In the Heart's Shadow

by T. L. Haddix

  Stacy frowned. “What do you mean you ‘had a dream’?”

  “The night you lent me your guest room, I had a dream. That dream was so real, Stacy. It’s all I could think about for days after, and it scared the living daylights out of me.”

  “Okay, I’m listening. What was this dream?”

  He clearly didn’t want to tell her, but when Stacy raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side, he gave in.

  “We were married. We were asleep. I was holding you. You were wearing one of those white nightgowns you like. The short ones, no sleeves? And our baby cried. He woke us up, and I told you I’d get him, to go back to sleep. You needed your rest because you had just found out you were pregnant again. Apparently, we’re good at making babies.” His smile was sad. “So I got up, and I went and got him. God, he was beautiful—light brown hair, curls. Your eyes. Probably a little over a year old. I could feel him in my arms, the weight of him. The baby smell of him. He was teething, I think, and he wanted someone to hold him. I sat down in a rocking chair with him, and we went to sleep. When I woke up from the dream, he was gone. He wasn’t real. We weren’t real. It had all been a dream. But I could still feel him.”

  Stacy wasn’t aware she was crying until he wiped her cheeks with gentle fingers. “It wasn’t Mallory? It was me?”

  “Yes, it was you. And it wasn’t the baby I lost. She was a little girl. This was our child, Stacy. Our son. His name was Dylan.”

  Gasping, her hand flew to her mouth. “How did you know that?”

  Gordon frowned. “Know what? Dylan? I don’t know. I just remember that was his name. Why?”

  “I’ve always wanted to name my son Dylan, after the sheriff who was so nice to me all those years ago. I love that name.”

  Gordon’s cheeks paled, and he swallowed. He gave a single shake of his head, as though he doubted that he’d heard correctly. “Don’t tell me that,” he whispered. “I don’t think I could stand knowing he could be real and have that ripped away. And that’s why I took Sandra up on her offer so quickly, to take a cruise. Because I didn’t know if I was ready for this.” He gestured between them. “For us. It means too much, and I didn’t know if I was strong enough to risk being hurt again. It would kill me to lose you.”

  Stacy didn’t know what to say or what to think. She had no doubt that he believed what he was saying, and that belief tore her apart inside. When her phone rang in her hand, she was so startled that she dropped it. She and Gordon both bent to pick it up, bumping their heads together.

  “Ow. Sorry.” Rubbing at her head, she was relieved to see that the phone still seemed to be working. She was shaking so much that she couldn’t manage to answer it before the call went to voice mail. “That was Charlie.”

  Gordon slowly straightened, not speaking as they looked at each other. Stacy glanced at the phone as it chimed, letting her know she had a message.

  “We should probably call him back.”

  “Probably.”

  Rubbing at a spot on the phone’s case, she cleared her throat. “I need time. I need to think about everything.”

  “Understood.” From the way his hands clenched, she knew he was having a hard time with that response, but he didn’t try to pressure her.

  “I’ll call Charlie back.” She started up the path, but when he didn’t follow, she stopped. “You coming?”

  “In a minute. Go on without me.”

  Reluctantly, she went. She waited until she was inside to listen to the voice mail, then headed for the guest room and her briefcase for paper and a pen to take notes with. Given the way her hands were still shaking, she decided to wait until Gordon was with her to call Charlie back. She couldn’t write her own name if she had to, much less take notes.

  Gordon’s retelling of the dream about the baby had shaken her more than anything that had happened during the recent weeks. Given what she knew about him, she could only imagine how disconcerting it would have been for him to have the dream in the first place. Some dreams stayed with a person, seeming so real that the real world seemed less solid than the dream. From the way he talked, the dream with baby Dylan had been one of those. He’d even mentioned God for the first time Stacy had heard him do so casually.

  She was seated at the bar in the kitchen when he came in. His face was shuttered, and he was quiet as he moved into the kitchen.

  “I waited for you. To call him, I mean.”

  “Okay. Do you want to go to the office, in case he has files to send? We can use the computer there to look at them.”

  “Sure.” Gathering her paper and pen, she followed him down the hall. Nothing about this morning was turning out the way she’d envisioned. Hopefully, Charlie would have some answers for them, and after their call, she would know what to say to Gordon.

  CHAPTER 30

  GORDON CURSED HIS STUPIDITY AND impatience as soon as Stacy went into the bathroom. He had always thought of himself as being patient until that morning. He wasn’t sure why he was surprised his proposal hadn’t turned out the way he’d hoped. It would be his luck if she pulled away from him completely, all because he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.

  Once they were seated at his desk, he asked her for Charlie’s number. “We can use the house phone, put it on speaker.” She was seated beside him on an exercise ball, and she fidgeted until she was comfortable.

  “Sure.” She rattled off the number, and they waited in tense silence while the phone rang.

  “Clark Consulting.”

  Stacy answered him. “Hey, Charlie. It’s Stacy and Gordon. I got your message.”

  “Hey back. Let me get your files in front of me. Do you have Internet access so I can send these?”

  Stacy looked to him, and Gordon rattled off his e-mail address. Within seconds, the e-mail arrived, and Gordon opened the message and the attached files.

  “Got it, Charlie. What were you able to find out?”

  “You’ll see four files there—one on each of Stacy’s parents, one on Stacy, and one on Maggie. Let’s start with Stacy. I didn’t know you had a master’s degree,” he remarked. “Congratulations.”

  The report laid out Stacy’s life in neat blocks, and Gordon glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her mouth was tight, and he guessed that seeing her life spelled out in black and white was a little hard to swallow.

  “Thanks. As you see, I finished it last year.”

  “I don’t know when you found time to sleep, between work, school, and your remodeling projects.”

  “Sleep is overrated, didn’t you know that?” Though her words were light, her expression remained shut down.

  Charlie laughed. “Yeah. Katy agrees with you, I think. So, there’s nothing on your background search that sends any red flags up. It doesn’t look like your mother has tried any identity theft in your name. That’s the good news.”

  Gordon leaned back in his chair. “What’s the bad?”

  “Let’s tackle your father’s file first, Stacy,” Charlie said.

  Gordon opened that document, and they looked over it as Charlie spoke.

  “There’s been no activity on Matt Kirchner’s social security number for the past twenty-four years. He hasn’t renewed his driver’s license, voter registration, hasn’t opened any bank or credit card accounts, hasn’t filed taxes since he disappeared. Unless he was really good at covering his tracks, I’m afraid I have to agree with your theory that something happened to him. I’m sorry.”

  Gordon laid his hand on hers, and Stacy turned her palm to face his, gripping tightly.

  “So am I,” she answered. “I’m not surprised, though. That’s basically what I found when I searched. I’d hoped you would uncover something else, but I guess there’s nothing to uncover.”

  “Well, not on your father. But I went back a generation in the search. Your grandparents on that side are still living. Henry and Irene Kirchner. You also have an uncle, David. Your grandfather’s the retired police chief in Lynchville, and your uncl
e’s a cop now. He’s actually running for election this year. I’ve included some links in Matt’s file to newspaper articles on them, in case you were curious. Their contact info is also in there.”

  Stacy’s hand was so tight around his that Gordon winced. When she realized that, she grimaced, loosening her grip. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay. Charlie, were you able to find out anything about whether there was ever an investigation into Matt’s disappearance?”

  Charlie’s frustration came through the lines when he blew out a long breath, which ended on a grunt. “No. If anyone ever looked into it, they buried it deep. I guess he’d been honorably discharged a couple weeks before he vanished, so the Army didn’t consider him AWOL. I don’t know why his family didn’t look for him.”

  “From what little I know, things were very strained between him and his family,” Stacy remarked. She let go of Gordon’s hand and stood, going to look out the window. “What about Maggie?”

  “Maggie’s pretty clean. She had some speeding tickets through the years, but from everything I was able to find out, she’s kept her nose clean. The only thing that stood out in her background check was that she’s listed as the owner of a house in Elizabethtown, Kentucky and is listed on the rental agreement for a house in Manchester, Kentucky. She also has a time-share in Myrtle Beach and one in Florida. She’s stretched pretty tight, financially speaking, but she’s not in the red.”

  Gordon tore his eyes off Stacy. “Manchester?” At his tone, Stacy turned around.

  “Yep. I’d guess vacation house, but it’s Manchester. It’s not exactly a resort town. Stacy, any idea?”

  “As far as I know, if it isn’t a beach, she doesn’t consider it a vacation. I’d guess she’s helping someone who can’t get a lease under her own name. What’s so special about Manchester?” she asked Gordon.

  “That’s where I grew up. Sort of.”

  “Oh, yeah. Clay County.”

  “Speaking of that—I was about halfway through running the background on Pam when I got a call from a Clay County sheriff’s deputy. Running the check on Pam triggered an alert on his end. Guy’s name is Garrett Gordon,” Charlie said. “Sound familiar?”

  Gordon snorted. “Yeah, my baby brother. Talk about a small world.”

  “Your brother’s a cop?” Stacy asked, sitting back down on the exercise ball.

  “He is. What’d he say, Charlie?”

  “Not much. He wanted to know who I was, why I was looking into Pam, that sort of thing. He sounds so much like you, Gordon, I thought he was you at first, playing a prank. So he knows you’re the one behind the search. He told me that Pam had been arrested there back in December, and that was pretty much it. Said to tell you if you want the rest of the information, of which he has plenty to share, you’ll have to come down there and get it. He didn’t want to tell me anything over the phone.”

  Gordon frowned. “Okay. I’ll call him when we’re done. What was she arrested for?”

  “Drug possession. From what I was able to pry out of your brother, she was released because the jail was overcrowded, and since she was using an alias, that was her first arrest. The system had a glitch, and her record didn’t come in until later. She was in the wind by then.”

  “What else did you find out?” Stacy asked.

  “Well, if I hadn’t seen Pam Kirchner’s picture, I’d be convinced you’re adopted. You may look like her, but the two of you are polar opposites.”

  Stacy gave a quick laugh. “You’re the second person to tell me that. Thanks.”

  “Hey, it’s true. I’d trust you with my children. I wouldn’t trust Pam to walk past my house. She’s been in and out of trouble since she was a teenager—petty larceny, shoplifting, writing bad checks. At first, it was piddly stuff that makes me scratch my head, trying to figure out how a cop’s son ended up with her. No offense, Stacy.”

  “None taken. Were you able to find out where she’s been for the last few years?”

  Gordon heard Charlie shuffle some papers. “No, not really. If I had to guess, I’d say Manchester, at least for a while, given the way Garrett responded to my query. That house has only been in Maggie’s name for the last year or so, though. Pam still has quite a few active warrants out on her in Kentucky, as you will see in the file. Human trafficking, sexual assault, battery—all felonies. No statute of limitations on those.”

  Gordon knew he’d probably put two and two together and figured out what had happened to Stacy when she was a teenager, but Charlie didn’t mention it. His opinion of the other man went up several notches.

  “So there’s been no activity on her social, either?” Gordon asked.

  “Nope. Not for twelve years. As soon as that social goes live, it’s flagged. And she’d know that.”

  “Yeah, she would. If there’s one thing Pam’s good at, it’s protecting herself,” Stacy said. “What about her parents?”

  “Well, here’s where we get some answers, I think. Her mother and father never married; at least the man listed on her birth certificate never married her mother. Stanley Patton and Becky Mullens apparently weren’t together very long. He actually married another woman a month or so before Pam was born and had a family with her. Becky married three times, divorced three times, all before Pam was eight. She moved them around a lot, mostly through Kentucky and Tennessee. They didn’t stay anywhere for very long, until she finally ended up in Lynchville, Kentucky, when Pam was sixteen. Becky lived there until about twenty years ago, when she died. Stanley’s still living, out in Arizona, where he retired. I included his contact info, as well, in the file.”

  Stacy seemed to be quietly taking that in, and Gordon spoke up to fill the silence. “Is there anything else we should know about?”

  “Not yet. I’m still waiting on a couple of things to come in, but that’s pretty much everything I have so far. It sounds like your brother’s going to be the best resource for information on Pam. I’m sorry I don’t have any more to report,” Charlie concluded.

  “You’ve given us quite a bit,” Stacy assured him. “Thanks for getting back to us so quickly, Charlie. I really appreciate it. Will you copy Wyatt on these files?”

  “Already done. If you need anything else, let me know.”

  “Thanks, Charlie. We’ll be in touch.” Gordon ended the call, leaving his hand on the phone’s receiver. “That’s not what I expected.”

  “I’d say not. Why didn’t you tell me Garrett’s a sheriff’s deputy?”

  “It didn’t come up. I should probably call him.”

  She moved to the door. “Okay. I’ll give you some privacy. Do you mind forwarding those files to my e-mail? I’d like to use my laptop, look at the links on my grandparents.”

  “Consider it done. You never looked them up before, I take it?” He studied her closely as she traced the lines of the doorframe.

  “No. I was afraid of what I’d find. Growing up, I figured if they wanted to have anything to do with me, they’d reach out. And after the rape, I was too ashamed to search for them. It seemed cruel to even try, knowing I would sit on the information.”

  Gordon slowly approached her. “And now you’ve been forced to look in Pandora’s box. I’m sorry.”

  She shrugged and picked a small leaf off his shirt. “What’s done is done. I can’t un-hear or un-see the information. I figured Charlie would dig it up when we talked to him. I’ll let you get to that call. I’ll probably set up in the living room, if that’s okay.”

  “Wherever you’re comfortable.”

  She went into the guest room, and he turned back to his desk. He unclipped his cell phone and called Garrett.

  “Hey, big brother. I’ve been wondering when you were going to call,” Garrett greeted him. “What the heck kind of mess are you into?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gordon played dumb. He stared out the same window Stacy had earlier. “How’s my favorite niece?”

  “Missing you. She wants to see her U
ncle ‘Gain.’ When you heading this way?”

  “Depends. You gonna tell me what I need to know over the phone, or are you going to make me drive down there?”

  Garrett yawned. “Sorry. Long night last night. If you want information about Pam Kirchner, you’ll have to come get it. That’s not something we can easily go over in a call. Why are you looking at her?”

  “That’s a long story, probably also best told in person. How’s your schedule tomorrow?”

  “I’ll have lil’ bit here with me since it’s Saturday. Finishing up some paperwork I didn’t get to this week, and then we were going to go see her grandmother. Rachel’s mom,” Garrett answered before Gordon could ask. “She’s going to keep Emma this weekend. Why don’t you come on down in the morning, spend the night? We can go over the Kirchner thing and see what kind of trouble we can get in afterwards.”

  Gordon rubbed his eyes. “I’ll plan on driving down tomorrow, but I can’t stay. I’ll take a rain check, though. Maybe. If you’re nice to me.” He didn’t mention that Stacy would be with him since he didn’t know whether she would be or not.

  “Sounds good. Call when you get here. The building is open until noon, so you should be able to come on up without me having to let you in. Think you can make it down here before then?”

  “Shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Think about what I said. We could get in some fishing.”

  Gordon laughed. “I hate fishing. You know that.”

  “Yeah, well. I have to keep trying. Drive safe tomorrow.”

  “Will do.”

  Sitting back down at his computer, he closed the files Charlie had sent, marking them for backup by the off-site service he used. That left the prenup open, staring him in the face. “Might as well get this over with,” he muttered. He printed the document and took it down the hall. Her face pensive, Stacy was on the couch, staring at her laptop.

  “Hey. What’d you find?” He sat beside her. He laid the prenup face down on the coffee table and looked at the monitor. She’d pulled up the picture of a distinguished-looking older couple, apparently the newspaper announcement of Henry Kirchner’s retirement.