No Engagement Ring

by Julie Sewcharan

  “That's what your father said about him,” Elizabeth conferred. “Then what's wrong?”

  A moment of silence ensued before Hannah could confess, “It's just so hard to get rid of the fear.”

  “Yes, it is! However, don't for one moment think God will use it against you. Just confess the fear to Him and leave it there. Whether He removes it immediately or later, He is going to make things right,” Elizabeth counselled.

  “I'll do that mum. Thanks.”

  “I used to worry about you a lot, Hannah. From a young child you used to always give in to others at the expense of yourself. It frightened me but at least as a child I could protect you but when you got old enough to make decisions on your own I couldn't and that was difficult for me. These days, I can relax. You have become the woman you were always created to be.” A sob caught in Elizabeth's voice.

  “I love you mum,” Hannah said in a muffled voice.

  After speaking to her mother, Hannah felt better, stronger. She was going to be alright. Following her mother's instruction, Hannah gave her fear to God and waited. It didn't feel different but she trusted what her mother said and would wait. In the meantime, she would plan her wedding in faith.

  That afternoon she acted as she normally did at the young people's group meeting. Again it was just the seven of them which was a blessing to Hannah as she didn't fancy facing the clawing females. None of them saw any difference in her which was good even though her mind wandered several times.

  Chapter 16

  It was becoming more difficult to keep her engagement secret at school, though. Everyone seemed to notice a difference in her. Sarah herself even commented on it.

  ”Spring suits you, Hannah!” she said one day with a twinkle in her eye. Hannah laughed not commenting. She suspected that Mrs Hart knew but was being discreet.

  Tuesday came and with it the excitement of getting her dress. Suppressing her excitement was difficult especially towards the afternoon. Fortunately everyone was too pre-occupied with exams and therefore no one inquired about her state of excitement.

  When the knock on the door came that, evening, she was ready and waiting. Emily had directed them to her door. After thanking the young couple, whom she recognised from her father's church and who filled her in on their move to the city a while back before her engagement fiasco, they left to get home.

  Taking a deep breath, she opened the case and therein was the dress just as she remembered. Before she could lift it out, Emily knocked on her door.

  “I couldn't wait to see it,” Emily confessed like a child.

  “That's okay,” Hannah laughed glad that she could share her excitement with someone.

  Together, they unfolded the dress and laid it on the bed. “It's beautiful!” Emily stated genuinely.

  “Huh, huh!” Hannah agreed, dreamily, staring at the dress. She was glad she'd had no inclination to wear it first time around. Simon had not inspired her to wear the dress and she was not sure that he would have approved. So she had never even asked him.

  “I would like to replace the lace though,” Hannah said thoughtfully.

  “Just say the word and I can oblige,” Emily said encouragingly.

  “You sew?” Hannah asked surprised.

  “Oh, no! But I know of someone who does. Don't worry, it's someone who's coming to the wedding,” she added quickly at Hannah's alarmed look. “She just doesn't know it yet. My younger sister,” Emily proudly answered Hannah's questioning look.

  “You have a sister living here?” Hannah was still surprised. “Gosh I have so many people yet to meet. I guess my first impression of Jonathan just coming into being would be great now,” she laughed.

  Emily laughed heartily. “I still can't get over that one!”

  “I don't think Jonathan will either,” Hannah said with mirth.

  It was settled that Emily's sister would make the changes to the dress. And Hannah knew that the dress was in good hands. She informed her mother as soon as Emily left. Elizabeth was relieved.

  The next evening, she and Jonathan had dinner with the Garricks. It had been some time since they saw each other. For some reason, Jonathan had become very busy lately. He looked tired Hannah noted, wishing she could do something about it. Thoughtfully, Emily and Derrick always gave them some time alone after dinner.

  “I have booked the marriage preparation course which starts next week. We will complete it in time for the wedding,” he informed with accomplishment.

  “You look tired,” she said instead of acknowledging the information.

  Jonathan looked surprised but was elevated that she cared. “Just this time of the year syndrome,” he joked.

  “Will you manage the course?” she asked matter of factly. “I don't mind if we wait.”

  Cupping her face in his hands, he said firmly, “I mind. I have made sure that there will be no distractions on the days we are to attend. Besides, I have competent staff who can handle any issues that may arise.” He said the last with a warm smile.

  “Okay!” She was breathless. His closeness was playing havoc with her senses and she wasn't sure what to do with it except stare at him with round eyes.

  Jonathan was fully aware that she was as affected by his closeness as he was by hers. Several moments passed as they gazed at each other. He wanted to kiss her badly but the promise he made filled his head. Instead, he kissed her forehead.

  Hannah was relieved that he broke the spell first. She was torn between giving in to the desire to kiss him; in that way he would not be breaking his promise; and the torment of not finding out what his kiss would tell her.

  Reluctantly, Jonathan removed his hands from her face and shifted away from her. It would be best to keep some distance. Maybe he should adopt her stance before his confession of his feelings for her? The thought made him smile.

  “What's so funny?” she asked mildly.

  “I was just thinking that I should adopt your method of keeping my distance from you so that I don't break my promise. The way you used to remove yourself from me before I proposed?” he reminded her.

  Hannah laughed. “See there's always a reason for everything.”

  They laughed about the preposterous idea but Jonathan wasn't so sure it was preposterous. It was easy for her not to fall into temptation. Not so for him. Although it had been a struggle in the beginning after his divorce to remain sexually pure, it had eventually become easier with the help of the Holy Spirit and he had not transgressed since. No woman had, for a long time now, been physically attractive to him. Since meeting Hannah, however, he felt he was slipping. She was proving to be a passionate woman and he wasn't sure how long he could exercise self control around her. He groaned inwardly! Marriage was still four weeks away.

  Blissfully unaware of Jonathan's dilemma Hannah asked questions about his family. Coming back to the mundane things, helped. But he kept his physical distance in any case.

  The day of the start of the course came quickly. Hannah wasn't sure what to expect, except that it was a course on preparing for marriage. She had never attended one before; they didn't have these things at her dad's church, and was looking forward to the evening. It was also an opportunity to get to know Jonathan better. He seemed satisfied with the knowledge he had of her but she wanted to know more about him. Asking Emily was not something she fancied. Besides, mums were always biased.

  Jonathan was punctual and they were on their way immediately. The traffic getting out of the area was still heavy but not too troublesome. At least they were leaving well in time.

  Once out of the traffic, Hannah commented, “Gosh! I didn't realise just how awful the traffic is in the city.”

  “That's because the city has more roads than your town,” he teased.

  “Hey! I don't come from a small town, just a smaller town than the city,” she said with mock defensiveness. “And it's just easier to drive in my town.”

  “So you do drive!” he teased still.

  “Off course I d
rive!” she stated emphatically. “I do have a licence to drive but I don't know if I will ever drive in this place. It's just so scary!”

  “You'll get used to it,” he said compassionately.

  “Maybe,” she pondered.

  “What's it like in a small town?”

  “It's different,” she began slowly. “Everyone knows everyone so it is pretty hard to keep a secret.” Her voice was tinged with sorrow.

  Jonathan reached over and covered her hand. Hannah jumped then apologised. “Sorry! Still getting used to all this.”

  “Did you live all your life there?” he asked conversationally, keeping her hand covered with his.

  “Yep. Never been anywhere else even though I am in possession of a valid passport. My parents insisted we always be prepared in case the Lord called us to some place else. We renewed our passports dedicatedly,” she enlightened, explaining away their logic. “Because I have not been away from home, my parents were so worried when I decided to come to the city. My sister is the traveller. She's currently in Germany for six months, working. Very different from me. I am not sure that she will make it to our wedding. My brother will probably leave home on completion of his studies.”

  “What is he studying?”

  “Marketing Management. He is a creative person and very bold.”

  “Sounds like the right choice of career.”

  “What he wants from that career is to travel the world. He figures that if he gets into an international company, he will achieve this.” She sighed.

  “And you don't think so?” It was a conversational inquiry.

  “Oh, I'm sure he'll achieve it. I just think he is going into the working world with the wrong reasoning. I am sure there is more to being in your work place than just doing a job.”

  “That is a very wise observation, Hannah,” Jonathan praised.

  She looked across at him. “Really?”

  “You need to give yourself more credit. I think you understand the joys of doing what you are doing. It took me a long time to understand that.” He sounded regretful.

  “Oh? Why do you say that?”

  “I studied Mechanical Engineering because I always liked building things. But with engineering, you hardly ever get to physically build what you design.”

  “That doesn't sound very joyful.” Her tone wasn't patronising rather empathic.

  “It isn't if you are a hands on person,” he agreed. “However, the salary's very good and if you get caught up in that, there's no regret for your dreams not coming true.”

  “Did you feel obliged to stay in that field?” she asked cautiously.

  “I guess after I got married, it was not option,” he said without bitterness.

  Hannah didn't want to open up old wounds but she was longing to know about his first wife and how much she would feature in their relationship. Better to get it out in the open sooner than later.

  So she plunged in and asked, “What is she like? Your ex-wife?” She hoped she sounded casual and undemanding.

  “Noelle?” At least the ex-wife now had a name. “Beautiful, sensual and enjoyed living. Very persuasive too. I guess that's what blinded me.”

  “Did you know her long before you got married?”

  “Pretty long. We practically grew up together. Her father was my father's right hand man in the church. I guess that's why it made sense for the two of us to get married. Both our parents were very much for it. I am quite certain my dad would have approved too if he were still alive. We were only twenty two then. So naïve about life.” He said the last with regret.

  “Can I ask what happened?” Hannah ventured timidly.

  “Darling, you have the right to know everything about me; I just didn't know if you were ready to receive all this knowledge. Just remember, she isn't going to be part of our lives. Last time I saw or heard from her was five years ago. She's probably still living in Australia.” He kissed the back of her hand before proceeding.

  “When I was still a child, everyone was adamant that I would follow in my father's footsteps. There were a few prophesies testifying to that. As I got older though, I was pretty certain I didn't want to do what my father was doing. It seemed to take all of his time. When I turned twelve, he died from burnout and to me that wasn't very Godly.”

  He paused as if remembering the pain of his father's death and Hannah stroked his hand gently. But he continued strongly. “I didn't hate God or leave the church or anything like that. I simply saw it as a sign that I should not go into ministry which is why I studied a different field altogether.

  “Noelle and I studied at the same university and spent a lot of time together. As soon as we graduated, we got internships. It set the road for our relationship to move to the next level. I guess we were happy, living our lives without thinking about the future. We didn't get involved in church ministry, activities or even serving. Come to think of it, we lived pretty selfish lives and thought life was great.

  “Until my terrible accident.” Hannah gasped at this new knowledge but didn't say anything. “I had a very dangerous hobby when I was much younger. Motor bike racing! I spent a lot of time racing on the track and was very good at it. It was a passion for me and Noelle encouraged me to continue. She attended every race.

  “Off course, being mechanical, I maintained my own bike. I guess that is why I loved the sport so much. It was the last race of the season and I was in the top five. You can imagine how good I felt. I was ready to win that one.” Jonathan paused as if remembering the event. Hannah waited patiently.

  “It was almost the end of the race and I was in third place when I was involved in an horrendous crash involving more than four bikes. Flames shot up all around me, I remember clearly.” Hannah groaned at the thought of it. “It must have been a pretty bad crash but all I can remember is seeing angels rising from the flames and ministering to me.” He said it with awe.

  “I remember nothing else until I opened my eyes in the hospital. When I opened my eyes, the doctor was there and he was frowning. Thinking the worst, I prepared myself for what he was going to say. Therefore, it took me by surprise when he said, 'Son, I don't know how it is possible but you should not be alive after that crash. It's a miracle you sustained absolutely no injury either'. I thought I was dreaming so I pinched myself and realised that he was very real.

  “However, he didn't discharge me immediately, keeping me in hospital for a good few days even though I was perfectly fine to go home. Probably wanted to make sure I wasn't going to suddenly go into a coma or something.” Jonathan gave a small laugh. “Those few days I was thankful for as it really helped me get things into perspective. I was made aware that God wanted me back in His plan. I knew He had preserved me for something greater.

  “It took some soul searching from then. For me at least. Noelle didn't want to accept that God was calling us into ministry. She threatened to leave if I did go into ministry. I believed she would. It was a tough decision but I knew that God came first. I asked her to give me some time to think things through.

  “She agreed. It was quite a battle but eventually I realised that if God wanted me in a certain place, then He had prepared that place already. He would work on Noelle. Decision made, I confronted her about going into ministry. Contrary to what I thought God was going to do, she filed for a divorce. Said she could not live that sort of life.”

  “I am so sorry,” Hannah whispered heart sore.

  “You think you know a person...but only God truly knows them,” he sighed.

  “So true,” she answered reflectively. “How did you get through that?” she asked amazed.

  “With much difficulty,” he laughed now. “It took me six months to come to terms with it but during that time, God sent me amazing mentors. Still I was reluctant to give up the wallowing until one day God spoke directly to me. He reminded me about Job and how much more blessed his latter years were. It was the start of an incredible journey with God. During Bible School, I learnt more than
I ever did in my previous years. But the best part of my misery was learning to lean on God and hearing His voice.

  “I have never looked back. And His word is coming true already. It might have taken five years but she finally arrived in my life.” He took his eyes momentarily off the road to give her a loving look.

  Hannah's heart warmed. “Thank you for sharing that with me, Jonathan. It makes you more human.”

  She didn't mean for it to be funny but Jonathan said with a hearty laugh, “Oh, no! There goes my superman status.”

  “Do you still race?” she asked cautiously, not feeding his teasing.

  “I would like to but I don't have the time.” He sounded regretful. “But too long out of the game and it will be difficult to get back in.” He shrugged.

  There was no time for a response as they had arrived at their destination. Hannah left it at that. Maybe another day they would talk about his hobby that he had loved and probably still did.

  Chapter 17

  Grace Christian Church was so much smaller than Gateway to Eternal Life. It couldn't house more than six hundred people, she figured, similar in size to her father's church. It was also an old fashioned building. And the people were friendly and welcoming.

  Four other couples were attending the course with them. They would all be sitting in a semi-circle. Already Hannah was feeling shy and nervous. With ten minutes to go before the start, Hannah and Jonathan had a chance to meet the facilitators – a husband and wife team; older than them by far and wise looking. Thankfully, Jonathan did all the talking.

  “What church are you members of?” Brian Galloway asked.

  “Gateway to Eternal Life,” Jonathan said casually without emotion.

  “Oh, I've heard that it's a fantastic church. Also heard they have a very good pastor,” Gloria said excitedly.

  “You heard correctly. We have an amazing pastor, who honours God in everything and cares about people,” Hannah answered truthfully and proudly before Jonathan could say anything. “You should come visit sometime,” she invited.