Broken

by Man, Alina

  “I’m going to go watch the kids. See you in thirty.” McKenna walks out and closes the door, locking away my only escape.

  “Good evening, everyone.” Some of the parents mumble a weak hello back, some younger ones are busy texting and David, well David’s eyes are focused on me. “Thank you all for coming tonight. My name is Ms. Harmon and before I go over the packets that are in front of you, I need to let you know that tonight I will not have time to answer your questions individually. I wish we had more time, but unfortunately we only have thirty minutes and lots to cover. There are several documents that you will need to complete and return to school by the end of next week. There is a study plan that I’ve put together to give you an idea of what your child will learn in the next couple of months. You will notice there’s a note from your child included, so please write a few words back and leave it on his or her desk.

  I almost feel the need to pat myself on the back for the way things are going. The parents get excited looking over their children’s work, and although I made it clear I would not be able to answer their questions, they still bombard me with a ton of them. “How is my Susie doing?” “Is Matt getting along with the other kids?” “Does Samantha eat her snack?”

  The bell rings again and each parent waits to say goodbye. We shake hands, some hand me their emails, phones numbers. The only one missing from the room is David. Seconds later, he appears in the doorway, Lily by his side. She pulls him inside by the hand and starts showing him all the drawings she’s made. He finally gets in line and I have to lean on my desk for support. There are two more couples behind him and one in the front.

  “Thank you for coming Mr. and Mrs. Sherwin. It’s a pleasure meeting you.” The husband holds my hand longer than necessary, giving me the urge to smack him. They walk away, making room for David and a smiling Lily. He holds his hand out for me to take and I swear I stop breathing. I can’t do anything but reach out and touch it.

  “Ms. Harmon.”

  “Mr. Watkinson.” I force the words out of my mouth, trying to keep my voice leveled. His touch is awakening all kinds of feeling inside me. For a moment, we forget where we are and simply stare at each other. It’s not until the man behind him clears his throat that I realize we’ve been holding up the line.

  David turns around and smiles at the young couple. “It’s been a pleasure, Jenny. As always.” As always? What did he mean by that? I watch him walk away and suddenly feel alone. What did I actually expect him to say? That he wants me back? Silly romantic girl. I keep forgetting that life is not a movie, and sometimes you don’t get second chances. You screw up, you’re done. Why do I feel the urge to cry?

  David

  She looked so nervous tonight. Nervous and so beautiful. I’m either lucky or cursed. Can’t tell which one yet, but by God I hope it’s the first. One whole year I’ve been trying to get this woman out of my head. One fucking year filled with anger and questions. One year of missing her lips, her touch, her smile, her voice, her laugh. God, she looked so beautiful. It was almost a month ago that I found out Jenny was going to be Lily’s teacher. I looked at the class schedule over and over again, and still had a hard believing that the name on the paper was actually hers. I mean, seriously, crap like this only happens in movies, right? It had been one year. I moved across town. What were the odds? Once I knew for certain that Ms. Harmon was indeed my Jenny, I decided to come up with a plan to get her back. That’s what I’ve been killing myself over for the past few weeks.

  “Daddy, did you like my desk?” Lily asks as we drive home.

  “I sure did sweets. I loved the note you left me.” She smiles from the backseat, looking proud of herself.

  At home, I popped a frozen lasagna in the oven and while Lily was watching TV, my mind drifts again towards Jenny. Next month is the parent teacher conference. The one-on-one meeting. Now is my chance to get her back.

  I counted the days down to the seconds until our next meeting. I probably could’ve found a way to drop off Lily in the morning, but I was not ready. I had to be prepared because there was no way I would get this lucky ever again. Tomorrow was the lucky day. I parked the car in front of the building and made a dash for the front door. I was tired, my back hurt from sitting all day at my desk, and the rain was putting a damper on my mood. It’s been raining on and off for a few days now, making my commute a pain in the rear.

  “Hi, honey. Oh you’re soaked to the bone.” My mom grabbed my suitcase while I tried to peel off the drenched jacked.

  “Thanks, Mom. I think you should just wait for the rain to stop. You don’t want to get on the road right now.”

  “Nonsense. Besides, your dad and I have tickets to the movies. I’ll be fine. I made you guys a pot of soup and some teriyaki chicken.”

  “Where’s Lily?” I sat at the kitchen table and watch her get ready to leave. She really was my salvation, and I don’t know what I could’ve done without her help.

  “She’s doing homework. Ok, I’m off.” She hugs me quickly.

  “Mom?”

  “Yes, honey?”

  “I can’t thank you enough.”

  “Aww, come here. Are you feeling blue? You never liked the rain. Even when you were a baby you would get all sad every time it rained.” I let her hug me while pretending I was all too macho for that stuff. Who was I kidding?

  “Mom, call me when you get home. Be safe.”

  The place smelled like home, taking me back in time. It always did when she cooked for us. I poured two bowls of soup and set the table for dinner. Lily was at her desk coloring, her face down and full of concentration. Like father, like daughter, as my mom always tells me. She loves anything that has to do with art and her drawings are almost as good as mine.

  I tiptoe inside the room and lean against the door, just watching her. She’s my world, this little girl. I remember a time when the fear of being a single dad was overwhelming. These times are long forgotten. We’re a team now. She senses me after a while and speaks without turning around.

  “Hi, Daddy.”

  “Hi, sweets. Whatchadoin?” I sit on the little princess stool next to her desk and watch her finish her drawing.

  “I’m working.” So tiny, yet so independent. The day she started school was the day she made sure I knew she was no longer a baby. It takes all I have not to pick her up and spin her around.

  “I see that. That’s pretty good. Ready for dinner? Mama Mae made us soup.”

  “I’m ready. What do you think?” She proudly shows me her work of art, and like the softy that I am when it comes to anything Lily, I turn into mush.

  “A plus. Come on before the food gets cold.” During dinner, she’s very quiet which is so unlike her. Usually by the time we’re done eating I have a headache from all the questions she asks. Why this, why that, how come this, how come that. Something is very different today and I’m about to find out.

  “Sweets what’s wrong?” Her eyes grow bigger, and I can tell she’s struggling whether to tell me or not.

  “Daddy, can I ask you something?”

  “You can ask me anything. We’re a team, remember? No secrets here.” She drops the spoon next to the plate, her serious face now staring back at me.

  “Is Ms. J my mom?” For a few seconds my heart stops. Or at least that’s what it feels like. Where the heck did that come from?

  “Baby why would you say something like that?”

  “Are you mad at me?” Oh no, not the trembling lip.

  “No honey, I’m just wondering where that came from.”

  “You can’t tell Ms. J or I’ll get in trouble. Promise?” She sticks her little pinky in my face and I curl mine around it.

  “Pinky promise.”

  “Today I was looking for my coloring pencils and when I couldn’t find them, Mama Mae said to look inside your desk. I saw a picture there daddy. A picture just like the one on Ms. J’s desk.”

  I know exactly what picture she’s talking about. It’s the three of
us at the park, a picture I’ve stared at for so many nights I could probably draw it with my eyes closed.

  “How do you know she has one just like ours?” I try to sound indifferent, but I’m getting more and more anxious to find out.

  “I wrote her a card and put it inside her drawer when she was at lunch. I saw the picture there. Sometimes when she thinks we’re outside and not looking, she takes it out and looks at it. She is very sad when she looks at the picture.”

  Do I stand up and dance now or later? This has to be the sign I’ve been waiting for. No matter how cool she tried to act around me, the old feelings are still there.

  “Sweetheart you know who your mom was. You have her picture by your bed. Jenny, I means Ms. Harmon, used to be a friend of mine.”

  “But why isn’t she anymore?” I lean back into my chair trying to figure out just how much I can or should tell Lily about her teacher.

  “Maybe she still is, honey. I’m not sure yet. You see adults sometimes make mistakes. Listen, if you eat all your soup, I’ll tell you the story of how Ms. Harmon and I met. Deal?”

  We did make a deal and she did finish her soup, all the while watching me with her big curious eyes. The more I talked about Jenny, the more I realized that she was still the one for me. I was still very much in love. As I tuck Lily in bed, she smiles brightly.

  “I love Ms. J too. I hope she will take us back.”

  Jen

  I keep wiping my clammy hands with the paper towel and pray I can keep it together. The parent teacher conference was ten minutes away and there was no way out of it. I spent the entire day meeting with parents, listening to their concerns and complaints. I had a throbbing headache and the nerves did nothing but aggravate it. My head snaps as I hear the soft knock on the door. Oh dear God, don’t let me break in front of him.

  “Come in.” I clear my throat and look up from my desk just as he enters my class. I swallow the lump forming in my throat and try not to stare. The jeans hug him in the right places, and the black short sleeve shirt accentuates his arms. I’m practically drooling over the man and haven’t even made eye contact.

  “Hello Ms. Harmon.” So formal, yet the smile on his face says something entirely different. I get up and extend my hand. I’m a professional, damn it. The meeting is exactly thirty minutes long before the next. For some reason I know it will feel much longer than that.

  “Hello Mr. Watkinson. Please have a seat.” His hand is warm but goose bumps are forming on my arm. He holds it longer than necessary and I’m the first to pull back.

  I grab the packet that has his name and focus on Lily’s drawings and tests. I feel his eyes on me and I start babbling away.

  “Why are you nervous?”

  “I’m not nervous. I’m in a hurry. I have another parent coming soon.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue. He knows I’m lying but he doesn’t say anything. He continues to watch me, and I continue to say little silent prayers while going on and on about how wonderful Lily is. I had a whole speech prepared but none of it comes to mind now. “Like I was saying, Lily is doing really great. She is more advanced than the rest of the students. Do you have any questions for me?” Finished with the folder, I’m forced to look up and meet his eyes. There goes the lump again. The smile is still there and my lips are feeling so dry. I lick them and he’s watching my every move.

  “I’m sorry, what?” Who’s the nervous one now, mister?

  “Questions. Do you have any questions for me?” He pauses for a minute as if he’s thinking of something. After a while, he just shakes his head.

  “No questions.”

  “Ok then. These are for you,” I say, and hand him a smaller folder making sure not to touch his hand again.

  “Thank you.” The meeting is over yet neither one knows what to do next. A petite lady sticks her head inside the class and coughs loudly. I’m not sure if I want to hug her for interrupting or smack her aside the head.

  “I’m sorry. Am I too early?”

  “No. Please come in.” David is still watching me, his sad eyes burning a hole into my soul.

  “Thank you Ms. Harmon.”

  “You’re very welcome.” He’s gone before I can clear my head. He’s gone and I’m left with my killer headache and a broken heart, trying to pull myself together for my next appointment.

  By five o’clock, I’m drained. I’m ready for a long hot bath and maybe a glass of wine. Or two. Or maybe I’ll just drink the whole freaking bottle and have myself a little pity party. Why did he have to look so good? That’s all I can think about. The way he was watching me the entire time. Like he wanted to say something. The reality is that he said NOTHING. Arghhh.

  For the second time today, I take the picture out and just stare. Lily is so small in my arms, her little cheek pressed against mine. David’s arm draped around my shoulder. All the Christmas lights behind us. A perfect day. It had been perfect. At that time, I’m not sure if I knew just how amazing it was to be part of their family. Who am I kidding? I knew it. That was the reason why I had to leave, to set them free.

  I put the picture back inside my desk and start gathering the art project supplies to take home. I do this every weekend, mostly from the lack of anything better to do. My social life is more nonexistent than before, if that’s even a possible.

  The skies are getting darker by the minute, and I know if I don’t hurry, I will not be able to make it to my car without getting drenched. This weather is the perfect match for how I am feeling right now. My reaction at seeing him today is a reminder that even after all this time he still has the power to make my knees go weak.

  The thunder makes me jump out of my skin, and I hurry out of the classroom. The corridors are empty, the air still. I push open the exit doors and I’m instantly hit by the chilly wind. My car is parked on the other side of the school, the so-called special lots reserved just for teachers. The first few drops start falling and now I’m certain I’m going to get soaked no matter how I try to hurry. I look up to see where I’m parked. That’s when I notice him, leaning against his truck. My mouth goes dry, my throat clenches, and I’m out of air. I stop a few feet away from him, as my legs are no longer willing to move.

  “You know what this weather reminds me of?” I can’t speak. I can’t even make a sound. I just shake my head, my eyes locked with his. It’s as if I’m under a spell and he controls my entire body. “No? A year ago, on a day like this, you decided to walk away from me. It was raining that day too.”

  The drops are coming down faster and faster but I’m still not moving.

  “I’ve dreamed and waited for this moment for a whole year, Jenny. A year filled with nothing but emptiness. Oh, I tried to hate you. I really did. But I just didn’t know how. I really wish there was some how-to-mend-a-broken-heart-and-hate-the-ones-responsible-for-it manual that poor suckers like me could buy online or something. Every time I would think about that day, that fucking horrid day when you shattered me into tiny little pieces and I had to watch you walk away, every time I try to remind myself your mother’s words. She said that if it were meant to be, you would find your way back to me. Do you think she was right, Jenny?”

  “I don’t know, David.” Did he even hear me? My words are faint. I watch him, still captivated by his gaze as he slowly walks towards me. I swallow hard and try my best to ignore my shaky hands. If he touches me now, I’m lost. Of that I’m sure. I’ve never been surer of anything in my entire life.

  “Why did you leave me, Jen? Why didn’t you return any of my calls? You said you needed space, remember? And like an idiot I believed you. But a whole year?”

  “At that time I wasn’t thinking clearly. Does it really matter? It was a long time ago.” That was the best I could give him. What was the point of talking about it now? It was all in the past. I was no longer that woman.

  “It matters to me.” He’s so close now that I can smell the familiar aftershave. I breathe him in as the memories start filling my brain. “I’ve n
ever stopped loving you Jenny. If anything, I love you more today than I did a year ago. So if you are ready to stop running and well, if you feel the same way, just say the words and I’m yours. For as long as you want me. I don’t care if it’s a day, a month, a year, or for the rest of our lives. Just tell me that you want me as much as I want you baby.”

  The box is long forgotten; supplies are scattered all over but I don’t care. None of that matters. All I see is David, his clothes now pasted to his body, his mouth mere inches away from mine. I don’t answer his questions. I simply show him my answers. My hands are in his hair, pulling him closer until our lips are only a breath away. I’m floating, spinning, dancing to the music of our beating hearts. I don’t close my eyes as our lips meet. I want to see him; I want to see the beauty in his eyes as our tongues collide.

  His kiss is still so familiar, so fresh, and as I drink him in, I feel a beautiful buzz filling my entire body. The more I taste, the more I want. We don’t even care that we’re running out of air, or that we’re in the middle of the school’s parking lot. We don’t even care that the rain has picked up and we’re soaked to the bone. His touch feels like hot lava on my skin. When he has his fill of my mouth, his lips start moving slowly towards the neck, biting, nibbling, and I’m embarrassingly close to climax. Someone drives by and honks the horn but we don’t care.

  He finally pulls away just enough to look at me, his hand in my hair, the other holding me close by my waist.

  “Does this mean you feel the same? Because if you don’t, I think I’ll just die right here, right now and you’ll have to deal with my wilted body. Tell me you’re coming home with me, Jenny.”

  “You are a little heavy, besides I might get blamed and end up in jail. I don’t look good in orange. I guess your house is much better than some cold cell.” A huge smile runs across my face. I can’t contain my happiness right now, nor do I want to.