Discovery of Desire

by Susanne Lord

  “No, I—”

  “I’m not at all.” He dared to look up at her. “Talented, I mean. Being the size I am.” He swallowed. “All the other bits are fine, meaning the touching and kissing. You might not be keen on…the other bit. Not that you need to be afraid of me,” he hurried to add.

  But Mina looked at him with all the trust in the world in her eyes. And eagerness and—God, with love, too.

  Did she love him?

  She smoothed his hair from his brow. “All right,” she said quietly.

  He took a deep breath. “All right.” He rose from his position at her feet. “Will you help me out of my unmentionables now?”

  Her eyes lit with amusement. She was a hard one to get to laugh out loud.

  While she attended to his buttons, he devoured the sight of her long hair and the chemise that hung from her delicate shoulders and flowed over the swell of her bosom. He’d always remember this—her closeness, her perfume, the first time they loved each other.

  The only time.

  He blinked his eyes. They were hot and itching, and he wasn’t going to think any more about that. She pulled his shirt out of his trousers but she couldn’t reach to slip it over his head.

  “I’ll do that, pretty.” He pulled off the shirt, and his bare chest was a sight she seemed to like. Her fingers stroked his stomach, tracing the hard ridges there, and up high on his chest, and then around and down his shoulders. He’d lost a little weight and his skin was tight over his muscle, but she seemed to like the look of him anyway.

  Could he take that chemise off her now?

  Maybe if he got naked first. He kissed her cheek and stepped back to unbutton his trousers. Best to give her the full aspect of his oversize body. She might change her mind…

  Damn. She might at that.

  Steeling himself, he stepped out of his trousers and stood tall to let her inspect his roger. He was already half-hard so she’d have some notion of what was to come. And the way she was looking at it, he didn’t think the notion was a welcome one.

  He cleared his throat and started to cross his arms, but that didn’t feel natural at all. His arms hung stupidly at his side. “I know it looks a bit cumbersome, but you won’t have to suffer it all that long.”

  Her eyes left his roger to meet his. “I… What?”

  “I’ll be fast about it.”

  “You will? Why?”

  “Ah, Minnie.” She was going to make him say it. “In case you don’t”—he grimaced—“like it. You likely won’t. It’s more for the man’s pleasure.”

  “Oh.”

  “But I’ll do other things for you. And I’ll be gentle.”

  “Oh.” Again, her eyes dipped down to his roger and back. “Thank you.”

  It was getting bigger the longer they talked about it. He checked—he still had a ways to grow. He looked up as Mina pulled off her chemise.

  And he damn near swooned. “Oh…God.”

  “Seth?”

  Oh God. His eyes were clenched shut but firm, round breasts, pink nipples, the sweet cinch of her waist floated in front of him. “Yes, Minnie. Sorry.” He opened his eyes and—oh God—smiled tightly at her. “It’s just… I’m thinking you might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, that’s all. So if I—well, I’m not going to cry or anything, but if I’m talking and not speaking a word of sense, that’s why. So don’t be concerned because it’s nothing you’re doing.”

  And her stockings tied at her sweet, little thighs—Christ God, she looked good. “Well, it is something you’re doing, but not on purpose, so you can ignore the things I say.” Right. He might start crying.

  Confusion flashed across her face, but then she smiled and blushed, and even undraped as she was, she was still a lady. “Thank you, Seth. I think you’re beautiful, too.”

  That didn’t make any sense, but he clenched his teeth before he said anything more to disturb her.

  Mina turned to sit on the bed, flashing a perfect, round bottom, and unrolled her stockings. “What other things will you do?”

  He couldn’t keep a thought in his head…not with those stockings. “Ay? Sorry?”

  “You said you would do other things.” She hugged her arms around her, which plumped her breasts higher and didn’t help his concentration one bit.

  “Other things, right.” Right. What were those exactly?

  He joined her on the bed and couldn’t delay touching her a second longer. He wrapped an arm about her waist to ease her onto her back, and they were lying eye to eye. Her hands combed through his hair.

  Christ, she was an angel—his angel. Skin soft as heaven but those lips were all temptation. He sank his mouth onto hers, letting her sweet tongue tangle with his. The soft mounds of her breasts brushed his chest, but he couldn’t cover her.

  If he weren’t so damn big and heavy, he’d be more comfortable for a woman of her proportions. But small as she was, she wasn’t timid. He put his hand on her satiny thigh and she parted her legs. Beneath his hand, her soft skin was vibrating.

  “You’re not scared?” he asked.

  Her eyes smiled at him. “You’re not scaring me.” And to give truth to the words, she hiked her leg over his.

  He brushed the tender, curling hair between her legs and kept his hand there. She was warm, almost hot. Would she be wet? Was it too soon to check?

  “You’re not scaring me,” she whispered, hugging him tight against her to kiss him.

  God, she was sweet. Her smooth, silken legs rubbed against his rigid body. He couldn’t keep a thought in his head but… Christ, her thighs squeezed him about the waist. She was—“Minnie.”

  Her eyes fluttered open, and that soft, unfocused gaze nearly made him spend right then and there. She grabbed his hair and pulled him down onto her mouth again. Small moans like he’d never heard in his life vibrated from her lips. Her thighs clamped tight, and she squeezed his posterior.

  She liked this?

  God, she liked this—thank you.

  Carefully, he sank onto her, letting his tongue plunge deep into her hot mouth, and gripped her hair right back. It was the best loving he’d ever had. Even before his roger was even involved, the woman loved him better than anyone ever had.

  And he’d return the favor.

  He parted her and eased his finger into her.

  “Oh! My!” She arched beneath him, her slender body straining under his weight. “Seth.”

  He stroked her, again and again, watching her face with every careful press of his fingers. Her eyes unfocused. Her lips were panting. And he was hot, and getting hotter. “Minnie.” He growled her name, ready to explode. He kissed her hard, and she ignited with spasms. And he clung so she wouldn’t slip away. “Sweet Minnie…do you like that?”

  She gasped, trying to catch her breath. It wasn’t fair to ask questions but damn if he would stop. Not when she kept coming. Not if he could keep making her come.

  “Do you like that?” he crooned into her ear. “Do you want more?”

  “Oh yes…please…yes—”

  He bent to her breast and, greedy for her, suckled, deeper and deeper, until her nails were digging into his scalp and she was crying out. And he couldn’t stop touching her, teasing her, like her pleasure was his pleasure—

  A spasm tightened her, twisted her, and wracked her with a violence that frightened him into stopping.

  And then she melted into the mattress under him. “Oh…Seth…”

  Panting harder than he could ever remember breathing, he rested on her shoulder, his face buried in her neck. She shivered, so he kept his touch gentle to soothe her sensitive flesh. But the happiness in his heart swelled to bursting.

  His Mina. He’d pleasured her.

  She hugged his neck, her arms light and weak, and whispered in his ear. “Seth…thank you.” Her voice held
a smile. “You are a lady-killer.”

  He chuckled with surprise. And damned if he didn’t want to shout from the housetops what he’d done. “Are you all right?”

  She nodded and stretched under him, long lashes fluttering. “You and your wiles…”

  Well. Mina had learned to flirt. His heart had melted, but other throbbing, pulsing, pained parts of his body were reminding him he wasn’t done yet.

  But she wouldn’t be smiling, then.

  A knock at the door jolted them both.

  Goddamn! His heart was in his throat, and he’d instinctively covered Mina—her eyes wide with alarm. But any woman would be alarmed with his enormous ape body caging her.

  “Mr. Mayhew, sir?” a boy’s voice inquired from the hall.

  Seth clenched his eyes, trying to calm his pounding heart. “A minute, lad,” he yelled. Mina was shaking under him. “Oh no. I’m sorry, Min—”

  But she was shaking with the giggles she was holding in, her eyes bright with stars and her cheeks pinker than he’d ever seen them.

  And he wasn’t at all inclined to take his eyes off her.

  “Mr. Mayhew?” the hall voice asked again.

  “I said a minute,” he called.

  He smiled down at her happy face. He’d remember this forever. He dropped a kiss on Mina’s blushing nose and lifted off her, slow and careful, to move to the door.

  “What is it, lad?” he asked through the door.

  “I’ve a letter for you, sir.”

  He looked down at his naked body. His roger looked back at him. “Well, go on and read it. I’m not decent for company.”

  A pause and then the sound of paper unfolding. “Mr. Colin Rivers is waiting for you in the lobby.”

  He cursed under his breath.

  “Sir? Do you have a response?”

  He planted his fists on his hips and turned to Mina. The smile slipped from her lips and worry clouded her eyes. “Tell him I’ll be down,” he said to the hallboy.

  Seth began to dress, strapping on his belt and money, but he couldn’t look away from Mina in his bed. She’d pulled his blanket over herself and all her soft, brown hair covered her white shoulders. So beautiful. She might have been an angel fallen from above. His roger protested being tucked back into his trousers.

  But damned if he wasn’t…relieved.

  He smiled at her and winked. “A sight a man could get used to.”

  She blushed deeper. He could always make her blush. “A naked woman in your bed?”

  “Just you, pretty. Just you.” He couldn’t stop from bending over her again to plant a kiss on her lips. When he lifted his head a while later, he reached for her stockings she’d folded over the bedpost. “Don’t suppose you need help putting these on?” he murmured.

  She smiled and pulled them from his hand, the smooth cotton sliding through his fingers.

  And he was suddenly panicked by the thought she’d leave. “You don’t have to go. I’ll be coming right back.”

  Damn if he didn’t sound like a green lad, but she smiled at him. “I’ll wait right here.”

  Mina would never embarrass him. Never leave him feeling like a fool, even if he was always a fool with her.

  “I’ll pay Rivers and send him on his way,” he said. “He won’t be lingering.”

  “Will you be all right? I can come with you.”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want you near that man again.”

  She caught his hand. “And we’ll make love when you come back?”

  His heart plunged. A bit like climbing those cliffs. He pulled his lips into a smile. “You do speak plain, Minnie.”

  “I just want to be sure we’re…in agreement.”

  His little officer. He might tease her, make some silly jest about having to be persuaded, but his heart wouldn’t let him. Not today. Not in this. “Yes, Minnie.” He leaned to catch the perfume of her hair, to press his mouth to the soft skin at her temple, to stroke the silky curtain of hair down her back. To remember.

  “Seth, please be careful with Mr. Rivers.”

  Anger flooded him. The man was taking his and Mina’s precious time away from them.

  Rivers better be careful with him.

  Fourteen

  Colin Rivers folded the fifty-pound note into his pocket without a word. From the moment Rivers crossed the hotel lobby, the man hadn’t exchanged more than a dozen words with him. And Seth was damn eager to leave the man now.

  Rivers was more specter than man. It was his stillness. Maybe not all specters wailed and rattled chains. Maybe some hid secrets they didn’t want the living to learn. In all the places Seth had been, and the people he’d met, there wasn’t one with colder blood than the man sitting across from him.

  And this man had traveled with his sister. Georgie had been alive with him. “She drew you. In her journal.”

  That broke Rivers’s silence, but it was a moment before he spoke with that ruined, rumbling voice. “She was always drawing. She was good.”

  Georgie had seen the darkness in him, too. The charcoal sketch of Rivers in her journal barely broke from the shadows in the background. His face hadn’t been more than brutal, angry scrapes of ash and soot.

  “Your sister was brave,” Rivers said. “When it mattered.”

  Pain lanced across Seth’s chest. When it mattered? What the hell did that mean?

  Seth surged to his feet. He had to get the hell away from Rivers. There was no telling what he might do to the man feeling as disordered as he did now. And Mina was waiting.

  Rivers rose, too. “Could I ask a question?”

  “Ask.”

  “The man who sent you here, Will Repton.” Rivers swiveled his stare toward him like a glinting saber and Seth tensed. “Do you think he lied to you?”

  Seth could read nothing in the man’s eyes. Not a flicker or feeling. He wouldn’t be telling this Rivers a damn thing. “I think our business is done—”

  A rustle of skirts and a flurry of movement sounded from behind. Taking his eyes off Rivers wasn’t a comfortable thing, but Seth looked over his shoulder. Emma, in high dudgeon, was charging—a cyclone of ruffles and springing blond curls.

  Ah…hell.

  “You called yourself a gentleman!” Emma hurled something small at Rivers that bounced off his chest and dropped to the ground. Rivers didn’t even flinch. His eyes never moved off Emma.

  On the ground was a folded letter.

  “You signed a contract!” Another letter was pitched that slapped Rivers on the shoulder. “We sailed for three months!”

  Another letter bounced off his cheek and he jerked. Rivers narrowed his gaze and Seth buttressed a hand on the man’s chest lest he get some fool notion to retaliate. But Rivers just stood there as Emma flung another letter that went wide. Then another.

  Damn, how many letters had the man written?

  Even under attack, Rivers was passionless. He studied Emma as if a raging female was a problem he might actually solve.

  Emma heaved all the remaining letters at Rivers. “We said good-bye to everyone we loved. Forever!” she screamed. “Do you comprehend that? I have sisters I will never see again because you promised!”

  She tugged at the neck of her blouse, dragging in a wheezing breath. Rivers jolted forward, his good arm raised. “Miss Adams—”

  “You promised!” she screamed, halting his advance. “To marry me and give me a family and a home!”

  A home—enough. Seth shoved Rivers away and the man staggered backward. “Go now, Rivers. Get out of here.”

  Rivers bowed his head to Emma—the first act of submission Seth had seen from the man. Rivers bent and collected the letters from the ground.

  “Take them!” Emma screamed. “Take your lies! You said you wouldn’t see me unhappy, not for worlds.”


  Seth pulled Emma back. “Come away now, Emma.”

  “For worlds!” Emma strained forward against Seth’s hold. “I promise you, Mr. Rivers, I’ll sue you for breach of promise.”

  Rivers frowned at the stack of letters in his hands before tucking them into his coat. “I appreciate your lust for justice, Miss Adams. But justice would be a very long path.”

  He turned and began to walk away. His injured arm was held stiff at his side, but Seth wasn’t fooled into thinking the man diminished. Rivers seemed to no more regard his wounds than he did the wide-eyed porters gaping from their posts.

  “You will make amends, sir!” Emma cried.

  Rivers stopped but didn’t turn. “Whatever promises were made to you, Miss Adams…forget them. Let Colin Rivers be dead to you. Seek another. Be a wife and mother, and pray to God each night for His protection.”

  “Don’t you dare—”

  “Perhaps someday you’ll understand. I do you a kindness in releasing you.” He continued to the door. “I’m leaving for England, Miss Adams, so you see…justice would indeed be a very long path.”

  Emma stood frozen, watching Rivers sweep out the front doors of the hotel and disappear into the blinding sun. She was blanched of color. “He left.”

  “Emma, come on now.”

  “He signed a contract.” Emma’s voice shook with rage.

  “You don’t want to be marrying him.”

  “I didn’t want to sail to India either. And Mina—she sailed because of him, too. She came for me. The man can’t do this to us. My God.”

  “Emma—”

  “He’s going to do what is honorable and right.”

  He’d never seen a woman so full of fury, and he understood it completely. “He’s a cold bastard, that one. Pardon my language—”

  “A bastard!” Emma spat.

  The curse derailed Seth’s next words. He managed to turn her from the door. “Emma, you saw him. There’s no reasoning with him. Something happened, something bad enough to scar him.”

  “He exits perfectly well. He exited rather fast, actually. And that ugly scar was healed.”

  “He said he didn’t know of your marriage contract and I believe him. He’s got those scars on the inside, too.”