“It’s not about telling everyone. It’s about allowing the story to be real. If you keep if for yourself, the demons will continue to eat at you. No one can help you because no one can understand you. I’m not saying to tell all your friends or even me, but you need to find someone that you trust and open up about what happened, otherwise, you will continue to live in your own personal hell.”
“But how does telling someone get me out of hell?”
“When you keep those thoughts to yourself, you allow them to control you. Your fear of judgement stems from this. Since no one knows your story, they come to their own conclusions. They whisper about you.”
“They would do that no matter what,” I muttered.
“They may, but you fear being judged if they knew what you had been through. Since you don’t tell anyone, that fear will only intensify as time goes on. Therefore, you’re giving your fears and your demons power over you.”
“So, I tell someone and then what?”
“That’s just the first step in healing. It’s been six years for you, so you need to work through everything that’s been building over the years. It’s not like waving a magic wand and making it all disappear. You have to want to work past all this and it won’t be easy. Your first step is deciding to open up and finally tell someone what happened.”
I wasn’t sure I was ready to open up yet, but it had been six years and I wanted to move on with my life. I wanted to try to be better. I wanted a family someday and a man that loved me unconditionally. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to tell my brother, though he was the first person that came to mind. There was no way I was telling Mark. As much as I trusted him, he saw me as sexual right now and I didn’t want to tip the delicate balance of our relationship. It was one thing to let him see me vulnerable in social situations. It was another to have him know my deepest, darkest secrets.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Where are we going?”
“I’m taking you to the movies.”
“No, I don’t want to go to a crowded theater.”
“Relax. Where we’re going, you won’t have to worry about other people. We’ll work up to the actual thing. I hope you’re hungry, because we’re eating too.”
My stomach rolled at the thought of eating and sitting around a bunch of other people, but my therapist was right. I needed to keep trying if I was going to move on. I was surprised when we pulled into an old drive in.
“I didn’t know there were still drive ins.”
“This is one of the last ones that’s within driving distance.”
As he pulled into a parking spot, a voice came over the intercom telling us to place our order when we were ready. Mark order us two burger baskets and milkshakes.
“I’m not sure I can eat.”
“Relax, if you don’t finish it, I’m sure I’ll find somewhere to put it. I have an endless pit for a stomach.”
The setting was actually pretty nice. There were other cars, but no one could see us because it was dark and Mark had parked in the back.
“Where do you come up with all these ideas? You seem to know exactly what I need.”
“It’s not that difficult. I know what sets you off and so I find things to do with you that will still get you out, but not terrify you. Like this, we’re out at the movies and people are around. We’re going to eat a meal together, but no one can see us and there’s no one here to judge you. If you feel like it’s too much, you don’t even have to do anything because we’re still in the car.”
“You just think of everything, don’t you?”
He grinned and brushed a kiss over my lips. “Well, I much prefer that beautiful smile over tears.”
“And throwing up.”
“Definitely over throwing up.”
When the food arrived, I found that I was able to eat with no issues. I was actually starving and devoured my whole meal before Mark had really started. When the movie started, we sat in silence and enjoyed the movie. It was an old one that I had never seen before, Father Goose, and I found myself wrapped up in the storyline. Cary Grant was the lead male and he was stranded on an island with Leslie Caron who played a school teacher. They were trying to survive on the island with her students during World War II.
About half way through, Mark pulled me in closer to him and laid his hand across my shoulder. His fingers rubbed circles over the top of my breast while his other hand ran over my inner thigh.
“Do you know how long it’s been since I got hard sitting in a truck with a pretty girl?”
“I’m guessing you were in high school.”
He nipped at my ear as his hand slid down into my shirt and he played with my nipple. Picking up my hand, he placed it over his crotch where his cock was swelling.
“Oh, God. Are we really going to do this here?”
“Why not, Lollipop?”
“There are people watching.”
“You’ve been calm through this whole movie and you already ate all your dinner. That means that you feel comfortable enough that you trust people aren’t watching.”
He thrust his hips up into my hand and I responded with rubbing my hand over his jeans.
“Are you wet for me already?”
“I’m pretty sure I’m always wet when you’re around.”
“Pull your pants off so I can see your pussy.”
CHAPTER TEN
Sinner
SHE SLID HER pants down her legs and kicked off her shoes in the process. The moonlight filled the truck, giving me a perfect view of her glistening pussy. She was soaked for me and damn if that didn’t make my cock harden for her. I slid a finger between her folds and groaned when I felt how wet she was. She widened her legs for me, giving me just enough space for me to slide three fingers inside her. She was watching me slide my fingers in and out of her and that made my heart pound harder.
“You like watching me finger your pussy?” I curled my fingers and waited for her reaction. I wasn’t disappointed. Her eyes slid closed and she moaned loudly for me. “That’s right, let me hear you.” I thrust in and out of her tight heat as her hips lifted to meet my hand. “Fuck my fingers with your tight pussy. Let me hear how much you want me.”
“Mark, oh God. I need more.”
“You need my cock?” She nodded. “Take your bra and your shirt off. I want to see those tits bounce as you ride my cock.”
While she quickly shed her clothes, I pulled my pants down and let my cock spring up, finally free of the tight confines.
“Climb on top of me. I need to be inside you.”
She straddled my legs and slowly sank down on my raging hard on. She slowly started moving up and down, sucking my cock with her pussy.
“Fuck, that’s it. Ride me.”
I leaned forward and sucked her tight bud into my mouth. She moaned and rode me a little faster. My hands gripped her ass as she continued to send me to paradise. My finger brushed her tight hole and her breath quickened for a moment. Taking a chance, I lubed up a finger and slowly ran her juices over her hole.
“You like that?”
“I..I don’t know.” I gathered some more of her juices and gently prodded the hole with my finger. She moaned as I pushed it further inside. I sucked her nipple into my mouth again as I pushed further inside. She was panting hard now as I moved my finger in time with her bounces.
“I want to try something with you and you have to tell me if it’s too much.”
She looked at me warily, but nodded. I smacked her lightly on the ass and was pleased that she didn’t have a negative reaction to it. I wasn’t into pain in the bedroom, but a little ass smacking was always fun. I slapped her ass once more and looked into her eyes.
“Okay?”
She nodded and continued to ride me harder with every slap. Soon, she was bouncing hard on my cock as I fucked her ass with my finger. She almost yelled as she came, but I kissed her hard and shoved my tongue in her mouth to taste her as she came. I ran my hand up her throat and lightly pressed my f
ingers to the thrumming of her neck. Her heart was racing, but I wasn’t through with her yet.
“I need to fuck you hard.”
I spun her so she was laying under me. She stiffened slightly, so I lifted my body off hers.
“I would never hurt you, Cara. Slapping your ass was just for fun and I would never take it further. I need you to know that.”
“I do.”
“I want to fuck you hard, but if you feel suffocated, you just tell me to stop and I will.” She nodded and I thrust hard into her. I hadn’t laid down in a truck and fucked anyone since I was a teenager. Adjusting myself, I put one knee against the door and used it to push deeper into her. Her back arched as I used the extra leverage to my advantage. I slowed my thrusts and pushed deep inside her over and over as she called my name.
“You like that, Lollipop? Do you like me so deep inside you, you can feel it in your throat?”
“Yes, Mark.” Her nails dug into my back as she pulled me closer. “Harder, Mark. I need it harder.”
I picked up the pace and fucked her until her head was slamming into the door. I pulled her back toward me and held her shoulders as I thrust into her.
“Do you feel my cock deep inside you? God, it feels good.”
“Yes!” she cried as she came, strangling my cock and pushing me over the edge. I rested my head on her chest for a moment to regain my equilibrium.
“Shit, I don’t remember the last time I enjoyed fucking someone so much.”
I pulled out and watched her juices leak out down her legs. Growling, I lowered my face to her mound and licked her cunt.
“Lollipop, it’s time to lick you clean.”
“Ah!” I sucked her plump clit into my mouth sending her into another orgasm.
✯✯✯✯✯
“Cazzo, stop lounging in bed. We got shit to do,” I said as I entered his hospital room. He flipped me the bird, but his eyes landed on the take out bag I had picked up on the way.
“Please tell me that’s ribs.”
“Nope.” His face fell. “It’s ribs, brisket, chicken, baked beans, cornbread, fries, and honest to goodness root beer.”
“Thank fuck. I’m so sick of the shit they serve in this hospital. I’m on the verge of starvation.”
“Dude, you’ve been here a week. It can’t be that bad.”
“It’s worse than MRE’s. Swear to God, you wouldn’t feed this shit to your dog.”
“I don’t have a dog.”
“Probably because a dog would take one look at you and run the other way.”
“Come on, Cazzo. You know all the ladies like me best, except for Vanessa. What happened there?”
I laid out all the fixings on his food table and pushed it up for him to eat. I had to wait a good five minutes for an answer from him.
“Nothing.”
“Right, Burg saw you pressed up against her in the hallway of the hotel.”
“And that’s as far as it went.”
“She asked me to let her know how you were doing. I’ve only let her know that you were alive. I didn’t know if you wanted her updated on the rest.”
“You mean the fact that I’m basically a cripple?”
“You said you could feel your legs now.”
“Yeah, but I can’t use them. I have a fucking catheter stuck up my dick. Do you know how uncomfortable that is?”
“Be happy you can feel your dick. At least you know it’s going to work. I mean, honestly, would you rather have use of your legs or your dick? Pick one.”
He seemed to really be thinking about it, so I interrupted his thoughts. “Seriously? Is this really a choice? You can learn to do things without your legs, but would you really want to go the rest of your life without a pussy wrapped around your cock?”
“You’re such a bastard.”
I shrugged and snagged a fry. “Hey, I’m just saying how I would feel if I was in your position. Besides, the doctor said that we would know more as the swelling went down. Isn’t the fact that you can feel your legs a good sign?”
He jerked his chin to the side table that held a stack of pamphlets. I picked them up and saw that each was a different rehab facility and what was offered.
“You have to go for rehab every day?”
“No, they want me to stay in one of those.”
I quirked an eyebrow at him. He was the last person on the face of the earth that would ever want to spend a minute stuck inside a rehab facility. The hospital was pushing it.
“So what did you decide?”
“No way. I already talked to Cap about it. He’s gonna make sure my house is set up for me and get me a nurse to look after me and make sure I get to my rehab appointments.”
“That’s generous of him.”
“Sinner, I know that you and Cap haven’t been getting along lately, but he’s a good guy. You should cut him some slack.”
“He thinks that I’m trying to get in Maggie’s pants.”
“Well, if you didn’t keep taunting him, he wouldn’t think you were.”
“Maggie’s more like a sister to me. Besides, I’m seeing someone at the moment.”
He was about to take a bite of brisket, but stopped and dropped the food to the plate and pushed the table away.
“Alright, start talking. Who is she and what’s wrong with her?”
I scowled at him. He didn’t know that she was messed up, but I didn’t appreciate him suggesting it either. “There’s nothing fucking wrong with her.”
“And who is this elusive woman?”
“Her name is Cara. She’s Sean’s sister.”
“Sean as in Cap’s friend, the cop?”
“Yeah.”
He furrowed his brows and looked deep in thought for a second. Then his head snapped up and he pointed at me. “No. Cara? The same woman that was kidnapped and is now basically a recluse?”
“Yes, but she’s not a recluse.”
“Cap said she never leaves the house because she’s afraid of her own shadow.”
I sneered at him and stood up to go look out the window. “She’s not afraid of her own shadow. She’s just got issues.”
“And what are you going to do? Fuck it out of her?”
“You’re an asshole.”
“But you are fucking her.”
“I’m helping her work through her shit.”
He shook his head. “Sinner, I’ve never seen you do anything for a woman if it didn’t involve your dick.”
“Yeah, well, there’s something about this one.”
“Magic pussy?”
“Definitely, but it’s more than that. She’s a fighter. She’s scared for sure, but she still comes out swinging.”
“Makes your dick hard.”
I rolled my eyes at him. He just didn’t seem to get it.
“Knock, knock.” Maggie poked her head around the door and smiled at Cazzo. Sebastian stepped in behind him and rolled his eyes when he saw me.
“How’re you feeling today, Sam?” Maggie walked over and gave Cazzo a hug that he grudgingly accepted.
“Better, now that Sinner brought me some real food.”
“You’re not supposed to be eating that yet.”
“Yeah, well tell that to my stomach.”
“You haven’t happened to talk with Vanessa, have you, Sam?”
“Freckles, leave it alone,” Sebastian warned.
“What? Blake said that he saw you kiss her when you were at the hotel. I thought maybe she tried to contact you.”
“In the fucking hospital? Burg needs to keep his mouth shut.”
“Why are you wondering about Vanessa?” I asked.
“Victor called me this morning. She’s missing,” Sebastian said.
“What?” Cazzo and I asked at the same time.
“I thought he was taking her back because he had better protection?” I questioned.
“Victor thinks she left of her own free will,” Sebastian clarified.
“She ran away?” I
burst out laughing. “Figures. She told me that she was always able to slip the guards. So, are you lending your resources?”
“Not officially. I’m looking for her but I’m not sharing that information with him. Something just rubs me wrong about the whole thing.”
“I could maybe get some information out of him. Maybe I could-”
“No, Freckles. You’re not a field agent.”
“But I’m a woman. I could talk with-”
“No.”
“Sinner, tell him I can handle it.”
Sebastian turned a glare on me. “I could take her with me,” I said.
“What part of my glare did you not understand?” Sebastian asked me.
“Hey, she’s good back up.”
“Then maybe I’ll let her be your backup while you’re on desk duty.”
“Shit, Cap. You don’t have to be so mean.”
“I need to speak with you for a minute.” Cap turned and headed into the hallway without another word. I turned back to Burg and shook my head. “Guess that’s my cue. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“I want a steak tomorrow,” he yelled as I walked out the door.
“What’s up, Cap?”
“I got a call from Sean the other day. I thought I made it clear that you stay away from his sister.”
“It’s really none of your business what I do when I’m not at work.”
“Sean is a friend of mine and he’s not too happy that the biggest horn dog I employ is going after his sister. She’s not just some random fuck. Leave her alone.”
“I never said she was, and you don’t get to tell me what to do when I’m off the clock.”
“If you don’t leave her alone, you’re going to find yourself out of a job.”
My blood boiled at the threat. I just couldn’t seem to win with this man.
“Do you really think I’m that big of a shitbag that I would hurt a woman like Cara?”
“Maybe not intentionally, but it’s just who you are.”
“Sebastian!” Maggie gasped from the doorway.
“Stay out of this, Freckles. It doesn’t concern you.”
“Really? Because you’ve had a problem with Sinner ever since we became friends. He’s like my brother. I would never think of doing anything with him, but all you can see is your own jealousy. Now he’s found a woman he likes and you’re threatening his job and being a jackass to him.”
Sinner: A Reed Security Romance Page 11