Poison in Pumps

by Karen Anne

  I looked around the room. He had all his clothes in neat piles and personal items in boxes. He had already begun packing.

  I didn’t strip. I burst into tears. This was really happening, and I couldn’t stop it.

  I had been crying for a while when David finally returned. I heard him lock the door and the familiar sound of his footsteps becoming louder as he walked down the hall toward his bedroom. I jumped off his bed and ran over to the mirror he had hanging in his closet and got a good look at my puffy eyes complete with runny mascara. I tried to wipe the black inky mess away, but I ended up streaking it across my cheek even more. Waterproof my ass. The door opened, and David walked in, tossed a bag of toiletries on his dresser, and peeled off his leather jacket before he even realized I was in the room. When he turned and saw me, his face was filled with concern, which caused my heart to free fall in my chest. It landed in my belly, dissolving in my sadness.

  “Kristen? What’s wrong, love?”

  I started crying again, the tears streaming down my hot, pink cheeks. Frantically, I tried to wipe the tears away, assuming my mascara was being streaked around my eyes like a raccoon in the process. I probably was not the best version of myself, but that didn’t matter to David. He draped his jacket on the arm of his chair and came over, pulling me gently into his arms. My face was pressed against his chest, his hand running through my hair, calming me down. “That’s it. Deep breaths. What’s wrong?”

  What’s wrong? You’re leaving me…

  My breathing was shaky. It was so hard to think, far less speak. I looked up at him, into those beautiful, light hazel eyes that were filled with a need to take away my pain. I had come here to seduce him. To give him a wild romp and a few memories to carry with him across the Atlantic. But I didn’t want that anymore. I just wanted him. Here. Forever.

  Perhaps David knew how lovesick I was at the thought of losing him, for he swept his hand beneath my hair, cradled the back of my neck with his palm, and kissed me, becoming my strength. His lips moved across mine with fervor, willing me to believe that everything would be okay between us. His lips parted, and I could taste the salt from my tears as his tongue swept over mine. His kiss was possessive in nature, as though he were determined to show me that I would always be his. I softened in his arms, allowing David to take control and guide me through this.

  When he finally released my lips, we still didn’t speak. I started pulling his shirt over his head. He, in turn, was unzipping my jeans. It wasn’t primal the way I had imagined. It was more like a choreographed dance. His lips were on mine again as he freed me of my panties, slipping them down my thighs until they fluttered to the floor, and then he lifted me up by my hips. Instinctually, I hooked my legs around his waist. I assumed he was going to carry me to the bed, but instead, he spun me around, pinned me against his door, and supporting me with one strong arm, he unbuckled his belt with his other hand. I winced and whimpered as my bruised back hit the wood, and David pulled away, looking at me with confused concern for a moment, but I wasn’t about to let some swollen skin ruin this. I kissed him, sliding my tongue across his, telling him without words just how badly I wanted him.

  He crushed his body against mine, dominant in his desire, breathing me in, and took control of our kiss. David showed me the way he wanted this to play out with every twist of his tongue. He had never been like this before, and I realized we were no longer ourselves. Just two people coping with our situation the best we could. I was grateful to be on the pill, for David slid inside me so fast, I didn’t have time to register what was happening. I gasped and grabbed onto his shoulders for support as he held me in place against the door and pushed himself in deeper.

  I had come here to give him a memory; instead, he was giving me one. Making love to me like he never had before, claiming me with every thrust and making me never want to let him go. I knew Harry was out of the shower by now, and I was stifling my cries by biting David’s shoulder. He was showing no sign of slowing down, and there was nothing more I could do but hold on and hope it would never end.

  He turned his head, and we made eye contact briefly before he locked his mouth once more against mine. His tongue coiled around my tongue, his grip on my hips tighter as he began to thrust both faster and deeper. Suddenly, I pulled my mouth away from his and cried out in a ragged pant, “Don’t go!” as he came hard inside me. David stilled, resting his forehead against my neck while I shook with the quivers of my orgasm coupled with my tears of loving a man I had to walk away from.

  I unhooked my legs and slid them down his body until my feet found the floor. David leaned back and caught his breath. We looked at each other for a moment in silence, and suddenly I was that lost girl all over again.

  “I’m sorry,” I whispered, placing my palms lovingly on his chest. I didn’t mean don’t go, I just—”

  He kissed me again, gently, almost apologetically. “I know what you meant. You don’t have to be sorry.” His voice was low, his words warm. He smiled, and in that moment, I fell in love with him all over again. I raised my arms, looping them around his neck, cradling his head in my hands.

  “I believe in you, David. I do. And I know you are going to make all your dreams come true.”

  David gave my hips a squeeze, then rested his forehead against mine. “I’m coming back to you, kitten. I promise.”

  SEVEN

  Slouched in the corner on a couch toward the back of the Draught, I stared off into space as David performed for the last time on stage with Sinful Delight. I had swiped his flask before he went up there and sat in the shadows trying not to be noticed. But Erik, Brit’s boyfriend, noticed.

  “Would you like some coffee with your whiskey?”

  I looked up at him. He was tucking a blond hair behind his ear, brows perfectly arched as he smiled at me. “It’s not polite to judge.”

  “I’m not judging, trust me.” He pulled over a chair and straddled it so he could talk to me. “You know, I never told anyone this, but one night I was so upset over Brit, I drank about half a bottle of tequila. Got pretty shit-faced. Wasn’t my best plan. The hangover the next day reinforced that.”

  I had never seen Erik drunk before. He was so squeaky clean it was hard to imagine. “What did Brit do to trigger such a response?”

  He shrugged. “She chose Jaime.” I gave him a look. It was almost hard to remember a time when Brit wasn’t with Erik. “I know now it seems ridiculous, but back then…” He shook his head, and I knew he was reliving a memory. “God. I was so in love with her, and she was so thick— I was losing my mind. So I had a bad night… and I wound up at Jaime’s door, ranting and raving.”

  “And now you two play hockey.” I raised the flask and winked.

  Erik looked at me, surprised that I knew their secret. “And now we play hockey.” He nodded and smiled. “My point is, sometimes, when we’re in a situation that we have no control over, we assume the worst.”

  “Like how he’ll fly to London and never come back? Or how he’ll have women throwing themselves at him and forget all about me and the cat we have together. Or the promise ring. Or the memories that are literally tattooed on his skin…” I rambled on, the whiskey making my tongue looser than normal. Erik looked at me with such pity. I shook my head and sighed. “This is the most exciting time in my boyfriend’s life, and I am absolutely terrified. I want to be happy for him, but… I’m too worried.”

  I could literally feel Erik’s sympathy oozing out of his pores. I must have looked pretty pathetic to deserve that reaction. He was right, though, I shouldn’t be drinking, I probably should have some coffee. He leaned in closer. “I know. But I also know what you guys have. You’ll make it through this.” He sounded just like Brit. They were becoming one person.

  “The thing is, Erik, I’m not even sure what this is.”

  “How can you say that?”

  “Because I’m being a realist. I just think he’ll live life away from bumble fuck… away from the campus drama�
�� away from the sorority crap, and realize how he and I don’t belong together.”

  “Listen to me. David got as far as he did because of you.”

  “Yeah, okay. I think you’re confusing me with Brit. Remember her? Purple hair, zesty personality?”

  “He worked his ass off to make something of himself for you. Not Brit. You.”

  I looked down at the flask and traced my fingernail into the engraving that read Sinful Delight. I so wanted to believe him.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked, my gaze still drawn to the silver in my hand.

  “Shoot.”

  “Do you ever get jealous?”

  “Jealous of what?”

  I pointed to the stage. “She’s up there now playing guitar with another guy. He brought her out of her crippling phobia to sing in public. She worked with him until a record label took notice. They have this whole part of their lives that we’re not a part of.” I never said their names. But it was a reality. Erik and I had to share our significant others. And sometimes it sucked.

  Erik was quiet for a second, and I wondered if I had stumped him. I should have known he was about to rationalize my insanity. “Brit has a special bond with David, there’s no denying it. She has an even deeper bond with Jaime… And one with you. But she also has a bond with me that no one can ever touch. It belongs to just us. So, no, I’m not jealous. I trust her and know that at the end of the day, she’s with me.” What he said made sense, and I nodded and took another nip from the flask. “What about you?”

  I decided to be honest. “I was never jealous until I realized they had been keeping this huge secret from me.”

  “Don’t look at it as they were keeping something from you. Think of it as they were creating something for you.” Erik always had a way of putting things in perspective. He stood and returned the chair to the adjacent table. “I got to get back to work. Do you want anything?”

  “No thanks. You just gave me all that I needed.”

  Erik did drop off a piece of pie later on, but I didn’t touch my food, just continued to stare at how David interacted with the crowd. How he was the heart and soul of this band. He had started Sinful Delight when he was twenty-three. That’s five years of dedication. It seemed odd that he would just leave and hand it over to a girl he had only known for a little over a year. True, Brit was extremely talented, and none of the other band members could sing the way she could. Mark just did back up while on the drums, and Keith was strictly a bass player. Still, it would never feel the same watching them without David. I wondered if he would ever return to them, or was this his last time singing with them for good. Did they wonder the same thing?

  They were on fire tonight. I’ll admit that. It’s like they knew they had to give an amazing performance; something to remember. David was having a ball up there as Brit wailed away on her Gibson, inadvertently shaking her ass like she was dancing alone in her room, not a care in the world. They seemed so…happy. Again, my green-eyed monster emerged, wishing they could just stop pretending everything was bliss and joy for five seconds and see that I was falling apart. It was an ugly, selfish thought. I knew this. Especially when I was looking at the two people that meant the most to me in this world. My boyfriend and my best friend. How could I deny them this opportunity to say good-bye in their own way?

  If only I could inhale some of their euphoria. But I was on the island of misfit toys. Determined to be stoic and quiet. I couldn’t party with them, and I couldn’t leave, either. No, I had to just exist in this weird moment where I pondered if I was in fact invisible.

  Was it wrong that I wanted to make them all disappear? Right now, they were soaking up David, taking in as much of him as they could. What if I didn’t want to share him? What if I wanted to hide away with him in a happy little cave until it was time for him to leave? Would that be so bad?

  “Mind if I sit here?”

  I looked up and saw Harry, who seemed out of his element in the coffee shop. Harry rarely hung out with us here. And I knew he only came out because it was David’s last night, and he wanted to support him. I slid over and patted the sofa.

  “Just be warned. I’m depressed.”

  “Eh. Happiness is overrated.” He slid beside me, and I handed him the flask. He took it without judging, had a taste, and returned it with a smile. At least he got the fact that I needed to dull my pain. It was nice not to be judged— or worse, pitied.

  After the Draught, the gang took David out for a round of drinks. There was a pub that David and I frequented often, but I doubted they would let Brit in. It was hard enough to pass off a fake ID, but Brit had purple hair. People really scrutinized her, and usually, she was sent on her way. David, having worked as a bouncer there, knew the guy out front, who didn’t ask any questions and let us in, even Brit. She looked relieved when we walked through the doors. I knew she was worried she would be the reason we had to leave.

  Once she had a beer in her hand, she calmed down and soon she strolled off with Erik to play a game of darts. Brit playing darts was an impressive thing. She threw them backward by the flight, and more often than not, landed a bullseye.

  Jaime’s boyfriend, Beaver, approached. “Is she really doing what I think she is?” he asked, having never seen Brit play darts before.

  Jaime nodded and took a gulp of his beer. “You forget, we spent hours together in the woods. Not much to do, so she would spend the time practicing her craft, painting targets on trees and throwing darts until the stars came out.” Jaime cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted over to Brit. “It was all fun and games until she asked me to hold the target.” I thought he was kidding, but Brit just flashed a smile and nodded, giving us all much more insight into their quirky childhood.

  Shots were soon ordered, and people were toasting David left and right. I noticed Harry seemed a bit distant, and I knew no one here was really his crowd. He had some coworkers who were friends, but his real crew was back in New York. Sometimes I got the impression that Harry was very lonely.

  “I’d like to make a toast,” Harry said, raising his shot glass in the air, and we all followed. “To my cousin, David. I’ve always looked up to you. I mean it’s hard having an exotic cousin like you…”

  “Exotic?” David laughed, brows furrowed at the thought.

  “Yeah, I mean, you open your mouth and women swoon. We know Kristen isn’t with you for your brains.”

  The gang laughed, and Harry continued, “You’ve got the looks, the accent, and some sick talent. You’re about to take the music world by storm, and I’d like to say, I am so proud to call you my blood.” He raised his glass higher. “To David!”

  “To David.” We clinked glasses, took our shots and David, having several rounds of whiskey swimming in his belly, reached over and hugged Harry. I had never seen the two interact like this.

  “They’re so cute together,” Brit said as she leaned her head on my shoulder. Looked like someone else had a little too much to drink. Noticing a flash of silver in her hair, I removed the dart she had tucked into her high ponytail and placed her weapon on the bar.

  “Yup,” I said, glancing at the boys again. “They’re family.”

  EIGHT

  It would appear the more you're dreading an event unfolding, the faster time seemed to pass. I tried to stick to a normal routine; my daily run helped me clear my head, but I’d have to run a thousand miles before I’d be prepared for the reality of what was happening. David was leaving tomorrow, and that meant I was not just folding his clean laundry, but packing it away in a suitcase. I had almost packed Beast along with his shirts because the little guy kept sneaking inside.

  In an attempt to make light of an otherwise dreadful situation, I passed the time with mundane conversation. “I don’t understand how you’re just taking one suitcase and a carry-on. I would need at least ten suitcases and that would be for my shoes alone.”

  “Well, I suppose that means when we’re married and I’m rich, our home wil
l have to have its own wing just for your shoes.”

  I walked over and wound my arms around his waist, stretched up, and kissed his chin. “I don’t know what was sweeter about that statement, the fact that you seriously spoke about us being married or that my shoes will have their own section of the house.”

  “I aim to please, love.”

  I let go, returned to my pile, and folded one of my favorite shirts of his, inhaling the fabric deeply before placing it lovingly into the suitcase. “I don’t know how I’m going to exist without you.”

  “Hey, don’t think for a moment that this isn’t tearing me up inside. You just have to keep telling yourself: this is temporary. One day we’ll look back on this little hill that we had to climb in order to reach our happily ever after.”

  “We’ve never been apart longer than a week.”

  “That’s all this is. One very long week.” He shrugged playfully. “The days will just happen to repeat on occasion.”

  Yeah, and repeat… and repeat. I had to change the subject before I started crying. “You must be looking forward to seeing your old friends and where you grew up.” David hadn’t been home since before we met.

  “I’ve grown apart from most of the old crowd. I’m sure some wankers will come out of the woodwork to try and rub elbows with me now that I’m no longer singing in shitty pubs. Who knows. If they do, I’ll just tell them to piss off.”

  “Well, David, no one can ever accuse you of being subtle.”

  “I feel like a real shit for missing your audition. I wanted to be there for you when you went in, and when you came out.”

  Yeah, we were planning on getting matching tattoos for my audition. It would have been my first one. Looks like one less thing I had to look forward to.