Dirty Talk

by S. L. Scott

  He acquiesces, sitting back down, and aiming the remote at the flat screen again. “Okay.”

  I pass through the lobby restaurant and order a bottle of wine, then head to the pool. The water’s warm and I have the pool to myself. It’s easy to think clearly with Luke not here. He clouds my judgment and makes me forgive too quickly. Yet when I see him, my insides still twist from his betrayals. Two to be precise. Can I really keep the past in the past and give him this third chance he’s so insistently vying for? Do I owe him this third chance? If I give him another one, will he one day need a fourth or fifth? Am I being a fool for wanting to relinquish the bitterness I carry or should I be holding on to it even tighter?

  So many questions. Too many that I’ll need answers to before I even think about getting in that car with him again. It’s time to know where I stand with him.

  The solitude is nice, my emotions eventually drowned by the wine. I’m not sure how long I’ve been down here but my fingers and toes have pruned. I cross the pool back to where I left my towel and wine. I take three swigs, and turn around to set the bottle down again when I see him. I’ve had just enough wine to allow me to hold his stare. And more than enough to let my anger go for the night and enjoy the view… I mean company. Damn, he looks good. “Luke Anders. You always were quite the sight. You were the crowning glory of our senior class. Popular and smart. Most Handsome. Most Charming. Most Likely to Succeed. Most Likely to Move to Hollywood. Couple Most Likely…” I don’t finish the last one.

  “Couple Most Likely to Get Married. We accepted that one together.”

  I burst out laughing. It’s not funny at all, but the irony still gets me. “Well we sure showed them.”

  “Jane Lewis. Salutatorian. Prom Queen. Voted Most Beautiful and Most Creative. Most Likely to Become Famous.”

  “I don’t feel very most these days.” I grab the bottle again and take another long drink.

  “You’re most everything to me.”

  “You do realize you dumped me for an attention-whoring actress, right?”

  He kneels down next to the wine, keeping his eyes on me. “We should talk about that.”

  “Do we have to ruin a perfectly good night? Look up, Luke. The sky is clear. The stars are out. It’s beautiful.”

  “So beautiful,” he replies and when I look back to him his eyes are still on me.

  “You know, you keep saying such nice things to me and I’m gonna feel really shitty if I don’t forgive you.”

  “That’s the plan.”

  “Oh, I bet it is.” I swim a few feet away from the edge, away from him. Looping back to the topic I’d rather avoid, but need to discuss, I say, “You’re right. We should talk. Am I going to need another bottle for this?”

  “I think one might be enough. Having a hangover on the road will suck.”

  “Fuck it.” I laugh. “Everything’s gone to hell and here we are in the middle of nowhere trying to piece a distant life back together. That’s what you’re wanting, right?”

  He nods, but doesn’t say anything.

  I swim closer and rest my arms on the cement edge. Looking straight up at him, I ask, “Why do you want that? Why do you want me?”

  “Because I love you.”

  Anger rushes my body as I push off and push away the pain he’s causing. I swim to the other side of the pool. “All I ever wanted was my Most Likely life back, but you didn’t want me, Luke. You made that clear when you broke up with me in that stairwell. We were over. So what are you doing?”

  “Janie—”

  I lower, wanting to escape but I don’t. I stay. I stay because we need to talk this out. “It breaks my heart hearing you call me that as if your love for me is something I can still call mine.” My head lowers, the first tear lost to the turquoise water.

  I’m pulled into strong arms, the same arms that used to protect me. Holding my head to his chest, he kisses the top of it and says, “You are all that matters to me.”

  CHAPTER 29

  ~Luke~

  THE WATER IS warm, but Jane’s body is cold as we stand in the pool. I jumped in the pool to save her, not from drowning, but from the pain that was starting to overtake her. My clothes are soaked, but it doesn’t matter.

  She is all that matters.

  “If I’m all that matters to you, what happened to us?” she asks, shivering.

  I wrap my arms even tighter to warm her. Leaning down, we sink into the water and I whisper, “Life happened, but I love you. I love you, Jane. I love you.”

  Her body begins to float and she holds on to me, her arms wrapping around my neck. With her cheek against mine, she says, “I loved you with my whole being. I love you still, even when I shouldn’t.” Tucking her head down, she rests on my shoulder, letting me hold her as I pull her to shallower waters.

  I don’t care that we haven’t talked or that my heart is breaking listening to hers break before me. I kiss her. On the cheek. And then I kiss her again on the jaw. And again on the chin. Holding her face, our eyes meet and I kiss her on the mouth, doing anything I can to quiet her cries, stop her tears, and heal her heart.

  Anything for her. All for her.

  But then…

  She kisses me back and gives my soul a reprieve.

  Her legs come around my waist and a fire begins to burn between us. Friction alights the kindling that remains of our hearts. She pulls back and whispers, “Say it again.”

  I don’t have to guess. I know what she wants to hear, what she needs to hear, and what I foolishly led her to believe wasn’t real. “I love you. I will always love you.”

  “Why did you hurt me? How could you look me in the eyes and ever let me think otherwise?”

  “I was…” I look away ashamed to tell her the truth, even if my objective was meant well. “I had the best intentions. I tried to protect you by giving her what she wanted.”

  “And she wanted you?”

  “She wanted everything.”

  “I don’t understand what everything includes.”

  “I fucked you over when I left her today.”

  Lowering her feet to the bottom of the pool, she releases me, but I hold on to her waist, needing for us to do this, to talk about it. She asks, “What did you do?”

  “I made a deal I can’t go back on.”

  “With her? You made a deal with her?” She’s not yelling, which gives me hope. “What kind of deal causes you to intentionally hurt the person you say you love?”

  “The worst kind.”

  Jane raises her voice out of frustration. “Give me something to work with here, Luke. I’m trying. Again. For us. To put us back together, but you have to tell me what is going on.”

  Unsure of what to say that won’t fuck this situation up even more, I say, “I’ve screwed up, Jane, but I’ll fix it.”

  “We’ll fix it together.” Children’s laughter fills the entrance to the pool and we both turn to see a family coming for a swim. Jane swims to the side with the wine and her towel, gets out, and says, “We should go back to the room.”

  I drag myself out of the water and grab my wallet and phone from where it was left. I’m a soaking mess as I follow her back to the room. “Do you mind if I take a quick shower to get clean and warm up?”

  “Go ahead. I’ll take one after.” I want to join her, but I’m not brave enough to ask just like I’m too weak to ask for help. There’s nothing she can do but worry and if I can take some of that away, she’s better off for it.

  After I’m dry, I walk into the room to get clean boxers, but stop when I see her in my bed. She’s curled on her side facing my direction, and says, “If I forgive you, can you forgive me?”

  “I already have.”

  She sits up and the white tank top she’s wearing is distracting as her nipples peak beneath the thin fabric. “I want to hate you for the pain you caused. I want to, but I’m struggling to hold on to it because I want to forgive you more.” I remain quiet as she continues, “I’ve found it’
s easier when you’re not around, but when you are, I remember the good times we’ve had. We had so many that it feels like a lifetime of them clouding my judgment.”

  I put my boxers on and climb under the covers to sit right next to her. “We’ve spent a lifetime together and I don’t want to throw it away.”

  “Then don’t.” She speaks again, this time her voice quieter. “I became who I am because of who you are. We grew up together. We became adults together. Our lives are so entwined—the good and the bad—all together as one.” She releases a sigh. “I know what my life looks like without you in it. I’ve lived with you and without you… and I hate you because even now, after how you’ve hurt me,” she sniffles, “my life is better with you in it.”

  After eight and a half hours in the car together and over 575 miles and we’re finally back to where were before Jessica flipped the script. “Jane? What can I do to make this better?”

  “Tell me you want me in your life just as I want you in mine. Be completely honest with me, like I have with you, and tell me what you’re protecting me from. I need to know. I have that right.”

  So much. So many things I held back, not wanting to lose her or hurt her, but that’s all I’ve done in the process. “Jessica said she’d walk off the movie if I didn’t agree to this charade with her.”

  Her mouth falls open and she closes her eyes. When she opens them again, she asks, “She blackmailed you into dating her?”

  Jessica asked for more than dating. “I screwed up when I hooked up with her. It was just once, and I was drunk.”

  “I could say so much to that, Luke, but I won’t.”

  “I think you should. I think you should say whatever you need to say because I should have to hear it.”

  “Okay. Well, firstly, you gave me away to be with a psychotic bitch. I’m not trying to sound mean, but you’re reaping what you sowed.” She slides down into the bed and looks up at me. I follow her lead so we’re at eye level. She says, “When we were apart I was looking for anything or anyone that could make my soul feel whole again. But you were busy breaking yours apart piece by piece to give to anyone who wanted it. What does that say about us, about me, and you?”

  “Is that what you think?”

  “I think you opened your arms and bed to anyone who batted their eyelashes at you, and sadly, I think you’ve given away some of the best parts of you and are lost without them.”

  “The only part of me I ever gave away was my heart, the second I saw you across the quad, and I haven’t seen it since.” The late hour makes me defensive. “If you don’t like who I am, why are you in my bed?”

  “Your bed?” She flips the covers from her legs, and goes to her bed. “At least I’m not a whore like all the women you sleep with.”

  “That’s real nice, Jane. Punishing me by sleeping over there? Let me ask you something while we’re on the topic of sleeping with other people. What was that initial attraction that Lawrence wooed you with? Was it is his big bank account, bigger ego, or the weekend mansion in Malibu?”

  She’s a flurry in motion, grabbing her robe. “Fuck you.”

  Fast reflexes land me a corner and I tug, flipping her back onto the bed. I jump and am over her before she’s back on her feet. I don’t yell, not when I’m this close to perfection. “No, Jane, fuck you.” I also don’t take her shit.

  Her hands pound to my chest and she pushes up while gritting her teeth. “I will fucking scream if you don’t let me up.”

  “Scream, ’cause it’s not happening until we get this all out.”

  “Get what out? That I sold my soul for financial security and you sold yours for pussy? Is that what you want to hear? Fine! You’ve heard it. Now let me up.”

  “No.” I grab her flailing arms and pin them on either side of her body. Leaning very close to her, I say, “You and I both know that’s not what it was about, and those things aren’t what we are about.”

  Exasperated, she stops fighting and asks, “What are we about then? Tell me.”

  “Can’t you see? It was never about anyone else for us. There will never be anyone else but us. You said it yourself. We are who we are because of the other. We’re only half ourselves on our own. So when you say I gave away pieces of who I am, you need to hear my truth. I never had one girlfriend, not one constant without you. You’re the only one I will ever truly love.” I sit to the side of her and take a deep breath. She stays still and watches me. “If you don’t love me anymore, I won’t hate you. I couldn’t if I tried, Janie. If there’s not one ounce of hope left for us in your heart, if you need to move on to find happiness with someone else, then I will open that door and support you.” Her lips are parted, distractingly so, but she sits up and my heart drops. She doesn’t say anything. “I will always love you, Jane Lewis, like I have my whole life, but I would rather you be happy than hurting. I never want to see you cry again, especially not over me.”

  Another minute ticks by before she says, “If this was a romance movie, or even a book, I’d kiss you for your confession. But it’s not, and this isn’t a fairy tale, Luke.” Her voice is somber, not the one I recognize as hers, not the one I hear when I recall the love she once professed. “This is real life. This is our life, the only one we’re guaranteed and we’ve lost the plot.”

  The last of my hope dissipates, the adrenaline draining from my body. I stand, but she reaches for me, taking me by the hand, and I stop. “We can still live a great story.”

  Looking down at the only woman I’ve ever felt passion for, the only one who made my days worth waking up for, the only woman I will ever spend the rest of my life with if given the chance, I whisper, “We already have. A lifetime of words, CHAPTERs, and stories written between us, about us, recording our love and lives.”

  “Our story’s not over. It’s just a new CHAPTER.” She stands up and her hands slide up my neck until she’s cradling my face. “This is the part when you turn the page and kiss me, because I do love you, Luke. I do and always will.”

  Fuck. Yes.

  I kiss her, not missing this opportunity and not willing to ever take this woman for granted again.

  CHAPTER 30

  ~Jane~

  WINE.

  Vino.

  Sauvignon blanc.

  Whatever name I want to call it, I blame it.

  I also blame Luke’s face—unshaven jaw, bedroom eyes, that bottom lip when he bites it, and that too charming for his own good smile. Why does he have to look so sexy, ruggedly so right now, even sleeping?

  My body is melty, liquefied from our make-up sex last night. I peel my arm away, not wanting to move, but wanting to shower more. Slowly, I slip out of bed and tiptoe into the bathroom, shutting the door as quietly as I can so I don’t wake him. I turn on the shower and turn back to look at myself in the mirror.

  Oh good God!

  Frantically patting my hair down, I forgot I went to bed with it wet… well, more than my hair was wet, but I digress.

  I step into the shower, hoping to detangle my messy hair when the door clicks open. Luke peeks around the curtain and says, “Good morning.” His voice is husky and pure sex.

  Not that it isn’t any other time, but damn. I turn around and give him a good look at my body while soaking my hair. “Join me.”

  “I intend to.”

  Shampoo bubbles cover my hair when he steps in looking rejuvenated and smelling minty fresh. He tries to kiss me, but I turn my mouth. “Morning breath.”

  “I just brushed.”

  “I didn’t have that option.”

  “Don’t worry about it. You’ve never had bad morning breath. Now let me kiss you.” His hands roam over my slippery body convincing me. “You taste amazing.”

  I blush. And brace myself as he gets to his knees before me, and looks up. “Hold on, baby.”

  That look in his eyes easily makes my knees go weak, but my arms tighten, holding me steady. Lifting my leg up, he sets it on his shoulder and kisses a trail up my thigh.
When his lips meet mine, he says, “You are so goddamn gorgeous, Jane.” Then he kisses me there until an orgasm shivers through my limbs.

  My willpower with this man is annihilated again when he turns me around. The front of his body presses against my back, and he reaches around and squeezes my breasts. Whispering in my ear, he warms me as his breath pebbles my skin, “Tell me how much you want me. Tell me how much you’ve missed the feel of my cock inside you, your soul submitting to mine in every way imaginable. Tell me where you want me. Here?” He slides his hand down my stomach and fingers my clit. His other hand glides over the curve of my waist to the middle of my back and lower where he dips just barely inside, teasing, my most forbidden place. “Or here?”

  My breaths become gasps as I scramble to make sense of the erogenous vibrations he elicits from my body. “I’ve never—”

  “You’ve never what, baby?” My heart races as he finishes my sentence. “You’ve never had anyone touch you like this? You’ve never had anyone take you here before?” The pressure mounts as the tip becomes more.

  I don’t pull away. I’m unmoving, so still, looking at the tiles for answers of what I’ve allowed this man to do that I would never allow anyone else.

  “Janie? Are you all right?”

  “I’m good.” My pitch is uneven.

  I can hear the amusement in his voice when he asks, “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  Kissing my neck, he keeps his voice low and his lips close to my ear. “You’re doing so good, baby. Do you like that? Do you like me touching you there?”

  Closing my eyes, the lines of my sexual desires blur, the pleasure of new sensations turning me on, or maybe it’s just the man that’s doing it. Dropping my head back, I murmur, “I like… that.”

  “So do I.” He presses a little more, but the stretch is not painful. “I like making you feel good, excited.” With his other hand still on my clit, he says, “Even without the water, your pussy is so slick, so wet. Is that for me? Are you wet for me, baby?”