by Alex Wolf
“Your life isn’t simple. It never will be.” I stared out at the ocean.
“I know. I can still want that though, right?”
“If you prepare yourself for the disappointment that will follow.”
“You’re a wise woman, Bristol.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m here with you.”
He laughed. I got him to laugh and gave myself a high five on the inside.
“Well played.” Gage kissed me again, ending the conversation as I wrapped my arms around his neck. The kiss seemed to last for hours, and as soon as our lips parted time sped back up to normal. How did he do that with his lips?
The rest of the conversation was light and easy as we stared out at the waves that broke over and over. After a while we walked back to where we’d parted ways with Val and Jake.
We drove home shortly after, and it was plain to see Valerie had been off doing the same with Jake. They looked different and I wondered if there was more going on than the casual fling they both insisted they were.
Once home, both guys were quick to get us to their rooms in the empty house. Everyone else had gone to the club.
I walked in behind Gage and closed the bedroom door. He was still on edge from the whole scene earlier and I figured I could at least use that to my advantage and channel it into a few orgasms. I thought I knew what I was in for, but the force at which he pushed me into the wall surprised me. It didn’t hurt.
It was fucking hot.
He was pure need. He kissed me hard, his tongue sweeping as I moaned into his mouth. He cupped my face as I clawed at his shirt, deepening the kiss. Our lips crashed together over and over as one of his arms snaked around my waist.
Apparently, he grew tired of the push and pull and struggle for who was in control, and he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder.
He hauled me to the bed and smacked me on the ass before throwing me down to my back. I don’t know how he did it, but he pulled the dress up over my head before I knew what’d happened. His quick hands stripped me bare in a matter of seconds.
He leaned back, and the moon highlighted every contour of his abs and chest as he peeled his shirt up over his head.
“Fucking perfect.” His eyes devoured me, burning up every square inch of my flesh as he raked his gaze over my naked body. Gage kissed me again, and before long we were tangled up in a pile of arms, legs, and moans.
Gage
I couldn’t believe what Bryce did. He knew how much I didn’t want to see Kelly again. I thought he felt the same fucking way after she messed with both our heads. Apparently, she sweet-talked him into both of them coming tonight.
What a little bitch. Both of them were little bitches.
Fuck that. Any attempt at us being friends was over and I mourned the loss of that friend for a second as I kissed Bristol. It would suck, but Bryce knew better.
Bristol tasted incredible and her ass felt good in my hand as I pulled her closer.
I thought back to when she asked if I was together with Kelly. It was more like a goddamn obsession, which seemed to be common with all the men in her life. I met her here, so it was something of a long-distance thing. That gave Kelly plenty of time to live her double life, married to someone for two years and sleeping with anyone and everyone. The problem was that she had a way of making you feel like you were the only one in her life. She was quite possibly the most manipulative person I’d ever met.
It didn’t matter. I had Bristol now.
I ripped off her dress, needing to be inside her. I canceled the club for this, knowing I wouldn’t be able to function until I’d had her. Seeing Kelly brought up a lot of bad memories and feelings for me. Could I trust Bristol?
She’s the only person I’d let anywhere near my heart after the whole Kelly situation. No matter how bad I wanted to erase the doubt, I couldn’t. It was like it was programmed in my brain. Kelly had completely rewired me.
I shook my head, trying to get Kelly out of my mind. I stripped Bristol naked and pushed her on the bed, worshiping her with my mouth. I loved every sound she made for me. It was like writing a different kind of music. I knew that I meant something to her.
I needed to fuck Bristol to get this all out of my mind. It probably wouldn’t last. Nothing ever does—rock careers, relationships. But I could enjoy them for now and deal with the fallout later.
I sucked her nipple into my mouth as she cried out my name. My fingers were busy teasing her clit and sliding inside her as she writhed against me. Fuck, she was so wet and needy. I drove two fingers deeper into her and thumbed her clit as I moved to the other nipple. I knew deep down Bristol was different. But I’d already let her in far too much. Maybe I just needed to raise my walls back up. Have fun with Bristol. We could fuck and be together until we weren’t anymore.
I teased her until she was coming for me again. I already felt like I knew her body intimately. In just a few days I knew all her spots, what she liked and didn’t. I paid attention to every detail with her, wanted to know everything about her.
After she came, Bristol crawled over me and leaned down eagerly to suck my cock. I couldn’t believe how much she seemed to enjoy doing it. I always assumed women just did it to reciprocate or try and make their guy happy. Bristol seemed to actually want to do it. Her hair was messy and makeup smeared but she’d never looked hotter to me. I watched as her lips closed around my shaft. It was fucking amazing and I closed my eyes as she took me deep into her throat.
She pulled away right before I came, and I groaned at her. Maybe she knew all my little tics as much as I knew hers. Bristol straddled me, and I leaned up to kiss her as her thighs squeezed against my ribs. Jesus, her pussy was so fucking tight when she lowered herself on me. I gripped her ass as she began riding me, needing more and more of her. I wanted it all. I wanted her non-stop.
She bounced on me and then started grinding until she came again, and I pushed her to her back, amazed at the fact I hadn’t already come. I climbed between her legs and spread them as wide as possible, until she yelped. I shoved my cock inside her and her nails clawed down my back as I fucked her as hard and as fast as I could. We could be as wild and as loud as we wanted since nobody was home, and that’s exactly what we did. Sounds of our slick bodies slapping together echoed through the room, coupled with moans and her hollering my name. Eventually, she came undone on my cock, an earth-shattering orgasm. Her pussy clamped so hard on me I thought I might pass out. I closed my eyes and buried my face in her neck as I blew deep inside her hot cunt again and again.
We finally relaxed together as I tried to remember how to breathe, both of us sweating and panting. Every time we fucked it seemed better than the last.
I also remembered why I started to fuck so much after I found out who Kelly really was. Bristol was sleeping within a few minutes and I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I stood and pulled on some shorts to go out to the balcony and look over the water. I needed the fresh air, and it was amazing once I got out there. The breeze was just cool enough to help me relax from the events of the day.
I knew things were different now. I didn’t want them to be.
I kept staring back at Bristol, wondering if it was the last time I’d fuck her. She had to leave the next day. I’d already written enough songs that I knew I could put an album together. Maybe we could get them recorded and I could get back to Colorado and resume things with her, away from all the bullshit out here.
But, I couldn’t keep Kelly out of my mind. I thought I’d forgotten all the bullshit she pulled. Really, it was just hiding inside my brain, waiting to come out. I just sat out on that balcony, getting madder and madder. My brain was a fucked up place, and I was in a downward spiral. I couldn’t bring Bristol into this lifestyle. My life couldn’t accommodate a relationship. I was lying to myself to do whatever I wanted. I was being selfish as fuck.
Gage
The next day was tense. I was stressed and withdrew from everyone and start
ed drinking, not willing to admit that Kelly was getting to me along with the decision of what to do about Bristol. I didn’t like goodbyes anyway, and saying goodbye to Bristol was nearly impossible.
I wondered if that was the problem, or if Kelly was still in my head. Maybe I was just broken all around. I didn’t want Bristol away from me. If I was close to her, I could see everything she did. I’d have no reason to not trust her.
It was stupid. I couldn’t control her. She had a life to live. But I didn’t want to think about it. I didn’t want to think about her going out with friends in Denver while I was stuck here. What if guys hit on her? What if she found someone else while I was off chasing my dreams?
I drank the whole day and ignored everyone. It was childish and lame, but fuck it. I was a rockstar and had an image to maintain. I’d looked weak enough in front of everyone with Bristol around, and she had to leave now. I couldn’t stop that from happening.
I couldn’t stop thinking about how I’d opened myself up this way before and Kelly had ripped my entire life apart on a stage in front of the world. That moment when I found out all she’d done played through my mind over and over. I would never be able to rid myself of that feeling.
Bristol walked up as Jake and Val stood by the door with all their bags. “Hey, it’s time for me to go.”
“Yep.” I could barely sit up straight on the couch.
She leaned down with tears in her eyes. “I hope you figure out whatever is going on with you today, Gage.” She wiped the tears away, as if annoyed they were there.
Jake glared at me from the door and took the girls to the airport since I was so drunk and out of it.
I heard the door open when he returned. I turned back in time to see him glaring.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
“I’m drinking with friends.” I slurred my words as I reached out for a rocks glass of whiskey on the table. Everyone looked up at Jake then looked away. It wasn’t like everyone didn’t know I was an asshole or something.
“What the fuck happened?” His voice rose.
I closed my eyes tightly at the searing pain already ripping through my skull.
I got up from the couch and stumbled over toward him. He caught me under the arms and helped me up the stairs and into my room. Everything was spinning.
“It’s better this way, man.”
“Bullshit.” He got me through my door and pushed me onto my bed. “What the fuck? This is so out of left field.”
“Kelly keeps trying to call me. She’s fucking with my head. And I don’t do goodbyes. You know that shit.” I fell down on my back and stared up at the ceiling. It felt like the walls were orbiting around my body.
“What does she have to do with Bristol? You don’t know how to ignore a phone call? Dude, she was damn near bawling when she got on the plane, and from what Val says, Bristol doesn’t cry. Ever.”
“It’s better this way. Now she can get on with her life.”
“Oh bullshit, this won’t be over. Don’t pretend like she’s not different from everyone else. You fucked up and you need to fix it, soon.”
He stormed toward the door.
Maybe this had all been part of my own self-sabotage mission all along. I had a feeling when I fucked her last night I was getting it all out of my system. I subconsciously knew it was a goodbye fuck. I should’ve talked to her instead. It was just easier this way. Finish things before they got worse.
Now she was gone.
“I just need some fucking time. I need to clear my head.” I stood up and walked over to the dresser and yanked out a hidden bottle of whiskey.
“Well, you got the time now. She’s fucking gone. Good luck getting that one back.”
He was right and I knew it. I walked over and slammed the door before I walked to bed. Fuck it. I didn’t need to get this shit from everyone.
It was all my fault, sure. But, I was doing her a favor. We were only going to get more serious and I would’ve hurt her worse. I should’ve never gotten involved in the first place.
I didn’t want to admit how much Kelly had hurt me. I’d shoved it all down. I went out, wrote, drank, and slept with a lot of women.
Bristol was different. I knew it from the start. I did things with her I didn’t do with anyone else. Told her things I didn’t tell anyone else. I thought I could be with her, but I was stupid to think that. Seeing Kelly put things right back in perspective.
I holed up in my room for a few days, coming down only to eat. I started writing. The songs were full of pain and hurt. Once they were written out, I handed them off and let the guys work the music. I poured all of myself into the lyrics.
Jake started talking to me about the music. I could tell he wanted to talk about it, but he never mentioned Bristol or even Valerie. He probably thought he’d send me reeling back off a cliff.
Kelly sent messages and called me every week I was in LA. I was stupid and answered one of them. I talked to her, hearing her lies about being divorced now and how she missed me. I knew through friends that she was sleeping with Bryce, tricking him into bringing her to the restaurant. She knew what it would do to me.
I took Jake’s advice and stopped the contact a couple weeks after talking to her the one time, knowing she might destroy me this time. It was weird, though. I didn’t talk to her because I wanted to be with her. It was like I was still searching for understanding. I wanted to understand how she could do that to people. But the thing is, when people are shitty, it’s just who they are. There’s no deep understanding. You just have to figure out if they’re a piece of shit, then try to avoid them.
That was the only strong thing I did other than write and drink my feelings away.
I was hitting rock bottom.
When we left the beach house a month and a half later, there were some great songs for the album. I laughed a little at the irony. I’d crushed myself to write something great. It was full of highs and lows, just like my life. It was a work of art, but all works of art come at a high price.
We recorded the one ballad-like song. I knew it’d cause speculation. Our fans seemed to gravitate toward the music for the most part, but I knew there would be all kinds of whispers in the press. I thought Bristol wasn’t even around long enough to gain too much attention.
It seemed like Kelly was the center of everyone’s interest in LA right now, with rumors about Bryce, and someone had snapped a photo of all of us at the restaurant. A story came out that did prove she was divorced, but I didn’t give a shit. Not enough to rekindle anything. I’d never trust that woman again.
Even if I did, it was different. I knew I was still crazy about Bristol. I felt alive when I was near her, and the farther away she was, the closer to death I felt. I hoped Valerie was ignoring the gossip, not telling Bristol about it. I knew I’d hurt her probably beyond repair, but I didn’t want to make things even worse.
We landed in Denver and slowly went to collect our luggage. Everyone was looking forward to going home except me. I might run into her.
Bristol
I’d felt like shit when I went to the airport to return home. The last night when he fucked me, something was off about all of it. He wasn’t himself. He pulled away from me.
I tried to understand it and put myself in his shoes. The tabloids all claimed he had an epic love story with Kelly when I looked them up online. I just wanted to understand what he was going through. It wasn’t him at all. I hadn’t felt the sting of an ending relationship for some time. Gage was the first in a while, and I’d fallen for him way harder than I had for anyone else, ever.
My mantra that played through my head was all about school. I threw myself into work for the summer. I was going to graduate and find my perfect job. Things with Gage would hurt for a bit, but I’d get over it. That’s what I would do.
I thought he was the one, but he wasn’t. He was exactly what I’d set out for him to be, a fun romp with a bad boy that I could tell stories about later. That one stup
id mistake I made with a rockstar. I’d allow myself a week or two to be sad, and then that would be that. I planned my grief the way I planned the rest of my life, on a schedule.
Maybe my dream job wouldn’t even be here in Colorado since I could work anywhere. I could move with Valerie and teach anywhere while she went to law school. I repeated that to myself so many times it seemed effortless.
I still missed Gage all the time. I felt it the most at night. After sleeping in his bed, him holding me in his arms, my big bed felt lonely and cold. I tossed and turned many nights until Valerie took pity on me and came in with a jar of melatonin.
I was headed toward a crash if I kept this up. I still dreamed about him. He would make love to me, the way that only he could. I couldn’t replace him with another body, so I lived it during the night when I was asleep. I felt him over and over, hearing his words about how beautiful I was in those harsh whispers just before he came. I missed it.
I missed him.
But that was all done. Even if he apologized, would I give him another chance? Doubtful, considering I never wanted to do any of this in the first place. I had the story I could tell for the rest of my life. The rockstar who swept me off to California and then broke my heart. It was bittersweet in a way.
I still saw Kelly in my dreams. She would sometimes mock us in the background with those flashing eyes. I saw her with Gage as he spoke to her that night at the restaurant. She smiled seductively, and he looked like he was in more pain than anyone should bear. There was hurt and passion all mixed in together and it stayed in his eyes all night.
Valerie was great through my recovery. Jake and Valerie, surprisingly, were still hanging out and having their ‘casual’ thing.
I knew when I woke up the morning I was supposed to leave that Gage was done. He was asleep in the bed, but the strain was all over his face.
I dressed and took a walk on the beach, my arms wrapped around me as I let it sink in that the bubble had just burst around me. I needed to face it head on, so it wouldn’t destroy me. Upon returning to the beach house Gage was wasted and I just packed up my stuff. Val kept saying what an asshole he was for not going to the airport, but I didn’t want him to.