so I could get on with my night.

  But she dragged an extra hour out of me, playing on my guilty nerve and convincing me to stay for the rest of the Yankees game. During the last inning of the longest playoff game in history, my nightmare of an evening quickly turned into a full on horrific reality.

  My cell phone rang, reminding me that I had somewhere else to be. I figured it would be Riley, checking in, but when Tessa’s number appeared on the screen, the blood drained from my face. “Beck! It’s Tessa. Get to Methodist Hospital as soon as you can. It’s Marcus and Riley, Beck. They’re both… Zack almost…” Her sobs broke her and before I could ask her to explain, I was beckoned by a pleading, desperate woman for the se
cond time tonight. “Just come quick, Beck. Please!”

  “Miss Grayson. Can you hear me? Miss Grayson?” The angelic voice sounded like it was in the distance. “Doctor, she’s awake,” she buzzed an intercom. “And, sir, you really can’t be in here. Please let us do our jobs.” The angelic voice turned stern and became clearer.

  And then there was another, more familiar male voice trying to make its way through my groggy haze. He was frantic, concerned, scared.

  It didn’t take long to figure out who it was. Beck. If I didn’t recognize him by sound, I certainly knew it was him by the touch of his hand on my face. Ouch! His soft touch actually hurt. My cheek felt swollen and my jaw ached as I tried to open my mouth to speak. “Where am I?” I managed to croak out through gritted teeth. I took in the white coats, the beeping, the tubes protruding from my arm. “Am I in the hospital?”

  I tried to sit up, but Beck stopped me in place and the throbbing in my brain backed him up. Not a good idea to move, it told me. Stay put and relax.

  “Riley, baby. Do you remember what happened? Do you know why you’re here?”

  I searched the room, looking for answers. My vision was a little fuzzy and my memories grainy, but one glance at the police officers standing guard by my door and it all came back to me in a fury of flashes.

  “Call her again, you bitch!” He held the gun against my head, tightening his grip on my wrist.

  “Tessa’s not answering, Zack. Please, just let me go get Luca.” The baby was upstairs screaming bloody murder for at least ten minutes already. I prayed I’d left his bedroom window open so a nosy neighbor would hear him and come over to see if we needed help. We did, desperately, because I wasn’t one of those courageous women you saw on those survival stories. The fight or flight instinct was all flight for me. I was too scared to fight back. I didn’t know how. There was no outsmart-the-bad-guy plan hatching in my terrified brain. Suddenly, I was praying more than I had in a long time. To God, to my mother. Please don’t let this psycho kill me or that little boy. Please, Mom, watch over us and keep us safe.