Fight for You

by Magan Vernon

  “Go! Get out of my fucking face and get laid, then come back here and finish your workout. Capeesh?” It was the most serious I’d ever seen him.

  I licked my lips and nodded. “Okay. I’ll go find her.”

  ***

  Finding Jackie wasn’t that hard. The hair salon she worked at was right around the corner from the gym. I didn’t usually explore the neighborhood, but I knew the alley I first saw her in connected a hair salon to some head shop and also a shop that sold dildos.

  I opened the door and breathed in the toxic smell. I had to try not to gag on the fumes from all of the hair products. It was worse than going into my aunt Jo’s house before Christmas Eve mass. The whole place was a discord of multi-colored hair, angry metal music that blared loudly from the dark purple walls, and lot of black latex, from the chairs to the clothing that everyone was wearing.

  “Nick?” I barely heard her voice over the music but when I turned my head I saw Jackie’s boots clicking on the checkered floor, and then my eyes followed her long legs up to her short, black mini dress and finally to her face, which definitely wasn’t smiling. Shit. She wasn’t happy to see me here.

  “Yeah, hey, Jackie.” I tried to act cool, like I actually belonged in a place where everyone had facial piercings, but I definitely stuck out in my gym shorts and t-shirt.

  “What are you doing here?” she hissed.

  “I just wanted to see you. Is that a bad thing?” I blinked. Maybe I was getting the wrong signals from her. Maybe fucking me was a big mistake and she regretted all of it.

  She looked behind her and I caught the eyes of a few of her co-workers who were whispering. Jackie turned back to me and lowered her voice. “Meet me in the alley behind here in five minutes, okay?”

  I nodded. “Yeah. I’ll do that.”

  I took one last glance at her and turned around. There were a few people sitting in chairs near the front door, looking at some tattoo magazines, who pretended not to stare at me as I walked by. I wanted to ask them what their fucking problem was, but I wasn’t about to cause a scene. Not when I wanted to know what Jackie wanted.

  I thought I’d have to wait for her, but by the time I jogged around to the back of the building she was already standing out by the dumpster. It was the same spot I saw her get into a fight with her boyfriend the night I met her.

  “He—” I barely got the words out when she grabbed me by the collar and pulled me toward her, crushing her lips against mine. I grabbed her ponytail, pulling her head slightly back and deepening our kiss so a soft whimper came from her mouth and into mine. The low sound made me want to throw her up against the brick wall and fuck her right there.

  Instead she broke the kiss and looked into my eyes. “Don’t come and see me unannounced.”

  “What?” I asked, genuinely confused. “You just kissed me like you wanted to fuck me then you tell me that. You’re giving me some crazy signals.”

  She sighed and dropped her hands. “I know. It sucks. This situation sucks because you seem like you do have a good heart, but I’m no good for you, Nick. I’m trash. You’d be better to stay away from me.”

  “Okay, first off, you’re not fucking trash so don’t call yourself that. Second, I can’t stay away from you, even if I tried. If you wanted me to stay away, you shouldn’t have kissed me. You should have just told me to leave.”

  She turned away from me, wrapping her arms around herself and shaking her head. “Nick, you don’t understand. My ex, he’s not a good guy. If he knew I was talking to you, let alone anything else, he’d have us both killed.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of that one. If her ex was mafiosa, he probably worked for me. If he was anything else, I’d have him killed first.

  Jackie turned around sharply, her eyes narrowed and I could see that her makeup was smeared under her eyes. “It’s not funny. He’s a fucking prick. And it’s nice that you want to take care of me, but I can take care of myself. I’ve been doing it all my life anyway. I don’t need you to step in now.”

  “I’m sorry that your ex is a dick and I don’t want him to come between us. I really want to be with you. I mean that.” I took a step closer, putting my hands on her arms and slowly sliding them down until I interlaced our fingers.

  “I want to be with you too, Nick. I just don’t think it would work between us.” She sighed.

  “How about this: I have a fight tomorrow night at The Candy Shop. I know your friend Haley works there. You can just go with her and if we happen to hang out afterward, then that’d be great.”

  “I don’t know...”

  I leaned in closer, lifting her chin with my thumb and forcing her eyes to meet mine. There was so much sadness in her eyes that all I wanted to do was see her happy. I never wanted to see her cry again. Not for her ex, not for anyone. “I need you there, Jackie. I want to fight for you. Please say you’ll come.”

  She swallowed and then slowly nodded. “Okay, Nick. For you. I’ll be there.”

  Chapter 5

  Everyone has their rituals before a fight. Some people spend the day at the gym, working out everything. Some spend it in the sauna, sweating it. I usually spend my time at the cemetery.

  Yellow roses were my Nonna’s favorite flower. Canary yellow to be exact. There was only one florist in Chicago that I was ever able to find them at, and they knew to have them ready for me every time I called.

  It rained early that morning which made everything in the cemetery smell even more like death and decay. I hated that smell. Just like I hated the smell of flowers. When Nonna died, our house smelled like flowers for weeks afterwards. Everyone sends flowers when someone dies. Why? All they do is wilt and you have to throw them away a week later because they’re dead, just like the family member who passed away. It’s a bad reminder of what you just lost. I only ever had flowers when I brought them for Nonna.

  My Nanu passed away when I was just a little kid. I barely even remembered him. I just knew that the day he died was the day my dad went from being the guy who was home for dinner every night to the man that made everyone tremble when he walked into the room. The day Nanu died was the day Dad became Don.

  The gravel crunched under my shoes as I made my way down the pathway toward her headstone. I’d been to her grave a million times before. I knew the granite tombstone with the praying hands and the Blessed Mother’s picture on it by memory. I could see her name etched on it when I closed my eyes: Antoinette Ragusa April 20, 1928 - May 15, 2010.

  I walked up and did the sign of the cross before placing the roses on the grass in front of her headstone. “Hey Nonna, it’s Nicky.” I stuffed my hands into my leather jacket. “It’s another fight night.”

  Anywhere else I would have probably looked crazy talking to an inanimate object, but in a cemetery, that’s what you did. You talked to people others didn’t see, but you knew, in your heart, that somehow they were listening. And I needed someone to talk to me, someone that didn’t think I was as much of a monster as I thought I was. “And this one has got me all kinds of fucked.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “I know, Nonna, Mingua, what’s wrong with me and my language, ey?” I rubbed the back of my neck. “It’s just... there’s this girl that’s coming to the fight. I don’t usually get involved with girls, because you know what happens when I get involved with anyone. I don’t want to bring people into my life. Into this family. Into our world, Nonna.”

  I looked at the carved picture of the Blessed Mother as if somehow it had the answer. Like Nonna would just come out of the picture and give me the answer to all of my problems. “I know. You always tell me family is important. I’m still working at the business with Dad and I try and see the family when I can, but...” I sighed. “It just gets harder and harder every day. Sometimes I wonder if I’m cut out for all of this. When I’m in the cage, everything else just goes away. My title. Dad. The pressure. I’m just El Principe. The cage fighter.”

  I let out a deep breath. �
��I don’t want to be both.”

  Silence sat in the air as it always did. No one else was in the cemetery on the dismal Saturday afternoon. Staring at Nonna’s tombstone didn’t give me any of the answers I needed, but it was my way of clearing my head before a fight. Now I was ready to hit the gym and get my last workout in before the real games began.

  ***

  “Ragusa, you’re here,” Dominic yelled, making a big show of it. Coach and my other trainer, Joey, turned toward me out of their deep and huddled conversation. I knew I was thirty minutes late. They knew I was late. But they knew exactly where I was and they never pressed it. Nobody wanted to fuck with a fighter that went and talked to his grandmother’s grave.

  “Yeah, sorry. I got held up.” I slung my bag over my shoulder and walked toward the ring. “I still need to get changed.”

  “It’s no problem.” Dominic patted my back. The guy was hyped up beyond belief. That’s why he was never cut out to be a fighter. He had too much fucking energy and would just jump around the ring like a manic puppy. He’d be worn out by the second round and knocked the fuck out before he knew what hit him. But he made for a good sparring partner, so Coach let me keep him around. “I’m just excited for some Fists and Tits.”

  “Yeah, hold onto your panties, Pup.” Coach grabbed my shoulder. “I need to have a minute with Nicky before we get in the ring.”

  “Yeah, yeah, you’re just afraid I’ll hurt him, so you want to give him some more time to warm up.” Dominic did a few air jabs.

  Coach shook his head. “Sure, kid. That’s what it is.” Coach extended his arm toward the locker room and looked at me. “That okay with you, Nick?”

  I swallowed hard and nodded. “Yeah, sure, Coach.”

  I followed him into the locker room, which was surprisingly empty. The only sound was the tapping of our shoes on the tile floor beneath us. I waited what seemed like forever before Coach leaned against the metal lockers, crossing his arms over his chest and giving me a hard look. “I don’t know if you’re up for this fight tonight, Nick.”

  “What?” I dropped my bag, holding my arms out to the side. “How the hell can you even say that? I’ve been training for this for weeks. I’m ready to take down this bastardo.”

  He pushed off the lockers with his back and took a step forward. “You were ready, until the other night. Then all of a sudden you come back to the gym and your head is somewhere else. You start talking about some girl. You leave practice early, show up late before a fight. I don’t know where you’re at, Nicky. I don’t want to see you end up KO’d because of something stupid. Then who really wins. It’s not worth it.?”

  I balled my hands into fists at my sides. “I want this, Coach. My head is in the fucking game. I need this. This is the only thing that keeps me sane. The only thing that takes me away from everything else that’s going on around me. Let me fight.”

  In one fell swoop, Coach took me in a triangle choke, holding both his arms in a triangle shape behind my shoulders, his fists behind my head. I never had Coach take hold of me like that. If I was expecting it I could have blocked him. Maybe. “You listen to me, Nick. I believe in you. You’re the best there is in the cage. And El Lobo, he fights dirty as fuck. He is going to try and take you down as fast as he can. He is going to try every way he can to fuck with you. You need to own him. Show him that you are El Principe. You run this town. I know you can. You just have to show him the guy that I’ve been training this year. Got it?”

  I grabbed his wrists from behind my head and unlocked the hold, pulling him down to the ground and into the same hold, but with my legs in the triangle instead of my arms. “Yeah, Coach. I completely understand.”

  He laughed, a sound that was a definite struggle since my calf was on his windpipe. “I knew you had it in you, Nicky.”

  ***

  Dominic was prancing around the ring as usual. “Come on, Nicky, show me whatcha got.”

  “Will you just fucking stay still already? You’re like a hyper two-year-old or some shit,” I grumbled, keeping my hands up.

  “Stay focused, Nick. Don’t let him get to you,” Coach yelled from the side of the ring. “This is exactly the kind of stunt that El Lobo is going to pull. He’s going to try and get in your head. Don’t let him.”

  I shook my head, making sure that my feet were squared on the ground. I’d looked up a few of El Lobo’s fights that were on the internet. El Lobo was a dirty fighter. He liked to dance around his opponents. Tease ‘em. Laugh. Make them angry. That was his game. He’d make them so angry they’d put all their effort into their punches and jabs, then he would just keep dancing around them until he had them right where he wanted them and go for the knock out. I couldn’t be another one of those guys. I had to know when to take him out and do it early. Then I could be with Jackie.

  “Hey, Nicky, you thinking of me, or your little bottana?” Dominic bobbed and weaved, laughing like he’d just said the funniest joke in the world.

  But it wasn’t funny. His shit was old and he knew the exact thing to say that would piss me off.

  “I told you not to fucking call her that,” I growled, jumping forward and delivering a blow to his face. As soon as I heard the crunch of his nose breaking, I immediately regretted it.

  Blood sprayed from his nose and onto my gloves. Dominic quickly covered his face, screaming as he bent over. Coach and Joey jumped into the ring and were at Dominic’s side as he fell to the ground, the blood running down his hands. Joey pulled out the gauze from a first aid kit that we kept beside the ring and immediately started directing Dominic on what to do, but Coach grabbed me by the shoulder and hauled me to the other corner.

  “What the hell was that, Nick?” The fire in Coach’s eyes was burning so bright I wasn’t sure if he was actually angry or if he was proud of me for getting in the hit.

  “I’m sorry, he just got me so pissed off.”

  “I appreciate the anger, but save that shit for the cage. We only have one person left who will spar with you and if you take him out, then we have no one.” He looked back at Dominic who had the gauze up to his nose and was leaning his head back.

  Coach then looked back to me. “Practice is over. The fight starts in a few hours. Take care of Dominic and meet us at The Candy Shop. No girls or anything else to make you late this time, understood?” Coach pointed a finger in my face.

  I nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  Chapter 6

  Dominic sat in the front seat of my Bentley. The bleeding had stopped, but he still held an extra pair of gauze pads in his hands. Thank God, because I may have killed him if he bled on my seats even if I was the one that gave him the bloody nose.

  “So what are we going to do since practice ended early?” he asked.

  “I need to get in a shower before the fight, so probably run home.” I glanced in my rearview mirror before pulling out of the parking lot.

  “My mom asked if we were coming by for dinner...”

  “Yeah?”

  “You know everybody is going to be there: the aunts, your sister, your mom...everybody.”

  I clenched my jaw. “You mean my dad who is going to give me shit about the fight tonight? And the fact that everyone is going to give me shit because I probably won’t eat anything so I can make weight?”

  Dominic shrugged, looking out the window. “It’s just an option. You don’t have to come. It just might be nice if you stopped in. They miss seeing you.”

  I groaned. “You really want me to come, don’t you?”

  “Yeah, I do, Nick, I really do.”

  I glanced over and saw that his blue eyes were intensely focused on me. When we were younger, my Nonna used to always say she couldn’t believe that we had a blue-eyed Italian boy in the family. She used to call him “Little Sinatra” when he was really little and he would sing Rat Pack songs.

  “Okay. For you, I’ll go.”

  He smiled. “Thanks. It means a lot to me.”

  “It better, cuz your mo
m’s crazy.”

  He laughed. “Ah, all our moms are a little botso.”

  ***

  After dropping Dominic off, I went back to my condo. I parked in my designated spot in the underground garage and took the elevator up to the penthouse. Most people would kill for the life I lived. And a lot of the people who worked for me did. Typing in the code to unlock the floor to my condo, I tried not to shudder, thinking about all the blood that was shed just so I could live the lifestyle I had.

  Did I need the large living room with the floor-to-ceiling windows that stretched the entire length of the room and looked over Lake Michigan? Or the high-end kitchen with granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances that I never used? No. I didn’t. I didn’t need any of it. The condo was my father’s gift after I graduated college. He said “Anyone who runs this town should live like it.” Yeah, because a single guy in Chicago needed a five bedroom condo that cost a couple mil. Most guys fresh out of college didn’t live like I did. I was living the life that they thought they dreamed of, but to me it was my biggest fucking nightmare.

  I didn’t need the condo. The car. The job. To me it was all paid with blood money and the blood on my hands was just getting thicker. Now I had to worry about seeing my dad before a fight, just what I needed when I had enough shit going through my head.

  I walked through the living room, past my ninety-inch TV and the leather furniture that barely ever got sat on because no one came to my house. My mom hired a decorator who set my place up to look like a “modern Chicago bachelor pad” with black, white, and granite accents everywhere and a wet bar in the living room. The whole condo was even featured in some design magazine as the perfect place for any man living his dream in the city. As if my life was anyone’s dream. My living room that was supposed to be for entertaining hadn’t had a single guest since I moved in.

  The wet bar with the top shelf booze and marble counter tops had never been touched. I think I’d had one drink since it was set up over a year ago. I shook my head as I walked past it and into my bedroom, the supposed “sanctuary” as the designer called it. A sanctuary from what, I didn’t know. The only woman I ever had in the room was my housekeeper. But maybe after tonight I’d have an actual use for the king size bed and the gray upholstered head board that I planned on having Jackie against.