0-69 in 5 Minutes

by Jasmine Black

  "Mr. White, can you hear me?" the EMT asked.

  Oh, crap! She had to tell the hospital his real name and somehow keep it a secret from her family. Then she realized she didn't know any of his family, and they'd need to be notified. She’d have to worry about that later.

  "Sir, his name's Noah Kittler. Not Sam White." She hung her head unsure how to explain this.

  "Uh, are you sure? The lady said his name was Samuel White." He checked his chart.

  "I'm sure. The lady you talked to has a mental condition." She didn't know who he had talked to in the middle of all the chaos. Nor did she care. They had both acted strange tonight. And her mother had gone too far by giving Noah oysters.

  The man made a note in the chart. "And you are?"

  "Valerie Jordan, Noah's," she paused. If she told the truth, they wouldn't let her see him in the hospital. Family Only Rule. "Fiancée."

  "Then I guess you should know his name."

  They remained quiet the rest of the trip, except for the machines hooked up to Noah. It seemed like hours before they got to the hospital, but it couldn’t have been since it was only three miles from her house.

  The back doors swung open. EMTs rolled Noah out of the ambulance and into the emergency room. She tried to follow, but a hefty nurse grabbed her shoulders and stopped her at the registry desk. All the boxing in the world hadn’t prepared her to escape this woman.

  “I’m sorry miss, but you’ll have to wait here.”

  “But—” she tried to protest; her heart ached for Noah.

  “I know, but you have to let the doctors do their work.” The nurse steered her toward the desk, feet dragging and gaze on the swinging doors that separated her and Noah. Man, this woman was strong.

  The nurse handed her a clipboard. “I need you to fill out these papers the best you can. If you have any questions, just ask me. I’m Nurse Florence.”

  She took a seat in the empty waiting room and flipped through the papers. Page after page. Name, address, phone number, insurance provider. The list went on and on. How the hell could she fill this out? She didn’t know any of the answers. But she’d brought his wallet! Thank God for small favors. She pulled out his driver’s license and began to fill in the blanks.

  She laughed when she filled in his middle name. Precious. Who named their child Precious? She’d have to ask him about it, sometime when he felt better. For now, she concentrated on his address, and realized she’d driven by his place a time or two. An old two-story farmhouse with an auto shop next to it about fifteen miles outside of town.

  After filling in his insurance information, the doors opened and her parents and Bree rushed in. “What are you guys doing here?”

  “We came to see Sam. Where is he? Is he all right?” Her mother hurried to her.

  “I don’t know anything yet. All I’ve done is fill out stupid paperwork.” She held the clipboard close, careful not to show his true name. This would never work. Somehow she had to keep them from seeing him and finding out his true identity.

  She took the clipboard to the nurse, returned to her family and found a seat. “There’s no need for everyone to be here. Really, I’m fine.”

  “Don’t be crazy, pumpkin. This man means a lot to you. The least we can do is support you right now.” Her father placed his arm around her shoulders and rubbed her arm.

  “Thank you, Daddy.” She leaned into him and breathed deeply. Musky cologne—the scent of Daddy—soothed her muscles. Tension fled from the top of her head down through her toes.

  Her mother sat down on the other side of her. “Just how much does he mean to you?”

  “Judith, not now,” her father said, soft but firm.

  “Hush up, Hank. The girl is closing in on thirty, and I don’t have one grandson to hold.”

  “Mother, please, let’s not do this now.”

  “No, we’re going to talk about this, now. Condoms in his wallet. I thought you two were serious about each other? I’m waiting for him to put a ring on your finger, and when a condom falls out of his wallet, you looked surprised. Is this one cheating too?”

  Hell if she knew. The condom had surprised her too. They hadn’t used one last night, but maybe he’d wanted an encore and came prepared. The thought enticed her, sent tingles through her stomach. Maybe he’d enjoyed it as much as she had. Or was the condom meant for someone else? The tingles evaporated.

  Confused, she shook her head. It didn’t matter who he slept with. He wasn’t hers, not really. And they’d just met last night.

  “Ew, and with who?” Bree used her juicy gossip tone.

  “What does that mean?” She sat up from her father’s embrace. There was nothing wrong with Noah. Why would Bree be disgusted by him?

  Bree placed her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes in the spoiled brat fashion she was notorious for. “It means the man is gay, bisexual, a cross-dresser.”

  “He is not!” Where the hell had that came from? No way was he any of those things. He happened to be all man.

  “Val, you don’t have to lie. We all know it. I saw an ad in the paper for Sam White performing at the T-Back Lounge as Samantha White.”

  Oh God! This couldn’t be happening. They think he’s a cross-dresser. What am I going to do? Tell the truth.

  “Dear, I don’t care if Sam’s a cross-dresser. Your father and I are fine with it. Just keep your man pleased and produce me a grandson.” Her mom patted her hand as if she was in junior high and she’d just spilled her milk.

  Bree snorted. “Well, I care that he’s a cross-dresser. Even if no one else does!”

  “Okay, Bree that’s enough. Let’s go get some coffee.” Her father took Bree by the arm and dragged her from the room. Feet stomping the whole way like a two-year-old. Come to think of it, Bree probably looked liked she had with nurse Florence.

  As much as she hated it, she was alone with her mother now and she had to tell the truth. She couldn’t let them think he was a cross-dresser, and he’d never go along with it. Would he? Well, maybe if she upped the offer to two grand. She shook her head. What was she thinking? No, no. Be honest. “Mom—”

  “Honey, forget her. Sam can wear whatever he’s comfortable in. He’s a fine looking stud. I know what you see in him. Good package too.”

  She did not just say that. Her face flushed and she scanned the room, hoping no one had entered. However, Nurse Florence had choked on her coffee and spat it out all over the desk, and now wiped at her computer frantically.

  “Val, darling, don’t you want children?” Her mom lowered her voice and patted her hand again. She hated when her mother did that, but she knew it was her way of saying she cared. “A family? I know I loved being a mother, having a family to love and care for. ”

  The anger pumping through her veins calmed. Her mother’s childhood had been less than desirable. A foster child thrown from house to house, without a place to call home. As annoying as she could be, her mother had doted on her and Bree and had been a loving parent.

  Nurse Florence stared, shamelessly eavesdropping as her mother waited for her answer.

  “Yes, I want kids. I want to be a mom, but it has to be right. Getting pregnant by just any man won’t do. I want a good man, a nice guy like Daddy. Someone who isn’t a jerk and doesn’t cheat on me. Someone who wants to be a dad. Someone who will be around when times get hard. Mom, please don’t push N… Sam. He’s nice and kind, sweet and gentle. Let me work it out in my own time.”

  “Okay.” Her mother dropped her hand and glanced away.

  “What?”

  “I said okay, but don’t make me wait too much longer. I promise I’ll never feed Sam oysters again. However, I get antsy and do crazy things. So, you’ve been warned.”

  “Thank you.” She hugged her mom, hoping she could trust the words she’d heard. Then she prayed her mother wouldn’t kill her when she broke up with Sam.

  After she ended the hug, she noticed Florence talking to a doctor and pointing her way. She rushed
to him. She needed to get to him before he leaked Noah’s name.

  “How is he doctor?”

  “A bit groggy, but stable. We’ve moved him to ICU. He’s suffered a severe case of anaphylactic shock. Now generally, at this point the worst is usually over, but symptoms can reappear within the first twelve hours. And with his history of anaphylactic shock, we’re going to have to keep him over night to monitor him. If everything goes well, we’ll release him in the morning into someone’s care.”

  Wow, how many times had he been in the hospital for anaphylactic shock? Poor guy. “Can I see him?”

  “Sure, but only you, and for a short time.”

  She sighed in relief for three reasons. One, he was okay. Two, she could see him. And three, the doctor hadn’t said his name. That issue had been avoided. The cross-dressing matter would have to wait until later. That list seemed to be piling up fast, but right now, she needed to see Noah.

  * * * *

  Judith waited until Val left with the doctor, and then she searched for Rita. Rita DuPont had been her best friend since they were kids. Their fathers had been business associates and the two of them had hit it off the first time they met at a summer BBQ.

  She and Rita had gone to college together. Rita had become a nurse, married and tried to start a family. Judith, on the other hand, had gone back home to work at her father’s company where later she’d met Hank.

  The hallways were quiet, all but the sound of her heels clicking on the tiles. Lucky for her, Rita happened to be an ICU nurse who worked the evening shift. Something about not having to lift and move a lot of patients or deal with them while they were awake enticed Rita.

  Walking through the double doors, she knew it was her lucky night. Her friend sat behind the desk, typing on the computer. “Well, well, if it isn’t my dearest friend in the whole wide world.”

  “Judith! What are you doing here?” Rita stood and gave her a warm smile.

  “Valerie’s boyfriend had an awful mishap at dinner tonight. He lost consciousness and had to be rushed here in the ambulance. It was all rather upsetting to say the least.”

  “You mean that guy they brought in a few minutes ago is Valerie’s new man?”

  “Girl, I do. Sam White. Which is why I need your help.”

  “Help with what? I know that look in your eyes. You’re up to no good. Again.” Rita laughed, and her eyes lit up with mischief.

  She leaned across the counter and whispered. “I need you to run a test on him. See if he’s fertile.”

  Rita held her finger up and turned to a nurse at the other end of the desk. “Hey, Gina, cover me for a few minutes while I go get some coffee.” She came out from behind the desk and grabbed Judith’s elbow. “Walk with me.”

  Once outside in the hallway, Rita began. “Are you crazy? I can’t run a test like that.”

  “Why not?”

  Rita started to pace. “Why not? Because I need semen to do that. I don’t care how much drugs he’s had, or how much fun it would be for that matter, I can’t just whisk in there and jack him off.”

  “Can’t you do a blood test or something?”

  She stopped pacing and let out a breath. “I can check his hormone levels. See if he has a high count of testosterone, but that won’t give us a sperm count or tell us if he’s fertile.”

  “That won’t do. We need to know if he can get the job done or not.”

  “Sweetie, I want to get back at your father as much as you do, but I don’t see how this can help us. They still have to have sex for her to get pregnant. And then it has to be a boy. I can’t tell if he shoots X’s or Y’s from a fertility test.”

  “I know.” She shook her head and ran her tongue across her teeth. “Time’s running out. Erin’s getting married in a few short months. Now, my sources say she’s not pregnant, but they want to start having kids right away and her fiancée comes from a large family of boys. If she has a boy, we’ll lose everything we’ve worked for. That old bastard will give her kid my inheritance. Which means your share will be gone too.”

  “Okay, let me think.” Rita paced the hallway, rubbing her temples the way she always did before developing a brilliant plan. “I got it. Now, it’s not a hundred percent guaranteed to work, but it’ll increase the odds.”

  “What is it?” She grabbed Rita’s wrists and shook them.

  “This has to be kept quiet. I would lose my licenses and go to jail if anyone found out.”

  “Rita! What is it?”

  Rita looked around and leaned in. “I’ll give him something to knock him out,” she whispered. “Then I can extract some sperm through a long needle. I’ll have a buddy of mine run the test as well as check his hormone levels. We can’t really do much about the results one way or the other, but he’ll need to have someone take him home in the morning. When Val picks him up, the instructions will direct her to watch him for seventy-two hours. That sounds like a time limit they’ll both buy off on. Plus, she’ll be sent home with medications for him to take. One of which, without their knowledge, will be free samples of a new medicine for erectile dysfunction.”

  “Brilliant! They should be going at it in no time. And we’ll have the heir to the old man’s fortune.”

  Chapter 7

  Val perched on the edge of Noah’s bed, watching and waiting for him to open his eyes. After fluttering a few times, his eyelids opened, and his gaze searched the room.

  “Where am I?” The barely audible words escaped his dry lips.

  A tear came to her eye, knowing she’d put him in this horrible place. Smelly with the scent of death and cold like a morgue. She pushed the morbid thoughts out of her mind and forced a smile on her face.

  “You’re at the hospital. Apparently you’re allergic to shellfish, but I’m guessing you already know that.” She reached up and ran her hand down his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Noah. If I had known, I would never have let you eat my mother’s pasta. And I’ll take care of the bill.” How, she didn’t know, but she’d make payments if she had to.

  “It’s okay, you don’t have to do that. I have insurance.” He shook his head. “Plus, you didn’t know, and your mother didn’t give me the chance to stop her.” He licked his lips. “When can I go home?”

  She gave him a sip of water from the plastic cup on the side table.

  “The doctor said possibly tomorrow. I can drive you if you’d like, or I can call someone if you prefer to end our arrangement.” Please say no. I really want to spend more time with you. Get to know you. Where had that come from? Ludicrous thoughts after a long stressful day. She couldn’t get close to him. Her family thought he was Sam White. A cross-dresser.

  “Yes, no.”

  “Yes? Or no?” She smoothed down the sheet around his arms.

  “I mean, yes I’d like you to drive me. No, I don’t want to end our arrangement. Just no more oysters.” He attempted a weak smile.

  Her heart warmed at his good nature and sense of humor. Tables being turned, she might have killed Judith Jordan. Then again, his humor might go away once she told him about the cross-dressing.

  “Noah,” she looked around the small room. Machines beeped and wires were hooked up to his weakened body. Now seemed to be the best time to inform him of the miscommunication since he wouldn’t be able to do anything if his temper kicked in. “My family…well, see, they think you’re a um…cross-dresser.” She said the last word out the corner of her mouth.

  He shook his head. “I didn’t catch that, they think I’m a what?”

  “A cross-dresser. They think you’re a cross-dresser.” She raised her voice loud enough he’d have to be deaf not to have heard her.

  “What the hell?” He jerked up into a full sitting position. “Why do they think that? I’m a masculine guy.” He looked at his biceps and flexed them a few times.

  Standing up, she refolded the blanket at the end of his bed. “Of course you are.” Hell, she wanted to strip the thin hospital gown off and jump him right there. His b
ulging muscles sent ripples of heat waves from her breasts to the pit of her stomach. She shook her head, trying to clear the image of his naked body from her mind. “But my sister’s bisexual, and she read in one of her newsletters that ‘Samuel White’ is performing next weekend as ‘Samantha White’.” She lowered her voice and glanced around the small room enclosed from floor to ceiling windows. “And well, you were discussing drag tonight.”

  “Oh, my God! I meant drag racing.” His eyes popped open wider than his lips had swollen minutes after eating the oysters.

  “I know that. I tried to tell them, but they wouldn’t listen. Heck, they’re even fine with you wearing women’s clothing.” She rolled her eyes and sat back down on the bed. Nothing shocked her mother, and if things shocked her father, he never let on.

  “But I’m not.”

  “Well...” She raised her eyebrows and looked away from his glower again.

  “Oh, no! No!” He shook his head and threw his hands up in the air.

  Wires jerked and the beeps on his heart monitor increased. He needed to calm down before stress brought on another episode and the nurse came in and threw her out. So much for her theory on it being a good time to tell him the situation.

  “I understand. The truth shall set you free, right? I’ll confess and come clean to them tomorrow.” The whole town would laugh at her. Poor Val, first she couldn’t hold on to a man. Then she couldn’t get one to date her, so she made one up. Tears came back to the surface and one escaped. Ran down her cheek.

  “Don’t cry.” He let out a sigh. “I do have some pride.”

  “Fine, I’ll double your pay.” Minutes passed and silence fell between them. Was he thinking, or not talking to her?

  Arms crossed and a pout on his lips, finally, he responded. “I’m not wearing a dress or makeup.”

  “You don’t have to. Just go along with it.” She threw in a pitiful look for added measure.

  His lids closed, and he laid his head back on his pillow. “All right.”

  “Thank you. Now, get some sleep, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She placed her hands at his sides and bent down to kiss his cheek where his sexy dimple would have been had he smiled, but he inched his head away.