Pretending

by Shanna Clayton

  “Sorry,” I say. “I’m in a bad mood, that’s all.”

  “You should be on cloud nine.” He claps my shoulder. “Get it together, son. You have no idea how lucky you are.”

  “You’re right,” I say, without meaning it.

  Because I don’t feel lucky. I don’t feel anything.

  The next few days pass by in a blur. During the day, I spend my time getting everything organized by packing, dropping my classes, booking my airfare, and keeping myself as busy as humanly possible.

  It doesn’t really hit me that I’m leaving until the day before my flight. Chase shows up at my house to hang out before I leave, surprising me, because I hadn’t been sure if he and Tyson were co-conspirators.

  As soon as I tell him what happened, I know he had no involvement.

  “Everything makes a shit-ton of sense now, Wes. Think about it—we had a tail on us the whole time we were in Egypt. The guy who stabbed you must’ve been in on it with Tyson. He had to have been tipping them off.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out as soon as he told me he took Dahlia hostage.”

  Chase shakes his head. “We’re done,” he says, sighing. “I’m fucking done with that guy. What he did to you makes me sick, and I swear to God the next time I see him, I’m gonna beat the shit out of him.”

  “Don’t bother. He’s not worth it.” I feel a grin tug at my lips. “But I appreciate the thought.”

  “Well, if it makes you feel better, I came over with good news. Where’s your remote?”

  I’m confused, but I grab the remote off the side table and hand it to Chase. “What’s this about?”

  “The professors have been buzzing about it all day.” He flips to a news broadcast. “They’re doing a feature story on your sword.”

  “Seriously?”

  He nods, looking at his watch. “Just a few more minutes and it should be on.”

  We watch the broadcast together, and my heart stops when I see Sam’s picture displayed on the screen. The news anchors refer to him as one of the most clever treasure hunters of our time. My heart swells with pride—for myself and for my brother. If it weren’t for him, I never would have found it.

  After it’s over, Chase turns around to face me. “I bet he likes this better than being buried with it.”

  “Yeah. I think so too.”

  We drink a few beers, hang out and play video games for a while before it starts to get late. Chase stands up to leave. “I still can’t believe you’re leaving.”

  “You and me both.”

  “It’s not gonna be the same around here.” He leans in to hug me, slapping my back. It shocks the hell out of me because Chase has never been much for showing emotion.

  “Take care, bro.”

  “You too.”

  Once he’s gone, I look around me and it really starts to sink in. I’m leaving. Tomorrow. My gaze drifts to the right wing of the house, knowing Dahlia’s up there somewhere. I saw her car parked out front.

  I hate that she’s handling this so well. “We’re twenty-one,” she told me, and for some reason that really got under my skin. What does it matter if we’re twenty-one or forty? What I feel for her, I’ve never felt with anyone. Who is she to say it will pass? Maybe it’s easy for her to forget, but I never will.

  I’m getting angry all over again, and I hate that she has the ability to affect me like this. I try to tell myself by tomorrow it will all be over. I’ll be too pumped to think of anything else but of getting on that boat and starting the excavation.

  But it’s a lie.

  If I don’t see her at least one more time, I’m going to be looking back instead of focusing on what’s ahead. Before I change my mind, I run up the stairs.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  DOLL

  He leaves tomorrow.

  I overheard Francisco talking about it on the phone while I was in his office. I wish I didn’t know. It would’ve been better if I had woken up tomorrow, and he was gone. Now I have to get through tonight knowing he’s leaving in the morning.

  I’m pacing the space in front of my bedroom door, every so often stopping to stare at the door handle. Should I go find him? There’s so much I want to say, but I don’t know if telling Wesley the day before he leaves is a good idea.

  I glance at my reflection in the mirror over my dresser, as if the girl in it will give me answers. I’m wearing a dress, my hair left down in loose waves that hangs over my shoulders. And I’m wearing makeup. Flattering makeup—not my usual stuff. I actually don’t look half bad. But it doesn’t give me the courage I need to go find Wesley.

  I start pacing the room again. He’s probably excited and nervous and busy packing. Distracting him is the worst thing I could do.

  I should leave it alone, dammit.

  But the thought of Wesley leaving without knowing how I feel doesn’t sit well in my stomach. I stop to stare at the door handle again, determined to make a move. I lift my hand to open it, but there’s a knock.

  I swing it open. Wesley is standing there, his hand raised mid-knock. “That was fast.”

  “I was just about to come out.”

  We stare at each other for several seconds, each of us staying completely silent. My eyes rake over him as if I haven’t seen him in years. He looks good—too good. His general attractiveness mixed in with how much I’ve missed him make for an intoxicating combination. I can’t look away, can’t get enough of him. Or maybe I’m doing it because I know this is the last time I’ll see him.

  “There’s something I need to say to you before I leave,” he says, his tone determined.

  “Me too,” I say. “But you go first.”

  “I’m in love with you.”

  Wait—what? That was supposed to be my line.

  Hearing him say it though is so damn nice. It calms something inside of me, alleviating a fear I didn’t know I had. I didn’t want to be the only one who felt this way.

  “I don’t care if you think we’re too young or if what we have is too new. You’re it for me, Dahlia. I mean it, you and no one else. Ever. And whether we’re apart for one day or a thousand, I’ll still be missing you at the end of it. You’re all I’m ever going to need again for the rest of my life. So you better get used to it because—”

  I place the palm of my hand over his mouth, cutting him off. “I love you, too.”

  That’s all it takes. The weight in his eyes disappears, and I can visibly see the shift in him. Just like me, he simply wanted to know he wasn’t alone.

  Wesley kicks the door closed and reaches for me, brushing his lips against mine. The warmth from his lips travels through every cell of my body. There’s a sweetness that has never been there before—an emotion I’ve never felt from him.

  An uncontrollable need to keep going consumes my mind and body. If this is supposed to be my last night with him, I want it to be memorable. I don’t want regrets.

  I back up from Wesley, sliding my dress sleeves off each shoulder, letting the material fall in a puddle on the ground. I step out of it, kicking it aside. I stand there before him wearing only my bra and panties, feeling more exposed than I ever have in my life, but somehow I gather the courage to look at him.

  His eyes travel over every inch of me in a very slow, caressing way. “Are you sure?” he asks uncertainly. “That’s not what this is about. I didn’t come up here for this.”

  “I know.”

  Swallowing, I gather the courage to reach behind my back and unclasp my bra from its hook. I toss it behind me, keeping my eyes on Wesley. Then I bend over and slip out of out my panties as well.

  I walk toward him, and he sucks in a breath. “It’s okay. I want to,” I assure him, resting my hand on the front of his belt. “I want this. With you.”

  He dips his head, pressing his lips against mine and kissing me as softly as possible. Like he’s afraid I might change my mind. I deepen the kiss while tugging on his belt, not wanting to break away and give either one of us too much time
to think about what we’re doing. Unbuckling his jeans, I pull them down.

  Wesley yanks the shirt over his head, then lifts me up and carries me to the bed, easing himself down on top of me. He breaks away from the kiss again, pushing himself up to stare down at me. “Last chance,” he says, his breath uneven. “It doesn’t have to be tonight. I can wait for you.”

  I take his face in my hands. “Maybe you can wait, but I don’t want to.”

  “You should know that after this, I’m never giving you up,” he says, swallowing. “I won’t listen to any more talk of ending things or reasons why we should keep our distance.” He leans down to kiss the side of my neck, slowly trailing a path of kisses over my jawline. I shiver, feeling a thousand tingles dance over my skin. “After tonight, you’ll be mine. Completely. I want to hear you say it.”

  I nod, very willing to agree to those terms. “I am yours, and you are mine.”

  Wesley nods, gaining the permission he needs through my acceptance. Now that we’ve come this far, there is no going back. I’m perfectly fine with that. With all reservations gone, he kisses me hard and passionately. Now that he’s made up his mind, he wants to see it through just as badly as I do.

  When I feel his hand slide up my inner thigh, my breath catches in my chest. His fingers find their way between my legs, gently slipping inside of me. He moves back, and I keep my eyes locked with his, helpless to control the tiny spasms and tremors running through me. With each movement of his hand, my body convulses a little more. The need he’s forming within me consumes every thought. I reach up to grip his shoulders, digging my fingers into his flesh. “Wesley, I…”

  He moves away from me, and I hear him shuffle for his jeans, pulling a condom out of his wallet. The intensity of the mood breaks for a moment.

  “Really?” I grin, unable to help it. “In your wallet?”

  “This one has been in here since the day I met you—the real you. I haven’t been with anyone since then, and there won’t be anyone after.”

  His words touch my heart in a way I didn’t think possible, relaxing my mind and body. In that moment, I know I’m ready for this, and for him.

  I part my lips, hearing the condom rip open as he kisses me. When I feel the hardness between my thighs, I don’t shy away from it. I let my legs fall open for him, closing my eyes.

  My muscles tense as he pushes inside of me, and I brace myself for whatever pain is to come. He slows, kissing me tenderly.

  “Look at me, babe.”

  I do what he asks and look up at him, seeing the way he’s holding back, and I see it’s taking a huge amount of effort for him to do so.

  He presses inside of me a little more, and I gasp.

  “I’ve never done this with someone I love,” he whispers, kissing the side of my face. “I think this is how it should be. How it was meant to be. With you.”

  I nod, biting my bottom lip.

  “Breathe, baby.”

  Doing what he says, I open my mouth to breathe, feeling most of the pain dissipate after a few short seconds. Wesley eases up, and then gently presses down again. This time, the pain fades to the background. My hips arch around his, and the next time I feel him push into me, I cry out, the sound muffled against his chest.

  He begins to move faster and harder, rocking in and out of me as a bead of sweat films over both our foreheads. Each time he fills me, I want him closer and deeper than the last. Waves of pleasure course through my body, building a constant need for more. My breath goes still, and I arch my back as one last powerful wave crashes through me.

  Wesley grips my hips, his movements turning rigid as he pushes into me deeper than before, molding his body to mine. Shudders convulse through him, and he goes still, the release making him groan against my ear.

  He drops his head beside mine, his breath feathering against my neck. I feel his rapid heartbeat begin to slow against my skin.

  “I love you,” I whisper into the air, needing to say it again. I feel like I need to thank him for making that experience so heart-wrenchingly perfect.

  He leans up and looks into my eyes, then kisses me fiercely, and I feel like I’ve just been branded. Maybe I have. In this moment, he is branding me for all time by giving me his heart, his soul, and a piece of him the rest of the world will never get to see. Knowing it belongs to only me gives me the most beautiful peace.

  ~ ~

  WESLEY

  The next morning Dahlia gently nudges my shoulder. She peers up at me, the morning sun gleaming in her soft amber eyes. Seeing her like this, in bed next to me, she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

  “If you don’t wake up, you’re going to miss your flight.”

  My flight? She can’t mean…

  Fear instantly washes over me. I stiffen, slowly lifting my head from the pillow to look at her. “What you said last night…it was all a lie?”

  She furrows her brows, giving me a funny look. “What are you talking about? Of course it wasn’t a lie.”

  “Then why are we still talking about me leaving?”

  A frown pulls at her lips. “Wesley when I agreed not to end things, and when I told you I love you—I meant it.” She reaches for my face, pressing her lips against mine for one short kiss, then leans back again. “But if you don’t get your ass on that flight, you are not the man I love.”

  “How the hell are we supposed to make it work with you here and me halfway around the world?”

  “We just will,” she says, sounding positive about the whole thing. “You’ll have to call me as much as you can. If not, we can email or talk online. We’ll make it work, Wes. I have no more fears about us. I know that we can do this. If you trust me in the same way, you’ll know I’ll be patiently waiting for you to finish one of the most exciting jobs of a lifetime, so that you can hurry up and find your way back to me.”

  My chest tightens, warmth spreading over me. I do know that. I know she’ll be here, and I know we will make it work. And deep down I know if she weren’t forcing me to go, she wouldn’t be the woman I love.

  I grip her face, crushing my lips across hers. “Thank you.”

  She smiles. “Anytime. Need a lift to the airport?”

  I look down at my watch. “Fucking hell,” I mutter and jump out of bed. “I’m gonna have to get ready fast.”

  I hurry about her room, gathering up my clothes. Glancing up, I catch the sad look on her face, and I immediately drop my clothes to the floor.

  “Oh don’t let this deter you,” she says, pointing at her face. “I still want you to go, but…I’m going to miss you like crazy.”

  In a few short strides, I’m back beside the bed. I lean over to kiss her again, pushing her down against the mattress. Gently sucking on her bottom lip, a soft moan escapes. Sliding my hand under the sheet, I run my fingers across her bare leg.

  “Wes,” she gasps. “I thought you said you were running late.”

  I break away for a second, my mouth curving into a slow grin. “Then we’ll have to make this fast. Because I’m about to show you how much I’m gonna miss you too.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  DOLL

  Three months later…

  There’s a sense of awe that comes over me as I enter the ballroom. Waterfalls of drapery cascade from the ceiling to the floor in every shade of pink imaginable, from a blushing rose to a bright magenta. Tables glisten with soft candlelight, and there’s a band center stage, permeating the place with upbeat music.

  “I’m transferring out of here at the end of the semester,” Charlotte says to me as we take our seats.

  The news hits me like a bomb. “Are you serious?”

  She nods, looking away. Since she and Miles broke up, she hasn’t been the same. I don’t blame her for wanting to leave, but not when she’s so close to graduating. People surprise me. I figured Charlotte would rebound quickly. She’s strong like that, but something has changed inside her. She’s not the same person she used to be.


  “You have one more semester left, Char. You’ve got the sorority, your academic achievements—you’re really gonna give all that up?”

  “I quit the sorority, Doll. Couldn’t take it anymore.” She twists the napkin on the table uncomfortably. “Ever since Miles…you know, I’ve been realizing more and more that this life isn’t me. Yeah, I’ve made a name for myself, and yeah I have a lot of achievements under my belt, but it’s not what I care about. It’s not who I want to be.”

  The pain in her voice breaks my heart. “Who do you want to be?”

  “Someone with real friends. Real relationships. I want to do things that are important, but at the same time not be so busy.”

  She looks at me, and I get what she means. I don’t want her to go, but if this is what she wants, I’ll support her. “In that case, I hope you find what you’re looking for.” I rest my hand on top of hers. “But you’re not allowed to forget me, okay?”

  “I won’t.” She offers me a weak smile. “You’re one of the only people here I care about.”

  “So where will you go?” I ask curiously.

  “Oh I don’t know.” She shrugs. “I’m thinking down south. Miami, maybe.”

  “I can deal with that. As long as you’re not moving across the country.”

  “I considered it,” she says sadly.

  I hate that she said that.

  “So how are you doing?” I ask, concerned.

  “I’m okay. It’s getting easier.” Her eyes drift to the dance floor. “This kinda stuff is hard though, seeing all the happy couples dancing, smiling and kissing. It makes feel sick to my stomach. Are they really happy? Or are they all hiding behind a lie?”

  I see where she’s looking, noticing one of the couples holding each other as they sway to the music. Seeing it makes my chest tighten. “I know what you mean…sort of. It’s painful for me too, but in a different way.”

  Charlotte swings around in her chair. “Well you, my friend, may get a happy ending after all.”