Freedom

by Beth Maria

  “I need you to look after your mother. Succeed in college and live your life. Can you promise me you will do that?” I look into his eyes that are filled with sadness.

  I nod my head. “Yes, daddy, I promise. Please don’t leave me though. I need you.”

  “I’m trying, baby girl. I’m trying. I don’t want to leave you both. I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much, my precious girl.” His eyes start closing.

  “Daddy. Daddy, wake up! Please wake up!” I shout frantically.

  The doors burst open, and my mom and Maisie are running to my side. I can’t take my eyes off of my dad.

  “Martin?” my mom whispers.

  His eyes flicker open, a small smile gracing his face. “I love you so much, Tracy. Please live your life.” Then his eyes close again, and his breathing slows down.

  “SOMEONE HELP!” my mom screams.

  I don’t move. I just stare at my daddy’s chest, which has stopped moving. He’s gone. He’s left me. I literally feel my heart breaking, taste my salty tears, and lay my head on his still chest. I hug him like that will bring him back. I know it won’t though. He’s really gone.

  The doors burst open again, and the next thing I know, I’m being ripped off of my father. “No! My daddy needs me,” I shout, trying to fight whoever has a hold of me. I’m no match for them though.

  I watch as the doctors tend to my father, trying to bring him back to life. It won’t work though. He’s gone.

  I hear my mother hysterically crying in the corner, but I can’t peel my eyes away from my father. He really was saying goodbye to me. He knew he wasn’t going to make it.

  Eventually, the doctors pronounce what I already know, that he’s dead. I run to my mom, straight into her embrace. We both hug each other, crying over the loss of the best man in our lives.

  “Everything will be okay, baby, I promise,” my mom whispers in my ear, rubbing my back.

  We both know that she’s lying. Nothing will ever be the same again.

  Chapter 9

  Chloe

  It’s been a day since my father passed away, and it’s been the longest twenty-four hours of my life. I’ve decided to take a few weeks off from college, to help my mom sort out the funeral and allow myself time to grieve, though I don’t think any amount of grieving will help me heal. I’m fatherless. I’m never going to stare into the eyes, so very much like my own, unless I look at pictures.

  My mom has been an emotional wreck since yesterday, locking herself up in her room. I can’t blame her though. She’s just lost the love of her life, her childhood sweetheart, all because of a drunk driver.

  It turns out that the driver was over the limit and had fallen asleep at the wheel, causing him to swerve into my father’s car head on. The driver died instantly. I feel sorry for his family if he has any, but him losing his life doesn’t bring my father back, does it? Maybe if that guy hadn’t been drinking, or didn’t drive his car while drunk, my father would still be alive. Then my mom and I wouldn’t have to feel this soul crushing pain.

  I haven’t really seen Maisie since yesterday. I’ve holed myself up in my room, telling her I would see her soon. She went to stay at her parents’ house, telling me to call her if I need her, and she will see me tomorrow. She should be over any moment, however I’m really not up for company. I just want peace and quiet. I know she will want to have a conversation, and I haven’t spoken a word since yesterday. I haven’t needed to. As I said, my mom’s been in her room since we got home. I understand that she wants to be here for me, but I just want time to process everything that has happened. And most importantly, I need to learn how to live with myself, knowing that my father’s death was karma for me getting rid of my baby.

  Jake

  When Jesse called me to tell me that Chloe’s father was involved in a car accident, I was going out of my wits with worry. He told me that he didn’t know if her dad was going to make it, and my heart broke for Chloe and her mom. I knew Chloe wouldn’t take this well, and she was already damaged as it was, from what I’d made her do. This was going to completely destroy her.

  Straight away, I knew that I had to get to her, to comfort her and make sure that she’s okay. Jesse told me to leave it though, that she would be stressed enough without me turning up. I know he was right; I wouldn’t help the situation, but God, I wanted to try. I listened to him though and spent the next few hours out of my wits with worry.

  I’d made the playlist for her and was hoping to give it to her today. Now is not a good time, though, so it will have to wait. With every second, my nerves are building up, making me constantly change my mind on the idea of giving it to her. One minute I think, yeah she will love it, think it’s romantic, and the next minute I think, she’s going to think you’re the biggest dipshit on the planet. It’s been never ending; that is, until I got the call.

  As soon as Maisie called me up crying hysterically down the phone, I knew I had to leave. I had to get to the two most important women in my life. I’ll deal with the repercussions of Chloe’s anger at seeing me later. I just need to see her now and make sure that she’s okay.

  I’m also glad that Maisie called me, and I hope we can sort our problems out.

  The whole drive home, I kept thinking, why Martin? He was one of the good guys. He didn’t deserve to be taken so soon. I can remember having a few conversations with him over the years, usually about football, and we’d have a right laugh. The thought of him being dead is so upsetting. I really can’t imagine what Tracy and Chloe are going through right now, but I vow to be there for Chloe, whether she wants me to be or not.

  ****

  Pulling up outside my house, I rush inside, running straight into Maisie. I wrap my arms around her, stopping her from falling over.

  “Hey, slow down, speedy Gonzalez,” I laugh, steadying her.

  “Sorry, Jake, I have to go. I’m late,” she rushes out, giving me a small smile. Her eyes are all red and puffy. She really got on with Chloe’s father, saw him as a second father, so she’s bound to be upset.

  “Where are you off to? Do you think it’s wise to go out?”

  “Don’t start, Jake. I’m only off to see Chloe. I said I’d pop in to check on her today, and I lost track of time. It’s nearly six.” Maisie tries to push me out of the way, but I move back into her line of vision. “Get out of my way.” She tries pushing me this time.

  “Can I come?” I ask cautiously.

  Her head snaps up, her eyes squinting.

  “I promise I will be good. I just want to be there for Chloe. She honestly means a lot to me, Maisie. That’s why I had to come down as soon as I heard.”

  She looks at me for a few minutes before sighing. “Fine, but if she kicks off, you leave, okay?”

  “Yeah, okay,” I tell her, though I don’t plan on leaving. I brought the mixtape with me, and I plan on giving it to her today. She needs to understand that I want to be there for her. Even though now isn’t the right time to give it to her, and it’s not how I planned to either, it might just help with her other problem and maybe she can forgive me.

  I follow Maisie there in my truck. Apparently, that way, if I have to leave I’m not stuck there, though I don’t plan on leaving without her.

  A short drive later, I’m pulling up outside Chloe’s house. I get out of my truck and meet Maisie before walking up to the front door. My hands are sweating now. I’m not going to lie; I’m shitting myself about how Chloe’s going to react with me being here. I know that she won’t want me here, though there’s a slither of hope, which makes me think that she needs me. She just doesn’t know it herself yet.

  Maisie opens the door without knocking. I just give her a look saying, ‘why the fuck you not knocking’?

  She whispers, “Tracy has locked herself in her room since yesterday, and I’m sure Chloe is in her room too. I’ve saved them the trouble of having to come downstairs to open the door. Don’t worry. They will be okay with it.”

 
I just shake my head.

  I follow her up the stairs. When she opens Chloe’s bedroom door, I stay out of view.

  “Hey, you, how’re you feeling?” Maisie asks, walking into the room and leaving me in the hallway.

  “Are you going to close the door?” Chloe asks, completely ignoring what Maisie has just said. Her voice is all husky, probably from crying. I know I shouldn’t think it right now, but my God, her voice sounds sexy as hell like that. It’s a bit like her bedroom voice, except that isn’t as husky.

  “Erm…” Maisie stutters, lost for words.

  I best make my entrance then. I can tell that Maisie knows this isn’t going to go over well. I will have to explain that I said I was coming; Maisie didn’t have a choice in the matter.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” Chloe asks, not in the least bit happy to see me. Her eyes are full of distain toward me, and her body has gone rigid.

  “I wanted to make sure you were okay. As soon as I found out, I had to come see you…”

  Her body sags for a second before she gains her composure again. “Well, you’ve seen me now, and as you can see, I’m coping perfectly fine without you. You can leave now.” She turns toward Maisie, and I can see from the corner of her eye that she’s giving Maisie a ‘you’re dead’ look.

  “Maisie, can you give us a minute please?” I ask, hoping that she does.

  Chloe doesn’t say anything, but from the look on Maisie’s face, she’s torn between staying with her and leaving me to speak to her for a few minutes. I plead with my eyes. I let her know that I won’t upset Chloe. She finally nods her head, and I let out the breath I had been holding. Now I can give her the mixtape in peace, and then if she wants me to leave, I will.

  “Fine. Chloe, shout at me if you need me, okay?” She doesn’t reply.

  “Don’t upset her,” Maisie warns me as she walks past. I have no intention of upsetting her. I’ve done enough of that to last us both a lifetime.

  I slowly walk into her room, taking everything in. This is the first time I’ve been in here, and it screams Chloe. Her walls are a shade of baby pink; not my taste, but it suits her. Pictures of her, Maisie, and old friends cover a whole wall, then there’s a huge mirror from floor to ceiling on the opposite wall. Her bed has a white cover with pink flowers and is covered in pink pillows. This room is pink overload. God, it’s hurting my eyes.

  “What do you want?” she whispers, not bothering to face me.

  I walk toward her, crouching down in front of her so that I’m in her line of vision. A single tear rolls down her cheek. I lift my hand up involuntarily and gently rub it off of her face.

  “Are you okay, honestly?”

  “No. Everything is falling apart, Jake.” She lets out a sob, her hard exterior toward me wavering and allowing her vulnerable side to shine through. I pull her into my arms, just letting her cry. I hate seeing her like this. It’s tearing me apart, especially when I know that there is not a single thing I can do about it. All I can do is try to be there for her.

  We stay like this for the next few minutes until she’s all out of tears. I pull back, looking at her tear stained face. Her hair is all over the place and stuck to her face. I swipe her hair back into place, giving her a weak smile, which she returns. I’ve missed her smile, especially being directed at me.

  “I came to see if you were okay. If you want me to leave, then I will. I just hate seeing you like this, sweetheart, and knowing that there isn’t a single thing I can do to take your pain away,” I tell her honestly.

  Her lip trembles. I just shake my head no. I don’t want to see her cry anymore. I want my happy, strong Chloe back, the one who I fell in love with when I was younger, not this shadow of a woman who’s been around recently.

  “I don’t want you to leave,” she whispers back, licking her lips to wet them.

  My eyes dart straight to her plump lips, which are calling out to me. I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it. I have to taste them to see if they are as sweet as I remember them being. I oh-so-slowly lean my head toward hers, letting her know my intentions and giving her time to stop me if she wants, before placing my lips on hers. Chloe lets out a whimpered moan that shoots straight to my groin. I pull away before it can get heated. I just wanted to let her know how she makes me feel and give her some sort of comfort. And let’s not forget that I wanted to know what her delectable lips tasted like. They taste exactly as I remember; sweet as honey.

  Chloe’s eyes are closed when I pull back, and I smile. She’s affected alright.

  “You can open your eyes now, sweetheart.”

  She slowly opens them, staring me straight in the eyes. Hers are filled with pure lust, and it turns me on big time.

  “I’ll let you have some time with Maisie, and if you don’t mind, I’ll come see you tomorrow?” I ask, praying that she says yes.

  “Yes,” she whispers, and it’s music to my ears. I was worried that she would say no.

  “I have something for you. Listen to it when I’m gone.” I shakily pull the CD out from my back pocket and hand it to her. She grasps the CD, looking at me with confusion. “You will find out when you listen to it and read the note that I’ve put inside the case.” I laugh uncomfortably.

  “Oh, okay.”

  I stand up, giving her a lingering kiss on her forehead. “If you need me, you know where I am. Call or text me anytime, and I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, sweetheart.”

  I start walking out of her room when I hear her whisper, “Bye Jake.” I wouldn’t have heard it if I weren’t so in tune to her.

  “I’m going to head off now,” I tell Maisie when I see her sitting on the sofa, reading a magazine.

  “You didn’t upset her, did you? I thought I heard her crying for ages,” she asks, standing up.

  “No, I didn’t upset her. She just cracked from everything that’s happened since yesterday. She’s calmed down now though. Go and keep her occupied. I’ll see you back at home.”

  The whole drive home I keep thinking about how she’s going to react when she reads the letter I wrote her along with the CD. I really hope she likes it. I have mixed emotions about seeing her tomorrow to find out what she’s thought of the mixtape, but seeing her outweighs the nervousness.

  Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

  Chloe

  As soon as Maisie left, I ran to my dresser, where I had stashed the CD that Jake gave me. I didn’t want Maisie to see it because I know that she would question me and want to read the letter. I don’t want anybody else to see this, only me.

  When I open the case, the letter falls into my lap, weighing heavily when, in retrospect, it’s as light as a feather. I carefully open the folded piece of paper and brace myself for what I’m about to read. It probably contains everything that I wouldn’t allow him to explain to me, or it could dredge up past memories that I try to forget all day, every day.

  Dear Chloe,

  I don’t know how else I can explain about everything that’s happened between us except this way, by making you a mixtape. I know it’s cheesy, but it’s my only hope when you don’t allow me to explain.

  There are a total of four songs on this CD, all that have a different meaning about how I feel. I ask that you take the time to listen to every song because they can express everything I feel in a way that I can’t express with words.

  I just want you to know that I truly mean it when I tell you that I love you. I love you with all that I am, Chloe Reed. You captivated me from the second my eyes landed on you, and you have been the only woman for me since. Every time I look into your eyes, I feel my heart swell with love. Every time I touch you, a fire rages in my stomach from the electricity that shoots through us from your touch. You are the first thought I think about in the morning when I wake up and the last thought I have when I go to sleep. You are it for me, sweetheart.

  I know I have a lot to prove because of our past, and I’m willing to prove, not only to you, but to everyone around us wh
o thinks I’m not good enough for you. Hell, I want to prove to myself that I’m good enough for you. All I know is that I can’t function without you, and I want you in my life more than the air that I breathe.

  I’m so sorry for what I made you do last year. I know I can’t turn back the time, and that is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. However, I want to make it up to you. I want to be the person who makes you smile, instead of making you so mad that steam practically comes out of your ears. I want to be the person who sleeps next to you at night and gets to see your face first thing in the morning. And, more than anything, I want to call you mine.

  I love you with all my heart, Chloe.

  Jake xxx

  I could hardly read the last part of the letter because of the tears rolling down my face. That was the sweetest thing he’s ever done. What happened to the Jake who was a jerk to me? It would be easier to get over him if he was a jerk all the time, but this proves that he’s not. He’s so romantic. I just hope he actually means what he says - that he loves me. It would crush my heart even more if he were just playing games and leading me on, just to get his kicks. I feel exactly the same toward him. I just don’t know if I can ever forgive him for making me get rid of my baby.

  The CD sitting on the bed next to me reminds me that I have yet to listen to it. I put the CD into my stereo, press play, and then lie on my bed, listening to the beginning of Hoobastank – The Reason. This only makes my tears fall faster. He’s letting me know that he’s done wrong by me, though I’m the reason that he wants to change. I quietly sing along, letting the words settle in my mind, and try with all my might to believe them.

  The next song is Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man.