In the Heart's Shadow

by T. L. Haddix

  From the first time she’d laid eyes on the tall, black-haired then-federal agent, she’d been attracted to him. His quiet intensity, coupled with a surprisingly wicked sense of humor called to something in Stacy. Despite that attraction, she had never acted on her feelings. Seduction and romantic relationships weren’t in her wheelhouse. She’d never been good at the whole man-woman thing.

  She’d dated and even had a few fairly serious relationships, but they hadn’t lasted long. Stacy had a problem with intimacy, and every time she got to the point where she was ready to take the step of becoming physical, she froze. The last time she’d tried had been particularly disastrous, and she was still feeling its effects over a year later. She wasn’t eager to repeat the experience, especially with someone like Gordon, who was self-assured and confident. He was everything Stacy wasn’t, at least not in her personal life. And if she hungered for more, for a physical connection as well as an emotional one, she simply had to learn to deal with the need.

  The next morning, Stacy awoke before the alarm. The low rumble of a man’s voice made her sit up with a start. As the fog of sleep cleared from her mind, she remembered her guest. She swung her legs out of bed and turned off the clock, then hurried into the bathroom.

  When she came back out a few minutes later, she grabbed her thick flannel robe from the back of the door, then eased down the hall. The door to the guest room was open, and Gordon was talking. Stacy knocked on the wall, alerting him to her presence.

  “There’s your mommy now,” he said. “Come in.”

  She poked her head around the doorjamb. If she hadn’t been attracted to him already, what she saw inside would have clenched it. Scruffy and unshaven, clad in a gray T-shirt and worn jeans, he was sitting on the side of the bed. Chloe was cradled in his arms like a baby, kneading his chest with her paws. Stacy could hear her purring from the doorway.

  “Morning.” Gordon glanced up at her. His eyes were bloodshot, but he didn’t look as though he were in too bad of shape from the previous night’s libations.

  “Morning. Did she wake you? I’m sorry. She’s learned how to open doors. I should have told you to keep yours locked.”

  “I was ready to get up anyhow. I think she was in here most of the night. Kept me warm.” He gently flipped Chloe right side up and set her on the floor. When he straightened, he winced.

  “Head pounding?”

  “No. Not at all,” he replied, tongue in cheek. “I certainly don’t have a hangover or anything like that.”

  “Oh, no. I’m sure you wouldn’t, not the way you were putting the scotch away. Do you want something for it? The non-hangover headache?”

  He sent a self-deprecating grin in her direction as he grabbed his sweater. “I’d appreciate something, yes. If it isn’t too much trouble.”

  “Coming right up.”

  She got him some aspirin and made sure he didn’t need anything else before she started getting ready for work. By the time she came back out of the bathroom, fully dressed save for her shoes, it was time for her to leave.

  “I started the car for you.”

  Startled, she thanked him. “One of these days, I’ll expand the garage so I don’t have to worry about cold winter mornings.”

  “So you don’t do breakfast or anything?” Gordon asked as she locked the house and they got in her car. The windows were nearly cleared of frost, and she used the windshield wipers to clean them the rest of the way.

  “I usually pick something up on the way in.”

  “That’s not healthy.”

  Stacy rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. The Brown Bag has a very healthy breakfast menu, as I am sure you know, what with Kathryn being part owner.”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  Kathryn Owen was a close friend of Gordon’s and the best friend of his late wife. The tall, elegant redhead had moved to Leroy a few months before Gordon had. Even though he’d never admitted to a connection, Stacy wondered if he’d moved to town because Kathryn was living there already.

  “Do you want me to drop you off first or take you with me to get some breakfast?”

  He made a face. “As much as I’d like to have breakfast with you, I’ll pass. Food’s not high on my priority list right now.”

  Stacy had expected as much. “Okay, then.” She headed for the condominium complex where he lived, pulling up in his driveway without asking for directions.

  “I didn’t realize you knew exactly where I lived.”

  “I’m a detective. It’s my job to know these things.” When he grinned at her, Stacy’s cheeks warmed.

  “Thanks. For everything.” His humor faded. “I’ll owe you one.”

  “No. You’d have done the same for me.”

  He unbuckled his seat belt and paused with his hand on the door handle. “Not exactly the same. I only have the one bed. We’d have had to share. Which, if you were sober, would be fine by me.”

  Stacy’s eyes widened, but before she could respond, he was out of the car and heading inside. She stared after him, a silly smile spreading across her face. Incredulous laughter surprised her, and she bit her lip. When her phone beeped, she snapped to attention. When she saw fellow detective Ethan Moore’s name on her caller ID, she sighed. Gordon’s mysterious comments would have to wait. Right now, duty called.

  CHAPTER 2

  Three months later…

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M LETTING YOU drag me in here.” Stacy held the door of Cristos’ Deli open so Maria could pass through. Eleven o’clock was a little early for lunch, but her friend was craving pickles. “They have pickles at The Brown Bag, you know.”

  Maria sent her an impish grin. “Yes, but they don’t have the same kind of pickles.”

  Stacy rolled her eyes, but she returned the smile. “You are such a stereotype. Wyatt’s going to have his hands full with you. Does he know that?”

  A quirked eyebrow and pink blush told Stacy that Maria’s husband was fully aware of what he had gotten himself into and that the sheriff was quite pleased to find himself there. Stacy was glad; Wyatt and Maria were two of her favorite people in the world, and she wanted nothing but happiness for them both.

  “What looks good, besides the pickles?” She perused the menu.

  Maria shrugged. “The usual for me. You?”

  “Probably the Pick Two, soup and sandwich.” They moved up to place their orders, and Carla Cristos, one of the deli’s owners, greeted them.

  “Ladies, how are you today?”

  Her smile was a little strained. Stacy ignored a pang of guilt. She liked Carla, but since an ill-fated attempt at a relationship with her son, Andre, Stacy was uncomfortable around the deli owner.

  “Doing well. How about you?” Maria asked as she paid for their lunches.

  “Staying busy. Is it warming up out there?”

  Stacy left them to chat and went to fill their cups. The bell over the door jingled as it opened, and when she glanced up to see who had come in, she was surprised to see Gordon. His presence sent Stacy’s pulse racing. When he saw her standing at the drink dispenser, he smiled, and his dimples winked at her.

  “Hey, there you are. I was starting to wonder if you were going to stand us up,” Maria said from the end of the counter.

  “There was a line at the post office. Sorry I’m late.”

  As he placed his order, Stacy turned to narrow her gaze at Maria, whose innocent expression didn’t fool her for an instant. She jerked her attention back to the drinks in time to prevent her diet cola from spilling over the top. Her cheeks heated when Maria snickered behind her.

  “Oh, girl, you are so going to pay for this,” she muttered under her breath as she put the lids on the cups. Pasting a neutral expression on her face, she joined Maria at a table for four by the window. When she saw that Maria had loaded up the chair next to her with her jacket and purse, Stacy rolled her eyes.

  “So it’s going to be that kind of lunch, huh?” she whispered.

  Maria beamed at her a
s she accepted her ice water. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Stacy handed her sweater over to her friend and sat down, giving in. She’d had a lousy week at work and didn’t feel like fighting about where Gordon was going to sit.

  She hadn’t seen him since the February morning when she’d dropped him off at his condo. He’d left town for an extended trip right after that, and though they’d spoken on the phone and exchanged a lot of e-mails, they hadn’t discussed that morning. She didn’t know what to think about seeing him again; after his parting comment that morning, she’d expected something to happen. He’d sent her little gifts here and there, so she knew he hadn’t forgotten about her, but she wasn’t sure how to take his sudden reappearance.

  She carefully reached for her food, her right wrist protesting a little as she picked up the bowl of soup. She’d suffered a bad break right after Gordon had left town, and while the bones were healed, the soft tissues were still recovering. The pain was a reminder of her plans for the next two weeks, and Stacy sighed, realizing that she was probably going to have to cancel.

  Gordon walked up in time to hear the disgruntled sound, and a small frown creased his brow. “Bad day?”

  Stacy gave a slight shrug. “Bad week. Nothing worth going into, though. How long have you been back in town?”

  “A couple days. How’s the wrist?”

  “Okay. I’m glad I’m left-handed, though. So what brings you here today? I thought this was a girls’ lunch date.”

  Gordon looked to Maria as he sat in the empty chair beside Stacy. “You didn’t tell her?”

  “Uh-uh. Didn’t get a chance to.” Her friend wiped her mouth with a napkin to hide her amusement. “Stacy, let me introduce Gordon. He knows his way around power tools. Gordon, this is Stacy. She has a master’s in criminology. Stacy needs an extra pair of hands. Gordon needs a study partner so he can pass the bar in a few months. I thought the two of you might help each other out. You know, barter a little.”

  Speechless, Stacy blinked at her. Maria, looking very pleased with herself, scooped up a bite of minestrone.

  Gordon broke the silence. “I didn’t know you had a master’s degree.”

  “Yeah. Finished it last year.” Stacy glanced at him. “You’re taking the bar?”

  He nodded. “Planning to. I’m taking Chase up on his offer of a partnership.”

  “Congratulations.” Stacy’s heart thudded heavily, realizing that meant he was planning to stay in Leroy permanently. After he’d disappeared in February, she’d wondered if he were coming back, but she hadn’t had the courage to ask.

  “Thanks. If we were to barter, you’d definitely be getting the short end of the stick,” he warned. “Have you seen the Indiana Bar exam?”

  Stacy took a bite of her sandwich and hmmm’d.

  “I guess this means you’re staying here in Olman County permanently, then,” Maria said.

  Stacy held her breath while he answered.

  “That’s the plan. I’m looking forward to getting back into a regular schedule. Eight months of lazing around is about all I can take. It’s the first time I’ve not worked since I was eighteen. I don’t see how retired people stay sane. So tell me about this project you need help with. Maria said something about a remodel?”

  “Yes. My kitchen. I had a contractor lined up, but he backed out at the last minute. I’ve been trying to find someone else, but can’t. Project’s too small. Even with the economy as bad as it is, people don’t want to work on a job like that. Not enough money in it.”

  “She was going to do it herself, but her physical therapist put the kibosh on that idea pretty quickly,” Maria interjected. “Her wrist still isn’t strong enough.”

  Stacy huffed. “I told Gus, my physical therapist, I’d wear my brace, but he gave me ‘the look.’”

  “Threatened to call Wyatt and turn her in,” Maria added, referring to her husband and Stacy’s boss, the sheriff of Olman County.

  Gordon sat back, his hand resting lightly on the back of Stacy’s chair. “I’ll bet that didn’t go over very well.”

  “I wasn’t happy.” Stacy did her best to ignore the warm tingle that had started in her shoulder where he had nearly touched her. “But he’s right. I can’t do it myself, as much as it pains me to admit that.” She eyed Gordon. “You really need a study partner?”

  “Scout’s honor. It’s been well over ten years since I had to do any heavy lifting in the scholarly department. You really would be helping me out. It’s not charity. Well, not from my end.”

  “Okay. But you don’t look like any Boy Scout I’ve ever seen.”

  He grinned. “I’m not. But Chase was, and I’ll borrow his honor to swear on. After all, he’s the one who’s taking me on as a partner.”

  “And what about power tools? Do you really know how to use them, or is that something you’re ‘borrowing’ from someone else’s biography, too?” Maria teased.

  “I worked as a member of a framing crew when I was in college, and I helped Beth and Ethan build their addition, as well as some odds and ends here and there. So I’m not completely out of practice.”

  As much as she hated the idea, Stacy knew she was out of options if she wanted her kitchen remodeled any time soon.

  “Okay. Then I guess we can barter.” She held her hand out to shake, and Gordon gently clasped it in his, obviously mindful of her healing wrist.

  “Great. When and where do you want me?”

  Stacy felt her face flush, and Maria burst out laughing. Gordon’s smile widened, but before Stacy could respond, Maxi Cristos came over to check on them.

  When she saw that Gordon still held Stacy’s hand, her eyes narrowed to slits. “This is cozy. You know, you can do a lot better than her,” the young woman told him. “She can’t cook. Doesn’t like it when a man acts like a man. Hell, my brother said he couldn’t light her up with a blowtorch. She’s probably a lesbian who’s afraid to come out.” A triumphant sneer punctuated the last part.

  Maria’s mouth dropped open. “Excuse me?”

  Maxi hadn’t bothered to lower her voice, so everyone at the surrounding tables had heard her comments. The rest of the patrons sat in shocked silence.

  Stacy was mortified, torn between anger and embarrassment. Being a female in a traditionally male role, she’d heard the lesbian accusation before and probably would again. The blowtorch comment was new, though, and to have it said in front of Gordon was completely humiliating. Her breathing hitched from the shock. Slipping her hand out of his grasp, she stood and reached across the table for her sweater. She hated showing that much weakness, but couldn’t help it. “May I please have my sweater?”

  Maria and Gordon also stood, and Maria, fury lighting her face, handed her the garment. Stacy shrugged on the soft cotton. She couldn’t stay in the deli another minute. Tears were threatening to spill over, and she had to be away from the public eye before they did. Not waiting to see what else was said, she rushed out the door. Barely remembering to check for traffic, she dashed across the street to the large park that comprised the town square. Her target was a deserted picnic table at the far end of the park, near the river. Heartsick, she sank onto the bench and closed her eyes.

  Stacy knew she wasn’t ugly. Her dark hair, blue eyes, and pale skin were all wrapped in a petite frame that was not as fragile as it appeared. Still, she didn’t go out of her way to accentuate her assets, but disguised them instead. Because of her job, she had to be careful. Despite all that, she still attracted a fair amount of male attention.

  Well over a year ago, before Gordon came to town, Stacy had briefly dated Andre Cristos. He was handsome, kind, and funny—and he left her completely cold. Stacy had held fervent hopes that he’d finally be the man she would be able to relax with, to trust enough to let down her guard, both mentally and physically. As soon as he’d kissed her with intent for the first time, though, she had known he wasn’t.

  She’d tried to ignore the voice in her he
ad that told her he wasn’t the right man, but the relationship had ended disastrously. The first time they’d attempted intimacy, she’d frozen. Andre was the kind of man Stacy called a “head patter,” which hadn’t helped matters. He’d loathed her job as detective. They’d argued over that as well as her apparent frigidity. He had made some particularly cutting remarks about her femininity before walking out the door.

  The animosity between them didn’t resolve itself to the point that Stacy could go back in the deli for several months. Not until after she’d been injured in February did she and Andre sit down and have coffee. He’d asked her forgiveness, and they’d finally parted as friends, or so she’d thought.

  After that disaster, Stacy had steadfastly refused any and all attempts to set her up with other men. She didn’t see the point of the exercise. The results would be the same. She thought about Gordon’s parting comment back in February and gave a bitter laugh.

  “That’s got about a snowball’s chance in hell of happening now,” she said. When the one voice she didn’t want to hear right then sounded from behind her, she cringed.

  “What does?” Gordon asked.

  CHAPTER 3

  WHEN HE’D RUN INTO MARIA at the grocery store the night before and she had explained the situation with Stacy, Gordon had nearly fallen all over himself agreeing with the plan. For several months, he’d been dancing around the idea of asking Stacy out. Maria’s notion gave him the perfect opportunity to do so.

  From the first time he’d met Stacy, he’d been impressed with her intelligence and demeanor. She was not quite thirty, but anyone with half a brain could pick up on her passion for her job. Gordon was not surprised that she was one of the sheriff’s department’s rising stars.

  He had considered asking her out after she’d given him shelter for the night, but something held him back. He’d had a disturbing dream that night , and it had shaken him deeply. When his former mother-in-law, Sandra, called a couple of days later and invited him to spend some time traveling with her, he’d agreed. He hadn’t looked too closely at his reasons for wanting to get out of town. He was afraid of what he would see.