A Sportsman's Sketches: Works of Ivan Turgenev 1

by Ivan Turgenev

  [Ivanov again bows and goes over to Kuzovkin. Trembinski hands everyone a glass.] Ivanov [quietly but quickly to Kuzovkin]: Vasili, what’s all this?

  Kuzovkin [a/so quietly]: Keep quiet, Ivan. Keep quiet. I am as happy . . .

  Teopachev [with glass in hand]: To the health of the new land - owner!

  Everybody [except Ivan, who doesn’t even drink]: To’ his health, to his health!

  Karpachov [in a deep voice]: Long life!

  [Tropachev looks at him gloomily. He shows confusion. Kuzovkin thanks everybody, bows, and smiles. Eletski holds himself reserved. Olga feels uneasy. She is ready to cry out. Ivanov is astonished, and looks out from under his brows.] Kuzovkin [in a quivering voice]: Permit me now — on such a solemn day for me — to announce my thanks for all your kindnesses . . .

  Eletski [interrupting him, and sternly]: Why, Vasili Semenych, why are you thanking us?

  Kuzovkin: You are, after all, my benefactor, and as for my — what shall I call it? — behavior, I beg you to forgive an old man. Only the Lord knows why I felt insulted yesterday and spoke such . . .

  Eletski [again interrupting him]: Oh, very, very well.

  Kuzovkin: What was there to be insulted at? What harm? . . . The Lord knows we just had a little fun. [Looking at Olga.] However, I am not speaking to the point. Good - bye, my dear benefactors, may you be well, happy, and joyful . . .

  Tropachev: Why do you bid them good - bye in this way, Vasili Semenych? You are not going to Siberia!

  Kuzovkin [moved, he continues]: May the Lord give you all good luck, and I ... I haven’t even anything more to ask of the Lord. I am so happy, so . . . [He stops and restrains himself from crying.]

  Eletski [aside, to himself ]: What a scene! . . . When will he go away?

  Olga [
  Kuzovkin [kissing her hand]: Olga Petrovna . . . the Lord will reward you.

  Eletski: Very well, very well. Good - bye. . . .

  Kuzovkin: Good - bye. [Bows and with Ivanov he goes to the door of the sitting - room.]

  [Everybody escorts them. At the threshold, Tropachev exclaims: “Long live the new owner.” Olga rushes out quickly to the office.’]

  Tropachev [turning around to Eletski and patting him on the shoulder]: Do you know what I want to tell you? You are a most honorable man!

  Eletski: Oh, don’t mention it! You are excessively kind. . . .

  Curtain

  THE BACHELOR

  A Comedy in Three Acts

  Translated by M.S. Mandell

  CONTENTS

  CHARACTERS

  ACT ONE

  ACT TWO

  ACT THREE

  CHARACTERS

  Mikhail (Misha) Ivanych Moshkin, a collegiate assessor, 49 years old. He is a lively, assiduous, and kind old man. He is trustful and garrulous. He is of a sanguine temperament.

  Pete (Petrusha) (Petia) Ilych Vilitski, a collegiate secretary, 23 years old. He is an undecided, weak and selfish man.

  Rodion Karlovich von Fonk, a titled councilor, 29 years old. He is a cold, dry being. He is narrow and pedantically inclined. He observes all the proprieties and conventions in his conduct. He is a man with a character. He, like many Russified Germans, enunciates every Russian word very clearly and correctly.

  Filipp Egorovich Shpundik, a land owner, 45 years old. Pretends to be educated.

  Maria (Masha) Yasilevna Bielova, an orphan, living with Moshkin, 19 years old. She is a simple Russian girl.

  Ekaterina Savishna Priazhkina, Maria’s aunt, 46 years old. Her tongue and tears know no restrictions. She is very egotistical.

  Alkiviad Martynych Sozomenos, a friend of Fonk’s, 35 years old. He is a Greek, with a coarse face and low forehead.

  Malania, a woman cook, in Moshkin’s house, 40 years old. A dullwitted woman.

  Stratilat, a foolish boy - servant, in Moshkin’s house, 16 years old.

  Mitka, a lively servant in Vilitski’s house, 25 years old.

  Letter - Carrier.

  The action takes place in St. Petersburg. The First and Third Acts are in Moshkin’s rooms. The Second Act is in Vilitski’s flat. Between the First and Second Acts, five days pass. Between the Second and Third, a week passes.

  ACT ONE

  Scene: The reception - room of an official who is neither rich nor poor. On the right are two windows, between which hangs a looking - glass. A small table stands in front of the looking - glass. A door in the background leads to the vestibule. A door on the left leads to other rooms. Near the front of the stage, towards the left, are several chairs and a round table. In the right - hand corner stands a screen. Stratilat is lying on the sofa. A wall - clock is striking two.

  Stratilat: One, two. Two o’clock! What’s the matter with the boss? [Pause.] I think I’d better take a nap. [Whistles a little, then takes a book from the table and opens it. Looking at it.] Hm! Just think, how many words there are in this! What a long word this is: [Begins to spell it out] E - n, en, 1 - i, li; enli: g - h — that’s a sticker — g - h - t, enlight; e - n, en; enlighten; m - e - n - t, enlightenment. [A bell is heard. Stratilat gets up but does not let go of the book. The bell sounds again.] Oh, the devil! How can a fellow learn tq read under these circumstances? [Throws the book on the table and runs to open the door.]

  [Moshkin enters. He has a sugar - cone under his arm, and a bottle in the same hand. In the other hand, he carries a lady’s hat - box. ]

  Moshkin: You were asleep!

  Stratilat: No, sir.

  Moshkin: Oh, yes; I believe you! [He points to the sugar - cone with his head.] Here; take this and give it to Malania. [Stratilat talces the sugar - cone. Moshkin advances to the front of the stage. Stratilat starts to go.] Is Maria Yasilevna home?

  Stratilat: No, sir.

  Moshkin: Where has she gone, do you know? [He puts the box and the bottle on the table and takes out a small package from his back pocket.]

  Stratilat: No, sir. Her aunt came after her.

  Moshkin: How long ago?

  Stratilat: About an hour ago.

  Moshkin: Has Petr Ilich been here while I was out?

  Stratilat: No, sir.

  Moshkin [after a moment’s silence]: Now you can go. By the way, call Malania here.

  Stratilat: Yes, sir. [Goes out.]

  Moshkin [feeling around his pockets]: I don’t think I have forgotten anything. I think I bought everything, everything, — yes, everything. [Takes out a wrapped - up bottle from his pocket.] Here is the eau - de - cologne. [Puts the bottle on the table.] What time is it? [Looks at the clock.] A little after two. What’s the matter with Petrusha? [Looks at the clock again.] A little after two. [Puts his hand in his breast pocket.] And here is the money ready for her. [Paces the room.] How busy I am. I am awfully busy. But think of the circumstances! [Malania and Stratilat enter. Turns to them quickly.] Is to - day Friday?

  Stratilat: Friday.

  Moshkin: Ha! Sure enough. [To Malania.] Well, will you have dinner ready?

  Malania: I will, sure enough.

  Moshkin: And a good dinner?

  Malania: Good dinner! Sure enough.

  Moshkin: Now look out, dearie, don’t be too late. Have you got everything?

  Malania: Sure enough, everything.

  Moshkin: You don’t need anything?

  Malania: Nothing, only a little wine for the pudding.

  Moshkin [handing her the bottle from the table]: Here is the wine. Well, Malania, show us what you can do. We are going to have guests for dinner.

  Malania: Yes, sir.

  Moshkin: Well, I won’t keep you here now. You can go. [Malania goes out.] Stratilat! Have my new dress - coat and tie ready for me. Do you hear? [Stratilat goes out.] Why am I running around like a crazy man? [Sits doum and wipes his face with his handkerchief.] I am tired, awfully tired. [A bell rings.] Who can that be? Must be Pe
trusha. [Listens.] No, it’s not his voice.

  Stratilat [entering]: Some gentleman wants to see you.

  Moshkin [quickly]: What gentleman?

  Stratilat: I don’t know. Never saw him before.

  Moshkin: A stranger? Why didn’t you ask him who he was?

  Stratilat: I did ask him, but he said he wanted to see you.

  Moshkin: That’s funny. Well, show him in.

  [Stratilat goes out. Moshkin looks at the door nervously. Shpundik enters. He wears a long, pea - colored, coat.]

  Shpundik [going up to Moshkin]: Don’t you recognize me?

  Moshkin: I — ? I declare, I — I haven’t the honor

  Shpundik [in friendly reproach]: Misha! Misha! Is this the way you forget your old friends?

  Moshkin [looking at him]: Is it possible? . . . No, — sure enough — Filipp! [Shpundik opens his arms.] Shpundik!

  Shpundik: It’s me, Misha, it’s me. [They embrace one another.]

  Moshkin: My dear boy! How did you happen — have you been here long? Sit down. What an occasion! I didn’t expect you here. [They embrace again.] Sit down, sit down. [Both sit down and look at one another.]

  Shpundik: Ha, ha, my boy! How old we have grown!

  Moshkin: Yes, my dear fellow, yes, we have grown old, we have. Well, it isn’t easy to keep young. Must be twenty years since we’ve seen one another.

  Shpundik: Yes, it’s twenty years. How time flies!

  Moshkin [interrupting him]: My dear fellow! I am looking at you, but I don’t believe my own eyes. Shpundik! Filipp! To think that you are in my house in St. Petersburg! How fine it is, my friend! How did you find me?

  Shpundik: That’s easy. It’s no trick to find an official. I knew in which department you were working. Kuchin, Ardalion, last summer stopped over in my place. . . . You remember Ardasha Kuchin?

  Moshkin: What Kuchin? Don’t you mean the one that married Karavaev’s daughter? Oh, and was cheated out of his dowry?

  Shpundik: That’s the fellow.

  Moshkin: I remember him, I remember him. Is he alive?

  Shpundik: He is alive, sure enough. Well, it was he who told me that you were working and — Oh, yes. Lupinus asked me to give his regards to you.

  Moshkin: You mean Ivan Afanasich?

  Shpundik: No, not he. He is dead, long ago. His son, Yasili. Do you remember him? He is a lame fellow.

  Moshkin: Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

  Shpundik: Well, he. He’s judge in our town.

  Moshkin [shaking his h ead]: Just think of it! How time flies. By the way, is Bundukov alive?

  Shpundik: He’s alive. He married his oldest daughter to a German engineer, last year. And he asked me to give his regards to you. We’re all thinking about you, Misha.

  Moshkin: Thank you, Filipp, thank you. Don’t you want something? — A little vodka? Or something to eat? Please. Don’t you want a pipe? You and I are like old friends. [Slaps him on the thigh and takes his cap away from him.~

  Shpundik: Thank you, Misha, I don’t smoke.

  Moshkin: Would you like something to eat?

  Shpundik: No, thank you.

  Moshkin: You must be tired from riding.

  Shpundik: No, I can’t say that I am. I slept most of the way.

  Moshkin: You’ll stay to dinner with me, won’t you?

  Shpundik: If you like.

  Moshkin: Well, that’s the boy. So, so, my friend, so it goes. Didn’t expect you, I confess, I didn’t expect you. By the way, are you married?

  Shpundik f with a sigh]: Yes, I am. Are you?

  Moshkin: No, my dear boy. No, I am not married. Have you any children?

  Shpundik: Sure enough, five of them. It’s on their account that I have come here.

  Moshkin: How’s that?

  Shpundik: Well, you see, I’ve got to find something for them, to get them started.

  Moshkin: That’s right, that’s right. Where are you staying?

  Shpundik: Quite near here, at the Hotel Europe. Do you know it? Well, right around the corner. Kuchin recommended it to me. Well, my dear fellow, I must say, St. Petersburg is a great city. All I have seen so far is the palace square, I confess — The St. Isaac Cathedral must have cost a lot of money! And the sidewalks! They certainly are wonderful.

  Moshkin: Yes, yes. You’ll see more than that. Wait. Filipp, do you remember, we had a woman neighbor . . .

  Shpundik: You mean Tatiana Podolskaia?

  Moshkin: Yes, yes, yes, she’s the one.

  Shpundik: She wished you a long life, Misha. But she has been dead nine years!

  Mosiikin [after a moment’s silence]: May she rest in the Heavenly Kingdom! Well, how goes business with you?

  Shpundik: Slowly, but, thank God, I have nothing to complain about. How are things with you? Since you moved away from us, I dare say you have earned some high titles.

  Moshkin: No, my dear boy, where do I come in? High titles! — I get along.

  Shpundik: You must have earned a cross, at least.

  Moshkin: Well, yes, I earned a cross. [Looks in the direction of the door.]

  Shpundik: Are you expecting somebody?

  Moshkin: Yes, I am. [Stretching out his hand.] Oh, my dear boy, I am awfully busy nowadays.

  Shpundik: With what?

  Moshkin: Guess.

  Shpundik: How can I guess?

  Moshkin: Try, guess.

  Shpundik [looking straight in his face]: You . . . I’ll bet you are thinking of getting married. Are you? Don’t do it, Misha. Take my advice.

  Moshkin [laughing]: Oh, don’t worry on that account. Men of my age, — well, no danger. Only you did guess. I am going to have a wedding in my house.

  Shpundik [pointing to the table]: I thought something like that — what is in those packages? Who’s going to get married?

  Moshkin: Wait, I’ll — not now, though. Now isn’t the time. But, in the evening, in the evening, I’ll tell you everything. You’ll be surprised, my dear boy. — On second thoughts, I think I can tell you now, in brief. You see, Filipp, this is my reception - room and here, in this corner, I sleep. [Points to the screen.] In the other rooms, I have a girl, that I have brought up. She is an orphan. It is she that I am marrying off.

  Shpundik: A girl that you have brought up?

  Moshkin: Yes. That is, — she is a very nice girl. She is the daughter of the titled councilor, Vielov. I got acquainted with her deceased mother shortly before she died. It was a most peculiar coincidence. Funny how things happen sometimes. I must confess that Destiny works in peculiar ways. I must tell you, Filipp, that I have been living in this house only three years. And Masha’s mother, from the time her husband died, occupied only two rooms on the fourth floor of this building. He died long ago. [Sighing..] It was said that he froze his feet. Well, that was quite a shock. The old woman was left very, very poor. The pension was small. Someone helped her out a little, now and then, but on the whole, she was badly off. Once, as I was going up my stairs, — it was in the winter time, — the janitor had spilled some water and hadn’t wiped it off, and so the water had frozen on the stairs, — [Taking out his snuff box.] Do you use snuff?

  Shpundik: No, thank you.

  Moshkin [after having snuffed some tobacco]: And so, I climbed the stairs. Suddenly this old woman, coming downstairs, met me. That is, — Masha’s mother. At that time, I wasn’t acquainted with her. Whether she tried to step aside, or whatever it was, she slipped and fell backwards and broke her leg. Somehow or other, it got twisted right under her, like this. [Gets up and shows Shpundik how it happened.] Well, you can imagine what it meant to a woman of her age. I picked her up at once, carried her into her room, fixed her in her bed, called in some people, and then I ran after a bone - setter. Poor woman! She suffered a lot, and so did her daughter. After that time, I visited them almost daily, — I in fact, every day. And, will you believe me, I got to love Ithem like my own people. She was confined to her bed for six months. Finally she got well again; got so she could I walk aroun
d. Suddenly, the devil got hold of her and per - [ suaded her to go to the baths. It was easy to get her to go there. And so she went, caught cold, and she died, after she [ had been sick only four days. We buried her with the last bit of their money. [Crosses his hands.] Well, now judge for yourself, Filipp, what the circumstances of the daughter were. Well, say it. No relatives, — that is, she has a relative, a widowed woman, a Mrs. Priazhkina, Ekaterina, who is her aunt on her father’s side. But Priazhkina herself hasn’t a copper to her name. It is true, that in the county of Kono - topsk there lived and still lives an uncle of hers, on her mother’s side. His name is Grach - Pekhter, a land owner. He has plenty of serfs. I wrote to him, immediately after the old woman died, and told him all about it. I asked him to help the girl, but, instead of aiding her. he sent the following answer: “I can’t feed the poor of the world. If you pity her, then provide for her.” Well, so I took her. At first, she didn’t quite consent, but I insisted. I told her: that I was an old man, and that I had no children, and that I would love her as my own daughter. I pointed out to her that she had no place to go, except the street, and that that wasn’t a good place. Moreover, I reminded her that her mother, on her dying bed, really had entrusted her to my care. And so she consented. And since that time she has been living with me. But what a fine girl she is, Filipp! If you only knew! You’ll see. When you see her, you’ll fall in love with her at once.