“I’m right here, dickwad.”
“I know, that’s the beauty of it. I’m not talking about you behind your back.” The look on Alex’s face made Lily giggle, and damn if it didn’t feel good. When was the last time she’d laughed? She couldn’t remember. Hunter was in their house for less than ten minutes, and already she could feel the difference. Still as great as it seemed, she wasn’t going to fool herself into thinking everything was fixed. But hopefully, it was the beginning.
“Okay. I’m out of here. Chloe’s mom is coming over so we can go Christmas shopping for the kids. This is the first time I’ve been home to go with her.”
“Better you than me. I hate shopping, and Christmas shopping is the worst. Being able to do it online has been my salvation.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were an introvert, Lily.”
“I’ve been called worse things.” Standing up after giving Hunter one more scratch behind the ears, she hugged Logan and whispered, “Thank you. I don’t know if this is permanent, but the change is amazing.”
He didn’t respond, just gave her a squeeze then headed to the door. “Talk to you later, asshole. Be good, or Hunter might bite your face off.”
“Fuck you, Logan. And thanks, man.”
“See ya.”
“Do I need to go get some food and other stuff for him?”
“Yeah, food, dishes, and a bed too.”
“Gotcha. How about some lunch and then I’ll run out? I’m starving. You’ve got to be hungry too by now.”
“We grabbed some Egg McMuffins on the way. I shouldn’t be hungry, but I am.”
“Is grilled cheese okay?”
“Yeah, sounds good.”
While Lily got out the bread, cheese, and butter to whip up a couple of sandwiches, Alex told her about his morning.
“They gave us a tour of the facility, and we got to see some of the other dogs and how the training works. Then there was a ton of paperwork.”
“So, he’s yours? It’s a done deal?”
“Is it a problem?” Alex’s eyes were wary as they met hers. Damn, she hadn’t meant anything by it. Just wanted to know if there was anything else that needed to be taken care of. Apparently, she wasn’t done walking on eggshells yet.
“No, not at all. I only wondered if we needed to do anything still. Vet visit? Licenses? More paperwork. That’s all.”
“Nope, it’s all taken care of.” As if to agree, Hunter woofed and wagged his tail. His tongue hung out of the side of his mouth, and she’d swear he was smiling. She’d never had a dog. Technically, she didn’t have one now either. Hunter would be Alex’s companion, but if he could bring her husband back to her, she’d be eternally grateful.
Alex wanted to kick himself for jumping down her throat over the simple question. He should have known she wouldn’t have an issue with Hunter or anything else he wanted. Tension tightened his shoulders. A quiet whimper pulled his eyes away from his wife’s back, and he looked down to meet Hunter’s. The dog had picked up on his stress, just like the people at Paws for Hope told him would happen. He hadn’t expected it to happen right away, though. A week or two, or after they’d completed their training, but within a few hours was remarkable. It’s like Hunter understood him when no one else did.
The fur was soft under his hand as he slid his fingers over Hunter’s head and scratched under his floppy ears. He was perfect. Not a pretty boy, but there was something about him that demanded love. Their connection had been instantaneous. Once their eyes met, it was like something in his heart unclenched. He didn’t understand it, and he wasn’t going to try. At least not yet. He needed the unconditional love Hunter could give him, and he would do all he could to make sure Hunter had all the love he could handle. He’d have his six—always.
“This is home now, boy. After we eat, I’ll give you the grand tour. It won’t take too long, we’re relegated to the first floor for now.” Hunter dropped his head onto Alex’s knees. Considering he was in a new environment, Alex was impressed he was so relaxed. Paws for Hope knew what they were doing.
“Lunch is served. Sweet tea?” Lily asked as she turned holding the plates with their sandwiches. For the first time, he noticed the dark circles under her eyes, and the lines around the edges. His gut twisted. He’d put them there, of that he had no doubt. She hadn’t signed on for this, having to take care of him twenty-four seven. It was unfair, and he hated it. Even though he loved her more than anything, he hated being around her. She was a constant reminder of how much their lives had changed. He didn’t know how else to explain it.
“Tea’s fine.” It came out gruffer than he’d planned, and she winced. Maybe if he hurt her enough, she’d leave. Then he wouldn’t have to feel guilty for putting her through this. Hunter nudged his hand, and he looked into the dark brown depths that seemed to understand everything. “C’mon, boy.”
Alex wheeled himself to the table. Lily had moved one of the chairs into the dining room when they’d gotten back home so there’d be room for his wheelchair. It was another reminder of how different things were now. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Shitty way to treat his wife. He knew it, and the guilt morphed into anger. The anger and frustration bubbled just below the surface since he’d been wounded. Fuck. He wondered if it would have been better if he’d been killed, then he wouldn’t have to deal with all of this. With any luck, Hunter would help him get a grip on it, but he wasn’t sure how much a dog could truly help him.
Pain sliced along his spine, and he hissed out a breath. Fuck. The pills were wearing off, and the extra activity hadn’t helped.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I forgot your pills.” Before he could stop her, she’d gotten up from the table and grabbed four pill bottles off the counter and put them on the table in front of him. Thank God, she’d stopped short of giving him the individual pills. He could get his own meds.
“You didn’t have to get them.”
“I know, but it was easier for me.”
“I keep telling you I can do it myself.”
“Jesus Christ, Alex. What the fuck? You’re my husband, you’re hurting. You need to get over yourself. For better or for worse, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. But we didn’t count on this.”
“Count on what? A temporary setback. It’s not like you’ve lost your legs like Tag did. Yes, you’re hurting, but you need to stop pushing everyone away. We’re trying to help you, to make things easier. Is that so hard to take?”
“Fuck yes. Don’t you get it? I don’t want to need anyone’s help.”
Their eyes met, and hers were filled with unshed tears. A muscle in her jaw twitched. He hoped she’d finish what she’d started, get it all out, everything she’d been holding back. She was right, too. Since they’d been home, he’d been trying to push her away. She was his wife not his nurse. He didn’t want this for either of them.
“This sucks donkey balls. I get it. No, I don’t know what it is like to go through what you are. But I do know that if the tables were turned you’d be all over me, doing everything you could to make sure I was okay and didn’t need anything. Am I wrong?”
God dammit, she had him there. “No, you’re not. But it’s different.”
“Don’t do it, and you sure as hell better not say it. I know where you’re going with this. I don’t give a fuck if I have to take care of you, help you when you need it, or I’m the one who makes the money, so our bills are paid. Since when do you? We’re a couple. I knew the risks from the beginning, you’ve been on how many deployments? And if you think about it, you’re fucking lucky it isn’t worse.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. I can’t work anymore, at least not doing the only thing I ever wanted.”
“True. But I’m sure you’ll find something else that will be just as fulfilling. Logan gave it up. Mac gave it up, and Tag. Hell, you’re not the first one to be wounded in action and dammit, you’re alive. Don’t
you see how precious that is?”
Tears filled her eyes, and Hunter whimpered from their raised voices. Her argument took the fight right out of him. She was right. He was an ass. This was the woman he loved more than life. But it was also the reason he thought she’d be better off without him.
“I do know it. I’m not trying to hurt you, babe. I love you. But you have to see that you’d be better off without me. Be free to find someone who can be all you need in a man.”
“Damn you, Alex. You are one stubborn SOB. Did you even hear anything I said?”
“Yes. I did. But…” Hunter licked his hand and then rubbed against it, successfully ending their argument.
His gaze went from his furry peacekeeper to Lily as she watched their interaction. A tear slowly rolled unchecked down her cheek. The part of the sandwich he’d managed to eat felt like a led balloon in his belly. If only he could turn back time and not been anywhere near the truck when it exploded. Instead, he couldn’t even bring himself to wheel over to her and pull her into his arms for comfort. He didn’t have it in him, not yet, maybe not ever again.
“How about we agree to disagree?”
“I don’t…”
“Just think about it, okay? I’m going to go get what we need for Hunter. Is there anything else you want while I’m out?”
“No.” The word hung in the air between them. She looked so sad, he had to do something. So much for his resolve. “Maybe you should pick up a few more mugs, our supply is kind of depleted.”
The grin that spread across her face almost erased the dark circles under her eyes. Almost. He wanted her to be happy, hell, needed her to be happy. She was his everything. But he also knew it wouldn’t be long before his frustration would eat at him until he lashed out at her because wasn’t that how it went. You always hurt the ones you love the most, right? She never complained, and that made it all worse. At least for him. He didn’t want to lose her but if that was the only way for her to get the life she deserved then so be it.
But it wasn’t time to throw in the towel yet. It’d only been a week, a long week, filled with anger and frustration for both of them. The word sorry wouldn’t begin to cover the pain he’d put her through. But they had Hunter now, and maybe he was the miracle they needed.
Chapter Three
Slamming the car door as hard as she could didn’t make her feel any better. God damn stubborn son of a bitch asshat doofus pig-headed jerk. Did he really think she didn’t know what he was up to? She wasn’t stupid. Thank God, she could see through him. Or she’d have really been devastated right now.
At least Hunter seemed to be making a bit of a difference. When he interrupted their arguing, Alex had looked at the dog, and his entire demeanor had changed. She didn’t know how it had happened or why, but somehow her husband had fallen head over heels in love with a walking hair ball with chocolate eyes, and she couldn’t be happier. If he could accomplish this after only a few hours, who knows how much he’d help Alex over all. Things were going to be better. The doofus would stop trying to push her out the door and remember their vows. She refused to accept anything else.
Where did one go for pet supplies? It wasn’t something she’d thought about before. She knew they had some things in Publix, where she usually shopped. But she didn’t have the first idea what Hunter needed. If she hadn’t been so pissed, she would have asked Alex for the paperwork. No way was she going back in to talk to him now. He’d tried the little peace offering about the mugs, and it was good, but it was just a small gesture to assuage his guilt. And it wasn’t enough.
None of this was his fault, and she didn’t blame him even a little. She’d fallen in love with a soldier and knew the risks whether he wanted to believe her or not. Besides, he blamed himself enough for both of them. Grrr. Pulling her phone out of her purse, she Googled pet supplies in Willow Haven. Who knew they had three different chains in a five-mile area? She sure as hell hadn’t, but she did now, and apparently, she’d driven by one on a weekly basis. Maybe she was getting old and forgetful. Nah, not at thirty-four. And she’d been away for over seven months, that was as good an excuse as any for not remembering.
She almost dialed Chloe to bitch about Alex for the fifty-millionth time, until she remembered she was shopping with Logan. Lily was happy for her. Chloe had practically raised the girls on her own, but now her husband was there to help for the first time. She tried not to think about the fact that if it hadn’t been for Alex being wounded Logan would still be in Afghanistan. Alex hadn’t told her, but she knew he’d been planning on volunteering for another deployment. It was part of his career plan, and as much as she’d wanted him home so they could have a family, she’d never have stood in his way.
How the hell had she missed the store? It was huge, at least as big at the Publix she shopped in. She really did have tunnel vision or something. After parking the car and going through the wide-glass doors, she stopped short. Not knowing where to begin, she must have looked as lost as she felt because it wasn’t long before an employee approached her.
“Can I help you find something?”
“Yes. Everything.”
“Uhh, okay. What kind of pet do you have?”
“A big fluffy mutt.”
The skinny, pimply-faced teenager laughed. “Okay, c’mon I’ll get you all set up, ma’am.”
Ma’am? Did he just freakin’ call her ma’am? WTF? Maybe it was time to rethink her skin care regimen? Who was she kidding, she couldn’t be bothered. Or hadn’t been before but Alex hadn’t around twenty-four seven either. Maybe she needed to put a little more effort into her appearance. Snorting as she looked at her t-shirt and yoga pants, she couldn’t hold back the whispered, “no shit!”
“Did you say something?”
“Nope, just thank you for your help.”
“No problem, ma’am.”
Rolling her eyes at the back of his head, she followed him to the food aisle, and her jaw dropped at the number of choices. It was a dog. It needed food. Seriously. “How do you decide what to buy?” she asked in awe, knowing she sounded clueless but didn’t care.
“Well it depends on lots of things, whether you want to feed it all natural, how old the dog is, if it’s overweight or not. But yeah, there are lots of options.”
Nodding, Lily read the back of one of the bags. That was another thing, dry food or wet? She really hoped it would be dry. The wet stuff stank to high heaven. It was one memory from growing up she hadn’t forgotten.
“We picked up Hunter today. I don’t know much, unfortunately, except he’s male, was rescued from a shelter, is a mutt. He was trained by Paws for Hope for my husband.”
“Ahh, you should have said so. They’re a great organization, I volunteer for them after school when I can.” He selected a thirty-pound bag of food, then added a box of treats, and some green things he said would be good for Hunter’s teeth.
“Great. Now I need some toys and a bed.” Following him, with the full cart which was a lot heavier, they went up and down a few more aisles until she had everything on her mental list. “Is there anything else you think we might need?”
“You said he had long hair, right?”
“Yup. Well kinda. I guess it’s more like medium tangled fuzz.”
“Gotcha.” He grabbed a brush and threw that in the cart. “That should do it. But if you need anything else we’re open until nine every night but Sunday.”
“Great to know.” As she wondered how long the big bag of food would last.
After checking out and having a minor heart attack at the total, the kid helped her load everything into her car. Digging in her wallet she came up with a couple of bucks, but he wouldn’t take it when she tried to tip him. Instead, he just thanked her for her husband’s service. For a moment, she was dumbfounded as to how he knew, then she remembered she’d told him about Paws for Hope. That would do it. His nametag said Fred, and now all she had to do was remember it so when she came back, she could tell the store m
anager how great he’d been. It was a perfect plan, as long as she could remember his name. She was terrible with names. Maybe if she made a note of it on her phone. Oh yeah, that would work, then she’d forget she did that.
In a happier mood than she’d been in months, Lily stopped by Home Depot and picked up a pine wreath for their front door. Maybe it would push her to do more decorating or at least get the tree up. Damn. She hadn’t even shopped for anyone yet. Her usual online buying spree on Cyber Monday hadn’t taken place because she’d been in Maryland at the Fisher House. Did she even have time to order and have it arrive before Christmas? Ugh. The last thing she wanted to do was go to the mall. It would be torture. Even worse than a zombie apocalypse.
The house was in one piece, at least from the outside. A good sign Alex hadn’t started any fires while she was out. As soon as she stepped onto the driveway, she heard a dog barking. What the… Hunter! Duh. She didn’t even think about barking, but it would make sense that the dog would warn Alex of anyone on the property. Grabbing the smaller bag of pet supplies and the wreath, she opened the front door where her men were waiting for her.
“Hunter let me know you were back.”
“I heard,” Lily said with a giggle in her voice. They sure didn’t need a house alarm now. “How’d it go?”
“Fine. You missed Logan and Chloe though. They stopped by so she could meet Hunter.”
“Too bad I missed her.”
“She said she’d call you later.”
“Great.” Laying the wreath on the hallway table, she dropped the bag on the wood floor. “Be right back. I couldn’t carry everything in one trip.”
“Do you need help?” Why not? He could put the food on his lap and roll back into the house. It sure as hell made more sense than her hefting the thirty-pound bag.
“Yeah, c’mon.” Hunter stayed at the side of the wheelchair as Alex followed her out to the car. Popping the trunk, she lifted the bag and put it across the arms of Alex’s chair.
A Soldier's Triumph: An Eagle Security & Protection Agency Novel (Beyond Valor Book 3) Page 3