Fight for You

by Magan Vernon

  The thought of her naked on my satin sheets was enough that I really needed to get in the shower and beat out my aggression. I needed to have more of Jackie in my life. I couldn’t keep running around like a little fucking chicken shit and fawning over her. I wasn’t the guy that chased girls, but for her, I’d fight until the end. Until I was hers.

  It seemed far-fetched—botso—that a guy like me would go out of my way to be with a girl that I barely knew, a girl that slapped me after I gave her a brand new bike and paid her hospital bills, but that’s what drew me to her. She was a girl that knew I had everything and she didn’t care. She could have fawned over me and accepted whatever I gave her but instead she challenged me, looked me right in the eye and said she wasn’t going to let me own her. I respected her for that and it took a lot for anyone to get my respect.

  Yeah, people could say whatever they wanted about her; that she was some bottana that let me fuck her senseless in my office. But that’s not what I saw. There was something else in her green eyes when we first met. The scared girl that was trying to run from her ex. The girl who had to run too damn much in her life. I wanted to protect her. She needed someone to protect her. And that someone had to be me.

  ***

  After some extra time in the shower I got dressed in a button-down shirt and jeans. I didn’t exactly hide that I was fighting, but I kept my gear packed in my duffle bag and left it in my car. I just hoped Dad didn’t want to make a big deal about it tonight. I didn’t want to have it out with him. Not when I had enough going through my head with fighting El Lobo and seeing Jackie. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on with her ex, but I needed to get rid of him and whatever hold he had on her.

  Maybe I wasn’t the best guy for her either. I was the one that hit her with my car, the car that I still hadn’t gotten into the shop and I had a huge dent on the front of it. Fuck, how was I going to explain that one to my family if they saw it? I should have thought about that before I started the drive to my aunt’s. Luckily Aunt Jo’s house was out in the burbs, like the rest of my family. In the same neighborhood to be exact. When I was in school they used to call it “Dago Hill.” We all had our big brick houses custom built by Ragusa Industries with plenty of pine trees to block out any nosey neighbors, even though the only nosey neighbors were our other family members.

  I parked on the street where there was already a line of cars. All Cadillacs and all which I recognized as my family members’. As always, I was one of the last to arrive and I knew I was going to get shit for it. I grabbed a bottle of wine from the backseat, another thing that the decorator added to my wet bar that I never used, and then jumped out of my car, heading up the driveway.

  The family greyhound, Canella, was lying on the front porch. Greyhounds were normally bred for racing but she was about fifty pounds overweight since she only ate pasta and refused any kind of actual dog food.

  “Hey, girl.” I bent down and scratched behind her ears. She didn’t even move and just moaned, her bloated belly rising and falling. It looked like my uncle Guido already fed her. Or she may have grabbed something off the counter while he wasn’t looking and that’s why she was outside.

  I didn’t even bother knocking as I opened the front door, pushing aside all the shoes that were piled in the marble entryway. No matter how big the house was, everyone’s shoes were still piled right in front of the door and I could still hear everyone yelling from where they crowded in the kitchen.

  “Who the hell is here?”

  “Dominic! Paulie! Go see who’s here!”

  Dominic and his little brother Paul walked around the corner, both with large smiles on their faces as soon as they saw me, though Dominic’s was a little worse for the wear with his raccoon eyes and swollen nose.

  “Ma, it’s Nicky!” Dominic yelled.

  Paul ran up to me, sliding along the floor in his socks. Dominic was a few years younger than me, but Paul was still in high school and while he wanted to be one of us, he was even more of a puppy than Dominic with his hair full of cow-licks and his over-eager attitude. “Hey, Nick! Dominic told me you were coming, but I didn’t think you actually would make it. He’s always telling me lies like that. Just like he said he got a few punches in atcha in the ring, but seeing his face we all know that aint true.”

  “Yeah, yeah. I know how Dominic operates.” I smiled. “Hey you’re definitely putting some weight on there, Paulie. Give up on track and actually hitting the gym now?”

  He shook his head. “Naw, just one too many of my dad’s cannolis.” He absently kicked his foot and lowered his voice. “But Dominic said that you were fighting tonight, do you think I could go with you guys?”

  His dark eyes bugged out and his head jutted forward when I saw my aunt Jo’s hand thwap the back of his head. “You aren’t going anywhere tonight, Paulie,” she said in her thick Chicago accent.

  “Aw, ma!” He rubbed the back of his head.

  She shooed him away, her long nails pointed at him like red daggers. “Don’t ‘aw, Ma’ me. You know better. Now get and go check on the piadina for me.”

  Paul rolled his eyes. “Fine, Ma.” He turned and walked out of the foyer and back toward the kitchen.

  Then Aunt Jo turned her attention on me. If there was ever a casting for Real Housewives of Chicago, Aunt Jo would be on it. She was the epitome of that show with her manicured nails, the tan on top of her olive skin, her flat-ironed hair with extensions, and enough Botox to fill an entire bathtub. “Nicky, I’m glad you’re here, even if you did do that to my Dommy’s face.” She put her arms out and pulled me in for a hug. “Your father’s coming, but I’ll try to put as much space as I can between the two of you if I can help it,” she whispered into my ear.

  “Thanks, Aunt Jo, I appreciate it.”

  She patted my back and then pulled away from me, looking down at my shoes. “And I know those are definitely Prada but that doesn’t mean they’re going on my new carpet, so off with them!”

  “You’re lucky that you’re my favorite, Aunt Jo.” I slipped off my shoes and added them to the pile.

  “What was that?” My aunt Maria’s voice carried around the corner before I saw her, carrying her yorkie, Sammy. I swore she liked that dog better than my uncle Morty.

  “Nothing, Maria. You’re always sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” Aunt Jo put her hands on her hips and stared at Aunt Maria. The two could have been twins, but Aunt Maria was three years older. The middle child. My dad was the oldest, and Jo was the baby and she never let them forget it. I had an uncle that was between my Aunt Maria and my Dad, but he was never talked about. I’d never even met the guy. They always referred to him as Botso Frank. I didn’t know if he was dead, alive, or what. And I never asked. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know.

  Aunt Maria waved her free hand. “Nevermind you, Jo Jo, I came to see Nicky anyway.” She put her arm out. “Come here my little lamb!”

  I went in and took her embrace. That was the thing about my aunts. No matter how much I tried to avoid my family, I couldn’t deny how much I enjoyed their hugs. Being taken in by them and being overwhelmed with the smell of basil and oregano brought me back to memories of Christmas at my Nonna’s. Back to a happier time that I didn’t have to worry about what Dad expected of me.

  But as soon as Aunt Maria let go of me, reality set in. Her dark eyes wandered over me, squeezing my arms like she was sizing up a cantaloupe at the supermarket. “Nicky, you’re much too thin. You need to have some of my Caponata.”

  I shook my head, waving my hands. “No, no, Aunt Maria. I’m good. I’m really not hungry.”

  She looped her arm through mine and led me toward the kitchen. “Nonsense, Nicky. Everybody is always hungry for eggplant.”

  As soon as I walked into the kitchen it was like I was crawling into the lion’s den. My entire family was gathered around plates piled high with different Sicilian dishes and all of them stopped and stared at me as soon as I entered. Of course the silenc
e didn’t last long, because we didn’t do silent. Instead they either laughed or shouted my name or went back to their conversations.

  I scanned the room. My littler cousins were over near the big screen TV playing some sort of a video game. Dominic was talking with my uncle Morty by a plate of antipasto. My godfather and Aunt Jo’s husband, Guido, was manning the stove. My cousins Mark and Phil were over pouring drinks, but I didn’t see my dad anywhere. I let out a sigh of relief.

  That relief fled when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I sucked in a deep breath and turned around. I let it out when I saw my older sister, Angeline, standing there with her daughter Gabriella on her hip. “Nicky Ragusa, how dare you show up here and not give me a call first!”

  I let go of my aunt Maria’s arm and leaned down, giving my sister a big hug. “Sorry, Ang. I’ve been busy.”

  “Yeah, yeah, a likely excuse from my own little brother.” She let go of me and her dark brown eyes scanned me. Even though Ang was only three years older than me, she was always the more mature one. After graduating college she started working right away, got married, and had a kid. She had her shit together while I felt like I was constantly treading water. “You are looking a little skinny there though, Nicky. Maybe you should come to these family dinners more often.”

  I pinched her side. “Says the girl who dropped all her baby weight in what, like a week?” She squirmed so I took my chance to tickle Gabriella’s foot. The girl looked like a little doll with her brown curls and her dad’s big green eyes. “And how could you do anything but chase this little cutie around all day?”

  Gabriella buried her face in Ang’s shoulder and whined. “Sorry Nick, she’s just shy. Maybe you should come around and see her more.”

  “Thanks for the guilt trip, Ang,” I muttered.

  “Hey, you brought it up on yourself.”

  “Ey, Nick, you made it!” A hand clasped on my shoulder and I turned around to see my cousin Phil looking at me. At least he saved me from the awkward guilt trip with my sister.

  “Yeah, Phil. I did.” I forced a smile, looking at the big moose of a guy. There was a reason him and Mark were the brawn of the business. The two brothers were built like linebackers. Uncle Morty gave them the nickname “The Book Ends,” even though they were more like two fucking brick houses. No one got past them.

  He lowered his voice. “I also hear you got a fight tonight. You mind if me and Mark come? We’d like to get in on that shit. We got your back if shit hits the fan.”

  I patted his back. I really didn’t want to get my family involved in my fights. Having Dominic there was almost too much as it was, but I couldn’t say no. “I don’t think anything’s gonna hit the fan, Phil, but yeah, I’d love to have you there.”

  “Fuck, yeah, cuz. It’s gonna be epic.”

  “Yup. I’m sure it will be.” I tried to keep the smile pasted on my face, but as soon as I said the words, the person I wanted to see least walked through the living room door and into the kitchen: My father.

  “Uncle Vinny! You made it!” Phil yelled. Like it was the greatest thing in the world that he was there. To Phil maybe it was. My dad did give him his dream job. What else would a kid who had shit for brains and arms the size of a tree trunk do for a living but intimidate people?

  “Good to see you, Phil,” Dad said, politely hugging Phil back, but his dark eyes were focused right on me.

  As soon as he let go of Phil he walked over to me. “Nicholas, I wasn’t expecting to see you here.”

  “Yeah, Dominic invited me. Where’s Ma?”

  Dad smirked. “She’s not feeling well, so she stayed home, but I’m sure she’ll be terribly disappointed once I tell her that you were here. You’ll have to stop by and see here.” That was code for “Mom’s in one of her moods, they got in a big fight and she refused to come, so give her crazy ass a call”.

  I nodded. “Okay, I’ll do that.”

  “Hey, Nick, while you’re here do you mind if we talk?” Dad gave me a look that said This isn’t a question. You don’t have a choice.

  “Sure, Dad.” I tried to keep the venom out of my voice, but my hands were clenched into such tight fists at my side I wasn’t sure if there was any blood rushing to them.

  “Hey, Guido!” Dad yelled and my uncle turned away from the stove, waving in our direction.

  “Me and Nicky are going to use your office to talk about some business for a minute, is that okay?”

  “Sure, no problem, Vinny! Anything for you!” Guido turned back to the stove and stirred the sugo. He would do anything Dad asked. Guido owed everything to him. The whole family did.

  “Just make sure you’re back for dinner. Nicky needs to eat. The boy is skin and bones!” Maria yelled as Dad put his hand on my back, practically pushing me down the hallway toward Guido’s office.

  “Don’t worry, Maria, we will be,” Dad called before shutting the door to Guido’s office behind us and turning on the light.

  Guido was a straight-off-the boat Sicilian. Everything in his office came from his parents’ home back on the island. His desk was gold with claw feet and his chair was upholstered with a floral print fabric that his Nonna actually sewed for him. The walls were painted to look like the Quattro Canti in Palermo, complete with a tiny fountain in each corner. I always wondered if he wished he could go back. If his arranged marriage to my aunt was really worth it to him. Sure he loved the kids and the family business, but his only sanctuary seemed to be the office.

  Dad stood in front of the desk. “So, I heard you have a fight tonight?”

  Guess we were getting right down to it.

  “Yeah. I do.” I crossed my arms over my chest. I didn’t know why he felt the need to call me in the office for that. Maybe he thought beating my ass in private was better than in front of the family. Nothing like going into a fight with a few bruises already. Not like I hadn’t done that before.

  He ran his hand along the glass tabletop of the desk. “So, why did you come here tonight if you’re going to continue to disappoint me with this fighting game?”

  “Dominic asked me to come. I thought this was what you would want, too. Me to spend time with my family.”

  He shook his head, glancing at me. “I wanted you to quit this fighting shit. The business. Your famiglia. That’s what’s important.” He let out a deep sigh. “Your mother is unwell, Nicky. I don’t know how much longer I can keep running things without you taking more responsibility. I need you to step up. I need you to be El Principe. Take on the role you were born to have.”

  I stood up straight, trying to regain some composure, but the truth was, I was absolutely dumbfounded. My father had never asked me for anything in my life. He always told me what to do. It was never a question, it was just what was expected of me. “Let me get this straight: you come to me on the night of one of the biggest fights I’ve ever had to tell me you want me to quit it altogether and step up to a leadership role in this family because of Ma?”

  Dad shoved his hands in his pockets, his eyes focused on me as if he could burn the wisdom into my head with just one look. “This is the role you were born into. If I could have passed my role onto your uncle Frank, hell I would have. You know that. But this is what we were meant for. We are Ragusa’s. Our famiglia has been doing this for centuries. From Sicily to New York to Chicago.”

  Dad held his arms out as if they were encompassing not just the room, but his life. All of it. The world. The famiglia. Everything that I would give up by fighting it. “This is ours, Nicky. I need you to quit turning your back on it and help me run this town.”

  I swallowed, trying to gain some saliva back in my throat. I didn’t know what to say. I knew how he wanted me to respond. He wanted me to just say yes, to give him the answer everyone else did in his life, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. “I need to fight tonight. I need this.”

  Dad dropped his hands and just stared at me before taking a few steps closer, his eyes intensely focused on me, until it was too la
te and I felt the hard slam of his fist as it came in contact with my jaw and I fell to the ground.

  He didn’t say anything else, just opened the door and walked out of the office, leaving me there on the ground, thinking about what he said and what I was going to do next.

  Chapter 7

  I lay on the ground for another few minutes. I thought about just leaving. I could have slipped out the door and not said a word to anyone else. I could have just gone to the fight and forgotten about my conversation with my father.

  But instead I decided to be a man and picked myself up off the ground and walked back out into the living room.

  “Nicky! You get those numbers figured out with the Chapman account?” Dominic asked as I sauntered into the living room, my hands in my pockets.

  I glanced at my dad who didn’t even bother looking at me. He sat in one of the leather armchairs, sipping from a crystal rocks glass.

  “Yeah, Dominic. That’s what I was doing. And of course I got it figured out. I’m Nicky fucking Ragusa.”

  Dominic laughed, slapping me on the back. “That’s my fucking guy. Not only is he good looking, but he’s smart as hell. Not like my dumb-as-shit cousins.”

  Mark grabbed Dominic by the collar of his shirt and then put him in a headlock. “I may be dumb, but I can still beat the shit out of you, pretty boy.”

  Dominic groaned, absently slapping at his arms. With all the training I’d done with Dominic in the cage, you’d think he’d be a better fighter, but the kid never listened. Luckily his mom came and bailed him out.

  “All right, enough you two.” Aunt Jo smacked Mark in the back of the head. “The dining room is set and dinner is ready. Mongiat!”