Broken Lives

by Brenda Kennedy

  I swallow the lump in my throat before attempting to speak. “Thank you, James, and I am very glad to have you, too.”

  Molly

  I watch my husband — well, my now ex-husband — and daughter from a distance. I am truly trying to get better so I can get back what I once had. My daughter is beautiful and happy. I have to smile because I know it is because of Alec. He was a wonderful husband, and he still is a wonderful father to our daughter. I thank God that she has him as a father. My daughter has a chance at a wonderful life because of Alec.

  I sent Raelynn a birthday card for her 7th birthday and she wrote me a get-well card back. A tear slides down my face as I open and then close the card my daughter made for me. I waited and watched as Alec and Rae went to the mailbox and mailed something. As soon as no one was around, I ran to the mailbox to see what it was. It makes me happy to know that Alec gave her the card I placed in the mailbox for her. I thought possibly he would throw it away, but instead, he gave it to her and told her I was ill. I’m glad he didn’t tell her the ugly truth about me.

  I am startled when I hear voices coming from their house. I duck behind the steering wheel of the car to hide out of view as I watch the cars leave their driveway. The light on the porch turns off and the door closes. It looks like my husband and daughter are in for the night.

  My arms itch and I try to ignore it.

  “Doll, can we go now?”

  I look over at my only friend, Bobby. “Don’t you miss that?”

  “No, Doll, I don’t. You can’t miss what you refuse to allow yourself to ever think about.”

  I rub my arms vigorously to try to stop the needle pricks. I watch as Bobby drinks from the bottle of whiskey. He also drinks and uses drugs to forget his pain. He has never shared that part of his life with me, and I have never asked him about it.

  I watch the house a little while longer as I sob into a Kleenex. I mourn the life I once had, and I mourn for the person I once was. I have no idea where she is or if I’ll ever find her again. When I can’t take the sadness any longer and when the detox symptoms become unbearable, I leave.

  Emma

  I stand in the doorway of James’ bedroom door and listen to the conversation between him and Alec. Alec tries to comfort James, and I notice his tenderness while talking to James about his father. Alec leans in and hugs James, and then he covers him up before turning to walk away from him. He sees me and gives me a sad smile.

  We walk hand in hand into our bedroom before speaking. “Thank you.” It’s the only thing I say.

  “Baby, there is no need to thank me. I love him and you to the moon and back.” He bends down to kiss me.

  “To Jupiter, Mars, and Saturn and back, too?” I ask him with a smile.

  “Absolutely, and for ever and ever.”

  We are two weeks away from our July 4th party and surprisingly all of the platoon has RSVPed that they will come. I spoke with the Hampton Inn on University and asked if they could offer a military discount for the guys and their families. I explained about Max and how this is a reunion of sorts. They were happy to offer discounted rooms to the veterans. Hampton Inn on University even threw in free breakfast coupons during their stay.

  Alec and Brice took the kids roller skating while I meet with Brooke, mom, Cheryl, and Alec’s mom, Doris, to finalize the menu. Cheryl is a wonderful party planner, and with the number of people attending, I’ll need all the help I can get with the food. Cheryl tells us she went ahead and ordered the flag banners for the white vinyl fence in the backyard.

  I am also happy to see Doris is involved with this. I want her and John to be here to meet my military family. Even though I haven’t seen them in years, they were at one time an important part of my life.

  Once we have all the plans finalized, we relax and wait for the kids and guys to get home.

  It’s July 3rd, the night before the platoon party. When Alec and I are in bed, he asks, “Are you excited to see everyone tomorrow?”

  “I think I am. I’m more worried about everything going as it should.”

  “Baby, you have nothing to worry about. With everyone pitching in and helping with the food and drinks, there will be plenty.”

  “I’m sure you’re right. What if it’s awkward between us? I haven’t seen them in five years. What if I don’t know what to say to them?” I look at him and he gives me his undivided attention. “What if they have changed so much that I don’t know them anymore?” I sit up straighter in the bed, and Alec is watching me.

  “I have never known you to be so uncertain of anything before. I really think everything will fall in place like it once was.” I look at her and smooth her hair from her face. “They were your military family at one time, and there was a bond holding you all together. I think you’ll be surprised at how quickly things will fall in place.”

  “Thank you, you always know exactly what to say to put me at ease.” I cuddle into his chest and he kisses the top of my head. He leaves his mouth there and kisses me again.

  “I don’t want you to worry about things you have no control over.” When he says that, it makes me think he is talking from experience.

  We get up early the next day to put the finishing touches on the house. I shower and dress in the same red, white, and blue dress I wore when Max was being deployed. My mind floods with memories of that day, and I try hard to not be sad. Max said the next time he sees me he wanted to see me wearing this same dress. I haven’t worn it since his deployment, but I feel that wearing it today is appropriate.

  I am in the kids’ bedroom helping the kids get dressed when Alec walks in wearing a pair of jeans and a white tee with the American flag on it. He smiles when he sees me, and I get those butterflies low in my belly. “You look beautiful, Emma,” he says, as he bends down to kiss me.

  “Thank you, you look pretty sharp yourself.” I finish adding the red, white, and blue ribbons in Raelynn’s hair as Alec puts on James’ sandals. I stand up and look at everyone. James is wearing jean shorts and a red and blue tee with a flag on the front and Raelynn is wearing a white sundress with red and blue stars all over it.

  I lay out a few of my and Max’s photo albums of us and the rest of the platoon on the coffee table for everyone to look through. Alec smiles as he looks through them. These have been in the closet, and he hasn’t seen them yet. I worry he’ll feel bad or left out since this party is for Max. Well, maybe not for Max, but it is because of Max.

  “Momma, can we play in the jump house now?” James asks. He is excited. Cheryl and my mom insisted on renting a jump house for the party.

  The doorbell rings. Alec says, “You get the door and I’ll take the kids outside to play.”

  Brooke, Brice, and the boys all walk in carrying covered dishes of food and a basket full of bubbles and sparklers. I look at the basket and then I look up at Brooke. “I thought the kids would like these for later.”

  Brooke is also wearing a red, white, and blue sundress, and her husband and two sons are also wearing patriotic colors.

  “Good choice of colors, Brooke,” I say, then add, “Brice, Briley, and Braden, Alec and the kids are outside if you want to go out to visit or play. The jump house is already set up,” I say.

  They go outside and mom and dad arrive next, followed by Max’s and Alec’s parents. I smile when I see everyone. The guys all go outside to hang the flag banner on the fence while the girls stay inside sorting through the food.

  We decorate the lanai with red, white, and blue streamers and balloons. Brooke tells me the troops are starting to arrive, so we go to the front yard to greet them. Alec thought it was best if he stayed with the kids while I greeted everyone. He offered to stay with me, if I wanted him to. Max’s mom and dad also greet everyone with us.

  I stand there with James by my side. Brooke and Brice are standing in between us and my mom and dad. Max’s parents walk up and stand next to James. Wilson and his family are first to arrive, then Snider, Poland, and Lanford are next.
My dad, Danny, and Brice are first to greet them. I watch the interactions between everyone and my fear soon leaves me. I have nothing to fear with these guys. They hug me and tell me how much they have missed me. Lanford’s wife apologizes behind his back for not keeping in touch. She tells me everyone had a hard time dealing with Max’s death.

  I introduce them to James and he stands proudly as he shakes each person’s hand. I am surprised to see the guys tear up when they see James. I look at James, and I realize just how much he looks like his dad.

  Mahoney and Wagner are next to arrive. I am surprised to see when Mahoney gets out of the car that he is wearing an above-the-knee prosthetic right leg. I swallow the lump in my throat. I had no idea his injuries were that serious. I knew he was injured, but I had no idea he lost his leg from the same explosion that took Max’s life. I was so devastated by my own loss that I didn’t even stay up to date with the troops’ injuries.

  “Are you all right?” Brooke asks, walking over to me.

  I look at her and try to smile. “I’m fine.”

  “You didn’t know about the severity of Mahoney’s injuries, did you?”

  I shake my head and look past her to Mahoney and Wagner. Brice, Danny, and dad are shaking their hands and smiling.

  I say, “Come on, James, let’s go and meet the rest of your extended family.”

  “I’m sorry, Emma. I should have said something.”

  “It doesn’t matter if I knew about it then or now, it wouldn’t have changed anything. Brooke, will you walk over with us?”

  “Sure, whatever you want.”

  We walk up to them and when they see James and me they stop talking. I smile and Mahoney walks over to me. “Em, you are just as beautiful as I remember.”

  My heart skips a beat when he calls me Em. Max and the guys in the platoon are the only ones who have ever called me that. “Look at you, you still look amazing,” I say, honestly, because it’s the truth.

  “Thank you, I look a little different now,” he says, lifting his prosthetic leg.

  “I’m sorry…,” I begin to say before he interrupts me.

  “Don’t be sorry, this is nothing. This is a reminder of how lucky I am. Max is the one who lost everything, and I will be forever grateful to him for keeping me alive.”

  I nod and my nose tingles. He hugs me tightly and tells me how good it is to see me. Once we are done, he kneels down next to James. “And you must be James Maxwell Greyson.”

  “I am, sir. It’s very nice to meet you,” James says, as he holds his hand out for Mahoney to shake.

  “I’m Mahoney, and it is my pleasure to finally see you again. I remember the day you were born.”

  “You do, sir?”

  “I will never forget it, James. Your dad said, ‘Do not call my son, Jim, or Jimmy, or Jimbo. His name is James and you better not shorten it.’” Mahoney smiles, and Wagner laughs.

  “My daddy said that?”

  Wagner steps forward and says, “He sure did say that, James. I was there, too. I’m Wagner, and it is very nice to meet you, too.” He puts his hand out for James to shake.

  We walk into the backyard where the party is held. I introduce everyone to Alec, Raelynn, John, and Doris, and they seem to like Alec immediately. Alec starts the grill and Danny brings out the photo albums of Max and me and our time in the military. Everyone laughs and shares military stories that we have never heard before.

  Snider tells a story about when he was in boot camp: “We kept watching the clock so our drill instructor made us stay in the wall lockers and every time he yelled out a time, we had to open the door and yell ‘Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo.’ One day of being a coo-coo clock was one day too many. We never did look at another clock in front of him again.”

  We all laugh before Poland tells a story. “Someone in our squad thought he was special because he was an Eagle Scout in school. I’m not saying any names, Wilson. Our drill instructor didn’t think there was anything special about being an Eagle Scout. He took us all out in the woods, during P.T., where he had Wilson build a bird’s nest and then made him squat over it to keep his eggs warm.”

  We all laugh, and Danny, John, and dad confirm things like this really did happen.

  Mahoney shares a story about when he was in boot camp. “The first couple weeks of boot camp are full of medical and dental exams, and if you need a procedure, you get it done right there.”

  He leans up and rests his elbows on his knees and says, “Almost everyone needed to have their wisdom teeth pulled, and we had one guy come back right before lights out with his mouth full of gauze and loopy from the drugs.”

  He laughs before saying, “Our drill instructor called us all to the center of the room, formed us up, and then told us to sit Indian style on the floor because Recruit Toothy was going to tell us a bedtime story.”

  “Do you all know where I’m going with this?” He smiles and looks around the yard at his former troops. “He then pulled up a chair for Recruit Toothy, and then told him to tell us the story of the Battle of the Monitor and Merrimac. Toothy mumbled that he didn't know the story, so the drill instructor told him to just make it up as he goes.”

  “What followed was like a live episode of Drunk History, minus any factual accuracy. As best as Toothy could recall, the Monitor was British, the Merrimack was Old Ironsides, and ‘In the end, they shot the crap out of each other and everybody died. The end.’

  “We were all laughing so hard, and we knew we would have to get up and do P.T., but the drill instructor sat there stone faced. After Toothy was done, the drill instructor said, ‘Well done, now you all know the story of the Battle of the Monitor and Merrimac.’ He got up, turned off the lights, and walked out.”

  Everyone asked was it Max and Mahoney said, “No, his name was Recruit Toothy.”

  After the guys share their military stories, James shows the guys his train set and the track that his dad made for him when he was a baby. The guys are all impressed the train is up and running five years later. They tell James how much Max loved trains, and even though he was a soldier, they tell James that Max should have been a conductor for the railroad.

  I sit at the table alone and Mahoney walks up to me.

  “I’m glad you had a party to get everyone together; it’s great seeing everyone.”

  “Thank you, and it’s good seeing you, too. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you after your accident.”

  “Em, you have no reason to be sorry. Look at what you were dealing with at the time. I didn’t expect you to be there.”

  “Mahoney, I didn’t even send you a get-well card or write you or anything. I should have supported you, or at the very least, let you know I was praying for you.”

  “I was pretty drugged up for a few weeks. Maybe you did, and I can’t remember.” He laughs, and I smile.

  “It was a pretty hard time for the both of us.”

  “Yes, it was, and look at us. We are both stronger because of it. You know, I still miss him,” Mahoney admits.

  “Me, too, he visits me and James in our dreams. It makes it easier to deal with his absence,” I say, and a tear runs down my cheek.

  “He also visits me in my sleep. At first he would yell at me for feeling sorry for myself. He was really starting to bug me. He once said he would give his right leg to be with his wife and son.” A tear runs down Mahoney’s cheek, too. “After that dream, I never felt sorry for myself again. I woke up with a whole new outlook on life. I was alive and I was given a second chance because of Max. He really did save every last one of us here today.” He looks around the yard at the members of his old platoon. “I was determined to walk again, and I was more determined to live my life like today is my last.”

  I wipe away the tears and smile. “I miss him so much.”

  “I know, Em; we all do. Max would be happy to see you met someone like Alec.”

  “Thank you, he is a really good guy and he loves James.”

  “He would want you to be h
appy.”

  Alec’s parents leave and we walk them to their car in the front of the house. We clean up the food before we bring out the desserts. The kids light their sparklers at dusk and then we all watch the fireworks from our back yard. James, Raelynn, Alec, and I sit together and watch the amazing firework display they are having at the beach.

  “I think your party was a success.” I look over my shoulder and see that Alec is looking at me.

  “I think you’re right. Are you having a good time?”

  “I am very much. You and Max had some wonderful friends.”

  “Yes, we did. They were all there when James was born. They were my only family in New York for a little over a year. The whole time we were stationed there, they were there with us.”

  “They think a lot of Max, he must have been a great guy.” He kisses me and says, “I’m glad you had someone like that before you met me.”

  I turn around so I can see him better, “Thank you. I had him, now I have you. I have been lucky twice in my life.”

  He smiles and leans in to kiss me.

  Chapter Six: A Night to Remember

  Molly

  Bobby and I have been staying at the Comfort Inn the last few weeks. We are using the money I got from the house to get off the streets for awhile. It’s clean, and we have a place to sleep and bathe. We can’t get an apartment with our background, so it is lucky for us that some hotels rent rooms by the week. When we have money we stay in a hotel; all other times, we live in the car.

  Bobby and I still use although I want to get clean. I know that makes no sense, but it’s true. Bobby has no reason I know of to get or stay clean, but I do; I have a daughter whom I love and I want to see her.

  It’s easier to use drugs and stay high than it is to face reality. Being high lets me forget, and it lets me picture a happy life that I don’t have. Distorted thinking — remember, I talked about this earlier?

  “Doll, I think we should throw a party.”

  I look over at Bobby; he is crushing pills in a bowl. A spoon, lighter, and needle are next to him on the nightstand.