Can't Buy Me Love

by Summer Kinard

  “Granny square blanket, mooch scraps,” Percy breathed deeply, then turned and walked to the door with Vanessa. “Onward into the fray. Let’s hope Brigit has had some chocolate today as well.”

  The brewery was packed steadily all night. A food truck rodeo brought in extra customers, many of whom wanted detailed descriptions of the house spirits and brews. At around nine, Javier stopped by on his meal break from the hospital. He told Vanessa he would be on call the next day during their date, but that he would be able to spend more time with her in the afternoon if he was called in. At eleven, Gabi arrived with a group of men in tow. One of them was Brian. From the looks they were exchanging, it appeared as though he had Gabi under his spell.

  “Hey, hermana, Ma said to tell you that the enchiladas were excellent. No Jerome.”

  “Glad to hear it. Listen, Gabi, are you planning on sleeping with that man?” Vanessa gestured toward Brian with her head. Her hands were busy filling pitchers of beer for the assistant bartenders to deliver.

  “He’s hot, right? And get this, he’s a doctor!”

  “I know. I’m familiar with him,” Vanessa raised her eyebrows. “Very familiar.”

  “Wait a minute,” Gabi looked wounded. “No! He’s the married guy.”

  Vanessa nodded. “What name did he give you?”

  “I, um, didn’t ask,” Gabi said meekly. “Dang. I thought I was going to get me some.”

  Hearing her exclamation, a sexy Latino in a black shirt unbuttoned halfway over his smooth muscular chest leaned on his elbow to flirt with Gabi.

  Gabi shot a dirty look to Brian and smiled radiantly at the new guy. “Plan B.”

  “Be safe,” Vanessa said, as she handed Gabi a fake martini.

  Gabi blew her a kiss and walked to a table with her new admirer.

  Near closing, Gabi returned to the bar looking grumpy and tired. Vanessa served her a ginger ale with orange slices and cherries. “On the house for the sad lady.”

  “God, Vanessa. I take back what I said about you and Mani moving too fast. I just got that guy to leave me alone. He seemed nice at first, but then he was all talking how he wanted to marry me. I was like, what the crud, man? But he has been watching me wrestle for months and had this whole idea in his head about rescuing me from my life of toil so I could have his fat Mexican babies. I went to the can seven times, but he kept finding me again when I ditched him.”

  “What were the babies’ names?” Vanessa asked, a pert expression on her face.

  “Don’t laugh, hermana. I wanted to make a connection tonight.”

  “Hey, Mojita. Am I paying for that drink?” Ruben gestured with a bar cloth as he appeared out of the back room.

  “Do you want to buy me a drink, Ruben?” Gabi flirted.

  Ruben ran his hand through his hair and looked away. “Listen, I wanted to talk to you about having a match here next month. May I join you?”

  “Sure. I’ll get a table.” Gabi smiled at Vanessa and tilted her head in surprised curiosity.

  “Pour me something fruity?” Ruben asked Vanessa. He checked himself out in the mirror behind the liquor bottles when he thought she was not looking.

  “Here you are,” Vanessa smirked, handing Ruben a pint of a rich red hued beer.

  “Stop staring at me like that. I just need to talk to Gab—to Mojita. Go back to work.”

  “You’re the boss.”

  They were still talking when Vanessa got off work an hour later, so she walked out with Paula. The evening shift had been so busy that they had not had time to speak.

  “I am getting too old to stay up this late. At my age, the only reason to be awake at three o’clock in the morning is because you’re babysitting your grandkids.”

  Vanessa yawned widely. “I’m ready to hit the sack myself. I have a big date tomorrow.”

  “With your Doctor Mani? Aw, honey, tell me how your last date went.”

  “It went well. Very, very well. I think I’m in love with him, Paula.”

  “I hear that. I had that with my husband. Reggie and I saw each other at church a few times, and I volunteered with his aunt and sister to minister to the sick and shut-ins. But I was a church nurse, so I didn’t get to talk to him much, owing to my duties. We nurses sat together on one row, and Reggie sat with his mother at the back so she could get up to the ladies’ easier during the service. I never knew a woman who peed more than my mother-in- law. Anyway, when he finally asked me out and we got to talking, it was like we were made for each other. I knew after our first date I was going to marry that man.”

  “Wow. Paula, that’s beautiful, and so encouraging. You are the first person who hasn’t suggested I’m crazy to be loving a man I’ve only seen a handful of times in person.”

  “I didn’t say you aren’t crazy. I said it’s love.”

  “How long before you and Reggie got married?”

  “We went out for the first time right before Christmas. I showed him how to drink hot chocolate through a peppermint stick. We married at Easter, when the church was full of lilies. All the nurses wore white with fuchsia handkerchiefs at the time, and we made them our special attendants and gave each one an orchid to pin to the handkerchief. I still have an orchid waiting for me at church every Easter. The First Lady honors Reggie’s memory and honors my service to the church that way,” Paula shook her head so that her wistful expression fell away. “Listen to me ramble. You’ve got to get your rest for your big date tomorrow! I’ll just give you one word of advice, Vanessa. If you love him, don’t wait. You don’t know how long you’ll have together, so make it count.”

  “Thanks, Paula,” she hugged her friend. “I’ll try.”

  Chapter Nine

  Talking Tough

  Ask for Marcus. Bring five dollars. Got it,” Vanessa paced in her kitchen. “Thanks, Reagan. Stop by this week and I’ll set you and a friend up with free beers. I’m working the Beans and Spice launch on Friday.” Vanessa waited for Reagan’s usual enthusiastic response of “Righteous!” before wrapping up the call. “See you then.”

  Vanessa hung up the phone and patted a nervous rhythm on the counter with her palms. Javier was due to pick her up any minute, and she had run out of distractions. She was relieved to hear a knock at the door. She opened the door to find so many flowers that she was worried for a moment that Javier had sent a deliveryman in his stead.

  “Good morning,” Javier said, peeking from behind a grouping of red spray roses. “I thought these might go well in one of your red vases,” he smiled meaningfully. Vanessa’s stomach jumped at his casual reference to her hope chest.

  “Thank you,” she said, accepting the huge, colorful bouquet. “Please come in.”

  Javier leaned forward and took her chin in his hand. He kissed her softly, and her heart raced. She tried to lean into him, but her chest crushed into the flowers.

  “I’ll go get the vase,” Vanessa smiled.

  In the kitchen, Javier stood next to her by the sink and handed her the flowers stem by stem so she could cut them under water before arranging them in the ruby vase. He was wearing khaki linen pants with a white linen shirt, and he rolled up his sleeves to help with the flowers. Vanessa liked the way the red vase popped against his neutral outfit and exposed skin. She cast about for conversation to keep from undressing him with her mind.

  “You know, this vase was actually Granny’s. She clipped flowers and stems and berries from her yard to keep it filled with something fresh year round,” Vanessa smiled sidewise at Javier as she pushed the last stem of delphiniums into the pinnacle of the arrangement. “I’m glad to finally use it in my own home.”

  Vanessa set the vase in the middle of the dining table and moved the depleted bowl of fruit to the kitchen counter. As soon as her arms were empty, Javier wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his neck and breathed his warm scent.

  “Sandalwood? My favorite,” she whispered, kissing the hollow behind his ear.

  “I only use scented soap
on my days off.” He lifted her face with both of his hands. “I’m glad you like it.”

  Vanessa quirked an eyebrow seductively and kissed him. She pressed herself against him until she could feel his excitement. Vanessa shuddered with desire at having him so near, his body echoing her eagerness. Then she backed away, surprising herself.

  “What is it?” Javier smiled.

  “Javier, I think you should know that if I didn’t respect you so much, I, um-” she cleared her throat and placed her fingers on her face to cool it, “we should probably get going.” Vanessa smoothed her shirt and tried to ignore the intoxicating arousal curving through her.

  Javier gazed at her for a moment, searching her face. A light went on in his expression. He nodded and laced his fingers through hers as they walked to his car.

  “We need to talk,” Javier said once they were buckled in.

  “That’s my line,” Vanessa joked.

  “But first, how does Elmo’s sound? I’ve heard great things about their pancakes.”

  “Elmo’s sounds great,” Vanessa answered nervously. She waited a few seconds before prompting. “Javier? The talk?”

  “I would prefer to wait until we have a little booth, because I want to see your face.”

  “Very well, then. What shall we say to one another in the meantime?”

  “Mami says we ought to just go through lists together, and make sure we agree on all the big issues.”

  “Okay,” her words rushed forward nervously. “I’ll start: the environment. I like to have as low an impact as possible, and I don’t like the way our infrastructure is set up so that poor people have a harder time going green.”

  “I agree. I see the effects of pollution and the conditions of the poor each day in my patients. I would love to have a garden some day, but I also think we should advocate for community gardens.”

  Vanessa smiled tensely, trying to continue the volley of topics. “Next: guns. Sorry, but I’m totally against the kind that are intended for use on humans. I don’t think killing is ever the best solution, and having the ready option makes people lazy about seeking other resolutions.”

  “For me, handguns and assault weapons are a sign of the deep brokenness of the world. There are so many ways that people die needlessly already. I am saddened when I see people seek out a means of afflicting or threatening death.”

  “Two for two in politics,” Vanessa looked at her hands. Without knowing what Javier wanted to talk about, the conversation felt oddly impersonal. They might as well have been playing tennis.

  Javier paused for a few moments. “How do you feel about working an outside job or staying home if there are children in a family?”

  “I like my job, but I could live without it. Not financially; not right now. I still have ten thousand in student loans to repay, and only a bit more than that in savings. If we had children, I mean, if I had children,” she corrected, trying not to presume, “I would want to stay home and take care of them.” Vanessa swallowed back her giddiness at the thought of making a family with Javier. “Now that’s one of the big questions. Kids. I would like children. Soonish. I have never really considered the number. I figure that children are a gift and a product of joy and love, and having one child will probably make me want more.”

  Javier squeezed her hand. “Vanessa, you have landed on the issue I wanted to talk about.”

  “Children? You mean, you already have them, or you don’t want them?” Vanessa sounded confused and afraid at both possibilities. “I thought you wanted…”

  “I do not have children,” Javier grinned. “Not possible. I do want children. But I would rather talk about this once we stop.”

  Vanessa’s mind raced while the car sat through a stoplight and drove the additional block to the diner. By the time Javier pulled into a parking space, her palms were clammy. He turned to her as soon as the car was in park.

  “Vanessa,” Javier looked into her eyes earnestly, “I have never had sex.”

  “Oh!” Vanessa released the breath she had been holding. “When you said you could not possibly have children, I thought…. Wait. You said this was about children, not sex.”

  “It’s about both, Vanessa. Maybe I’m a romantic, or maybe I’m just Catholic, but I don’t want to have a barrier between us when we make love. Openness to new life, it’s part of why I chose a healing profession. My Papi talks about it in his garden, my Mami talks about it in her volunteer work. It is in the water, as you said about grace in your Granny’s house.”

  “So we won’t make love until we’re willing to have children.”

  “Yes.” Javier took her hand and kissed her knuckles, letting his lips linger for a moment. “Vanessa, I want to make love with you. You have probably noticed.” He lowered his eyes and smiled, “But I don’t go in by halves. If we take that path, I want it to be part of a bigger story of us.”

  “Us.” Vanessa looked both stunned and happy. “Javier, do you-?” Vanessa stopped herself, not wanting to make Javier confess love under duress. She changed direction. “Well, how many children do you want?”

  “I don’t know. I would feel comfortable stopping when my wife wanted or if we had health issues. My parents could not have more than two. Mami had placenta previa both times and had to have an emergency hysterectomy after Samuel. I had so much fun growing up in our family that I want to share the joy. I always imagined having four or five children, at least.”

  “When you say you would feel comfortable stopping, do you mean no more sex?” Vanessa looked aghast.

  Javier smiled at her expression. “Vasectomy. I said openness to new life, not total active encouragement. If God wanted us to have another, he would heal the tube.”

  They laughed.

  “Javier, about God. I haven’t been very devout for the past six years. I think I was mad at God for taking Granny, who I saw as the one certain good thing in my life at the time. The past few weeks, I’ve felt a shift. I’m starting to feel like maybe God and I are in this together. Maybe,” Vanessa bit her lip. “I’m a bad Catholic, though. I haven’t been to confession in years, and I have a pretty long list at this point.”

  “I know a priest who gives light penance. One rosary per sin.”

  “Then I’ll be stuck hailing Mary for a week.”

  “Vanessa, I know I brought up church and God, but I want to be clear that I’m not judging you or asking to be your priest. I find balance and guidance and direction when I pray or participate in religion. And I see the way that you look at people and value them. That kind of paying attention comes from God. At least, I believe it does. If we can agree to let me love you because of how I see God in you, I’m not so worried about whether we connect with God the same way.”

  Vanessa paused, the words “let me love you” echoing in her mind. “I can agree. You and God are a two-for-one deal. Which means, it’s a pretty good thing that I’m willing to let you take me to church,” she raised her chin and smiled mischievously. “You should know that God and I make out a lot. He never complains when I’m grumpy in the morning, and he always admires my sewing.”

  Javier smiled and leaned toward her till his mouth was next to her ear. “I love you, Vanessa,” he spoke softly and looked into her eyes. He held her gaze until an elderly couple distracted them by getting noisily into their car parked alongside.

  “I love you, too, Javier.” She looked out the window where a lady with silver hair was calling loudly to her husband about checking that the engine brake was off. She shook her head to clear it. “What were we doing again?” she smiled.

  “Brunch. Shall we?”

  “It smells great out here. Do you cook?” Vanessa asked as they walked into the diner.

  “Mostly eggs and salads and fish. But I actually make the fish taste good.” Javier leaned down and whispered in her ear while they waited in line for the hostess. “The secret ingredient is butter.”

  Vanessa shivered at the sound of his voice so close to her ear. Would
it always be like this? Every whisper a reminder of the first time he said he loved her? She smiled and leaned against his arm at the thought of always.

  When they were seated, Vanessa ordered a pancake and sausages. Javier ordered a scrambled egg, three blueberry pancakes, and hash browns.

  “Carb loading?” Vanessa teased.

  “For later,” Javier smiled.

  Vanessa felt quivery inside. After their conversation in the car, she was not sure how to interpret Javier’s flirting. Fortunately, he had mercy on her and changed the subject.

  “Lightning round. Singing around the house. I sing in the shower.”

  “And I in the kitchen. Jazz, mostly.”

  “Same here.”

  “Really?”

  “No. Opera arias and rockabilly.”

  “An interesting combination.”

  “I call my style banjopera.”

  Vanessa laughed, “I think I can live with that.”

  “Well, what about this? I talk during movies, especially romantic comedies and foreign films.”

  “Argh,” Vanessa shook her fork at him in mock reproach. “Then you, sir, will have to learn to use the pause button, especially for the foreign films. What about classics like Casablanca?”

  “I’ve never seen it, so I’ve never had the opportunity to talk through it.”

  “You’ve never seen Casablanca?”

  “Not even once.”

  “Then we’ll have to fix that. It’s coming to Carolina Theater next month. Perhaps you would accompany me as my date?”

  “I would be delighted,” he smiled, light playing in his eyes. “But I don’t think that type of question gets you off the hook.”

  “Off the hook?”

  “It’s your turn to ask a question.”

  “Cats or dogs? Dogs for me.”

  “I like dogs, too, but I can’t have furry pets in my line of work.”

  “Right. So, turtles or fish?”

  “Both,” Javier smiled. “Just not in the same tank.”

  “Here’s an important one. Should the paper go over or under the roll?” Vanessa narrowed her eyes shrewdly.