Till The Wind Blows Silent

by Bernice Bohnet

  Anna helped Grace with the dishes, although she longed for the security of her bedroom. The two women were once again alone and it appeared Grace wanted to continue the interrogation. “Anna, what is your favorite Bible verse?”

  Grace’s tone suggested companionship but Anna fretted. No matter what she said, it would likely be the wrong thing. However, she forced a smile, and scanned her brain for something familiar. “I would say the 23rd psalm.”

  Grace’s eyes lost some of their ice. “Yes, it’s lovely. My favorite is John 3:16. It sums up all of what believing in Christ can do for a person. It is the creed our church lives by.”

  Grace handed a bowl to Anna. “We are true Christians. I thought you might like to read the Bible verses to us tonight. But I’ve changed my mind. You might stumble over the unfamiliar words. Perhaps you can read another time, when you are more used to our ways. We observe evening devotionals in this home.”

  Anna was overwhelmed by Grace’s veiled venom. She knew the psalms. She knew the Bible stories. However, Anna held her tongue. What could she say?

  Grace unstopped the sink and the dishwasher poured down the drain.

  * * *

  Due to the short February days, bedtime came early which was a welcome relief to Anna. It provided a reason to escape the poisonous atmosphere in the living room.

  She undressed and slipped into her beautiful, new bridal nightgown. She was too troubled to savour the exquisiteness of the garment. “Daniel, I don’t think I’ll ever be accepted by your mother. All she can think about is religion and I want to enjoy life now, not with a constant eye to a future eternity.”

  Daniel hung up his green work shirt. “I understand where you’re coming from and I feel so bad I’m putting you through all this. I just don’t see any other options.”

  Daniel stroked Anna’s hair, “Your hair is so soft and blonde. I love it. I love you. Can we make love tonight?”

  “Of course.”

  Anna was just drifting into sleep when she overheard Grace and George talking in the next room.

  Daniel had started to softly snore but Anna could hear George’s words when she lay on her back and strained her ears. “He’s got a fine woman crying over him and he just doesn’t care.” He’s married a woman from a different country, a different religion. I fear this marriage will end in disaster.”

  Anna vowed to prove George wrong. However, despite her love for Daniel, she felt trapped as surely as she had in the rubble.

  * * *

  The days stretched on, each like the last. Anna grew to almost hate Grace.

  Grace hadn’t liked a demure yellow dress Daniel had purchased for Anna on one of their frequent outings into Lethbridge simply because of its colour.

  “You’re not going to go to heaven dressed in bright colours. I always wear black. It is understated and modest.”

  Anna thought it also suited the woman’s colouring, but not her own. She kept her thoughts to herself. However, one evening over supper she mentioned the exchange to Daniel who leapt to her defence.

  “Anna is my wife and a grown woman. She can make her own decisions about what to wear. Personally, I love that yellow dress and want her to wear it.” Anna hid a triumphant smile from Grace.

  Her mother-in-law also objected to Anna’s painting. “You can’t go all over the countryside like some harlot,” she declared.

  Anna’s temper flared. On this she wasn’t backing down. “I can’t tolerate being stuck indoors all day. I will go outside and enjoy myself.” She’d grabbed her paints and run out the door, narrowly resisting the temptation to kick the hated stove. Sooty followed her and his loyalty brought her to tears.

  Despite the fact she’d once again managed to antagonize the red-spotted cow, whose name she now knew was Dolly, Anna managed to paint the homestead. She figured out if she faced Dolly and stood her ground, the animal would retreat.

  She believed the painting was her finest work ever. Sooty saw it first because the loyal animal stayed by her side throughout the pleasant afternoon.

  Anna lived for the nights when she found herself wrapped in Daniel’s arms in the big, moonlit room. Of course, Daniel still had nightmares and Anna could think of no way to help him.

  It surprised Anna that George and Grace blamed her. Grace even had the audacity to ask her what she was doing to cause Daniel’s nightmares.

  Anna snapped back. “It’s not me. It’s the war. He hasn’t told me everything. But what he went through was terrible.”

  Grace shut her mouth in a thin line and said nothing more on the subject.

  Anna discovered that when she stood up to Grace, the older woman often backed down. However, Anna hated conflict and after a confrontation, she often found herself unhappier than ever.

  Anna enjoyed writing to her parents. She relished composing these letters and she filled them with descriptions of Canada. They enjoyed hearing about Dolly, the ferocious cow, as well as other amusing anecdotes.

  Somehow she managed to write optimistically and focused on what her life would be like when she and Daniel could afford to build on their own farm.

  The letters Anna received back were also optimistic and Anna doubted her parents were telling her the whole truth either. After all, the war still went on.

  Anna loved visiting Maisy’s and Jim’s farm. Maisy understood her predicament and proved kind and empathic.

  As time went on, Anna took over household jobs that Grace didn’t like, such as the laundry and sewing. She even learned how to use the stove. She enjoyed these tasks, but wished she was in a home of her own where she could escape her mother-in-law’s scrutiny.

  Anna cherished Sunday mornings because she wasn’t invited to go to church. At first, it had bothered her to be excluded. However, when she learned she could spend her time reading or painting she took advantage of the situation.

  Daniel, still not dressed in his suit, had once expressed a desire to stay home with Anna.

  Grace had been furious. “If you stay home Nancy will be asking about you. I will not have a son of mine missing church.”

  “Yes, you will. Anna is my wife and I want to be with her.”

  Grace had burst into sobs and even Anna felt sorry for her. “The woman you’ve married is ruining your chances for a life with our eternal Savior.”

  Grace bowed slightly with hands clasped before her son. “Please, please come with us. I ask it as the mother who loves you and cares about you.”

  All of this happened in front of Anna and she stood silent, pitying Grace. No one should be that consumed with anything.

  “Go ahead Daniel. I’m okay here alone.”

  Reluctantly, Daniel had given in.

  Sometimes, as she sat reading on a Sunday, she longed for England and held back bitter tears of resentment for what she’d given up. Canada was empty and lonely, and, except when Chinook winds blew, cold. Anna had doubted if spring would ever come.

  * * *

  However, spring did come. One beautiful May Sunday when the air was warm, the sunshine abundant, and songbirds trilling their beautiful tunes, Grace asked a surprised Anna to attend church with them.

  Anna agreed because she couldn’t think of any way to tactfully say she would prefer to stay at home. Wouldn’t it be grand if Grace was finally going to accept her?

  Perhaps out of spite, although she hadn’t made a conscious decision, Anna wore her yellow dress. She and Daniel held hands as they sat close together in the back seat of George’s black Cadillac.

  They drove along an unfamiliar gravel road. Grace kept up a constant stream of conversation.

  “Nancy Smyth is going to teach two classes of Sunday school. Apparently, they’re having a hard time finding teachers. You could take a class if you were baptized. Teaching would show you are a woman of faith. Open your heart to Him now. Perhaps you will see Jesus as I have seen Jesus. I would hate for you to go to hell.”

  Daniel gripped Anna’s hand, but he said nothing. Actually, Anna wo
uld have liked to teach Sunday school. She loved children and she imagined herself giving beautiful little girls gold stars because they learned a bible verse. Anna didn’t know why, but she always dreamed of little girls rather than little boys.

  However, Anna would never teach in a cultish church. The poor little innocents would probably have nightmares about hell with the lessons she’d be forced to give. She didn’t believe in fire and brimstone.

  Grace turned in her seat so she could look at Anna. “If you were baptized, any children you and Daniel have will go to heaven. We like you, Anna, and we want to accept you. But you make it so difficult.” Her tone dripped with insincerity.

  Anna was astounded; she’d done everything she could think of to make her in-laws like her without compromising her own religious beliefs. Surely a person was allowed to follow their heart?

  “I am baptized. I was baptized as a child in the Anglican Church near my home. Despite your beliefs, I am going to heaven. Actually, our religions aren’t that different. We’re all Protestants and the Anglican God is the same God as yours,” Anna’s voice shook with suppressed anger.

  Anna clenched her teeth and compressed her lips into a tight line.

  Grace’s face grew pink with religious fervour. “If you only embraced something besides the Anglican Church; historically, many religions broke away from the Anglicans.

  “Can’t you just take the Lord as your Savior and follow our faith?” Grace’s voice revealed her exasperation.

  Anna wanted to scream in frustration but she forced herself to speak calmly. “I can’t do something my conscience says is hypocritical. It would be so easy, but I can’t. I’ll go to church with you once a week in order to keep peace in the house. I think that should be sufficient.”

  Anna wanted to be accepted by Grace and George, but she couldn’t profess to something she thought foolish. Grace obviously believed if she just kept talking Anna would give in.

  “We don’t believe baptism is for everyone and we don’t believe in baptizing infants. We only baptize after an individual has taken Jesus as their Savior.”

  Anna was not only angry at Grace. Daniel hadn’t said a word; he just sat staring blankly straight ahead as if the conversation between his wife and his mother had nothing to do with him. She pulled her hand out of his and moved as far away from her husband as possible.

  Her action appeared to bring Daniel back to the present. “Leave Anna alone. She’s entitled to her beliefs the same as you are,” Daniel shouted.

  Grace swiveled in her seat so rapidly that a piece of hair came out of her bun. She stared straight ahead, her back and head so rigid Anna grew frightened. The woman was as unforgiving as stone.

  Finally, they reached their destination. The church sat in what appeared to be a pasture, with a gravel road leading up to it. The building was small, humble and plain. Not the edifice of Anna’s imaginings.

  Nancy came out to greet them. She looked as mousy as ever, despite the fact she wore a rather pretty navy and white print dress and a navy bow in her stringy hair. Her smile revealed huge gaps in her teeth.

  Why was Nancy greeting her? And with warmth? There was none of the formality of their only previous meeting. Anna tried, unsuccessfully, to smile. She suspected a hidden agenda.

  * * *

  Because Sunday school classes had ended, Nancy sat with the Armstrong’s in an uncomfortable pew in the second row.

  A woman in the seat ahead wore cloying perfume. Anna stifled the urge to cough.

  The conversation in the car left Anna so distraught she found it impossible to concentrate on the sermon. She had no idea what had been said. She wished she’d been permitted to stay at home.

  * * *

  They came out into the sunshine and Anna met several fellow members of the congregation. She found everyone to be pleasant and friendly and welcoming.

  She decided any one of the older women would make a wonderful mother-in-law. Why did she have to be stuck with Grace?

  Some people remembered her from the party in her honour. One woman asked her where she’d found her beautiful dress.

  Several people expressed surprise that they hadn’t seen Anna at church before. Anna said, as matter-of-factly as possible, she’d been busy at home. She received some surprised looks.

  Soon everyone but the Armstrong’s and Nancy left. Anna walked a little ways into the pasture, enjoying the sunshine.

  Grace followed her and grabbed Anna by the elbow. She towed her towards Nancy. Anna’s suspicions of a hidden agenda were confirmed.

  “Nancy would like to speak to you.” Grace sounded like a Nazi SS Officer.

  Grace stepped back. Suddenly Nancy stood uncomfortably close, her face inches from Anna’s nose.

  “Repent, Anna, repent or you will go to a fiery hell. First, it will be your feet, then your legs; finally your whole body and it will never end. You will burn for all eternity.” Nancy raised her arms high as she shouted the words.

  Behind the raving woman Daniel stood open mouthed. Obviously this performance was a surprise to him, but he left Anna to fend for herself instead of coming to her aid. Anna threw him a wild look of betrayal before she turned and ran as fast as she could away from the church. Daniel finally sprang into action and followed. Her dress caught between her legs and she tripped over a gopher hole but she scrambled up off her knees and kept running. She never wanted to stop.

  She felt as if she’d run at least a mile before Daniel finally caught up to her. He pulled her to a stop and gathered her against his heaving chest.

  Anna cried and screamed as best she could in her winded state. “Your parents, they’re terrible. I can’t live with them any longer. That Nancy is a nutter and she scares me. Your mother holds her up as a shining example and I’ll never measure up in their eyes and I don’t want to.” Anna squirmed out of Daniel’s arms and continued to rant. “I’m leaving. I love you. I’ll always love you. But I can’t take this. I’m going back to England where people are sane and they actually like me. Anything is better than the hell I’m living.”

  Anna meant every word, although she didn’t know how she would execute her plans.

  Daniel threw back his head and howled in protest; the piercing cry seemed to fill the vast prairie. Anna shrank away.

  “Anna, please don’t go. I can’t live without you.” His voice was savage.

  “You don’t stand up for me with your parents. I can’t go on. I simply can’t go on.” Anna’s face was wet with tears and she wrung her hands as she spoke.

  Daniel hung his head. “You’re right. I’ve been a first-class jackass. But I’ll change. If necessary, I’ll get a job in the city.”

  He roughly pulled Anna into his arms. “I love farming and I love the land, but I love you more. Please stay. I’ll make it better.” His eyes pleaded with his wife.

  * * *

  They returned to the car where his parents waited. Nancy was nowhere in sight. No one spoke on the journey home.

  Once they returned to the house, Daniel asked Anna to go up to their bedroom. He needed to speak to his parents alone.

  She heard every word. Grace shouting, “She doesn’t love God. You married an English heathen. Nancy waited for you. She’s a good Christian woman. Send Anna back to England where she belongs. We’ll pay for her passage.”

  Then Daniel’s voice, loud and firm. “You’re wrong, Mother; dead wrong. I love Anna, not Nancy. And I am leaving here, whether you help me or not. I’m going out tomorrow to look for work in town. Then we’re renting a room or something. I’ve stood by and said nothing while you’ve undermined my wife but that is going to change, starting now.”

  Grace’s hysterical sobs carried clearly up the stairs. Then she heard George’s voice, strong and clear, “You don’t need to quit farming, son. I can see you and Anna love each other. And, I know you feel married before God.”

  “George, our church does not recognize Anglican marriages. You know this.” Grace’s voice was shril
l.

  “Maybe not. But Daniel is our son and we have no right to keep him from the woman he loves. Over time, Anna may come to believe as we do. I hope so. In the meantime, Jim and Peter and I will build you a house on your land. Mind you, it won’t be anything fancy. But it will be yours. I don’t think Anna is the kind to mind.” Thank God. George had discovered a spine.

  Anna took a good, long breath and almost managed to smile. Finally, she would have a home of her own.

  Chapter 8

  On July 15th, the house was ready for Daniel and Anna to move in. Anna danced with happiness.

  She no longer had to carefully edit her letters to her parents. She had nothing to hide now. Consequently, she filled her posts home with colourful descriptions of the house and anecdotes about Daniel’s kindness and consideration.

  George had been right, the home wasn’t fancy, but Anna loved it.

  It consisted of only three rooms; a small sitting room, an equally small bedroom and a kitchen. Although small, the kitchen had white cupboards and adequate counter space.

  A wire fence surrounded the house but they had no vegetables, flowers or trees to protect. It would all happen next year. This year she had enough to do.

  Anna didn’t mind that the house was small and plain. Except when she’d lived with Daniel’s parents, she’d never experienced luxurious surroundings. She was extremely happy. She could now do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted, freed from her in-laws and the miserable job at a munitions factory in England.

  She taught herself to cook from both recipes and careful instructions from Maisy. After the fiasco with the bread, Grace had limited Anna’s attempts in the kitchen. She also sewed curtains and kept the house as clean as possible.