Broken

by Lisa Edward

He moved under me, reminding me that I was yet to climb off. “Because other than Annabel and now you, I’ve always used protection.”

  “Humph…” Finally dismounting from my ride, I shimmied down between the sheets beside him.

  “I’m sorry, I know we should have discussed it beforehand, but I really wasn’t thinking straight.” He tucked a wayward curl behind my ear. “All the blood had rushed from my head…to my other head.”

  Sighing heavily, I wrapped my arm over Adam’s chest. “We should have talked about it beforehand,” I grumbled.

  “I know and I am truly sorry.” He kissed my hair. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ll sleep on the wet patch.”

  “Damn straight ya will.”

  WEEK SEVEN

  ADAM WALKER—JOURNAL ENTRY

  On Anna’s advice, I tried to stay away from Evie, to end it now before we got in too deep and both of us ended up heartbroken. Pushing her away was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do but I wanted to spare her from what’s to come. To hurt her after only a few weeks together would be better in the long run, than to let the relationship grow stronger until parting became unbearable. I sent Max over to see her every day, just to let her know I was still close by; for all the trying to forget her, I didn’t want her to forget me. But since when did I start taking advice about my love life from the ice queen? I must have been delirious with the flu because I listened, until my heart couldn’t take the separation any longer and I had to see her. I had to hold her and feel her body against mine.

  She’d been just about to leave—I nearly lost her. It makes me feel sick when I realize just how close I was to losing the best thing that has ever happened to me. Despite trying to do what I thought was best for Evie, I can’t let her go.

  I can’t make her any promises. I wish I could. I can see it in her eyes every time she looks at me. She wants forever, she wants me to tell her we’ll grow old together, but I can’t, not yet. There are still so many uncertainties that I have to get through, and I don’t want to burden her with my issues. The best way for me to show Evie how much I care about her is to protect her from the truth, while I fight with everything that I have to get back to her.

  EVIE RIVERS

  “Every time we do that I think it can’t get any better, and then the next time you blow my mind all over again,” Adam panted, totally spent and grinning from ear to ear.

  Moving my legs to untangle the sheets, I felt an uncomfortable burning between my inner thighs. Looking down quickly, I realized all that rubbing had resulted in a mean whisker rash that rivaled the one that I’d had on my chin a few weeks earlier.

  “You all right?” Adam asked, smirking as I winced. “Was I too rough for you? You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

  “I’m good.” I threw back the covers. “I’m real good. We can cross Stubble Rash to the Cooch off my bucket list.”

  “Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” he said, laughing his head off. “That’s why I shaved this off.” He scratched his whiskers.

  “That’s why I wanted you to grow it back.”

  He let out a big, husky laugh. “I never picked you for a masochist.”

  My hand halfheartedly slapped Adam on the chest, then stayed there as I rolled to my side to face him. The first few times we’d slept together had been off the charts, but I think now that we had finally surrendered to our feelings and our fate, we were opening up more emotionally, and every single touch was magnified tenfold. Every kiss from Adam was a blessing—every caress gave me tingles from head to toe. From the tickle of his whiskers, to the forceful caveman that he sometimes became when we were in the thick of it, I felt totally comfortable being me and letting loose. I loved every aspect of our time together.

  Yes, loved. Loved! Loved! Loved!

  Of course I hadn’t told Adam that I loved him. That would be too much, too soon, but I was sure he had an idea of just how smitten I was, even if I did try to keep my cards close to my chest. My problem was I wasn’t ready to expose myself completely when I wasn’t sure how he felt. Sure he had said he was hooked and crazy about me, but you can use those words to describe just how taken you are with your favorite flavor of cookie—it doesn’t mean that you would move heaven and earth to be with it. And that was what I wanted. I wanted Adam to open up about his dreaded visit to England, and maybe even ask me to go with him.

  “What do you have planned for today?” Adam asked, dragging me from my thoughts.

  Shrugging, I gave him a cheeky grin. “More of what we just did, maybe?” Only gently.

  He chuckled. “Girl, you’re going to wear me out. My cock will be worn down to a stump by the time we leave here.”

  “At least you won’t be able to use it with anyone else.”

  The playful sparkle in his eyes faded as his brow furrowed. “Why would I be with anyone else?”

  The mood had turned somber, but it was a conversation we needed to have.

  “Because I’ll be here and you’ll be halfway ‘round the world in England, doing God knows what with God knows who for who knows how long.” I looked at him pleadingly. I needed answers to ease my mind and tell me that we had a chance after we left here at the end of next week.

  “I won’t be going out partying, Evie.”

  “What will you be doin’?”

  He sucked in a breath. “I have some business to take care of that won’t be very pleasant.”

  “What sort of business?” Maybe being blunt was the way to get answers.

  “I don’t want to go into it now. It’s personal.” Throwing back the covers, he sat up and swung his legs out of the bed to stand.

  “Are ya married? Is that it? You have a secret family tucked away in England.”

  He looked at me over his shoulder as if I’d just slapped him. “Where the hell are these ideas coming from?”

  “Maybe they ain’t the secret. Maybe I’m the secret.” I was on to something; I was sure of it. The reason he divided his time between the States and England was because he was living two separate lives.

  He leaned over and cupped my cheeks, holding my face so that it was only an inch away from his own. “Stop the crazy talk, Evie. I am not married. I do not have a secret life.” He was very convincing and I tried to nod, although my face was being held. “You are not a secret. All my family know about you and are thrilled that I have met someone who has had such a profound impact on me.”

  It was difficult to smile with my cheeks squished together, but I tried nonetheless. “Really?”

  Releasing his hands, he lay back down beside me. “Yes. Really.”

  Okay, so there was no hidden marriage. Still, there was something he was hiding. “Are you in trouble? You’re not goin’ to jail, are you?”

  He shook his head, laughing. “I haven’t broken any laws and I don’t have ten wives tucked away.” He rolled his head on the pillow to look at me. “Heaven knows you’re enough of a handful. How would I manage any more than you and your libido?”

  Tucking a lock of hair behind my ear, his hand traveled down my jaw, his thumb brushing my cheek as it went. “It’s a medical issue…with a close family member, that’s all. It’s a sensitive subject so…” He pulled a face, telling me it wasn’t something he wanted to talk about.

  “Oh, I’m so sorry, babe. I didn’t mean to pry.” I rested my forehead to his. “No wonder you’re not lookin’ forward to it. I hope they’re gonna be okay.” I paused, wondering how nosy I could be. “What’s wrong with ’em?”

  With glassy eyes, Adam gazed off into space, taking a moment to respond. “It’s a rare tumor.” His face paled right before my very eyes. “It’s cancer. He has cancer.”

  I felt awful. I had practically accused him of adultery and then of being a criminal. I was surprised he wasn’t upset with me, let alone lying beside me in all his naked glory, confiding in me.

  Then like that, he snapped out of it, his thoughts returning to the present as his lips brushed mine. “I don’t want you to worry about
anything. I said I would come back, and I meant it.” A gentle hand went to my chin, lifting my head until I met his eyes. “I won’t be with anyone else while I’m gone because there is no one in the world who compares to you, Evie Rivers. Meeting you has made me realize how precious every moment is.” His thumb ran over my bottom lip. “How every kiss is something to hold on to, something to treasure.”

  Tears tipped over my lashes, but I couldn’t move as Adam’s thick accent held me spellbound.

  “You have done so much for me, Evie. You have no idea how meeting you has changed my life.” His eyes searched my face, taking in every detail as if it were the first time he had really seen me. “You’re a beautiful, sexy, intelligent woman, and I still pinch myself at how lucky I am that you’ve allowed me into your life.” He sighed resignedly. “God knows I’ve tried to guard my heart, but I love you, Evie.”

  Holy cow!

  I was a blubbering mess as Adam kissed my tears away with soft, gentle lips. My heart felt as if it was about to explode, to burst with happiness and love for this wonderful man who was laying it all on the line for me.

  “Please…say something, Evie,” he said anxiously. “Don’t leave me hanging.”

  Trying to gather my thoughts after that whirlwind confession, I took a deep calming breath and exhaled slowly. “I only really started livin’ the day I met you, Adam. Up till then, I was existin’, goin’ through the motions”—I shook my head—“but not really living.”

  Adam brushed a tear from my cheek as he gazed into my eyes with so much love.

  “I don’t know how long you’ll be away, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want anyone else, so I’ll wait as long as it takes, ’cause the way you make me feel, my God, it’s the most amazin’ thing.” My hand trembled as I raised it to Adam’s bearded jaw. “I love you too. You’re not just in my heart—you own it, babe.”

  Adam’s lips came down to mine, showing me how much he loved me with every caress of his tongue. It was the most perfect kiss I had ever experienced, and everything around us faded to insignificance until there was only us. With merely the connection between our lips, I knew at that moment, regardless of how long Adam and I were apart, we would always be together, our hearts tethered through something so much deeper than either one of us could explain.

  As the kiss came to an end, I laced my fingers through Adam’s hair, keeping my eyes closed for just a moment longer to savor the taste of him.

  “So now that we’ve laid all our cards on the table, I want to do this right, Buttercup.”

  Slowly opening my eyes to take in the magnificent man before me, I saw the dreamy look in Adam’s eyes that matched perfectly the way I felt.

  “I want to take you out on a date.”

  I chuckled, taking in our nakedness. “Isn’t it a little late to start datin’?”

  “I know our relationship has been somewhat unconventional so far, but let’s have some fun together. Your book’s finished, apart from a few edits. Once I get your portrait painted and add the finishing touches to a couple of others, we’ll have at least a week to cram as much in as we possibly can.”

  I loved the idea of that. Sure we could spend every day in bed having fun, but I wanted other memories I could look back on. I wanted a meal that reminded me of Adam, or a song, and I wanted to be able to tell friends about him and the things we had done together.

  I beamed at him. “That sounds like a great idea. Let’s pretend we’re hardcore tourists and do everythin’ there is to do.” I jumped up and raced over to my lingerie drawer. Rummaging through the bras and panties, I finally put my hand on what I was looking for. “I’ve got a camera,” I said excitedly, holding it up to show Adam. “I haven’t used it since I got here. It’s just been sittin’ in the drawer, but I’d love to take some photos of the area…and of you.” While I went through Adam’s edits of my story, he went into town to buy me some vitamin E cream for my rash, and to gather information brochures of all the tourist sites to see. Even during winter there were a decent number of things to do, so we needed to prioritize them, just in case we ran out of time.

  Adam’s suggestions were so insightful, and I could see how every tweak was improving and fine-tuning the story. There was one change, however, that I was having a hard time making, not because I didn’t agree with it, but because I didn’t know how to do what he had suggested.

  My sex scenes were steamy because they were basically based on real life, and I was happy with them, except for one. I had tried to vary positions and locations but what I had pictured in my mind for one particular scene seemed sexy and erotic in theory, but I wasn’t sure it was physically possible.

  There was only one thing to do. I needed to tap into Adam’s vast knowledge. As soon as he came home, I put my plan into action.

  “Adam, are you busy?” I purred as he lay out the tourist information on the counter.

  “Well, that depends,” he replied, a lopsided grin on his face. “If you need me to take out the trash, then yes, I am busy. If you need me to cover your body with gentle kisses, then I’m free.”

  Hmm, kisses sounded wonderful, but I had more than kisses in mind. “I need help with a scene that I can’t quite get my head ‘round.”

  I had his full attention instantly. He took a seat on the sofa, then called me over with a pat on the cushion beside him. “Come take a seat. Tell me what’s not working.”

  Smiling, I joined him, cuddling into his side. “Well, I need to know if it’s possible to have sex in the shower, against the wall, if you’re holdin’ me up with one arm while the other hand pins my hands to the wall above my head.”

  His brow rose. “Are you writing hardcore erotica now?”

  Chuckling, I shook my head. “No, just tryin’ to mix it up a bit. But I don’t know if it’d work.” I frowned, trying to puzzle it out. “I’d be pretty slippery.”

  He jumped up. “There’s only one way to find out.” Before I knew what was happening, he’d picked me up and tipped me upside down over his shoulder. “Right, let’s go.” With a smack on the backside, he carried me into the bathroom.

  “You can put me down now,” I protested, giggling as all the blood rushed to my head.

  He turned the water on and we stripped, then stepped into the shower so our experiment could take place.

  It was difficult, to say the least. Although Adam was strong and could lift me easily, trying to hold my hands up and keep a grip on my wet, slippery body was a recipe for disaster. Even with my legs in a death grip around his waist, I was certain one of us would end up in the hospital as he tried to balance me, and bouncing up and down was damn near impossible.

  “Okay,” I said, totally breathless. “That’s not gonna work, is it?”

  Adam was still holding my hands pinned to the wall, although my feet were now firmly back on the tiles. He leaned in, taking full advantage of the fact that I was held captive, his lips tracing my jawline and down my neck, where he licked the water from my collarbone.

  “Maybe turn the other way.” He spun me so I was facing the wall. “This would work.” He pushed up against me, his body pressing mine to the wall. “How rough is this scene you’re writing?” He lightly bit my shoulder. “Should I spank you?” Adam’s teeth scraped across my shoulder. “How do you want this to play out, baby?”

  “It’s urgent and a little rough.” I bit my lip, already anticipating Adam’s next move.

  Any idea I’d had of analyzing what we were doing so I could write it went out the window, as Adam lined himself up behind me and angled his knee between my legs to widen them.

  With my hands still above my head, Adam pushed into me, his hot breath fanning my wet skin. “This definitely works,” he groaned. “And with my free hand I can do this.” He reached around in front to the apex of my thighs.

  “Oh, God…,” I moaned, my cheek rubbing against the wall, my breasts skimming the cold tiles as I tried to look over my shoulder. Adam was right—this was most definitely workin
g. He circled his hips, before driving deeper inside, his fingers continuing to stimulate me.

  The hot water pounded down onto us as Adam thrust hard and deep inside me, grunting out his breath with every forward motion. With eyes closed, I let the water run over my head and down my face, my own breath coming out in short sharp bursts in time with Adam’s.

  “Let go of my hands. I wanna touch you.”

  “No,” Adam growled into my ear. “I like you at my mercy. You’re mine. All mine.”

  I was his, every part of me totally in his hands as he pumped and coaxed and teased me to the brink. As my legs tensed and then turned to jelly, Adam let go of my wrists to grip my hips and support my weight. Before long, his movements became jerky and he finally slumped behind me, resting his head on my shoulder.

  “So, I think that would work,” he puffed.

  I chuckled. “Yep, that works.”

  With my camera tucked deep into my coat pocket, Adam and I laced up our ice skates. It had been years since I’d skated, not since I’d lived with Mimi and she’d taken me on an outing to a frozen lake in the midst of winter.

  My legs were shaky as Adam led me out onto the ice, then held my waist for support. As my strides became more confident and my trust that Adam wouldn’t let me fall increased, I began to relax and enjoy the sensation of gliding on the frozen surface. I wanted to take photos of this adventure, but mostly of Adam, so I broke away from his safe arms and skated to the center of the rink.

  “Keep skatin’ ‘round,” I called to him, as he turned to face me. I dug the camera from my pocket and he nodded, before gliding off backward. As Adam pulled funny faces and posed for the camera, I snapped away, giggling at how silly he was being.

  After he’d completed a circuit of the rink, he called out, “Come on, Torvill, time for a triple axel.”

  I threw my head back, laughing out loud. “Okay, Dean, catch me.” I skated as quickly as I could straight at him and he braced himself, knees bent, arms outstretched. The second I reached him, I knew I was traveling too fast to swerve and stop as I’d planned. Barreling straight into Adam, I knocked him to the ice and landed heavily on top of him. We slid fifteen feet in a ball of tangled limbs until we eventually slowed, our clothes soaking wet, laughing so hard I thought I would pee myself.