“Keep telling yourself that.” Ally gave Jex a conspiratorial look. “Manly something,” she muttered under her breath.
Jex laughed. How he loved his family.
Preston came at him, and they shared a back-slapping hug. “You smell awesome,” Preston said. “It must run in the family that our sweat is like the dew from heaven.”
Jex and Preston chuckled as Ally rolled her eyes and Lottie’s eyebrows drew together. “I love my boys,” Lottie said, “but you are smelly. Go shower.”
Jex gestured them inside. “Come get comfortable while I shower. Are you here for a while?”
“As long as you need us,” Ally said.
Jex blinked down at her. Ally wasn’t very tall, especially compared to Preston. She had a shapely, voluptuous body next to all of Preston’s muscles. They looked great together. Jex was happy they were here, but he didn’t need them. He didn’t need anyone. “You’re welcome as long as you want to stay.”
Lottie pushed out a heavy sigh. “It’s time, bro. We’re here, and you get Pearl back.”
“Lottie,” Ally said in an undertone. “We were going to ease into that one.”
“Sorry.” Lottie shrugged unrepentantly.
Jex’s shoulders, back, and neck stiffened. What could he say? Of course his family had questioned Pearl’s absence, but everybody was pretty careful with him nowadays. Nobody but Lottie wanted to upset the cripple.
“I’ll be right back,” he mumbled rather than tell them to keep their Pearl fantasies to themselves. He had enough Pearl fantasies tormenting his day and night dreams; he didn’t need any more.
Lumbering up the stairs, he could feel his neck prickle and the muscles in his back tighten. He knew they were watching him cling to the dang railing and use the strength in his good leg and arms to literally haul himself up the stairs. Preston would carry him up the stairs if he didn’t realize Jex would pummel him for trying. He hated knowing they were watching, and he was trembling from the failed effort to climb like a normal man by the time he cleared the last stair and then made it to his room.
He showered quickly, dressed in a T-shirt and cotton shorts, and hurried back downstairs—well, as much as he could hurry. He found them outside on the back patio, enjoying a beautiful Florida night as a yacht motored past on the river and the cicadas buzzed.
Luckily, Preston’s and Ally’s backs were to him, so only sweet Lottie had to witness as he dragged his lame leg along and made it to the patio chairs. Unease filled his gut. They would’ve heard the patio door open, seen Lottie waving her hands at her head in excitement, and heard his loud, annoying shuffle across the patio. They hadn’t turned around because they didn’t want to see how low he’d sunk, or maybe they didn’t want to make him feel bad. Both options stunk and filled him with self-loathing.
Sinking next to Lottie on one of the comfortable patio couches, he forced a smile at their expectant looks. “Anybody hungry? I’ve got a great chef and there’s always way too much food for me.”
“We eat on plane.” Lottie scooted closer and Jex put his arm around her, cuddling her soft form against him. He’d missed her, and it had only been a few weeks since she’d last come to visit. “Sorry I make you sad.”
Jex shook his head quickly. “I’m not sad, Lottie-love. I’m doing great. I feel great. I’m busy. I’m happy.”
“Aw, Jex.” Lottie sighed. “You’re such a dum-dum sucker.”
Jex laughed, but it wasn’t a genuine laugh this time. He loved Lottie, but she could see right through him. She’d brought up Pearl on other visits, but the family had steered the conversation away. Were Preston and Ally here to ruin his fragile existence?
“We’ll talk about him being a dum-dum in a second.” Preston winked at Lottie. He and Ally were cuddled up across from them. “Are you on steroids?”
“Excuse me?” Jex straightened but didn’t pull away from Lottie.
“You’re insanely huge.”
“What else do I have to do?” Jex shrugged. “I work out, I read, I manage my vast financial assets.” He was pretty proud he’d learned how to manage his money and estate without Pearl, but what else did he have to do? Boredom wasn’t strong enough to describe his lackluster life. He did let himself watch one video a day of his and Pearl’s flirtations, especially the fateful day that he’d crashed, the morning after he’d finally gotten her to kiss him. He didn’t wallow in watching his stunts, but he wallowed in watching himself and Pearl, reliving every look and touch she used to give him. She’d loved him. It was obvious on the videos. He missed her more than he missed his thrills and pushing his body to do insane tricks. He’d been the luckiest guy in the world before his accident.
“It’s time to do more,” Preston said simply, acting as if he were the older brother. Jex still had him by eighteen months, even if he had him by nothing else.
So here it was, from a brother now. His parents had gently tried to talk him into moving on, doing something with all his publicity or going another direction and maybe starting a company or charity with all his resources, but they had backed off when he’d stonewalled them and redirected the subject time and again.
“Cheesecake,” Jex declared. “I know how Lottie loves cheesecake. I’ve got a chocolate peanut butter one in the fridge you’re going to die over.”
Lottie turned to him and took his face between her hands. “Stop being a tater tot.” She made a face. “Tater tots are yucky, greasy. You get a life. You get Pearl. The end.”
Pain raced through him. His life felt like it was at the end. “Pearl’s gone,” he finally muttered.
“Then you go find her.” Lottie smiled. “Preston has the plan.”
Oh, my. His siblings were all determined, but Lottie took it to the next level. “I’m sorry. I’m not ready for a plan.”
“Jex.” Lottie’s voice drew out into a whine. It if had come from anyone else he would cringe, but this was Lottie and he never got upset with her. She turned toward him and hugged him tight. “I mad at you. You’ve got to stop being a selfish dum-dum.”
“What would you like me to do?” He wouldn’t get upset with his innocent sister, but right now he was a little … annoyed. Why did everyone have the answers for his life? They weren’t living with a bum leg, didn’t have to show their lame walk in public after being one of the most versatile and accomplished athletes in the world. Maybe he was too prideful, but it was easier to hide in his house rather than put himself out there as a tenth the athlete he used to be. Less than a tenth. All he was now was a pretty boy with upper body muscles. He’d tried to ride a stationary bike the other day, and after an hour of frustration and pain trying to get his right leg to cooperate, he’d finally given up and only used his left leg. If he couldn’t pedal a bike in the gym, basic mountain biking was still out of the question. And extreme mountain biking was only one of the many things he used to be able to do and couldn’t anymore.
“Preston has a plan. You teach kids and make them happy; then you not be a dum-dum, and you get Pearl back.” She smiled happily and waved her hands at her forehead, her signal that she was really excited.
Preston and Ally watched him with wide eyes. Nobody but Lottie could be this blunt with him. He wasn’t mad, he could never be mad at her, but he was growing … more than annoyed. She couldn’t grasp where he was, what he was going through. Not that he really could grasp how to make his life a life again. What did it matter without Pearl?
Jex pushed to his feet. “Cheesecake?”
Everyone stood as well, but Lottie was glaring at him. Jex shuffled toward the patio doors that opened into his spacious kitchen. Cheesecake. Then maybe he could talk them into a movie. Then hopefully he could go to bed, take the sleeping pills the psychiatrist prescribed. He tried to only take them once a week, maybe twice. But he needed to knock himself out tonight. How long were they staying?
Suddenly, the joy to see his family morphed into panic. He wouldn’t kick them out. But he’d kicked Pearl out. Maybe he’d
have to push his own family away to stay in his safe bubble. The thought made him so sick he could hardly stomach cheesecake, and redirecting Lottie away from Pearl and him getting back together was getting harder and harder.
Chapter Thirteen
Lottie fell asleep during Black Panther. She absolutely loved Shuri, but she’d had a long day with flying here and trying to convince Jex all through cheesecake to go find Pearl and marry her. Jex felt as exhausted as Lottie looked, curled up against him, her head lolling to the side. She was so beautiful and innocent with her dark hair and eyes, smooth olive skin, and the distinctive features of Down Syndrome.
Jex pushed a button to shut the television off and another button to bring up dim lighting in his theater room. Ally and Preston were watching him expectantly, as if they’d just been waiting for the movie to be over so they could tell him their “plan.”
“I’ll carry Lottie to bed,” Jex said. He tried to jump to his feet, but his right leg couldn’t offer much support. It slid out and he hit the carpet on his right side. He lay there, first surprised and then humiliated. He’d forgotten. Four months of his leg not functioning, and in a moment he’d forgotten and taken himself out.
“Jex!” Ally exclaimed, rushing to him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” he said from between clenched teeth.
“Do you need …” She stopped, as if she understood how badly he hated someone offering to help.
He used the couch to lift himself back up. Preston didn’t say anything. That alone made him churn inside. Usually a brother would joke or tease or push you back down. Not anymore. His own brother couldn’t even tease with him. His life officially sucked.
Preston scooped up Lottie and started toward the hall that led to the bedrooms. Jex sat there, hurt inside. He’d wanted to carry Lottie to bed like old times. Preston had taken the responsibility to help without saying anything to him to demean him further. It still ticked him off.
He avoided looking at his sister-in-law. He liked Ally, but this was awkward. “So,” he asked, “isn’t Preston close to regular season practices starting?”
She nodded. “Next week. That’s one of the reasons we came and surprised you.”
He grimaced. It wasn’t feeling like such a great surprise anymore.
“That and Lottie wouldn’t take no for an answer anymore.”
His head darted up. “Lottie’s been to visit me every few weeks.” He didn’t add the obvious “since the accident.” Before, he’d take breaks to go home and visit Lottie and his parents, or they’d fly to one of his locations for a vacation. They’d all fallen in love with Pearl on those visits, not that he blamed them.
“Yes, but she came up with her plan and has been honestly driving us all nuts saying she had to see you and tell you.”
Fabulous. Back to the plan.
“Jex.” Ally’s voice was soft. “You don’t know me very well.”
Jex shrugged and looked at his hands. He liked Ally, Mae, and Lily, but he didn’t know any of them that well. It was an interesting phenomenon. Someone married into your family, and all of a sudden you were supposed to be comfortable around them like you’d grown up together.
“I understand, maybe a little better than most, what you’re going through.”
Jex blinked at her. Anger rose in his chest. Nobody understood. Okay, some people had similar injuries, but had they been at the top of the world before? A versatile, famous athlete adored by the likes of Pearl Davenport-Jacobsen? No. “How so?” he muttered.
Preston came back in and sat next to his wife. He took her hand, and she gave him a smile that Jex noticed was a little wobbly. Was she nervous to talk to him? Jex didn’t want her to be uncomfortable, but he was uncomfortable himself.
Preston squeezed his wife’s hand and smiled encouragingly at her. The back of Jex’s neck prickled. They were planning something. If he could stride out of this room with his legs functioning normally, he would. Only humiliation at how he’d have to leave and his deep loyalty to family kept him in his seat.
Jex held up his hands. “I don’t need any intervention, bro.”
Preston nodded as if he agreed, but then he turned on Jex. “Actually, you do.”
Jex groaned. He was the oldest, though nobody believed that; Preston, Slade, and Gunner were all more serious than him—or at least they used to be. He’d been much too serious lately and he was getting sick and tired of it, but he didn’t know how to get out of his funk either.
He squinted at Preston. “I’m still the oldest, and I can still thump you.” Fighting might be harder with one leg, but the rest of his body was as strong as he’d ever been, and right now, he was ticked. Intervention? He’d give Preston an intervention.
“I don’t doubt that.” Preston laughed. “You might want to ease up on the ’roids, bro.”
“You want me to humiliate you in front of your girl?” A good fight would be better therapy than his stupid psychiatrist. The man had recommended Jex go to a gym for wounded vets and start sparring. He’d been tempted, but his pride held him back. Now he could at least thump his brother for some real therapy.
Preston stood and gave a sweeping bow. “Come hither, my good fellow,” he said in a lofty, fake English accent.
Jex let out a surprised laugh at the brothers’ old joke. As teenagers, their mom had gotten sick of them saying, “Come at me, bro.” So they’d changed it to what they thought a right proper Englishman would say and gotten away with the jest for a while, until their mom got even madder that they were making fun of her. Jex remembered hugging her and saying, “Calm down, Mama, just calm down.” Surprisingly, that had calmed her down and she’d laughed with them.
Preston started laughing now as well. Ally whirled and stared at him as if he were a few bricks short of a stack, and that made Jex laugh louder, which set Preston off. Before too long, they were laughing as if they were teenage boys again. They’d almost calm down, and then Ally would give them another look of confusion and it would set them off again. Jex laughed so hard his stomach started to hurt. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this hard. It felt good. Maybe as good as hitting Preston would’ve felt.
“Sorry, love,” Preston finally got out, pulling her against his side. “Old inside joke with our brothers.”
“Definitely could tell it was an inside joke.”
Jex grinned at her. “You’re the one who wanted to get to know me better.”
“I didn’t say I wanted to get to know you better; I said you didn’t know me very well.” Ally tossed her hair, all sassy.
“True.” Jex liked her. She was perfect for Preston. “Thanks for being here,” Jex said to both of them, and he actually meant it. “I’d better head to bed.” Humiliation of having them watch him walk wasn’t as important to him at the moment. Now that his anger had subsided, he needed to get out of here before he said something he’d regret. His guard was down, and he could easily reveal how dark and desperate he was inside to his brother, who he had trusted and loved his entire life.
“Wait.” Ally held up a hand. “There are some things I need to say that will be easier … without Lottie here.”
Jex tilted his head to look at her. The brothers didn’t exclude Lottie, and despite how good the laughing session had felt, he didn’t want to talk anymore.
“I adore Lottie,” she said, “but I’d like to talk uninterrupted.”
Lottie was very good at interrupting conversations, but someone interrupting wasn’t necessarily a bad thing at the moment, as Jex didn’t want to have this conversation. Preston must’ve guessed as much, because he held up a hand and said, “Just give her a few minutes, bro. Everyone has been worried, and we just want to help.”
“Join the club,” Jex muttered.
“We are.” Ally tossed him such a feisty, haughty look he found himself laughing again. She smiled and then turned serious and said, “When was the last time you prayed?”
Jex’s eyes widened. He wanted to
tell her it was none of her business, but he admitted, “I haven’t since the accident.”
“Why?”
Jex shrugged. “At first I was mad, and now … it’s just been too long. Why would He want to hear from me?”
“Stop,” Ally commanded, fire in her dark eyes. “You’re not a wussy whiner. Stop with the talk about Him not wanting to hear from you. He’s your Father, and He loves you.”
Jex didn’t feel it would be wise to say anything.
Ally studied him, and then she nodded. “I’ll take your silence as permission to continue.”
Preston gave Jex a look that said he would be wise to say yes. Jex wasn’t mad; he just didn’t know how to respond. He appreciated Ally’s words, and she was right: he’d never whined, even during recovery and physical therapy. He knew his Heavenly Father loved him. It was Jex’s fault he’d grown distant. “Yes, you can continue,” he finally said, shifting on the leather couch.
“So first we’re going to say a prayer, and then we’re going to chat.”
“Am I going to say anything in this chat or just listen obediently?” he couldn’t resist asking.
Ally smirked at him. “A wise man would just keep his mouth shut.”
Jex nodded. He could handle her telling him what she thought. Truthfully, he didn’t like his existence right now, and part of that was probably due to his lack of communication with his Father above—but most of it was his lack of Pearl.
“But I actually will let you talk.” Ally winked.
“Thanks.”
“Preston, can you please pray for us?” Ally asked.
Preston nodded obediently. Jex had the random thought that his brother had been whipped into shape, but he knew that wasn’t the case. Preston adored his wife, and that was why he did what she asked. Jex wondered if he’d ever have a relationship that was so comfortable, fulfilling, and still full of fun. He doubted it. Not without Pearl as his other half.
They all bowed their heads and Preston gave a heartfelt prayer, thanking the good Lord for blessing after blessing and then asking for Jex’s heart to be open and soft, asking for Jex to know how much he was loved and to look outside himself for fulfillment and happiness, and asking that Preston and Ally could be sensitive and helpful to him. Then he finished by blessing Jex to heal as the Lord would see fit and for him to find his purpose in life.
Steele Family Romance Collection Page 45