Pretending

by Shanna Clayton

  “That’s part of it.”

  I’m lying through my teeth. She’s my only reason. If it weren’t for her, I’d say yes in a heartbeat.

  “She’ll be there when you get back. The treasure won’t.”

  “I know.”

  “You need to seriously think about it, Wes. This is a once in a lifetime chance. You don’t want to let it pass you by.”

  “Okay,” I say, nodding. “I’ll think about it.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  DOLL

  Wesley’s uncle slowly rests the Saiful Azman in my hands, careful not to drop it. I clasp my palm over the handle, holding up into the light. It’s heavier than I expected. It’s also more incredible than I ever imagined. The hilt is made of pure gold, covered in an intricate design of sparkling gems, and the blade has been cut into a perfect curve.

  “They say it belonged to Sinbad himself,” Rooney informs us. “Makes you believe he existed, doesn’t it? Perhaps Sinbad was no more a legend than his sword.”

  My eyes drink in the beauty of it, leaving me in awe. “I can’t believe I’m actually holding it.”

  “Sure you don’t want to keep it, babe?” Wesley asks. He’s leaning against the doorframe of his uncle’s workroom, watching me. “We can get a better security system installed in Kent House, put it in a glass case on the wall of the library…it’d be a nice addition.”

  I shake my head. “No. This thing deserves to be in a museum somewhere. It deserves to have thousands of admirers coming to see it daily.” I hand the sword back to Rooney, and he carefully places it back in its case. “Thanks for letting me see it.”

  “Well it belongs to you and Wesley now.”

  “We’re gonna say Sam found it,” Wesley tells his uncle. “Finding it was his life’s dream. I think he’d like having his name attached to its discovery.”

  Rooney, who by his expression must’ve been close to Sam, smiles sadly. “He would love that.”

  Wesley nods and looks away. The pain clouding his eyes is heartbreaking. Talking about Sam isn’t easy for him. I hope this helps him gain some peace. That kind of peace is worth it—and it’s why I go to the Pretty in Pink Ball every year. I need that time to make something good come from my mom’s death. Maybe Wesley has needed the same thing all along for Sam.

  “Before you go, I want to give you something.” Rooney rifles through the cabinet under his desk. “Here it is.”

  He reaches for my hand. In it, he places a small, circular stone. “I always make sure I give my guests a parting gift, especially the pretty ones,” he says with a wink. “It’s turquoise—the first stone ever crafted for jewelry by the Egyptians.”

  “It’s lovely,” I say. “Thank you.”

  “You’re very welcome.”

  “Where’s my gift?” Wesley complains, a note of humor in his voice.

  “I said only the pretty ones,” Rooney scoffs. “Pain in the ass nephews don’t fall under that category.” Despite his words, he moves in to give Wesley a bear hug. “It was nice seeing you, kiddo. And don’t forget to think about what I said.”

  Wesley nods. “I’ll give you an answer soon.”

  As soon as we’re in the Jeep and driving away from the small village, I ask Wesley what decision his uncle was talking about.

  “It’s nothing,” he says, shaking his head. “Just an expedition he wants me to go on.”

  “What kind of expedition?” I ask curiously.

  He glances away from the road to look at me for a moment, pushing his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose. “It’s uh…a shipwreck he believes has been found. The Flor de la Mar.”

  My jaw drops. “The Flor de la Mar?” I echo in disbelief. “How can you say that so calmly?”

  I suddenly remember Wesley’s outburst last night, and the excited mood he was in while talking to his uncle by the campfire.

  “That’s what the two of you were discussing last night, wasn’t it?”

  Wesley nods, staying quiet.

  “Why the face?” I ask him. “You should be thrilled beyond belief right now. I think I heard it was worth over a billion dollars.”

  “Two point six, actually.”

  I shake my head, dumbstruck. “Then what’s the deal? Why don’t you seem more excited?”

  “I can’t go.” He shrugs. “They want to start excavating in a few weeks.”

  I turn in my seat to get a good look at Wesley. “You’d lose your inheritance,” I say in understanding. “But wouldn’t you make more off the expedition?”

  “Most likely.”

  “Then what’s stopping you from breaking the terms of the will?”

  “I don’t know…I haven’t said no yet. It’s just a lot to think about. I’d be gone anywhere from six months to a year.”

  “Oh.”

  Six months to a year.

  Just thinking about Wesley being gone that long makes my heart sink. Living in Kent House would go back to the way it was before. Lonely.

  My next words are lodged in my throat, but I somehow manage to get them out. “You should go.”

  “Really?” Surprise thickens his tone. “You want me to go?”

  Of course I don’t want him to, but I can’t say that. Telling him to stay for my own selfish reasons is just plain wrong. Exploring is who he is. Treasure is who he is. So I do my best to put on a very reassuring smile. “It sounds like one heck of an opportunity, Wes. If it were me, I wouldn’t let anything get in my way.”

  He frowns, then looks back at the road, his reaction confusing the hell out of me. “Yeah, that’s pretty much what my uncle said.”

  “Harland would be okay with it, you know. In fact, I think he’d be thrilled for you.” I look down at my lap, thinking about what else I can say to reassure him. “And besides, we’re friends now,” I point out. “Which is what I think Harland really wanted. Screw education. I’m sure he didn’t give a crap about that.”

  I grin, but it quickly fades when Wesley doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even crack a smile.

  “Friends?” he asks me. “Is that all we are?”

  “You know what I mean, Wes. He wanted us to be close.”

  “I don’t believe in being friends with girls. I told you that already.”

  “So you don’t consider me someone worthy of giving your friendship?” I ask, hurt.

  “No, that’s not what I…” He lets out a frustrated sigh. “You’d be a good friend, Dahlia—if I didn’t want to have sex with you every time I look at you.”

  My cheeks grow hot. “But still…there’s friendship behind the attraction, isn’t there?”

  He looks over at me again, then back at the road. Long, awkward seconds pass before he finally agrees with me. “Yes, there is.”

  I gaze out the window for a long time before speaking again. When I do, my voice is heavy. “Wes, can I ask you something?”

  “Anything, babe.”

  “Do your reasons for not wanting to go include me?” I immediately feel stupid for saying that, wishing I could take it back. “Not that I think you’d ever turn down a once in a lifetime chance for something so new—you know what? Forget I even asked.”

  The car slows down. Wesley pulls over to the side of the road, puts the Jeep in park, and turns to face me. “You are absolutely one of my reasons. Don’t sell yourself short, babe. I don’t care if this is still new or not. Every other fucking thought in my head is about you. If I had to leave you, I’m pretty sure I’d lose my mind.”

  I’m so stunned I can’t breathe. His words work their way straight into my chest and squeeze me so tightly, making it impossible to breathe. He’s just summed up exactly how I feel.

  Wesley looks away from me. He bangs on the steering wheel, cursing. “Yes, I want to go. Of course I want to go,” he says. “And if there was a way to bring you with me, I’d do it in a heart beat. But since I can’t, I feel…against it.”

  “Wesley, I…”

  I’m at a loss for words. Tears are building in
my eyes, and crying is the last thing I want to do. I force myself to take a deep breath.

  “We’re twenty-one, and we have our whole lives ahead of us. If you don’t go, you’re being untrue to yourself. A job like this is what you were meant for.”

  “Don’t tell me that,” he says angrily. “Don’t act like you don’t care. I know you do.”

  “That’s not what I’m doing.” I shake my head, pressing my lips together. “The problem is that I do care. I care too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love what you just said to me, and I feel the exact same way. I don’t want you to leave. But I couldn’t live with myself knowing I let you walk away from this. Don’t ask me to do that, Wes.”

  He lets out a long sigh, resting his head back against the seat. “So what do we do? Do we end it before it ever really began?”

  “I don’t know,” I say, shrugging. “You would be gone a long time. Maybe it would be less painful for both of us if we did.”

  Wesley turns away, looking out his window. “Fine.” He shifts the gear out of park, steering us back onto the road. “If that’s what you want.”

  He’s angry with me. I open my mouth to say something, but close it again. I don’t like that he’s upset, and I certainly don’t like being the cause of it. I don’t know why I even agreed to ending it in the first place. It’s not what I want. It’s not how I feel.

  Even so, I can see the purpose of staying away from each other. The more I feel for him, the harder it’s going to be to watch him leave. And the more he feels for me, the more he’ll want to stay. I’m not going to be that girl, the one he’ll regret years later. I’m not going to be the one he blames for missing out on one of the greatest opportunities he’ll ever get a chance to take.

  So I won’t say anything. Maybe it will be easier for him if he’s angry. He’s upset right now, but maybe there will come a day when he’s grateful for this moment. I hope that’s possible.

  Because I know I’ll live to regret it.

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  DOLL

  One week later…

  There’s a persistent knocking at my bedroom door that refuses to stop. I keep thinking to myself, if I don’t answer, maybe whoever it is will go away. And just when I think the unwelcome visitor has given up, the knocking starts again, relentless.

  After what seems like the ten millionth knock, I groan into my pillow.

  “What?”

  “Doll? It’s me, Gwen…can I come in?”

  I sit up in my bed, rubbing my eyes. I haven’t thought about what I was going to say the next time I saw her. I don’t know if I can do this right now.

  Before I can answer, my door swings open. Gwen walks in, shutting it behind her. “I realize under the boss-employee relationship, this may seem inappropriate. But I’m not here as your employee. I’m here as your best friend. And as your best friend, I want to tell you that you can’t keep ignoring me. I need you.”

  I tuck my pillow over my stomach, hugging it to me. “Can we do this later? I just got back.”

  “Doll, you may not realize what day it is because all you’ve been doing is sleeping, but you’ve been home for five days now.”

  “I’m jet-lagged,” I grumble, silently counting back the days to see if she’s right. Have I been home for that long? It’s possible. I remember blowing off a few classes because I was so tired.

  “Are you okay?” she asks, tilting her head. “I’m not sure what happened in Morocco with Kent, but I’m worried. You look like you’ve been living in a garbage can. I almost prefer the crazy makeup and hoodie over this.”

  Looking down at myself, I notice the ketchup stain on the T-shirt I’ve been too lazy to change out of. Gwen has a point.

  “I’m fine,” I sigh. “I’ll be back to normal soon. I just need some time to recoup.”

  “Recoup from what?” She makes her way to the edge of my bed, sitting down on it.

  I shake my head. “If we have to have this conversation, let’s get to the point.”

  She lowers her gaze, staring down at her lap. “I love him, Doll. What I did was horrible and awful and wrong, but I love him. I always have.” It takes her a few moments before she can look me in the eyes. “Do you hate me for it?”

  “Sort of,” I answer honestly. “I hate what you did to Charlotte. Does she know yet?”

  Gwen nods. “Miles broke up with her a few days ago.”

  “You’re stupid if you think that’s how it went down. He probably told her everything, and then she broke up with him. You’re most likely the consolation prize. Congratulations.”

  “He told me about your conversation, Doll. He told me about how he planned to end things with me, and make it right with Charlotte.”

  “What changed?”

  “He figured out he’s in love with me,” she says, shrugging.

  “I’m so happy for you.”

  Gwen winces. “You have every right to be mad. I would be, if it were me. I can’t stand cheaters, and in the mix of all this, I became the other woman. I’m ashamed of that, but for that alone. I’ve been in love with Miles since we were kids, Doll. When Charlotte found out I planned to ask him to the seventh grade dance, she beat me to it. Why do you think I’ve hated her so much over the years? That’s what started it all.”

  Really? That’s what began their ongoing feud? I shake my head, unable to believe all those years of hating each other was caused over a date to the seventh grade dance.

  “Forgive me if I don’t think you can compare that to what you did to her,” I mutter angrily. “We’re adults now, Gwen. You’re supposed to act like one.”

  She nods sadly. “You’re right. I hated her based on what she had—what I thought she stole from me.” She stands up and walks away, pausing by the door. “I’m sorry for putting you in the middle, Doll. It wasn’t fair to you.”

  I nod, acknowledging her apology. Out of all the pain she’s caused, I didn’t think she recognized what she put me through as a result of it. I think I needed to hear it.

  “If you don’t want me to work here anymore, I’ll understand.”

  I hug the pillow closer to my chest, unable to look at her. It’s breaking my heart, and I want to stay mad. “You can keep the job.”

  “Okay,” she says, wiping away a tear from the corner of her eye. “I’m glad.” She turns to leave, then stops again. “Do you think you’ll hate me forever?”

  I press my lips together, wishing I could say yes. She deserves to lose a friend over what she did. Coming out the winner seems unfair. I don’t even want to think about what Charlotte’s going through. But if I said yes, I know I’d be lying. My life wouldn’t be the same without Gwen. I hate what she did, but I don’t hate her.

  “No,” I finally admit. “I just need some time.”

  The corners of her lips curve into a semi-smile. “That’s really good to hear…I miss you.”

  “I miss you too.”

  “How much time do you need?”

  “I don’t know. A few weeks.”

  “That long?”

  “I’m still angry, Gwen. Really angry. You hurt my best friend. I’d feel the same way if Charlotte did it to you.”

  She nods. “Okay. I can wait.”

  Once she’s gone my room feels painfully quiet. Going back to sleep is tempting. You can’t think or feel anything when you’re asleep. Well you can, but only in dreams, and you’ve forgotten them by the time you wake up. Gwen isn’t the only reason I’ve been keeping myself holed up in my bedroom. I think I’ve been waiting for Wesley to leave before starting my life again. I don’t want to walk around this house, knowing he’s still here. I might change my mind if I do. I might ask him to stay, and that’s the last thing he needs while preparing to go on the expedition of a lifetime.

  But I can’t do this anymore either. Sitting here and being depressed isn’t helping anyone—and it’s killing my grades. Wesley is living his life in a big way, and I should be doing the same.

  Besides, ther
e are things I need to take care of. One of them being Charlotte. She may have hundreds of friends to console her, but I know she’s going to need me to get through this. If I’m any kind of friend at all, I have to be there for her.

  I stand up, looking around my messy bedroom, then down at my body. First things first—a shower. Then I’ll find Charlotte.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  WESLEY

  “Dahlia wanted me to give this to you.”

  Francisco hands me a typed document. As I look over it, I realize it’s a contract. Dahlia’s signature is at the bottom.

  “What is this?”

  “Once you leave, the full inheritance will fall to her, provided she graduates. She asked me to draw this up for you. In it, she agrees to give you half of all the money and valuables she receives.”

  I keep reading for myself, unable to believe she would do this. “Not just half, Francisco. She’s agreeing to relinquish anything I ask for.”

  Francisco coughs uncomfortably. “That’s correct.”

  Looking up from the document, I stare at him incredulously. “Why is she doing this?”

  “In her words, it’s only fair. She said you’ve earned this, and she wants you to leave with the peace of mind of knowing that no matter what you dig up out of that ocean, you’ll still have your inheritance.”

  I crumple the paper up, handing it back to Francisco. “No way. I’m breaking Harland’s terms. She’s supposed to get everything.”

  Francisco stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “We’ve already processed this through the courts, Wes. You can’t say no. It’s already done.”

  “So undo it.”

  “I can’t. It’s her choice.”

  “Well then tell her I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from her.”

  “I can tell her that, but I doubt she’ll change her mind.” He eyes me with concern. “Is everything okay, Wes?”

  “Everything’s fine,” I snap.

  Immediately I feel bad. Francisco isn’t to blame for my problems. Taking it out on him won’t help either of us.