A Sportsman's Sketches: Works of Ivan Turgenev 1

by Ivan Turgenev

  Shpundik: I believe you, Misha, I believe you. But who is the man?

  Moshkin: Oh, he is a fine man. He is an excellent young man. And all this was brought about by your humble servant. I must say, I cannot complain about my fate. I am happy, so help me God! I am more happy than I deserve to be.

  Shpundik: And what’s his name, may I ask?

  Moshkin: Why not? Certainly you may ask. The matter is all settled. In two weeks from now, God willing, the wedding will take place. Vilitski, Petr Ilich, — that’s his name. He works in the same department with me. He is a most excellent young man. He is only twenty - three years old and he is already a collegiate secretary. [Quietly.] He will soon be titled, — and you ought to see him! He is a man. He will work himself up. He isn’t rich, but that doesn’t matter. He is quite a boy, with a good head on his shoulders. He is quite a worker, and a modest fellow. And he has a good and an extensive acquaintance. He will be here for dinner with me. Well, he eats here almost every day. Only to - day, he wanted to bring a friend of his with him, also a young man, but, you know — [Makes a gesture of importance] — he works alongside of the minister himself. Now, you understand.

  Shpundik: Aha! [Looking at himself.] Well, then, if that is the case, I can’t remain here. Let me run over and get my dress - coat, anyway.

  Moshkin: Oh, nonsense!

  Shpundik [getting up]: No, Misha, this time, let me have my way. You know — Let me arrange this thing. Such a visitor might think — the Lord knows what! He might take me for a bird of the prairies. No, my dear boy, let me have my way. You know, I have some ambitions in life, myself.

  Moshkin [getting up]: Well, as you like. Only, look out; don’t be late.

  Shpundik: I’ll run as fast as my legs will carry me. [Takes his cap.] So, my dear boy, those other people that you associate with — [Pressing hit hand.] — Well, Misha, I’ll rely upon you concerning my boy. You know. ... In addition to this, my wife asked me to bring her so many cosmetics, that I really don’t know what to do. She asked me to bring her cold creams alone worth ten rubles, and only the first class ones. You’ll help me with that, won’t you? [Pointing to the packages on the table.] I see you understand the business.

  Moshkin: I shall be very glad to help you. I shall try myself, and I shall ask Petia. He is such an accommodating fellow. He isn’t a bit proud. He is somewhat sickly, of late; he isn’t in the right mood.

  Shpundik: Well, before the wedding, you know

  Moshkin: Yes, and I am not very well, myself. However, that’s nonsense. We are very, very busy; that’s where the whole trouble comes in. Well, I am at your service. Please don’t stand on ceremony with me.

  Shpundik [pressing his hand]: Thank you. I see you are the same good fellow.

  Moshkin: I hope so. [4Zso pressing his hand.] You know, it is quite interesting, how I got acquainted with Petrusha.

  Shpundik [who is ready to go]: How did it happen?

  Moshkin: Well, I’ll tell you about it, later. Imagine, he is also an orphan. He lost his parents quite early in life. His guardian, an uncle, brought him to St. Petersburg and put him in the service. And the most peculiar coincidence happened! However, I will tell you all about it later. Only, I want to say, that he completed a course in a scientific school. His estate, however, he lost, and it was fortunate that I got acquainted with him at that moment. However, I don’t want to detain you. It is nearly three o’clock.

  Shpundik: What time do you eat dinner?

  Moshkin: Four o’clock, my boy, four o’clock.

  Shpundik: Oh, well, then I have lots of time. [A bell is heard.] Could that mean callers?

  Moshkin [listening]: Very likely. But why doesn’t Masha come back?

  Shpundik [agitated and looking around]: Maybe, my dear boy — Isn’t it possible — Somehow

  [Masha and Pkiazhkina enter. They have long coats on. They do not take them off.]

  Moshkin [seeing them]: Speak of an angel and she will appear. Where did you get lost?

  Priazhkina: Oh, my dear, so many things we had to buy, so many things!

  Moshkin: Very well, very well. [To Masha.] Masha! Let me introduce you to an old friend and neighbor of mine. Filipp Egorovich Shpundik. [Shpundik bows; Masha curtsies. Priazhkina looks at Shpundik curiously.] He came to - day, from the country. Brought me some news from my home town. I ask you to love and respect him.

  Shpundik [to Masha]: Pardon me, young lady, for being, so to say, in travelling clothes. I — I couldn’t tell

  [He makes a little bow.]

  Moshkin: Why trouble to excuse yourself? You are quite a diplomat. [To Masha.] Why are you so pale today, Masha? Are you tired?

  Masha [in a weak voice]: I am tired.

  Moshkin [to Priazhkina]: You have been running around with her too much, Ekaterina Savishna. Truly, you will tire her to death. Well, go on, go on. It’s nearly four o’clock and you are not dressed yet. What will our new visitor say about that? Look out, he’ll reproach you for it. Now go on.

  Priazhkina: Don’t worry, we’re not going to be late.

  Moshkin: Very well, then, very well, then. Take this hat, the eau - de - cologne, and the rest of the things. [He gives her all the packages. Masha and Priazhkina go out to the left. Moshkin turns to Shpundik.] Well, Filipp, how do you like Masha?

  Shpundik: I like her, my boy, I like her very much.

  Moshkin: Of course, I knew it. Well, go, if you must go.

  Shpundik: Yes, I must go. I can’t ... I felt very badly when the ladies came in. However, I’ll be back right away. [Goes into the vestibule.]

  Moshkin [shouting in his direction]: Look out now! Don’t be late. [Starts to pace the room.] What a lucky day! I am truly glad that Shpundik came. He is a good man. [SYops.] Why is Masha so pale to - day? Still, that may be understood. And why don’t I get dressed? Stratilat! Hey, Stratilat! [Stratilat enters.] My dress - coat and another necktie. [He takes off his coat, and the handkerchief from his neck. Stratilat goes back of the screen and brings out the dress - coat and the tie. Mosiikin looks in the glass.] Why is my face so puffed up? [Brushes his hair a little, beginning at the back.] Why hasn’t Petrusha been here to - day? Give me the tie! [With Stratilat’s assistance, he puts on the tie.] Are you sure Petr Ilich hasn’t been here to - day?

  Stratilat: Yes, sir. I told you that once.

  Moshkin [somewhat indignant]: I know that you told me that. ... It is surprising! I wonder if he is well?

  Stratilat: I can’t say.

  Moshkin [spitting]: Pfui! The devil! What a fellow you are! I wasn’t talking to you.

  Malania [entering suddenly from the vestibule]: Mikhail Ivanych!

  Moshkin [turning around to her quickly]: What do you want?

  Malania: I want some money for cinnamon.

  Moshkin: Cinnamon! [Putting his hand to his head.] You are going to ruin me, I can see that. Why did you tell me that you had everything? [Looks in his vest - pocket.] Here’s a quarter. Now, look out! If the dinner isn’t ready in — [looks at the clock] — in a quarter of an hour, I will — Go on now, go! What are you waiting for?

  Stratilat [semi - audibly, as Malania is going away]: You’re some cook!

  Malania: You grouch!

  Moshkin: Come here, you sneerer, you! Give me my dress - coat. [Puts on his dress - coat. Stratilat pulls it down in the back.] Well, that’s all, that’s all right now. You can go. Why don’t you light the lamps? Can’t you see that it is getting dark? [Stratilat goes into the vestibule.] How funny! I haven’t walked so very much to - day; at any rate, no more than yesterday, and I am so wobbly on my legs that they actually bend under me. [Sits down and looks at the clock.] Quarter past three! Why don’t they come? [Looks around.] Everything seems to be in order. [Gets up and wipes the dust off the table with his handkerchief. A bell rings.] Ah! At last!

  Stratilat [entering and announcing]: Petr Ilich Vilitski and Mr. von — [stammering] — fon — F - fo - ok - i - nn.

  Moshkin [in an undertone, to Stratilat]:
Who? Did he tell you to announce him that way?

  Stratilat [also in a whisper]: He did.

  Moshkin [still in an undertone]: Uh - uh. [Aloud.] Ask them in.

  [Stratilat goes out.] [Fonk and Vilitski, wearing dress - coats, enter. Vilitski is pale and looks somewhat agitated. Fonk appears quite dignified.]

  Vilitski [to Moshkin]: Mikhail Ivanych! Permit me to introduce to you my friend, Eodion Karlych von Fonk. [Fonk bows affectedly.]

  Moshkin [somewhat confused]: I am very pleased — I have heard so much about your excellent qualities — I am extremely much obliged to Petr Ilich

  Fonk: I am also very glad to meet you. [Bows.]

  Moshkin: Pardon me — [A short pause.] Please be seated. [All sit down. Silence again. Fonk looks around the room. Moshkin coughs a little.] What a beautiful day it is! It’s a little cold, but it is very agreeable.

  Fonk: Yes, it is a little cold to - day.

  Moshkin: So, so. [To Vilitski, in a low voice.] Why didn’t you come in to - day, Petrusha? Are you well?

  Vilitski: I am well, thank God. How is Maria Vasil - evna?

  Moshkin: Masha is well. Hm! [To Fonk.] Have you been for a walk to - day?

  Fonk: Yes, I walked up and down the Nevski Prospect.

  Moshkin: That’s quite an agreeable walk. Nice people, and there is sand on the sidewalks. The stores, — all these things are quite well arranged. [After a moment’s silence.] St. Petersburg may be called the first capital of the world.

  Fonk: St. Petersburg is a nice city.

  Moshkin [timidly]: There is nothing like it abroad, is there?

  Fonk: I don’t think there is.

  Moshkin: Especially, when the St. Isaac Cathedral is finished. Then it will surely have considerable prominence.

  Fonk: The St. Isaac Cathedral is a most splendid building in every way.

  Moshkin: I fully agree with you in that. May I know, Your Excellency, how your health it?

  Fonk: Thank God!

  Moshkin: Well, thank God. [A moment’s silence.] Hm! [Smiles.] Rodion . . . Rodion Karlych, I hope you will honor us — in two weeks from now, at his marriage . . . [Pointing to Vilitski] . . . with your presence.

  Fonk: I shall be very pleased

  Moshkin: The pleasure will be ours, on the contrary. [After a moment’s silence.] You won’t believe me, Rodion Karlych, — how happy I am when I look at them both. . . . [Pointing to Vilitski and the door on the left.] For an old man, a bachelor, you cannot imagine what unexpected happiness that is!

  Fonk: Yes, a marriage, based upon mutual affection and upon reason, is one of the greatest happinesses of a man’s life.

  Moshkin [listening to Fonk reverently]: Yes, sir; yes, sir.

  Fonk: And therefore I, on my part, fully approve of the intentions of those young people, who thoughtfully fulfill that . . . that holy debt.

  Moshkin [listening even more reverently]: Yes, sir; yes, sir. I positively and fully agree with you.

  Fonk: For what can be more agreeable than family life? But reason is absolutely necessary, — in fact, essential, — to the selection of a wife.

  Moshkin: You are right, sir; you are right, sir. All that you have said, Rodion Karlych, is so sensible and so just. I confess, — you will pardon me, — that Petrusha ought to consider himself fortunate in having deserved your counsel and good - will.

  Fonk [with a deprecatory gesture]: Not at all.

  Moshkin: No, I assure you that — I

  Vilitski [interrupting him hurriedly’]: Tell me, Mikhail Ivanych, — I want to see Maria Vasilevna. I want to say a few words to her

  Moshkin: She is in her room. Must be getting dressed. However, you can knock.

  Vilitski: I’ll be back presently. [To Fonk.] With your permission.

  Fonk: Surely, suit yourself.

  [Vilitski goes out the door on the left.] Moshkin [looking after him; moves up to Fonk and takes his hand]: Eodion Karlych! Pardon me. I am a plain man; what I have in my heart, comes out on my tongue — Let me, once more, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for your

  Fonk [with cold civility]: For what, if you please? Moshkin: First of all, for your call; secondly ... I see that you love Petrusha. I have had no children, Eodion Karlych, but I do not think that any one could love his own son more than I love him. And that’s just “what touches me; it simply touches me, affects me, in a way that I cannot even tell. [Tears comes to his eyes.] Pardon me. [As though talking to himself.] What’s the matter with me? Shame! [Laughs; reaches for his pocket handkerchief; blows his nose first, and then wipes his eyes.]

  Fonk: Believe me, I like to see such feelings. . . . Moshkin [having fixed himself up]: Pardon the frankness of an old man, but I have heard so much about you. Petrusha speaks of you with so much respect. He thinks so much of your opinion. You’ll see Masha, Rodion Karlych. You’ll see her. I confess to you, as to the Lord, that she will make him happy. She is a real good girl.

  Fonk: I don’t doubt that for a minute. The very fact that my friend, Petr Ilich, is in love with her says a whole lot in her favor.

  Moshkin [reverently]: Yes, sir; yes, sir.

  Fonk: I, for my part, wish Petr Ilich all the good in the world. [After a moment’s silence.] I think you are the chairman of the first department, are you not?

  Moshkin: Yes, sir.

  Fonk: In whose section, may I ask?

  Mosiikin: In Kufnagel’s; in Adam Andreich’s.

  Fonk [respectfully]: Oh, he is an excellent official. I know him. He is a most excellent official.

  Moshkin: Surely, surely, he is. [After a moment’s silence.] May I be so curious — You have known my Petrusha for the last six months or so, haven’t you?

  Fonk: Yes, about six months.

  [Priazhkina comes in through the side door. She is dressed to kill, with a long yellow ribbon on her bonnet. She moves up to the two men slowly, sits down in back of them, and starts to play with the strings of her reticule.]

  Fonk: What I like most about your friend is, so to say, the fact that he is a young man with rules. [Moshkin listens attentively.] Such young men are rare nowadays. He isn’t volatile — [makes a motion with his fingers in the air; Moshkin imitates him, and nods his head in approval.] That’s very important. I am a young man myself. [Moshkin nods consent.] I am no weathercock.

  Priazhkina [coughing modestly but loudly]: Kh - Khem! [Fonk stops and looks at her. Also Moshkin. Priazhkina sits down comfortably.]

  Moshkin [somewhat vexed]: What do you want, Ekater - ina Savishna?

  [Fonk rises slowly and Moshkin follows suit.]

  Priazhkina [confusedly]: I — I — I have come to you

  [Fonk bows. She settles herself more comfortably.] Moshkin: Ah — Permit me, Rodion Karlych, to introduce to you Priazhkina, Ekaterina Savishna. She is Maria Vasil - evna’s aunt. [Priazhkina gets up.]

  Fonk [bowing coldly]: I am very glad

  [Priazhkina sits down again.] Moshkin [to Priazhkina]: Do you want something? Priazhkina: Yes. Maria Vasilevna asked me, — that is, she didn’t ask me, only she thought if you could come in for a minute

  Moshkin [reproachfully]: What’s the matter, there?

  How can I do that now? [Looks at Fonk.] Oh

  Fonk: Please, don’t stand on any ceremony. If you are wanted

  Moshkin: You are very kind — Truly, I don’t know why they want me there. However, I’ll return in just a minute. Fonk [lifting his hand]: Of course, go right along. Moshkin: I’ll be back right away; I’ll be back right away. [4s he goes out with Priazhkina, he murmurs his displeasure to her.] Fonk [alone, looks after htm, and having shrugged his shoulders, he begins to pace the room. Goes up to the looking - glass and fixes himself up a little; then he picks up the hairbrush and examines it; then he looks at the screen and wonders]: What’s all this? Why have they brought me here? What a funny woman! And the old man chatters, cries, — what a peculiar old man, — and he gets so familiar! And what a queer, dirty boy. In fact, nothing is clean he - e. Here is the bed, r
ight in the room. What does it all mean? The dinner, I dare say, will be the worst I have ever eaten, and the champagne will be no better, but I’ll have to drink it. [Stratilat enters and hangs burning lamps on the wall. Fonk looks at him, with his arms crossed over his chest. Stratilat looks at him timidly, and goes out.] What on earth does all this mean? I positively can’t understand it. Well, I hope I’ll see the bride. [Vilitski enters through the side door.] Ah, Vilitski!