Forgiven (This)

by J. B. McGee

  After my shower, I head back up to my office. I want privacy to make this phone call. It’s after hours, so it’s not like anyone is around anyway. I just want to be able to close the door, sit at my desk, and think before I make this call.

  What in the hell am I going to say to her? Sam, I met your father today. No. Sam, is your dad’s name Gabe Gerhart? Oh, now that’d be a hell of a note if it’s not even their dad. I should probably check that out first, huh.

  I grab the receiver to the phone and punch in Joe’s number. He owns a nightclub, but he also does some PI work on the side. I know that he’ll be able to quickly figure out who he is.

  When he answers, I go right into it. “Hey, man. I need you to do an idenity check for me.”

  “Okay. Nice to talk to you today, too. And no, I wasn’t in the middle of anything. I’d be delighted to be at your beck and call, Mr. Banks.”

  I chuckle. “Damn straight. No seriously, it’s important. It’s about Gabby and Sam.”

  “Oh yeah?” he asks, his tone more serious now.

  “Yeah. I think I met their father today.”

  “Didn’t their dad apparently do some pretty bad shit to them back in the day?”

  “Just to Gabby, but yeah.”

  “What’s his name or what do you need me to look up?”

  “Gabe Gerhart. He owns that coffee shop that Gabby studies at. I mean, what are the freakin’ chances of that?”

  “Dude. That’s crazy. Give me a minute.”

  I can hear him typing. The silence on the phone makes me feel like time has frozen in place. “Anything?”

  “I’m still looking.”

  “Oh.”

  “Gabe Gerhart. Married to Cindy Gerhart. A son named Evan. Moved to Atlanta twelve years ago. Member of the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous, a deacon at First Baptist Church, owner of Gi Gi’s Coffee Shop.”

  “Anything about girls?”

  “Not initially, but it looks like before he moved to Atlanta, he was married.”

  “Uh huh. Did he happen to live in Charleston before he moved to Atlanta?”

  “Yep, I’m ninety-nine percent sure this is him, man. What the hell are you gonna do?”

  “I dunno. Probably will call Sam first.”

  “Here we go, jackpot. Two girls. Sam and Gabby. Ex-wife is Grace.”

  “Ugh.” I sigh into the phone. “Fax or email me everything you can get on the SOB, please.”

  “Need anything else from me, sir?”

  “Ha, no. Thanks, though. I seriously appreciate your help. We still on for fishing Saturday while the girls go do their wedding bridezilla stuff?”

  “Yep. I’ll be at the lake house all weekend. Just come whenever.”

  “Good. See ya then.”

  “Bye.”

  I put the phone down because I have to take a minute before I call Sam to gather my thoughts. I still have no idea what I’m going to say to her. Maybe I need to just play it by ear. See how she acts. Hell, she may not even answer the phone. I sure hope she does because I don’t want to have to carry this around with me for long.

  I pull my cell phone out because I don’t have her number memorized. Lucky for me, she answers on the second ring.

  I am about to head into the library to study when my phone rings. I almost press ignore, but it’s Bradley. The only time he ever calls me is when something’s wrong or when he needs help with something special for Gabby. I swipe the screen to answer. “Hello.”

  “Sam, it’s Bradley.”

  I always think it’s funny how he announces who he is when he calls. As if I don’t recognize his voice by now, never mind that I have caller ID. “When will you realize I know who you are when you call?”

  “Hey. I dunno.” It’s clear that there is something wrong. I don’t have time for drama tonight. What has he done now? “Listen, I found something out today, and I need to talk to you about it.”

  I’m just picking on him because he’s like the big brother I never had, but he’s not digging it tonight. “Sounds serious.”

  “Yep. Got a few minutes?”

  “Yeah, a few.” As much as I hate to study, I really do need to get my butt in the library.

  There is a pause, and then he clears his throat. “Um. I have no idea what the right way to tell you this is, so I’m just going to spill it. I need to know what to do with this information.”

  What information and how to tell me what? “Is it Gabby? Is she okay?” My heart feels like it’s beating five thousand beats a second. I back over to the bench that’s behind me and plop down.

  “Gabby’s fine. Sam...”

  Relief floods my body about Gabby, but he’s killing me. “Dammit, Bradley. Just spit it out already.” I can’t take this. He’s about to give me a heart attack.

  “I met your father today.” I swallow hard.

  I swallow hard. “You what?” I think I’m in shock. I really thought this part of my life was fully behind me.

  He starts to answer me. “I-”

  Then my thoughts turn to Gabby. “Was Gabby with you?” I interrupt.

  “No. Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine. Did you tell her?”

  “You can’t be fine, Sam. And no. I didn’t tell her yet.”

  “Yet? You’re not going to tell her ever,” I hiss. He may be her fiancée, but she’s my sister. No one knows her better than me. She can never find out about this. It will destroy her.

  “I thought I should tell you first. I don’t know if I should tell her, especially since I found out because I was following her.” At my sharp intake of breath, Bradley sighs. “It’s a long story that I don’t want to go into at the moment. But when it all boils down to it, I just don’t like keeping secrets from her, Sam.” There’s a pause. “Secrets destroy lives.”

  “Well you know what will also destroy a life? Introducing her to the bastard. That’s what will destroy her. So help me, Bradley...” I take a deep breath. He’s never seen this side of me, and it’s not a side he’s going to want to see again. “Just trust me. You can’t tell her.”

  “All right, all right. I won’t. But Sam, he’s seen her. She studies at his coffee shop.”

  “She needs to stay away from him. He’s dangerous.”

  “I know, but for what it’s worth he appears to have gotten his life together.”

  “It’s not worth a damn thing to me. He’s dead to me. I buried him a long time ago. Gabby would be better off if you would do the same thing.”

  “Okay. Fine. I just thought you should know. I didn’t know what to do.”

  “Nothing. That’s what you do. I gotta go,” I grumble and hang up the phone. I feel like crap as soon as I do it. I am sure that he means well. I shouldn’t have hung up on him. Thoughts of my dad stir emotions that aren’t welcome. I really need to call Dr. Harrison for a session.

  I stare down at the phone completely taken aback. She hung up on me. I don’t know how to handle all of this. Women. I sarcastically laugh and recall why I had made it my mission to avoid them before Gabby. Shaking my head, I stand and make my way to the door so I can lock the office and leave. I have made it halfway across the floor when my phone rings. I look at the caller ID and see it’s Sam.

  “Sam,” I answer.

  “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

  “I know.” And I do. I know that was totally out of character for her. She’s never acted like that before. I know that is a sensitive subject. I can’t judge her because I don’t know how I’d react if I were her. “I forgive you for what it’s worth.”

  “A lot...it’s worth a lot. I’m ashamed of my behavior.”

  “Don’t be. I think I somewhat expected that kind of response.”

  “It was wrong. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration and aggression out on you,” she confesses.

  “You’re human, Sam. It’s hard to contain that kind of emotion.” No one understands that more than me. I struggle to contain myself in situations similar to these. “
Sam, I’m not going to lie. I watched my father keep secrets my entire life. I still do. They destroy people. I just don’t like keeping this from her, but if it’s that important to you and you think it’s what’s best for her, then I’ll do it.”

  “I do, Bradley.” I can hear her voice crack, and I can tell she’s fighting back tears. Sam never cries. I’ve met a lot of tough girls in my life, but none quite like her. She can be tender, sweet, and fun loving, but she’s not someone you want to cross like I just did. You can trust me about that. “I really don’t think she’ll be able to make it through it.”

  “You don’t think so? I mean, she’s stronger than she used to be. She has me.” I know that sounds cocky, but it is what it is. She’s no longer alone. I refuse to let her fall.

  “I don’t know. I just think it’s best if she doesn’t know. I don’t know why. Maybe because I remember.”

  “All right. I’ll do my best, then. Are you going to be okay? Not like I can do much for you from so far away.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.” She sniffs. “I’ve gotta go study. I’ll bury my head in anatomy and medical terminology.”

  “Okay,” I chuckle. “Call me if you need me. I’m here.”

  “I know. Bye, Bradley.”

  “See ya.”

  It’s been about a week since I found out about Gabe. I’ve been able to keep my promise to Sam, but it’s been eating me alive. I haven’t had time to really talk to Sam much. I’ve been covered up with trying to talk Gabby into switching her study locations to be closer to our house. I’ve also gone every night to check on Roni.

  They’re hanging in there. The doctors are more and more optimistic each passing day. I’m still not sure how I feel about that whole ordeal. Part of me is positive this isn’t my child and the other part of me is growing attached already. Every time I hear that heartbeat and see Roni’s stomach move, I become more intrigued with being a father. I just wish it was being the father of mine and Gabby’s child.

  I haven’t been sleeping well since I found out about her father. Even though I had been getting up with her some after she moved here, she refuses to wake me up if I’m not already awake. My cell phone starts to ring and I know this is my morning wake-up call even though I was already awake. I heard her leave, and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I swipe the screen to answer. “Morning, Gabby Girl.”

  “Morning, Mr. Banks.”

  “What do you have planned today?” I ask as I climb out of bed and make my way to the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee.

  “Emmi had to cancel a study session next week so we’re doing an extra one this week. So I’m meeting her at Gi Gi’s to study after class.”

  “Still studying at Gi Gi’s, huh?” I roll my eyes and frown. She is so stubborn.

  “I told you. Emmi picked the place. I feel bad asking to change it. I don’t know why it’s all the sudden a big deal to you anyway.”

  “Don’t want to argue with you this morning.” I take a sip of my scorching coffee.

  “Me neither,” she exhales. “Typical day for you?” And clearly she’s changing the subject. I really am not in the mood to argue about this whole Gi Gi’s thing. I’ll make it my mission to give her enough incentive to change her study location. I have to get her away from him.

  “Yeah. Meetings all day. Thought I’d swing by and check on Roni and the baby later.” There is always tension when I mention them. I can’t stand it. “Then I was going to see if you wanted to meet for dinner later?”

  “Dinner’s fine. I guess I’ll talk to you later, then?”

  “Just call me when you’re done at Gi Gi’s.”

  “I will. Bradley...”

  “Yeah?”

  “I love you,” she whispers.

  “Love you, Gabby Girl.” We both pause like we used to on the phone, except I know for me I have a much heavier heart during the pause than I used to have. “Have a good day.”

  “You, too.”

  She hangs up first. I guess it’s just the thing with Veronica that has her so upset. I don’t know what else it could be. I decide to go ahead, get ready, and head into work early.

  I’ve been sitting at my desk all day working with the door closed. Well, trying to work. My ADHD is usually very well controlled, but today I can’t seem to focus on anything of importance. My mind is wandering like a lost puppy around town. It goes in circles. One minute I’m working and the next I’m thinking of Gabby. Thinking of that phone conversation and how I think she can tell that something is wrong. I wonder if it’s just me and knowing that I am carrying this burden, this secret. Then I wonder if it’s her. Maybe there is something more going on with her that I haven’t figured out yet despite her reassurance.

  I shake my head, toss my pen across the desk, and turn in the chair to look out of the floor to ceiling windows. I watch as people walk around the streets and carry on their lives. I realize as I watch them, that it’s me keeping this huge secret from her. I’ve tried to reassure and justify to myself that, like Sam says, the truth would shatter her. I’ve tried to tell myself that I’m doing the right thing, but if that was really the truth, this gnawing wouldn’t be eating me alive. I know I have to find a way to tell her, but I don’t know how to even begin that conversation.

  I will have to talk to Sam. There is no way that I can keep this from her. It’s not even been twenty-four hours and I can’t stand myself. Maybe it’s because of all the crap that I’ve been through with my father’s secrets. I have made it my life’s mission to make sure that I don’t operate like that. I love Gabby, and the last thing I want to do is upset her, destroy her, crumble her, but I also can’t sacrifice myself for her sake. That does neither one of us any good.

  I turn and pick up my cell phone. Right as I am looking up Sam’s phone number, the hospital number shows up on the caller ID as the phone starts to ring. My heart drops into the floor. That can only mean one thing. I swipe. “This is Bradley Banks.”

  “Mr. Banks. I’m a nurse at Emory. We have you listed as Ms. Veronica Johnson’s emergency contact.”

  “Right. What’s going on?” I can barely breathe. I don’t know what to make of this.

  “There have been some complications.” With the word complications, I immediately grab my coat from the back of my chair and dig my keys out of my pocket and start to walk towards the door. “They are prepping her for an emergency Caesarian section. We would recommend that you get to the hospital as soon as possible.”

  “I’m already on my way. Are they okay?” I swing the door open and mouth to Sharon that I’ll call her before rushing down to my car.

  “I can’t tell you anything other than this about their condition. Please drive safely.”

  What the hell? I can’t stand it when people open a can of worms and give you enough information to know there is something wrong and then close it to then leave your mind to wander to a million different scenarios, most of which are far worse than the actual situation. I hope that’s the case. “Thanks. Will do.”

  As soon as I hang up from the hospital, I call Sharon. She answers quickly. “Mr. Banks, is everything okay?”

  “I have a personal emergency. Cancel my day and I’ll touch base with you tomorrow.”

  “Yes sir. I hope it’s not Gabby.” It’s a statement, but I know she’s hoping I’ll answer the unspoken request for information.

  “No, it’s not Gabby. I’ll talk to you soon.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Speaking of Gabby, I realize I need to let her know what’s going on, but I don’t have time right now to call her. My office isn’t far from the hospital, so I’ll be there soon. I would rather just wait to call her and tell her when I know more of what is going on with them.

  As I approach the entrance, I decide that I’ll do the valet parking . I don’t know how much time I have before they do the c-section, if they haven’t already done it. I throw the gear into park, pick up my cell phone, and open the door. The valet is holding a ticket and
I shove it into my pocket along with my cell phone.

  I see the elevator has a line of people waiting, and I don’t have time to wait. I dash to the stairs and take them two at a time until I reach Veronica’s floor. I rush through the door and to the nurses station, planting my hands firmly down and trying to catch my breath. “Mr. Banks. Come with me. We need to get you sterilized.”

  Apparently Emmi has some personal stuff going on right now. She called at the last minute and had to cancel this session, as well. I was already at Gi Gi’s so I decided to go ahead and stay and study. I don’t know what it is about this guy, who I think is the manager or owner of this place, but he absolutely creeps me out. I always feel like I have eyes on me, and when I turn to look, it’s always him. He tries to act like he’s not been looking at me, but I know he has been. I haven’t told Bradley because I know he will freak. I’m already having enough trouble with him being okay that I meet Emmi here. If I told him I wasn’t comfortable that would be it. The last thing I need is to piss off my tutor and then not be able to get credit for this semester.

  I stare out of the window as I daydream and realize that I’m not going to be able to get any studying done today. My mind is just not in the right frame of mind. Maybe it’s also that Emmi isn’t here. For some reason, this guy is making me even more nervous than he normally does.

  Reaching down, I pick up my bag and start to quickly shove my stuff into it. I pull my keys from the hook on the inside pouch. I toss my empty coffee cup in the trash closest to the door. Maybe I’ll surprise Bradley at the office. I can’t get that shower makeout session out of my head. It sends shivers down my spines and goose bumps erupt on my skin as the temperature changes from the warmth of the shop to the cold air outside.