Lani's Makeshift Family

by Lori Avocado

  Lani sliced the last carrot and realized that the food supply was getting low. Only a few onions were left and her soup would have to do without celery. Guilt pinched at the fact the scarce food supply was because of her and the girls being there. The supplies Nick had brought would have lasted him twice as long.

  Occasionally, she pushed open the swinging kitchen door to check on the girls. They were happily playing in the playpen. She set the table, hesitating whether to put out three or four bowls. Putting out four, she went to the window and sighed at the sight outside. Across the yard near the woodpile, he stacked logs that had been cut a few days ago. At least he was safe.

  The only macaroni for the soup was spaghetti, so Lani started to break it into small pieces. She’d set a pan of water on the stove, but didn’t start it yet since the soup would take a while longer. An acrid smell, like something burning had filled the kitchen. She bent to look under the burner where the soup bubbled.

  The door slammed open and Nick dashed across the kitchen.

  “Nick! What’s—”

  When he’d pushed open the swinging doors, a cloud of gray smoke floated into the room.

  “Oh God!” she screamed and tried to follow.

  Turning, Nick shouted, “No!” Within seconds, he ran out with both girls under his arms, his jacket shielding their faces.

  Her heart stopped and she grabbed for them. “Are they all right?” Both girls howled. Thank God, they were able to cry.

  Nick pulled her into a huddle with the girls in his hold.

  Lani could see their color was still pink, and her heart started beating again. “What happened? Nick?”

  He stood as if in a daze. No more smoke came from the room so Lani knew that he’d put out whatever had caused it. She opened the kitchen window to let out the cloud of smoke that surrounded them. “Nick? Are you all right?”

  Clutching the babies—her babies, he said, “Will you ever learn?”

  His accusing look stung. She grabbed Alexa who howled. A pout covered Ana’s lips.

  Nick whispered something in her ear, and she smiled.

  “Give me my daughter.” Lani’s determined tone surprised herself, because inside she quivered. Her heart jolted when she thought of something happening to her girls, and jolted again, at how Nick made her doubt her ability to watch them.

  He stared and handed over Ana. “I have to air out the living room.” He turned and left.

  Lani’s legs could barely hold her. She flopped into a chair at the table. Nausea filled her, gripping her stomach. Her girls, her precious daughters could have… She’d only had them a short time, but she couldn’t remember not being their mother, as if she’d had Ana and Alexa for years. A pain throbbed in her temples. What if Nick hadn’t come rushing in? He must have seen the smoke through the living room window.

  “The room’s fine now.” Nick came into the kitchen and stopped at the counter. “Are they…all right?”

  “Yes. They aren’t even coughing.”

  A pained look covered his face. “I’m sorry about saying…since you’ve been here, I can see how much better you’re doing with them.”

  Pulse still beating fast, she clutched the girls to her heart.

  “I had no right…it’s just…there’s more to it—” He sucked in a breath.

  “What happened in there? Was it the tree?”

  Nick sat and shook his head.

  Lani could see he struggled to talk.

  “A piece of…the damned wrapping paper must have been left on the floor after we cleaned. It…landed on the hearth rug…”

  Lani flinched. Nick hadn’t cursed in front of the girls for so long.

  “The rug started to smolder…I threw it out the back window.” He sighed and leaned a forearm on the table, almost as if stabilizing himself.

  The fire must have been small to be put out so fast, but Nick was visibly shaken. Lani could smell liquor on his breath.

  “I saw a few more pieces of the paper near the playpen. Maybe one…one of the girls must have thrown it toward the fireplace and a spark got on it.”

  Lani was shocked at how Nick was reacting. He’d saved the girls and stopped the rug before it started to really burn. She was petrified when it happened, but knowing the girls were fine, she could feel her heart slow to normal. But Nick, Nick was acting as if something much worse had happened. She held the girls with one arm and with the other, covered his hand with hers and smiled. “Nick, they’re fine and thank you.”

  Nick couldn’t even return her smile. When he noticed the billow of smoke through the living room window, his heart had torn wide open. He couldn’t run fast enough to save…Lani and her daughters. But he hadn’t been there to save his own family.

  The soup sputtered. “Would you hold them, my soup is boiling.”

  Nick took the girls, but Lani kept looking at him while she turned down the heat on the stove. She’d never seen Nick’s hands shaking. He wouldn’t drop the girls, but the pain in his eyes deepened when she handed the babies to him. Without a word, she took one at a time and put them into the highchairs with a few toys. Lani sat again and asked, “Are you all right?”

  He shook his head and sighed. “A fire…”

  Lani’s heart ached at the pain on Nick’s face.

  His hands folded into fists on the table. His knuckles whitened. A muscle twitched near his temple.

  She knew his head must be hurting by the way he flinched when it moved. There really wasn’t even a fire, he’d said it was only smoldering. Staring into the air, his haunted eyes showed the pain he must be feeling. Her heart twisted in sorrow—he wasn’t talking about today.

  “I used to fly for an airline and was gone half the month. It was winter, end of January and snow covered the east coast. Delays kept diverting me from one airport to another.”

  Lani sat motionless as tears welled in Nick’s eyes. She wanted to reach out and hold him, but feared her movement would cause him to stop. She sensed he needed to talk, and this was the first time that he was able to tell her what had happened.

  “I ended up in Pittsburgh. On every trip, I’d call home. Donna…they’d had about two feet of snow and she couldn’t get out of the driveway until the man who we’d contracted for the winter came to plow. She was going to spend the night at her mother’s, but she couldn’t leave yet. She decided to stay home…and said she’d see me the next day.” Nick paused and sucked in a ragged breath.

  Lani choked back a sob.

  He got up and turned away, his back rigid.

  In his reflection in the window, she could see him wipe at his face.

  “The next day…with all the diverting, the airline’s dispatcher took hours to find what hotel the crew and I’d been put up in. When they called…” He turned and shook his head.

  A knot twisted inside when she looked at his swollen red eyes, glaring into the empty air.

  “Donna had a fire going in the fireplace and apparently…the fire investigator said the glass doors had been left open. She…”

  “Nick,” Lani whispered against a tight throat. She stood and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry.”

  He slumped in her hold, his firm shoulders collapsing like a bird’s broken wing as he sobbed. “I wasn’t there…I couldn’t save…

  Lani’s heart broke seeing him suffer.

  Nick knew he never wanted to move from Lani’s hold. As if the weight he’d carried for the past two years had lifted, she’d given him the strength to face the loss of his wife. And Lani made him love again. He’d fallen in love with her even after all his attempts to cut himself from society. She had put up with his gruffness, smoking, cursing, and drinking when they’d first arrived, even if she couldn’t leave. She didn’t try to change him, well, other than not wanting him to smoke or swear around the girls—and rightly so. But because of her loving ways, dedication to her daughters, and the way she now cared about him—he’d fallen in love with her.

  He pulled free of he
r hold and looked into her eyes. His chest burned with the knowledge she couldn’t take away his fear that fate would hurt him again.

  “I’m going to bring in some more wood,” he said.

  Lani watched Nick leave. He just told her the cause of his pain, and then he left to get some wood. She grabbed at the chair and collapsed. She wanted to hold him, to help ease the hurt he’d suffered.

  She looked at the babies playing with their toys. Typical little ones. They seemed oblivious to the scene that had occurred. Thank goodness they weren’t old enough to understand Nick’s pain—and her confusion. He really hadn’t been accusing her of being a bad mother—his words were aimed at himself. She got up and went near her daughters. She needed to hold their little hands right now.

  Nick came back with a pile of wood, and Lani went to serve the soup. The meal passed in silence. Luckily, the girls seemed too exhausted to be playful. After they ate, Lani changed them and let them sit in their crib while she went to clean up.

  Nick had gone up to the library to read. She wondered what book he chose tonight.

  After doing the dishes, Lani went to check on the girls. Both had fallen asleep, like two angels nestled on a cloud. She covered them and blew a kiss for each one. In the hallway, she hesitated. She should probably just go to bed herself, but it hurt to know Nick had been through such a painful time reliving his past. She headed toward the rounded staircase.

  Nick looked up from his book. Before he even heard footsteps, he could smell Lani’s sweet-spicy scent. A soft tap on the stairway confirmed her approach. He stood and waited near the top of the stairs. He could try to hide his feelings from Lani, but he couldn’t.

  “Oh, I didn’t mean to disturb you—”

  Nick grabbed Lani into his arms before she finished. He wasn’t as gentle as he should be, but a sudden desire to hold Lani and kiss her drove his actions.

  She gasped and pulled back for a second, then leaned into him.

  Nick’s lips took hers with force driven by his pent-up feelings. He’d wanted her for so long, he wasn’t sure if he could stop this time.

  “Nick, you’re hurting me,” she mumbled against his cheek.

  What the hell was he doing? He pulled back. He loved Lani, yet, he acted as if he blamed her for having to relive the pain he’d suffered long ago. He knew that was crazy. When he looked at her reddened lips, he touched her gently. “I’m sorry.”

  She leaned forward and brushed her lips across his. “This has been some day.”

  “Geez, I’d forgotten today’s still Christmas.”

  “Um.”

  He guided her toward the brass ladder and sat down, pulling her onto his lap.

  “The smoke…it reminded me—”

  Anguish covered his face like a veil. She wanted to hold him but didn’t want to stop his train of thought. Obviously, he needed to talk.

  “Smoke and fire…I can still smell the stale scent as if it were yesterday when I tried to get into my house. My wife…they say she never knew…she just slept through it and…never woke—”

  She kissed away his words. Pushing back his hair and nuzzling behind his ear, she whispered, “Don’t do this to yourself.” With her finger, she circled his eyes, rubbing softly over his eyebrows and wanting to take away his pain. She couldn’t, so she changed the subject. “The girls loved the swing.”

  “Yeah, they did.”

  “I wish I could have given you something—”

  “You did.”

  Her thoughts raced at what that could be.

  “You gave me the best gift I’ve ever had in my life. The ability to face the past…my loss.”

  Lani cupped her hands beneath Nick’s chin. Her kiss touched his lips with a love that she’d never known. She’d thought she had loved Stephen, but that love had died too fast. It couldn’t have been real, and true, as falling in love with Nick Hunter was.

  She nestled against his cheek, kissing behind his ear and inhaling his scent. Secure in his hold, she felt ready to tell him that she couldn’t have children.

  “Nick, after I was married, I…we tried to have children…”

  Nick tensed.

  Before she lost her nerve, she rushed on. “I needed surgery and had a hyster…I can’t have children…that’s why I adopted Ana and Alexa.”

  Her breath held at his silence. Was he thinking about the girls being adopted? Lani felt the old pain of her past. But Nick didn’t act like Stephen—or she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. Could Nick accept her now? His too-quiet reaction unnerved her, but she had to say the words, had to tell him the truth. “Nick, I love you.” Her heart beat faster at the chance she was taking, but it was right. “I want to make love to you.”

  Nick pulled back. He knew he’d hate himself in the morning, but he also knew he’d hate himself for the rest of his life if he gave in and hurt Lani. “There’s nothing else I’d like better, Cabot, but….”

  He stood and guided a confused Lani toward the stairs.

  “Goodnight,” he whispered.

  Goodnight? Tears ran down her cheeks. His refusal jolted her. An emptiness she’d never felt before sat in the pit of her stomach. She’d said she loved him and wanted to share the most intimate act between a man and a woman, but…Nick didn’t feel the same.

  With slow movements, she turned and went down the stairs. After a quick check on the sleeping girls, she went into her room and relived the scene in the library. A pain twisted inside her as she thought, Nick did want her. She could feel it in the way he held her, kissed her, and pressed her into his body, but he held back. He knew she hadn’t changed her mind about a commitment, so he must have been gently telling her—there’d never be one between them.

  She lay down and shut her eyes. Nick didn’t have love for her, only lust. This was going to be a restless night. Lani knew she’d think about Nick over and over until her mind gave in and allowed her peace. She couldn’t wait to leave this cabin.

  ****

  Nick poured himself another drink and filled the thermos half with whisky and left half empty to add coffee.

  A knot twisted in his gut. At the moment, he hated and blamed himself for letting things go too far. The thermos cap cracked with the excessive strength he used to tighten the damn thing. By the devastation he saw on her face, he had hurt and confused Lani. She must have gone to sleep thinking he was angry at her.

  But he wasn’t angry at Lani, he was angry at fate and was never going to tempt it again.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sunlight filtered through the bedroom window, causing Lani to open her eyes. She’d had such a restless night all she wanted to do was lay in bed. When she turned to check on the time, she remembered yesterday had been Christmas. The day had started out so wonderfully, until the fire.

  Scrunching the pillow in her arms, she relived the emptiness she’d felt last night as she thought of Nick sending her from the library. She knew how she felt about him, but his actions confused her. Flinging the pillow to the side, she decided to dress and see if Nick was awake yet. They needed to talk.

  Lani peeked in on the girls, guessing she’d have about an hour to spend with Nick before they woke. His door was open, and his bed empty so she knew she’d find him in the kitchen drinking his coffee and reading. How odd that she hadn’t read a daily newspaper or heard a news report in days and didn’t miss it. Secluded in the cabin with those she loved, right now the outside world didn’t matter. Although, she still worried about her mother.

  The living room was cold and Nick hadn’t started the fire. Usually, the crackling fire took the morning chill out of the air. Hopefully, yesterday’s incident hadn’t scared him from using the fireplace. She wrapped her arms around herself and shivered. Pushing open the kitchen door, Lani called, “Nick? Hey, it’s pretty cold in…”

  No Nick.

  Surely he wouldn’t be out on the porch in this cold? Through the window she could see the empty rockers. He’d stocked the wood last night and
wouldn’t have gone hunting again so early without telling her—that was a one-time treat, special for Christmas.

  Worry had her looking around the room for something. Anything. A sign that might let her know where Nick was. Even a note on the table. Nick didn’t seem the type to write a note, and how foolish anyway. Where could he go that he’d have to tell her?

  Unless…

  Dread crept along her spine. He had to be around. She scanned the kitchen, looking for evidence of his recent departure. The coffeepot sat in the dish strainer, never used this morning.

  Nick always made coffee for himself in the morning. Lani went into the living room and up the stairs to the library. Before she rounded the top, she knew her actions were a waste of time. She couldn’t hear Nick or smell his cologne. She ran down the stairs and checked his room again. What on earth had she expected? That he was hiding?

  With a quick peek to see the girls still slept, she ran back to the kitchen and grabbed Nick’s parka. For a second, she held it to her face and inhaled. Her heart pounded against her chest. Nick. Nick, where are you? Slipping her feet into his climbing boots, she yanked on the parka and ran onto the porch.

  The morning sun sent rays of warmth through the trees but as fast as her skin felt the glow, the mountain breeze chilled her. She ran down the stairs, clutching the railing so she wouldn’t fall in the oversized boots. The back yard was empty. She headed to the shed but could see darkness through the window. He wouldn’t be in there.

  Snow crunched beneath her feet, the only sound in the air. The beautiful winter wonderland of white trees and frosted windowpanes took on an eerie feeling. It was too quiet, and she knew no one else was about. Nick wasn’t anywhere to be found. Lani went to the other side of the cabin where they’d gone to skip stones. As she neared the river’s edge, she stopped.

  Footprints formed a path in the snow—across the frozen water.

  Across the frozen water. Oh, God.

  Heart pounding, Lani stood motionless, ignoring the wind beating against her face. Tears formed in her eyes and through blurry vision, she scanned the woods on the other side. Thank God, the footprints continued. She shut her eyes for a second. Nick had made it across the water. Their time at the cabin was soon to end.