The Big D

by Brittany Crowley

  Jumping in the shower, I quickly get my body wash and go to town on cleaning myself. When I get to between my thighs there’s a slight ache. A fantastic ache. It makes me smile. Hell yes, I had smoking hot sex with a stranger! And I didn’t even know his name. This causes me to burst out laughing. My friend Jill is going to be so proud of me. She’s been trying to get me out of the house to let loose for the past several weeks. She thinks it’s weird that at 24 I’ve never had a one-night stand… until now.

  Here’s the scoop, I don’t do meaningless sex. It’s never been my style and I can count on one hand the number of men I’ve slept with. And you can take my thumb away from the equation… and pinky. Crap. I just had sex with someone I don’t know and will most likely never see again. The best sex of my life to date. Where’s my brown paper bag, I feel a panic attack coming on. Just don’t think about it like that Aggie!

  It’s not that I don’t love sex, I do. Kind of. At least I felt this way up until a few hours ago. I’ve orgasmed during sex before, although that had more to do with my vibrator than the guy. Tonight was… it was freaking phenomenal and that guy knew exactly what he was doing.

  My old boyfriends were of the nerdy variety, and they were virgins. That’s right. I’ve devirginized all my sexual partners while Star Wars played in the background. Not epic, but they seemed to enjoy it for all point five seconds it lasted.

  Sorry, went off on a tangent there. Back to my sex list. There’s been three guys and they were super mediocre. But I loved them, or so I thought. I think I was in love with the idea of being in love if that makes sense. Kind of like everyone was doing it, so I justified it in my brain that I loved them, so I could do the deed.

  That was certainly not the case tonight. Damn!

  When I walked back into the house my grandmother was halfway done with her food and still looking all googly eyed at Pat. She was in her fangirl mode so I don’t think she noticed I was gone for long. And of course, she told me I was indeed right, that they wouldn’t use the word tits on TV and we ate our meals in companionable silence.

  Now I’m here. Lying in bed thinking about the Big D. Who is he? Is he just a delivery boy? Maybe he’s a stripper posing as a delivery guy and got the wrong house?

  That doesn’t make sense. He wouldn’t have had food. Well, whoever he was, I really wish I could see more of him. Preferably in the light so I could study every hard ridge of his body. I may not have been able to see him but I did get to touch, for a little while at least. When he had me pinned against the fence I could feel that he was hard as a rock, defined muscles and bulging biceps. If you’re into that sort of thing I guess.

  And I totally am.

  Usually I’d weigh pros and cons in my head on why I should never see him again.

  I shouldn’t see him again. That’d be completely crazy.

  But why do I want to order some chicken parm from Cal Zone and wait for the sexy delivery guy again?

  MY LOINS ARE QUIVERING

  “Shut up!”

  “I can’t because it totally happened. More than once.” I giggle like a Shirley Temple Gif.

  “You’ve been having a torrid love affair for over a month and never told me! I’m hurt!” She pouts her lip which makes me laugh. She’s a horrible actress.

  “Jill, you know what? I have no defense. This whole situation feels weird to me and I don’t want any judgement because I know it’s insane. I know it’s straight up cray cray.”

  “You think getting it good is crazy? You need your brain checked girl. Who cares if you don’t know his name or you’ve only spoken in the heat of passion. If the Big D is as good as you say he is…” I nod my head yes in confirmation, “then get on the Big D Express baby! And don’t feel sorry for a single second of it.” She pulls her hand down in the universal train whistle signal.

  “It makes me feel dirty sometimes. Mimi called me out last week, yet I still plan on getting me some Big D later tonight. It’s sick, right?”

  “I mean, why can’t you do it in his car? Or call me crazy, exchange phone numbers and meet up sometime. Maybe ask for his name as a start?” She shrugs and takes another sip of her White Russian.

  “I’m scared he’ll never show up again. It’s weird, but I feel like it’s our little thing. And without the backyard and moonlight, it will all fall away.”

  “Holy crap! You have feelings for him! How did this happen? How did I not know you were getting it and getting it good?”

  “Stop it, I don’t have feelings other than extreme pleasure when I’m with him.”

  “Keep lying to yourself. Tonight, when he delivers your food you should take him out back and ask him his name before blowing him. Maybe ask why he’s a delivery boy?”

  “Don’t discriminate Jill. But I know what you’re saying. You always tell me I set my standards too low.”

  “I’m not discriminating. But if the guy is as hot as you say he is, why is he a delivery boy? It’s definitely a huge step up from Elliot the dog butler. Remember that time you were at the movies and he left you there because the dog got the runs at a family outing?” She shivers with disgust. “What kind of car does he drive? That would say a lot about your mystery guy.”

  “I don’t know. When we’re all done he kind of… just leaves me. Right after he’s finished, pulls up his pants and disappears into the night.”

  “He pumps and dumps? So, this is definitely heading in the booty call category. I know I was joking about catching feelings, but you can’t. It won’t end well if you care too much.”

  “Ha! Do you realize who you’re talking to? He does say something before he leaves. You have no idea.” I drop my voice doing a horrible impression of him.

  “Ominous, and point taken. Just try and get something out of him next time. Even if it’s just his name or what kind of car he drives. Then we can Google the shit out of him. Oh, go for the license plate!”

  I make a mental note as we finish up our drinks and ask for the check. We’re at a local dive bar in between where we live. We decided to meet up before I go see Mimi. It’s generally hard to work around our schedules, me having two jobs and her being a workaholic.

  Checking my phone, I realize it’s getting later than I thought and I do not want to miss my quality time with my mystery man.

  We settle the tab and walk towards the exit. After a quick hug and promises to see more of each other, I make my walk to the nearby bus stop.

  On my ride over to Mimi’s, I find myself feeling excited. I’m always anticipating Friday nights, hoping the week will fly by so I can have my naughty time. But tonight’s different. I’m gonna get answers and everything is going to work out the way it should in the end. With the Big D pledging his undying love to me.

  I kid, I kid. Kind of.

  Maybe Jill’s right? Am I okay with not knowing who I’m sleeping with? Screwing… what we do in no way, shape or form has anything to do with sleeping.

  I can lie to myself all I want and say it doesn’t bother me that I don’t know who he is. I wonder if he’s thinking about me half as much as he’s in my head? Probably not, but I shove that to the back of my mind otherwise it’ll taint our time together.

  “Hey Mimi!” I call out through the house after entering.

  “Hey Sweetie! Want a soda?” She yells from the kitchen.

  “Nah, I’m good right now.”

  “I was feeling a little frisky tonight and ordered Chinese. I know how much you love Crab Rangoon’s.”

  “Wait, what? You ordered from somewhere else?” I ask in a panic.

  She sits and turns to face me. Seriousness marring her face. “Sweetie, you’re making it too easy. Make him chase you a little bit.”

  “But, but…” I can’t even form a sentence. I’ve been waiting for tonight since last Friday.

  “No buts Agnes. We’re gonna have a nice dinner and watch my man on TV.”

  I can’t help but be disappointed and it annoys me. It’ll be fine. Maybe I am in too deep and
should put the kibosh on it?

  “Chinese sounds great.” A smile that’s forced plasters my face as I sit back and watch someone buy a stupid vowel.

  So, we eat Chinese. I glare at my grandmother a few times after the delivery boy shows up. She smiles back and digs into her Lo Mein.

  Is it possible to have withdrawals? My loins are quivering knowing this is our time damnit!

  When I say my goodbyes and close the door, I breathe a sigh of relief. I did it, I can do this. I’m an adult for crying out loud! No more nameless hook ups for me. The next time I see him, if I ever see him, I’m going to demand some information. At least get his name!

  I’m walking down the driveway in my journey for the bus stop when I see a sleek, shiny sportscar idled at the curb. As I get closer I swear someone’s looking at me when I get the telltale tingle. You know when your body erupts in goosebumps and your hair stands on end from being watched? That. But after a few steps closer they peel away from the curb into the night.

  Weird.

  On my ride home, I remember I’m working a double tomorrow at the restaurant. I work my ass off to keep my freedom from having to move in with Mimi again. I’m off every other weekend from Lace of Desire so this is the norm for me.

  When I get to the front door of my apartment there’s a giant bouquet of flowers. Like mondo huge. I look around trying to figure out if they put them at the wrong apartment door before picking them up and heading inside.

  I give them a sniff and the smell is intoxicating. Once I place them on the tiny island, I pluck the card and read it.

  Friday’s not the same without

  dirtying you up in the flowers.

  Holy crap! There’s no way. But who else could it be? It has to be the Big D. Right?

  I creep around as if someone’s looking in through my windows, which isn’t a stretch being on the first floor of a triple decker.

  How did he find out who I was? We never exchanged names.

  That’s a lie, he knows my name's Agnes, but I didn’t give him my last name. I should be weirded out, but I’m strangely elated. He cared enough to send me flowers when we didn’t order take-out. He cared enough to investigate who I was. Maybe he got my license plate number or looked up Mimi’s address on Google?

  Okay, I know this all seems really stalker-ish. Like maybe we shouldn’t order Italian for the rest of our lives. I’ll give it some time and think about it. I’m thinking all this while I sniff the gorgeous flowers.

  I’m hopeless.

  DO YOU HAVE A MAN AGNES?

  A few days into the normal work grind, I get a voicemail from my boss at Hence. She asks me to stop by before my shift for a chat. Which makes me nervous, she’s never wanted to chat.

  I’m finishing up inventory in the stock room at Lace of Desire when one of my co-workers tells me I have a delivery.

  “Tell him to put it with the rest.” I’m not the only person in the store that can check in a freaking package.

  “No, it’s a personal delivery.” She waggles her brows.

  “Well, okay. I’ll be right out.” I finish up the last set of thongs and exit the stock room.

  After walking out of the back room, I notice a customer from earlier is still shopping around. Her head pops up and we make eye contact. She smiles and walks my way.

  “Excuse me…” she looks down at my name tag. “Agnes. I love this store so much. I was wondering if you could help me pick out a little something for my boyfriend.”

  When she sees my face, she clarifies. “Something for me to wear for my boyfriend.” She giggles.

  “No problem. We just got these new negligees with matching garter belts in that we can’t keep on the shelves. Let me show you them before they’re gone.”

  On our walk over, I notice she keeps checking me out. Not in a sexual way, but in a curious way.

  “Do you have a man Agnes?”

  I laugh. “No, no one special in my life.”

  “Really, that’s surprising. Not to be forward, but you’re very attractive.” She moves some stray blonde hair behind her ear and looks at me.

  “When it’s meant to be it’ll happen. I’ve heard people say once you stop looking it falls into your lap.” And now I’m thinking about the Big D whom I haven’t seen in nearly two weeks because of Mimi’s little stunt.

  “I don’t know. You have the look of love.”

  “Oh, not at all. Here they are on this display.” I show her the nighties and she ends up grabbing one of every color.

  “Thanks for your help Aggie. I’ll be seeing you around.”

  “No problem. Have a nice day!”

  I completely forgot about the package until I finally make my way to the front register. I’m surprised when I see the person with the package because I’m expecting a UPS guy, not some teenage kid. He’s looking bored out of his mind, like he’d rather be anywhere else.

  “Hi, you have a delivery for Agnes Fletcher?” I question.

  “Yes ma’am. Here you go.”

  He hands me a wrapped box then leaves like there’s a fire under his ass. I head for the back office to open it in privacy. Who the hell would send me a personal package at work? This better not be one of Jill’s gag gifts! I still can’t live down the anal beads I pulled out in front of a full store of people.

  I sit at the chair behind the desk and stare at the package skeptically. Finally deciding to dig in, I make quick work of the box and in an instant a gorgeous pair of black heels are in my hands. And they have red bottoms! What the hell?

  There’s a note at the bottom of the box.

  Wear these on Friday.

  This is getting a little weird. I’m not too highbrow to send these back, I’ll get plenty of use out of them at work. I’m trying to convince myself they are from my Big D. Well, not mine… you know what I mean.

  He’s a delivery guy. He shouldn’t be able to afford designer shoes like these.

  This is all getting out of hand and I know I should march down to the restaurant and return these shoes to him. But… I can’t. Maybe tomorrow.

  Denial.

  ***

  With my cute new heels on, I walk into work seeking out my boss Sherry. She’s pretty cool for a high-strung workaholic. If you’re doing your job and doing it well, she stays off your back and I’m her best waitress. It’s not bragging, it’s a fact.

  I lightly knock on the door. “Come in!”

  “Hey Sherry, you wanted to chat?” I try to act nonchalant even though I’m super nervous.

  “Yes, how are you Aggie?” She stacks some papers she was going through then looks at me.

  “I’m good, caught the Twilight marathon on TV last night.”

  “Good, good. Okay I’m just going to cut to the chase. You’re getting a promotion.”

  “Excuse me? Did you just say I’m getting a promotion?”

  “I did. The higher ups have noticed your hard work and want to offer you a… make shift position of sorts. It doesn’t have an official title yet. You’d be traveling around to all the restaurants within the company making sure the wait staff are adequately trained and doing their jobs properly. It’s a new position, really new.” She says it like she can’t believe she’s offering this to me.

  “Would there be a pay increase?” I question.

  “There is!” She throws a number at me and I almost cry. That’s practically triple what I make from both of my jobs.

  “Um, wow. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well, someone really wants you in this position. This very new position.” She eyes me and I feel like I’m on trial.

  “Hmm. I’m not sure I’ve met any of the owner’s. They said they wanted me for this position?” I question again.

  “Yes. And it’s just one of them and he was very adamant that you accept the job.”

  Who the hell is this he? It must be one of the owner’s, but why? “Do I have a few days to think this over?”

  “Do you really need a few days s
weetie?” She smiles and I can smell her disbelief across the desk.

  “Well, yeah. I need to think it over.” Logical Aggie’s head is peeking out demanding to be seen. This mysterious person insisting I take the job is what’s throwing me off.

  “You have a week then… not that I know why it’ll take you that long.”

  “Thanks!” I smile and leave her office still unsure if this is all real.

  To be able to work one job with regular hours… I’ve been working towards this since I turned 18. I couldn't afford college so instead, I worked. And I worked hard so I could move out of my grandmother’s and stop being a burden to her.

  The answer’s definitely going to be yes. I’d be stupid to turn this opportunity down. I just need to process it all. And figure out who this he is.

  I go into my shift with a huge smile on my face as I start working on what will hopefully be my last few days of being a waitress.

  I DON’T STAND A FREAKING CHANCE

  “Come for me baby.” The Big D whispers in my ear causing my orgasm to takeover my body. My hands scratch down his back over his shirt and I wish he was completely naked so he could get the whole effect. He groans when the heels he insisted I keep on dig into his ass.

  After he finds his release he lies on me breathless. I’m sure this lounge chair will leave imprints in my ass, but it’s all good. It was worth every mark.

  He gets off me just like every other night we’ve met up and pulls his pants up.

  I’m used to the departures but tonight he surprises me when he grabs the clothes he threw off me and slides my dress over my head. I’ve learned to make our brief meetings more effective with easily accessible clothes.

  I need to figure out how I’m always buck ass naked when he only has to pull his pants down to his knees. Next time. Next time I’m going to take charge… if he lets me.