An Accidental Pirate, The Adventures of Captain Pigtail McQueue

by J.A. Sprouls

  Chapter 11

  Pigtail was walking so fast that the girls had trouble keeping up. In fact, they were practically running.

  "I'm so mad I could spit nails. Who does she think she is turning us down? Well, I'll show her. She will rue the day she refused to help me."

  Lark and Pill looked at each other as he continued to stomp back to the ship. When they got to the wagon train Pigtail asked to speak to the wagon master privately. Lark looked quizzically at Pill who shrugged her shoulders. Neither knew just what the Captain was up to and why he had business to talk over with Lark's father. They both sat down in front of the fire and Lark showed Pill how to skewer some meat and roast it over the fire. It tasted pretty good but Pill secretly wondered just what kind of meat it was. She wasn't about to ask because as long as she didn't know then her stomach wouldn't revolt against it.

  It was a good hour later that Pigtail finished his business with the Wagon Master and he and Pill left for the ship. Lark asked if it would be okay to come and play with Pill tomorrow and the Captain said that would be just fine because they weren't going anywhere anytime soon.

  As they walked back to the ship Pigtail, who had calmed down considerably, started to talk to Pill. "You know you really could have told me you were a girl. I wouldn't have minded. But that's in the past. I know now and I won't hold your lying against you. After all, you had a very good reason to do it. I understand. Like I said I went to sea for the same reason. I also understand that it was best not to reveal you were a female with the former crew. Who knows what those cutthroats would have done to you. But I think Tally and Wicket are good men. Limited, intellectually speaking, but good just the same. So I think we need to tell them too. I don't think they will mind too much." He looked at Pill and smiled in a fatherly way. Pill couldn't think of anything to say so she just smiled back at him.

  They had made it back to the ship and hollered 'Christmas' and the rope ladder was let down for them. Tally and Wicket were waiting with baited breath to find out what the Wind Hag said. When they asked Pigtail what happened, he waved his hand in front of his face to clear the odor and said, "What, you two couldn't wait to eat until after we got back? Oh, and for your information the big barrel contained bait not food. Before I tell you what happened go and take care of your breath. I'm not gonna spend the evening telling you what happened with your bait breath stinking up my cabin."

  "I told you it tasted too funny to be real food." Tally told Wicket as he hit him on the shoulder.

  "Bait is fish food so it is too real food. It's just food for fish. They obviously have less refined tastes then we humans do. Though I bet there are some people somewhere in the world who think eating raw fish is a delicacy. In fact, I bet it could be a new thing we invented. I bet people would be pleased to pay to eat the stuff."

  "Pay to eat bait? Are you nuts? If we fed this to people they would be so mad they would sue, sheesh."

  "Hey! That would make a perfect name for the stuff!" Wicket exclaimed.

  "What the heck are you talking about? What would make a perfect name for bait food?"

  "Sue-sheesh or maybe shorten it to sushi. We can call it that as our little joke on the public. We open up a bait shop but call it a restaurant and serve people the raw bait but call it sushi. They'll think it's some sort of exotic food we picked up in our many travels on the sea and so they'll pay good money to eat something exotic." Wicket was forming the plan in his head as he spoke.

  "You've got to be kidding. There ain't no human that gullible to think it is a rare treat to eat bait. And let's face it there isn't enough ketchup in the world to make it taste any better." Tally felt the need to make his position perfectly clear to Wicket.

  "Well, there sure as heck ain't enough on this ship, that's for sure. You used it all up. And I'm betting there ain't a ketchup store within a hundred miles of this place so we can't restock it."

  "I told you there ain't enough of it to make that bait taste good. But darned if I wasn't gonna try. Besides, it helped the bait go down quicker so it didn't linger on my tongue for too long. That way I didn't get too much of a taste of it. And that's the only way you can eat bait."

  "Yeah, yeah, right, let's grab some mint leaves and suck on them to get rid of the taste and bad breath. I want to know what happened." Tally agreed with Wicket and so they grabbed a couple of mint leaves from the galley spice cabinet and started chewing on them. When they had chewed on enough of the leaves they tested their breath by breathing on each other. Since neither could detect the odor of bait they decided they were good to go and headed for the captain's cabin. Tally stopped him before he left the galley.

  "Don't you think we should take some food up to the Captain? After all, he hasn't eaten and we have." Tally pointed this out to Wicket.

  "Good point, I'll grab some bread and cheese and we'll serve that." Wicket was smacking his lips as he said this. Then he added to Tally, "You know, this mint stuff is pretty good at covering up the bait breath. I bet you could sell it as a breath tonic and make some money off it."

  "Well, you're just filled with all sorts of grand and great ideas tonight, now aren't ya?"

  "Hmm. I can't figure it out myself, maybe sushi is good for the brain, makes you think clear, clean thoughts and ideas."

  Tally just laughed at the thought of that and grabbed the cheese and a knife and headed for the captain's cabin. Wicket grabbed the bread and followed all the while his mind still thinking up all sorts of great ideas.

  "All set sir, no more bait breath." Wicket declared to the captain as they entered the cabin and then grabbed a chair to sit down in. They had placed the food on the table and Tally started to cut some slices of bread. Pill and Pigtail grabbed some slices and started to eat. It's not that Pill was particularly hungry after eating the skewered meat but it had left a strange aftertaste in her mouth that she was eager to get rid of.

  "So is the Wind Hag gonna set up a strong storm and send us back to the Gulf?" Tally asked so fast that the words seemed to form one really big word.

  "Nope, the old hag, and I'm not calling her that because it’s a part of her name, I'm using it in a derogatory way, just to get that straight, refused, so we're stuck here."

  "Begging your pardon, Captain Pigtail, sir, but what about our ideas to get us home. Are we gonna try one of those?" Wicket asked.

  "Actually, I'm glad you brought that up. I've talked with the Wagon Master and he's agreed to help us to fix the ship up to where it can travel on wheels." Wicket gave a great big old grin because it was his idea that the captain chose to use and not Tally's.

  Tally, obviously disappointed sighed and asked, "So once we get her fixed up we head back to the gulf, right?"

  "Nope," Pigtail said. "We're not gonna be going home for the time being."

  "Why not?" Pill asked a little confused. The whole point of going to the Wind Hag was to get home and now the Captain was saying he was in no hurry to get back home.

  "Because, we are pirates, and as such, we don't take too kindly to being treated badly. We make those who do treat us badly pay and pay dearly for such treatment. The Wind Hag treated us badly so she's gonna pay for that. She will rue the day she refused our request."

  Wicket had grabbed a quill and a piece of paper and started to scribble away. Midway down the page he stopped writing and turned to the captain and asked, "So how much are we gonna bill her and just what are the reasons for billing her, you know, like 'fixed a door creak' type of stuff. I think we can charge her for the honey because it was an expense on our part in order to see her, so what else?"

  "We are not sending her a bill. When I say she is going to pay, I mean she is going to get what's coming to her. She's gonna receive just what she is doling out, no mercy. She protects those on her land, she said so herself. Well, I'll show her she can't do any such thing. She's not gonna be able to protect them from me and my pirate ship. We are gonna do exactly what we did when we were on the water. We are gonna be the scourge of the South
Plains. We are gonna rob and steal from all those who dare to come onto her land. We are gonna show the world that the Wind Hag isn't all that powerful and she can't protect innocent humans from the Flummery and dire pirate Captain Pigtail. We will wreak havoc on all those wagon trains and stage coaches that dare to try and cross her land." He finished with a smiling sneer on his face.

  "So, let me get this straight, we are going to rob, pillage and wreak havoc on the wagon trains and stage coaches who come onto the Wind Hags domain, is that right?" Tally asked

  "Yep, that pretty much sums it up."

  "But, really, how many stage coaches are there gonna be. I bet there isn't a theater within a hundred miles of here. And I think that is being rather short sighted and rather selective. I think if we do this, then we really need to be all encompassing and not show favoritism to anyone."

  Pill tapped Tally on his shoulder and said, "Lark told me that stagecoaches are big wagons that carry people who don't want or can't afford to buy their own wagon. Or they could just be making a trip to another town to visit relatives. So it's not someone who coaches stage performers."

  Tally blushed and said, "Oh, I see, gotcha, well, I'm in. I became a pirate for a reason, to do some pirating. We didn't get much practice on the water so if we get a chance to do some pirating on land then so be it." I guess Tally thought that if he agreed with the Captain, then everyone would forget his faux pas with the stage coaches.

  "Okay, the wagon Master agreed to help us rig the ship so that it has wheels. He said that since it was a smaller ship then it shouldn't be too terribly hard to do."

  "I have one question, about the Wagon Master. Are we gonna rob and pillage him and his wagon train?" Pill asked.

  "Nope, in fact, he's kinda tired of the wagon train business so he's gonna turn it over to his second in command and join us. It seems the Wind Hag has been rather vicious to him and his wagon trains with all those sand storms she's created. So he's looking for a little pay back. He's gonna let us use his wheels and the spares, just in case we need them, and whatever parts we need from his wagon. Besides, he thinks Lark should have a well-rounded education and this is an opportunity to teach her about the other side of the law. And it seems she's been really happy about getting a friend so he didn't want to take that away from her. Oh, and that reminds me, Pill don't you have something to say to Wicket and Tally."

  Piddle, Pill had hoped that he had forgotten about that. She sighed and told them the truth about her. After she finished she figured they would be really mad and everything, but as it turned out they were just fine with it. Though Tally was a bit disappointed that he wasn't gonna get to teach her how to pick up women.

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