‘Then we’d better go and take a look.’ Jude raised his brows when she failed to move. ‘If you could show me the way, please, Sister?’
‘Oh! Yes. Of course.’
A touch of colour stained her cheeks as she hurriedly led the way from the room. Jude forbore to say anything as he followed her along the corridor, but her reluctance to be around him was going to make life extremely difficult in the coming weeks. Although he appreciated why she was behaving this way, he couldn’t help wondering why she hadn’t made her feelings clearer that afternoon. If she had given him even the tiniest hint that she had felt uncomfortable then he would never have let things go that far. Once again the thought that there was something odd about her behaviour rose to his mind but he blanked it out. He wasn’t going to complicate matters even further by going down that route again.
Claire stopped when they reached a set of double doors. Pushing open one of the doors, she felt for the light switch. ‘I hope the lights still work,’ she murmured.
Jude stepped inside when the lights came on, turning in a slow circle as he took stock. Although the equipment was dated, there appeared to be everything there they needed. The other plus point was that the whole place was spotlessly clean. ‘This is fine,’ he declared. ‘I’ve brought my case with me, so we just need to make sure that the operating table and anaesthetic equipment are sterile before we start.’
He glanced at Claire, keeping his face free of expression. Maybe he was puzzled by her behaviour but it would be better to leave things how they were rather than go raking it all up. He didn’t want to embarrass her and he certainly didn’t want to explain why he had acted the way he had done. Heat ran through him at the thought of admitting how much he had wanted to kiss her. It was out of the question to do that.
‘Have you anaesthetised a patient before?’ he asked, deliberately focusing on the task at hand.
‘Yes. Bill showed me what to do, although it was only the once when he wasn’t feeling well. I’m certainly no expert,’ she added quietly.
‘So long as you understand the basics,’ Jude replied curtly. ‘However, if you’re tied up doing that then I’ll need someone else to assist me. Would one of the sisters be able to help, do you think?’
‘I’m not sure.’ She frowned as she considered the question and Jude’s hands clenched. All of a sudden he was overwhelmed by the urge to smooth away those tiny lines marring her brow. It took every scrap of willpower he could muster not to give in to it.
‘Sister Julie used to be a nurse—I remember her mentioning that she worked at St. Linus’s Hospital in London, although I’ve no idea which department she was in.’
She looked up and Jude hurriedly adopted a noncommittal expression. The thought of running his fingertips over her brow was giving him hot and cold chills and it was alarming to realise how out of character he was behaving. He had dated many beautiful women over the years, not only dated them either but slept with them as well. However, he couldn’t remember ever feeling this aroused before.
‘Perhaps you could ask her if she would assist me,’ he suggested, his voice grating. He saw Claire glance at him but thankfully she didn’t say anything before she left.
Jude went to check on Bebe again, doing his best to ignore all the crazy feelings rushing around inside him. He had sworn after his experiences five years ago that he would never allow himself to become emotionally involved again but it was different with Claire—he couldn’t seem to detach himself as he usually did. She wasn’t for him; she never could be his, he reminded himself. But even though his mind understood that rock-solid, his heart refused to believe it. He sighed wearily. Maybe it was being here that was causing the problem. He was so far out of his comfort zone that everything was all mixed up: his thoughts, his feelings, what he wanted from life; every single thing. Once he was back in England it would be a different story. He would pick up the threads and carry on as before.
He frowned as he looked at the little girl lying in the bed. Once again the thought of continuing to live his life the way he had been doing held very little appeal. He had a feeling that nothing would be the same ever again.
* * *
Sister Julie agreed to help, so in a very short time the operation went ahead. Once Jude was satisfied that Bebe was properly anaesthetised he made an incision in her abdomen. Claire gasped because it was immediately apparent what had happened. Although the appendix had perforated, the infection had been contained by the omentum—the fold of membrane that hangs in front of the intestines. This had stuck to the appendix and formed an abscess which was why the little girl had been in such pain.
‘She’ll need antibiotics before I can risk draining this abscess and removing the appendix,’ Jude declared. He looked at Claire over his mask and she could see the concern in his eyes. ‘She’s a very sick little girl and the outcome is by no means guaranteed.’
Claire nodded although she didn’t say anything. The thought of the child’s life being at risk after everything she had been through had brought a lump to her throat and she didn’t want Jude to know how emotional she felt. For some reason she knew it would make her feel even more vulnerable.
They returned Bebe to the sick bay. Fortunately, Jude had brought antibiotics with him, so Claire set up a drip, although she suspected that the little girl would need something stronger to deal with the infection. She wasn’t surprised when Jude announced that he intended to transfer Bebe to hospital as soon as possible.
‘Can it wait until the morning?’ Claire asked as she finished taping the cannula to Bebe’s arm. She sighed when she saw him frown. ‘I know how important it is to get the correct antibiotics into her, but it’s too risky to drive into town at this time of the night. If it can wait till daylight, it will be much safer.’
‘I suppose so,’ he agreed with marked reluctance. ‘But I’d like to leave at first light. The sooner we get the antibiotics sorted, the better her chances will be.’
‘Of course.’ Claire moved away from the bed, her breath catching when her hand accidentally brushed against his arm. She could feel the silky-soft hair on his forearm tickling her skin and swallowed as she was beset by a sudden rush of awareness. She hurried to the door, desperate to put some space between them. The last thing she needed was to be even more aware of him than she already was.
‘I’ll get onto Lola and make arrangements for Bebe to be moved in the morning,’ she said, over her shoulder.
‘Thank you.’ There was something in his voice that made her heart race. Had he felt it too? Felt that flash of awareness that had passed through her? Common sense decreed it was impossible, that no one could experience another person’s feelings, yet she couldn’t dismiss the idea.
‘I take it that I’ll be staying here for the night.’
There was nothing in his voice to alarm her now, yet Claire still hesitated before she turned. Had she been mistaken? she wondered. Imagined something that simply hadn’t happened? She searched his face and found her answer in the brooding intensity of his gaze. Her breath caught. She hadn’t imagined it. Jude was every bit as aware of her as she was of him and it made the situation even more dangerous.
‘Yes. I... I’ll sort out a room you can use,’ she said quickly, struggling to hold on to her composure. ‘With all the children being here there isn’t a lot of free space, but I’m sure we can find somewhere for you to sleep.’
‘Don’t go to any trouble,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ll sleep in here if there’s nowhere else. In fact, it might be better if I did. I can keep an eye on Bebe then. She is one very sick little girl.’
The concern on his face as he looked at the child was unmistakable. Claire felt a rush of warmth run through her. There was no doubt that Jude cared deeply about their small patient and it simply proved that her initial impression of him had been completely wrong. As she left the room, she suddenly f
ound herself wondering if she should rectify the mistake he had made about her. Surely he deserved to know that she wasn’t a nun? It didn’t seem fair to let him carry on believing it and yet if she did tell him the truth, it could have repercussions.
She bit her lip as panic rose inside her. Recalling what had so nearly happened at the pool that afternoon, not to mention what had gone on just now, was it really wise to remove the final barrier between them? Maybe she did feel differently about him, but it didn’t mean that she could cope with having a relationship with him.
CHAPTER NINE
MORNING DAWNED, CALM and clear, such a contrast to his state of mind that Jude found it hard to believe a new day had begun with so little fanfare. He had spent the night going over what had happened the evening before. Oh, he had tried to convince himself that he’d been mistaken, that Claire hadn’t reacted to his touch, but he had failed. Miserably. Hadn’t he felt that flash of awareness that had passed between them? Experienced that charge of electricity that had filled the air? Of course he had and there was no point trying to deny it either! Coming on top of what had gone on earlier at the pool, it was little wonder that he felt so confused.
He got out of bed and went to the window, resting his forehead against the glass as he went over it all once more. Why should Claire be attracted to him when she had sworn to forgo the pleasures of the flesh? Last night his thoughts had been in such turmoil that it had been impossible to think clearly, but he needed to set aside his own feelings if he was to make sense of it all. It was what he was good at, after all; disregarding emotions and rationalising a problem had always been his forte. With a bit of luck it would work this time too.
Jude wasn’t sure how long he stood there, trying to work out the answer to this particular puzzle, but the sun had risen above the horizon when he finally gave up. Maybe Claire had had her reasons but he couldn’t explain them. That was certain.
He checked on Bebe, as he had done many times during the night. Although her condition hadn’t changed very much, her temperature was slightly lower than it had been, which was encouraging. When Sister Anne came to relieve him, he made his way to the dining room, pausing in the doorway while he took in the scene that greeted him. There appeared to be children everywhere, some seated at tables, others sitting cross-legged on the floor. Every child had a bowl in front of him or her and every single one was tucking in to their breakfast. How the nuns had managed to get them all served was a miracle to his mind, but even the very smallest—little more than babies—were eating.
He spotted Claire at the far side of the room, helping a tiny tot scoop up cereal with a spoon. Jude felt a rush of emotion hit him as he watched her wipe the little one’s mouth then drop a kiss on the child’s upturned face. There was such tenderness in the gesture, such loving care, that he couldn’t help feeling envious.
‘Ah, Dr Slater. Good morning. Do come and join us.’
Jude swung round when Sister Julie materialised beside him. ‘Good morning, Sister,’ he replied then cleared his throat when he realised how choked he sounded. Deliberately, he turned so that he could no longer see Claire. Feeling jealous of a child really was beyond the pale!
‘I hope you slept well,’ Sister Julie continued as she led him over to where an elderly nun was serving breakfast.
‘Very well, thank you,’ Jude replied, deeming it wiser not to admit to his sleepless night, let alone the reason for it. Heat rushed through him and he hurried on. ‘Mealtimes must be very busy times for you.’
‘They are indeed.’ Sister Julie treated him to a gentle smile. ‘Food is extremely important to the children. Most of them have gone hungry in their short lives and they attach huge importance to being fed.’ She gestured towards the stack of empty bowls. ‘As you can see, nothing is wasted. When you grow up not knowing where your next meal is coming from then you eat every scrap.’
‘I see,’ Jude said quietly. Oh, he had seen the appeals on television, even donated to them on many an occasion, but that was very different from witnessing the effects of poverty at first hand. He couldn’t help feeling guilty about all the times he had turned up his nose at some perfectly good meal simply because it hadn’t tempted his palate.
‘There is no need to berate yourself, Dr Slater. None of us can fully comprehend what it must be like to go without food unless we have experienced it for ourselves.’ Sister Julie smiled sympathetically. ‘It hit me hard when I first came here too.’
‘It makes me feel very guilty,’ Jude admitted, even though he was surprised that he should open up to such an extent. He never discussed his feelings and yet here he was, admitting that he was ashamed of the way he had taken his good fortune for granted.
‘It does.’ Sister Julie looked calmly back at him. ‘I found the best antidote for my guilt was to do something to help.’
She didn’t say anything else as she filled a bowl with porridge and handed it to him. Jude took it over to a table and sat down, mulling over what he had heard. Dipping his spoon into the bowl, he tried a little of the cereal. It tasted very gritty and at any other time he would have left it, but he ate every scrap. How could he waste it after hearing about all these children who had gone hungry?
All of a sudden he was filled with a fresh resolve. Maybe he had come to Mwuranda for the sake of his pride but it didn’t mean he couldn’t help the people of this country. And not just while he was here either: he could help when he returned home by fundraising. He knew a lot of wealthy people and if he could get them to contribute then there was no end to the good they could do...
Was it only because he wanted to improve people’s lives? a small voice suddenly whispered in his ear. Or was there another reason?
Jude’s gaze went to Claire and he sighed. He couldn’t put his hand on his heart and swear that his reasons for wanting to help were purely altruistic. The fact that it might improve his standing in Claire’s eyes had a lot to do with it, even though he knew how pointless it was. No matter if he raised his status to sainthood level, Claire could never be his.
* * *
The ambulance arrived shortly before seven a.m. Claire helped to load Bebe on board then climbed in beside her. Jude was having a word with the driver before they set off and she shivered as she listened to him instructing the man to drive carefully and avoid the potholes. Far too many times during the night her sleep had resounded to the sound of that deep voice. It was as though it had imprinted itself in her mind and, try as she may, she couldn’t shift it.
‘Right. Let’s hope we don’t encounter the kind of problems we did when I arrived.’
Jude climbed in and slammed the door. Claire summoned a smile, not wanting him to suspect how on edge she felt. It wasn’t just the sound of his voice that had disturbed her sleep but everything else that had happened yesterday—the incident at the pool, that flash of awareness that had passed between them. Heat flowed through her and it took every scrap of control she could muster not to betray how alarmed she felt.
‘Hopefully, we’ll have an uneventful journey today,’ she murmured.
‘Amen to that,’ Jude replied, drolly, then grimaced. ‘Sorry. No disrespect meant.’
Claire nodded, feeling infinitely guilty that he had felt it necessary to apologise. She turned away, checking Bebe’s obs to give herself time to collect herself. Even though she felt bad about misleading him, surely it was better than telling him the truth? The fact that she was so vulnerable where Jude was concerned was worrying enough, but the fact that he obviously felt something for her made it even more dangerous. How could she hope to do the sensible thing if she had to contend with his feelings as well as her own?
The thought occupied her for the rest of the journey. It was a relief when the ambulance drew up outside the hospital. Jude and the driver lifted the stretcher out of the back and carried it inside. Claire led the way to a side room which was
kept for emergency cases like this. Bebe would need intensive nursing and it would make it easier if she wasn’t in a ward with all the usual comings and goings.
Following local tradition, the Mwurandan people were cared for by their relatives while they were in hospital and it could be extremely noisy at times with so many people milling about. Although they had tried to instigate a ‘no more than two people at a bed’ rule, it was rarely observed. Mothers, fathers, wives, husbands, aunts, uncles, cousins—the list was endless. At least Bebe would have some peace and quiet in the side room.
Claire made the child comfortable then went to the office to sign in. Lola grinned at her when she opened the door. ‘Ah, so you made it back safely. I hope you brought Jude with you? I had visions of you leaving him at the convent!’
‘Of course he’s come back with me,’ Claire said sharply then sighed. ‘Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.’
‘No sweat, honey. I should know better than to tease you about such a touchy subject.’
Claire flushed. ‘There’s nothing touchy about it.’
‘No? My mistake.’
Lola tactfully let the subject drop but Claire was very aware that she had handled things badly. Just for a moment she found herself wondering if it would be simpler to tell Lola why she was so edgy around Jude before she thought better of it. Her hand shook as she signed her name on the sheet. It was the first time that she had been seriously tempted to tell anyone about her past but she was afraid that she would regret it. The problem was that she had no idea how people would react and she hated to think that they might view her in a different light afterwards.
Her breath caught as an even worse thought occurred to her. How would Jude react if he found out that she had been raped? At the moment he thought she was a nun and he probably conformed to most people’s view of the women who had chosen that kind of a life. It would come as a massive shock if he discovered that she wasn’t the innocent he believed her to be.
Reawakened by the Surgeon's Touch Page 9