Keep Her

by Faith Andrews

  “You are a useless piece of shit,” he spat at me as I dialed the phone for what had to be the twentieth time. I was glad she hadn’t answered. As helpless as I felt, I was hoping I could take care of this myself so she and Marcus didn’t have to come home to face her lunatic, alcoholic, homicidal, ex-husband.

  “Please, Zack. Tell me what you want. It doesn’t have to be like this, you know?” I tried to remain composed, but the stone-cold look in his bloodshot eyes scared me more than the gun digging into my temple.

  “Shut the fuck up and try her again. And this time if she doesn’t answer…”

  He didn’t finish but I knew where he was going with his threats. He was irrational and his actions were way beyond that. Even though it was obviously not my fault Tessa wasn’t picking up her phone, to Zack it was my problem.

  When she didn’t pick up again, my heart dropped, but instead of giving in and finding out exactly what he would do to me for not getting him what he wanted… I lied. Her voicemail picked up and I pretended I was speaking to a live person. “Oh, hi, Tess.” I paused for effect hoping he would buy it. His eyes were wide now. I could see very little white peeking through the veiny lines of red that masked what used to be an attractive hazel-green. “Yes, sorry for calling so many times, but… Luca’s really cranky; you think you can—”

  “Give that to me!” He ripped the phone from my hand and in that moment I sincerely feared for my life. Not only had I failed in getting through to Tessa, again, but now I’d lied to the psycho.

  “Tessa, baby, is that you?” His face softened for a moment. I almost felt sorry for him. As sick and maniacal as he was, he was a human being who was hurting. It was too bad that his alcoholism and abusive behavior turned my compassion into disgust.

  “Hello? Hello!” When he realized Tessa wasn’t on the other end, that I’d made up the whole thing, anger seeped out of every crevice in his body. “You must think I’m some kind of idiot, don’t you, Riley?” He mimicked a little boy’s voice when he said, it as if he was making fun of me.

  I shook my head, holding back tears. The closer he got, the more I wanted to scream. What did it matter at this point? Luca was still wailing and Zack had me cornered with a gun pointed in my face.

  So that’s what I did. I dug deep down into my core and released the loudest, most blood-curdling scream I could. “Heeeelllllpppppp!”

  Before I could beg for mercy again, his fist was flying at me, the metal of the gun shining in the dim light. The last thing I remember before the floor fell out from under me was praying that he didn’t harm his innocent son.

  “That mother fucker,” Beck growled, after I’d recounted my story to the police officer.

  He jotted everything down, nodding as I spoke. He wasn’t very informative; but then again, how could he be? We were putting together the pieces as best we could, with the little we had to go on.

  “Beck? Oh my god. Did he… How’s Luca? And what about Tessa and Marcus?” I had no idea how I’d gotten to the hospital or how Beck even knew to find me here. Someone needed to fill me in… and soon. I was starting to feel like an amnesia patient. Shit! Did I have amnesia? As I rummaged through my mind for every fact about myself, I didn’t fall short. Okay, no amnesia.

  Before Beck could calm my fears, the nurse was interrupting with an update. “You need to take it easy, hun. Try to relax. The attending doctor will be in shortly to see you.” She adjusted a few contraptions and then scurried to the doorway.

  When she’d disappeared into the great hospital unknown, everyone else followed suit. One by one the two policemen and the orderly who’d delivered my tray of food left me and Beck to our privacy.

  I focused on my poor worried man, who hadn’t let go of my hand since I’d woken. Although I was the one who needed comforting, I wanted to take away his pain. I squeezed his hand and smiled. When his worry lines smoothed and his lips curled up out of a serious straight line, I asked about everyone again. “How are they? Please tell me everyone’s okay.”

  He brought his hand up to my face, steering clear of what I assumed were the bruises that throbbed under my skin. “They’re all fine now. I promise. We’ll talk about them later. I have to say something first.”

  Shit! Was he stalling? He was making me nervous. “Okay. But you’re kind of freaking me out. You’re not lying to me about them are you? Are you trying to change the subject? Oh god. Something happened, didn’t it?”

  Beck sat on the bed next to me, careful not to disturb any wires or harm my already bruised body parts. He cupped my face softly and sucked in a long, heavy breath. “No, baby. I promised, didn’t I? I wouldn’t lie about something like that. Now, there’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you, so let me say this. It can’t wait.”

  I nodded and he continued with a shy smile. “I was supposed to come over to Tessa’s and tell you this tonight. I should have come sooner, dammit. I hate that I wasn’t there so that asshole couldn’t do this to you, but—” His frustration vanished as he caressed the top of my hand with his thumb. “I can’t wait another second to tell you, Riley. I don’t want another minute to go by. I don’t want to be scared of ever losing you again. Nothing else matters. Nothing can get in the way of this ever again. I love you, Riley. I’ve loved you for a long time and I should have told you the first time I realized it, but I wanted it to be right… perfect. And here I am, telling you this in a damn hospital bed. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to protect you. I’m so sorry he hurt you and I’m—”

  “I love you too, B.” I cut him off. I had been wanting to hear those words for a while now. Wanting to say them myself. I loved him so damn much it didn’t matter how or where he told me. I was just happy he felt the same. Tears filled my eyes, this time from the astounding warmth and happiness coursing through my exhausted body. For a brief minute the horror of Zack and the pain and everything else vanished as we had our little moment. “This is perfect. This is exactly how it was supposed to happen.” It wasn’t pretty—shit, I couldn’t look pretty right now, but it was ours. If anything good could come out of this nightmare, it was that I knew I never wanted to live without this man by my side.

  When his lips touched mine I could tell he was trying to be careful, as if I would break. But little did he know every tiny piece of me that felt shattered before this moment, felt complete when our lips met. He held me in his arms for a few silent seconds and we caressed each other, not wanting to let go.

  But when the doctor cleared his throat from the doorway we had no choice but to temporarily separate.

  Beck jumped back abruptly as if he were caught doing something forbidden and I laughed at how adorable he looked, trying to straighten his appearance for the doctor.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt,” he said with a warm smile. “I’m Dr. Craig.” He extended a hand to Beck and Beck took it with a firm grip and a grateful smile.

  “Nice to meet you, doctor. How’s my girl doing?”

  The young doctor didn’t return Beck’s smile this time. Instead he focused on me with a seriousness that brought chills to my body. “I know you must have a million questions, Ms. Grayson, but I’d like to go over a few things with you if that’s okay?”

  I had questions and I wanted to fill in all the blanks, but the doctor’s tone made me uneasy. Had I been permanently injured? Oh my god, was I paralyzed or something? I wiggled my toes, and moved my hips. Thank the Lord, I was still intact.

  Dr. Craig silently looked over at Beck and then back to me. “I need to discuss Ms. Grayson’s personal health records. Would you mind leaving the room, sir?”

  Beck reluctantly stood, following the doctor’s command, but I yanked on his hand. “No, you can stay.”

  “You sure, Riles?”

  “Doctor, he’s my boyfriend.” I clutched Beck’s hand. “Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of him.”

  Dr. Craig nodded and fingered through the papers in my file, getting straight to business. “There’s not much her
e to report. So we’ll just go over the results and then you two can get back to… well, let me just get on with your evaluation.” A rosy flush warmed Dr. Craig’s pale cheeks, but he cleared his throat and adjusted his coat to get back in the doctor-zone. “Okay, so, you suffered a mild concussion from the fall. You have some bruising from where the assailant struck you, right here.” He lightly grazed my temple, pushing my hair to the side. I winced when his finger caught on a stray hair and pulled at the tender flesh. “Sorry about that. I just wanted to check for any lacerations. It looks worse than it actually is, but there should be no permanent scarring. The outer wounds will heal nicely; it’s the inner ones I want to talk to you about.”

  The ginger-haired doctor sat beside me and his expression softened as his voice did the same. “I am recommending you to a therapist who specializes in situations like this—post traumatic stress and victims of assault and abuse. I think it’s best, especially in your condition, to have someone to talk to on a weekly basis so you don’t cause any unnecessary stress to your body.”

  I was ninety percent convinced he knew what he was talking about. It seemed like a smart move to talk this out. Seek professional help after something so near-death. All of his words made sense… except for three. “What do you mean: in your condition? You said my head injuries are nothing to worry about. Is there something else you’re not telling me?”

  Beck looked concerned as he grabbed my hand and stared down the doctor for an explanation. “Yea, Doc. Isn’t she going to be okay?”

  “Yes.” He smiled. “They both are. Assuming you two have been together for the last few months, your girlfriend and your baby are going to be just fine.”

  That was it! Zack must have done a number on my hearing when he knocked me out. I could have sworn I heard him say something about a baby. “Wait. What? Whose baby? Luca belongs to Tessa. We don’t have any kids. He,” I pointed a sideways thumb at Beck before continuing, “doesn’t have any kids. What are you—?”

  “I take it you didn’t know you were eight weeks along.”

  Beck’s brows scrunched together, the lines in his forehead creasing. “Along what?”

  “In her pregnancy. Ms. Grayson, congratulations. You’ll need to take it easy for a few days. We’ve administered an IV to rehydrate you and I’ve managed to grab a few prenatal vitamin samples for you for the time being. But you’ll want to make an appointment with your regular OB as soon as possible so you can get the proper prenatal care…”

  Dr. Craig rambled on and on about this baby that I had no idea was growing inside my belly for the last eight weeks. This baby that Beck and I had created together. This baby who I could have lost before even knowing it existed because of that sick bastard.

  It was all so overwhelming. I was going to be a mom. I wanted my mom. I needed my mom. Oh my god, it was too much to handle.

  “Baby, why are you crying? What’s the matter?” Beck was first to register my thoughts. From the looks of things he had to think I was upset about the news. I wasn’t upset. I wanted this baby. After only finding out three seconds ago, I was certain I never wanted anything so badly in my life.

  “I can’t believe… I just… Oh. My. God, B. We’re going to be parents. I’m having your baby.” Saying those words was surreal. Was this really happening? Shit! How did Beck feel about all this? “What are you thinking? Please tell me you want to keep her?”

  Dr. Craig stood and excused himself with a smile. “You two talk and I’ll be back later to check in on you. You’re fine to be discharged in the morning. And congratulations again, Ms. Grayson.”

  I nodded a thank you and focused on Beck. His face didn’t give much away. Was he scared? Was he angry? Was he happy? “B, talk to me. We have to keep her.”

  “Why do you keep saying her? There’s a fifty-fifty shot here, Riles. It can be a boy.”

  “It’s a girl, Beck. I know it. This is our miracle. This is my mother’s doing. I always wanted a little girl and this is her. I just know it. Now please, please tell me you’re okay with this.”

  He sat silent for a few more beats and my heart sank, thinking he wasn’t as happy as I was over this unexpected news. We weren’t married, we’d only just spoken the words “I love you” minutes ago, no one knew we were together and we’d only been a couple for a few months. This was extremely unconventional, but it just seemed… right.

  “Of course we’re keeping her, Riles. How can you think I’d want to give her up?”

  I felt the air return to my lungs when I heard him say those words, but he still seemed off. “You’re quiet… pensive… are you upset?”

  He stood and started pacing with his hands in his hair. Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for, but when he finally stopped wearing out the tile of the hospital floor, the wide grin on his face was the reaction I’d been waiting on. “It’s a fucking shock, but… a baby! A baby that we created. Riles, I honestly couldn’t be happier.” He joined me on the bed again, cupping my face and kissing me on the tip of the nose.

  “Promise?” I asked for good measure.

  “Swear on my first born… I mean, swear to Christ. Sorry,” he corrected himself and gazed at my stomach. “How did you not know this? He said two months. Haven’t you missed your…”

  “I’m on the pill, B. Not to give you TMI, but sometimes I hardly get it at all. I guess I didn’t notice that last month’s cycle was extra extra light. And speaking of the pill… guess I’m that point zero zero one percent they always warn about.” I shrugged, but there was nothing apologetic about it. I was so happy our form of contraception had failed us. Take that, birth control! You’re no match for me and my man’s sperm!

  Beck chuckled as he traced his thumb back and forth over my hand. “For a girl who was just nearly killed by a psychopath, you’re awfully chipper.”

  I laughed at what the situation had to look like. Bruised, battered, and bloody, in this get-up for a hospital gown with a ginormous smile on my face. “Crazy, right?”

  “You can totally say that again.”

  “We do crazy really well, B. I’m starting to like it.”

  He nuzzled closer, lying next to me on the pillow and placing my hand in his. “I’m starting to love it, but… things are about to go all kinds of crazy when we share this news with your brother.”

  “Ah, piece of cake. Let me handle him.”

  In the blink of a freaking eye everything can change. A few hours ago I was afraid for my life, trembling and helpless at the mercy of another man. A man that had hurt my best friend in the past and done God-knows-what to her and my brother tonight. I should be lying in this bed sobbing and shaken, broken and torn, but that’s not at all what I felt. I felt blessed. Blessed to be loved by Beck. Blessed to have survived that ordeal. Blessed to be carrying my little Claire—my daughter. Our daughter. She’d be named after my mother, there was no doubt about that. And regardless of the way I’d found out about her, or when she was conceived, or how unconventional this whole situation was… this child would be loved.

  In the week since I’d found out I was going to be a father, I’d done more adapting than any wildlife rescue case there ever was. Don’t get me wrong—every single change was one I accepted willingly and happily, but my life had taken on more upheaval in the last seven days than it ever had.

  For starters there was spilling the beans to Marcus. Tessa was all smiles and tears as soon as I rolled Riley’s wheelchair into Marcus’s room at the hospital that night. Marcus took a while to grasp it. In fact, we practically had to sound it out syllable by syllable. At one point I sounded like Darth Vader—“Marcus, I am the father.”

  I thought he would wind up and knock me out for boinking his sister. But thanks to Tessa and Riley—oh, and the fact that he was bed ridden because of the gunshot wound he sported from the Zack-attack—he took the news better than expected. Everyone was in a good place. Everyone was happy. Everyone was paired off with the person they loved and adored. And all of us were excited ab
out what the future held. Weddings, babies, memories—you wouldn’t hear any complaints from me.

  But, of course, to plan and execute the perfect fairytale future, the present needed to alter somewhat. For me and Riley, learning that we’d be welcoming a baby into this world in less than six months meant switching things up a bit—and getting used to them.

  The first thing we needed to check off the list was living arrangements. If circumstances were different—baby not on board—we would’ve waited to discuss the whole moving in together thing. It hadn’t worked out so well for me the first time I took that step with a girl—God really did work in mysterious ways, I guess. But there was no way me and my baby mama were living under separate roofs while she was growing my little sprout.

  We decided I’d run out the lease on my apartment (thankfully there were only five more months) and I would move in to Riley’s place. She lived on the second story of a two family home that had three bedrooms and lot more space than my studio. No brainer. For the time being we’d split our time between apartments, but eventually Riley’s place would be our place. Nursery and all.

  Other than that, and the idea of Riley’s belly growing plump and round with our daughter (my lady was insufferable) the only thing that took getting used to was being together in public around Marcus—and Mr. Grayson too.

  Today’s celebration was our first as an outed couple. Family members from the Grayson side, who’d known me as Marcus’s tag along buddy all these years eyed me skeptically as I walked hand-in-hand with Riley. I paid them no mind. Everyone would get used to it, and if they didn’t, they could fuck off. We were happy. We were in love. What else mattered?