by Venice Kelly
I insert the key into my door only to stop when I realize that it is not locked. Which is not abnormal if Vanessa is here but instead I open the door placing my briefcase down along with the mail that I picked up in my box. Placing the mail down I look at the key on the entryway table, why is the key I gave her there? I notice the kitchen lights are still on and I take a few steps down the hallway. I stop anger surging through me as Jessica is sitting at the island going over some contracts, a bottle of merlot on the island and a glass half full. My eyes dart around the condo, I don’t even say anything to her I’m too fucking pissed off. She’s had a key to my place for the last few years it was just more convenient that way and I never remembered to ask for it back. Loosening my tie I go to the bedroom and then the bathroom not seeing Vanessa there. I told her to meet me here so I know she should be here.
“She’s not here.” Jessica’s voice rings me out of my anger as I make my way back into the kitchen.
I stare at her sitting on one of the stools in the island going over some paperwork in front of her a glass of wine open along with a bottle. Stepping towards her I hold in whatever anger I am feeling for her. Which in that moment is a lot as I take the folder and close it. My eyes scan the island and I see the file on the Harvell farm, my stomach churns just slightly. What the fuck? Jessica folds her arms as a sinister smile spreads on her face and it hits me she no doubt told her about the farm sell.
“What in the hell did you say to her?” I say my voice dead even, its cold even.
“What she needed to hear. Honestly Jake I didn’t expect you to not tell her then again maybe I did. I couldn’t help but overhear you with your dad the other day in the office. Now that it’s done and she knows things can get back to normal for everyone. I saved you and her a lot of heartache.” She says and my stomach churns at how much she believes the shit coming out of her mouth.
“What she needed to hear? It must burn you doesn’t it that I’d still choose her at the end of the day doesn’t it. That I still love her. You want the truth, you were a distraction Jess a way for me to cope with the biggest mistake I ever made in fucking you.” I watch her face the smile fades and then I realize the anger I am holding onto come out. Years of resentment for my choices. “That is all you ever were a way to forget. So you think you can come in here and try to what exactly? Tell her how I feel when you don’t even know how I feel? Get out.”
I see her hesitate in the chair and to make it clear to her I take her purse and hold it out to her. I want her out of my life for good, I just want her gone. I should have been the one to tell Vanessa about the papers about the contract and I was going to on my own time when it felt right. Once the two of us got on solid ground with each other, ground that is now shaken again. Jessica reaches for the bag and I let her take it, the smile is long gone from her face as she makes her way to the door almost unsteadily. Her back straightens as she pulls her hair over her shoulder and she reaches for the doorknob.
“Leave the key.” My voice is dead panned when I say it wanting it to sink in on the way out for her, we are done. We have been for a long time.
I watch her pull out her keys as she turns to me as if she’s going to tell me otherwise instead I fold my arms waiting on her to take the key off. She hesitates for a few moment and I repeat it so I’m not leaving anything out. “On the end table will be fine.”
Her fingers work on the ring for a few moments as it drags over the metal before it slides off. I watch her as she holds it in her hand for a few moments as if she is testing the weight of the key. Of what leaving it means, my eyes narrow her and then look at the end table. I watch her place it down and she clears her throat.
“You’ll see Jake in the end you’ll be calling me again.”
“No I won’t.”
I watch her turn the knob on the door and walk out and the condo is silent as I gather the rest of my thoughts. Walking back into the kitchen I look at the contract on the table no doubt the message it sends. A message that is being twisted inside of Vanessa’s head based on whatever Jessica told her. Pulling out my phone as I sit on my stool I call Vanessa’’s number hearing it ringing. Running a hand through my hair for a moment I wait for the beep of her voicemail.
“Hey, it’s me you weren’t here when I got home. Listen whatever she said to you isn’t true can we talk.” I go to say more for a knock on my condo door distracts me and I hang up.
Honestly if it’s Jessica I’m going to lose my shit with her and not in a good way as I hang up and walk back down the hallway. I don’t look at the peephole to figure out who it is and when I open it I see a very pissed off Shane glaring at me.
“You are a real asshole.” He says looking at me and then around the hallway. “The bitch still here?”
It takes me a second to figure out what he is talking about before I shake my head at him. “No.”
“Good. I told you to tell her before someone else did.” He states almost as if he is rubbing it in that this shit storm was something I could have avoided. Which is the truth I take a breath reminding myself that he is was trying to help. I open the door to let him in and run my hands through my hair walking back into the kitchen.
“I know. I was waiting for the right time-”
“Bullshit you were avoiding it much like anything regarding you and Vanessa. You avoid it Jake and I get that you don’t want to open old wounds. But I saw her with Paige, she is devastated. She thinks you’ve been using her to get to the farm since she came back.” He says.
I don’t know what I am supposed to say or do to make this right with her. Shane has caught me in the truth of the matter I was avoiding telling her about it. I wanted to avoid it as long as possible in order to make sure no one got hurt. Me, her it doesn’t matter I didn’t want either of us to get hurt or be any more hurt than what we already are.
“You know that is not true. I was trying to protect her and me.” I manage to say, a way for me to justify the fact that I didn’t tell her.
“I know she doesn’t though.” He says, a moment of understanding in his voice.
I take a seat defeated at the island and Shane joins me. Looking at the file in front of me I then look over at him I should have followed his and Austin’s advice from the get go.
“I fucked everything up this time didn’t I?” I ask him looking over at him and then back at the contract.
“Yeah you kinda did this time.” Shane says quietly.
“I should go see her. I want to make this right with her. She has to know that I was just waiting for the right moment to tell her and then give it to her mother.” I say looking at the bottle of open wine and taking a breath this was not how I imagined spending my evening.
“If you want my advice this time give her a few days and then talk to her alright? And for fuck’s sake take the advice this time.” Shane says getting up and walking to the fridge. He pulls out two beers sliding one across to me on the island.
Opening the cap I take a drink knowing he is right I need to give her space, picking up the bottle I bring it to my lips taking a drink and only hoping Jessica Robbins hasn’t fucked over my life again for the second time.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Vanessa
SITTING ON MY window bench in my bedroom a few days later I stare out at the fields. I am not answering his phone calls frankly I have no desire to speak to him right now. My stomach is still in twisted knots when I think about what he did to my family to my mother of all people. I hear footsteps outside my door and take a breath thinking it is going to open only for them to keep treading down the hallway. I have no desire to speak to my sister or my mother about what is going on.
My mom knows that my dad was going to sell to Jake. I let her know about the stupid contract when Paige brought me home. She should have been angry when I told her, she should have felt betrayed when I told her. Instead she looked at me tears in her eyes and nodded her head at me. As if it was alright. It was like she accepted it as a great and g
rad gesture when she should have felt betrayed. The date my father signed was before the heart attack and part of me blames Jake for that. For putting that much pressure and stress on him. Logically I know it is wrong to feel that way but seeing those papers brought back so much pain from losing my dad.
I bring my right hand to my face wiping at the tears that are falling. Selling had to of been stressful for him this was his lively hood. It’s been in the family for generations and guilt eats away at me I should have been here. I should have helped him more and then maybe he wouldn’t have felt the need to sell to Jake anyway. I hear footsteps again and instead of them walking by the door it opens and I look at my sister, Paige is with her.
“I thought I’d stop by so we can go for a drive.” Paige says looking at me and then my sister.
I really want to tell her to go to hell. I look like complete crap I’ve barely slept since she brought me home the other day completely humiliated outside of his stupid condo. I look down at my sweatpants and shrug. I am not dressed to go anywhere that she suggests
“Not interested.” I say, my sister I can tell is resisting the urge to roll her eyes at me and I really just want them both to go away.
“I didn’t ask if you were. Let’s go Natalie is coming too.” Paige says walking to me and touching my shoulder.
I know that tone that is a get up off your ass and quit moping tone that she has. Letting out a sigh I get up off the seat and follow them out of the house and outside. I nearly stop dead in my tracks as Paige hands me the car keys and my sister’s eyes widen. I stare at the keys to Paige’s Honda Pilot I haven’t driven in years. I still have a license I just choose not too and I look at her anger surging through me.
“What the hell?” I manage to sputter as Paige climbs in the passenger seat. She shoots a look at my sister who scurries into the back.
I am pretty sure one of my best friends has lost her damn mind at this point as I walk around and open the driver’s seat. Getting in the key shakes in my hand as I place it in the ignition. We sit there in silence for a few moments before my sister breaks it.
“Well are you going to start it?” Natalie asks.
I look up at her in the rearview mirror and sigh, reaching for the seat belt, my right hand is shaking as I bring it across my body and snap it into place. The car is still in park as I turn the engine over and it hums to life. I don’t know what else Paige wants as I grip my hands on the steering wheel. I am pretty sure my knuckles are turning white while my breathing has slowed to the point to ease my anxiety.
“Put it into drive and go down the end of the road.” Paige says softly.
I still think she is crazy and my hand is still shaking slightly when I pull it into drive and my foot leaves the brake to go to the gas pedal. I check my mirrors a few times before I turn the wheel and slowly start to ease of the road. The radio is off and the only thing I am pretty sure I hear is my heartbeat strumming like a freight train in my chest or the deep breaths I’m taking. Once we reach the end of the road that turns onto the main road Paige’s voice jolts me.
“Make a right and for God’s sake go a little faster than five miles an hour. At least drive the speed limit.” Her sarcasm is noted as I make the turn and pull out on the main road.
I follow her instructions meticulously as we go down the road and then into town. Natalie is looking out the window and then over at me every few minutes like she expects me to lose my shit at any moment. Which let’s face it, had Paige been someone else I would have knocked her on her ass for even suggesting this. I stop at the stoplight and stop signs I glance out of my driver’’s side window for a moment as we pass the sign to head up to the lake, Paige’s eyebrow raises at me to continue and I do.
Once we reach the turn off for the lake my stomach is still turning as memories start to enter my head. That night the fight I had with Jake, the weather the stupid as fuck cell phone ringing. I am pretty sure I may puke by the time we park. Paige doesn’t tell me to park once I reach the turn off. I brake hard place the car into park and exit the confined cabin. Once on the outside I lean down fighting off the panic attack, as I hear the doors open and shut.
“Are you happy now?” I say staring up at her waiting for her brilliant words of wisdom for me. My sister is still looking between us as if she is going to break up a brawl at any moment.
“Yeah I am I refuse to have you sit and mope in your room for something you think Jake did behind your back. Or worse have you even consider running out of town again over it.” Paige says her voice is dead even when she says it. “You don’t know Jake like I do when you left it killed him and yeah he’s a fucking dick for not telling you about something your dad did. But did you ever think for one second he didn’t want to fuck things up again for you two? Jake would never and I mean never use you like that. You should know him better than that.”
I stare at her I had thought about leaving again when I saw the papers but I don’t have a life in LA anymore and looking back I guess I never did. LA was a place to escape to run away from what happened. I’m angry livid at her for making me drive, I’m angry that my dad is gone that he didn’t even tell my mother about wanting to sell. I’m hurt and angry that Jake would keep something like that from me. That he knew about it, knew it would hurt me and didn’t tell me. I go to speak only for Paige to cut me off again.
“You hide behind what happened that night. Look at the last half an hour you still can drive. You never forgot how you just built up that wall thinking it was your fault, when it wasn’t. You want to build up a wall around Jake again do it but don’t expect life to stop like it did last time. You’re here, he’s here and I thought this time that meant something at least for the both of you. You don’t want to say it I will you’re still in love with Jake you always have been that doesn’t just change no matter how much you run away from it.” Paige finishes.
My sister is staring at us and then it hits me Paige is right about all of it the walls I’ve built up. The anger I’ve placed on myself over the last four years, the guilt on top of it. Love though a part of me will always love Jake and that was why it hurts so badly. I know what she is saying is true about using me it’s not in his nature. Other girls’ maybe but never even before the accident did he ever use me to gain something for himself. I don’t have an answer for her as my mouth opens and the first thing that jumps to my mind spills out.
“I’m not running.” I mutter and she looks at me going to the back of the car and getting out a cooler and hauling it to a nearby picnic table. Opening it I inspect the contents some of her pastries are inside with drinks.
“And hiding in your room would be what exactly then?” She says placing it down and then reaching for a table cover and covering the table.
I stare at her as she places the items down and my sister quietly sits down to stuff one of the tarts in her mouth. Tart is my mood at the moment as I take a seat deciding I am pretty starved at the moment. “So you think I should what swallow my pride and just bend over after this with him?”
I bring the tart to my lips as the filling coats my tongue Jesus it’s good and then I wonder why in the hell we’re out in the middle of the woods eating this. I know Paige bakes that what she went to culinary school for it was always her dream. One she put on hold after the accident. I watch her eyes as she takes a bite of one of her mini cheesecakes and leans back.
“Um hell no you let him agonize over it for a few days then grovel. When he grovels you listen. I guarantee you that Jake had no intention of screwing you. Ok let’s face it he definitely had the intention of screwing you again. But screwing you over that’s not his thing and besides he would have me, Nat, Shane and Austin on his ass if he did.” Paige says as I take another bite.
“If you wanted to have dessert you could have just did it in my mom’s kitchen.” I say the anger passing realizing that I needed this today.
“Nope she couldn’t as much as I love mom’s dessert Paige’s is way better. Besides tell
her.” Natalie says poking Paige in the ribs.
I see Paige reach into her purse and slide me over a folder. I recognize the logo on the front for Donovan Enterprises. Opening it up I flip through the pages at a joint business venture Jake has went in with her on and my mouth twitches. He wants to invest in a bakery for Paige which makes sense and then it dawns on me is that what he was doing with my dad?
“Jake Donovan is not his dad he doesn’t fuck over his friends.” Paige says as she grabs more papers and hands them to me and Natalie. “Fill these out would you?”
I look at the paper she hands me about the various pastries reflecting on everything she has said and told me. I pick up a pen when she sets it out realizing that Jake and I have a lot to talk about. Of course that is after I let him sweat it out a few more days.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Jake
IT’S BEEN A few days since the incident with Vanessa and I know what I have to do now as I put my truck into park outside of my mothers new home. It’s sprawling just like it is back home where she used to live with my dad. It doesn’t surprise me that she has remarried or that she married a rich rancher. I suppose she was always meant to move on after my sister died but it still hurts. Getting out of the truck I walk up the gravel driveway to knock on the door.
The housekeeper that answers looks at me wide eyed for a moment.
“I’m here to see Mrs. Bradford it’s her son.” My tone is even.
The maid looks at me for a moment before she scurries off into the house letting me in. I glance up at the wall pictures of her new family and my eyes rest on one of her with me and my sister, my father no where inside of it. I recognize it from the summer before Hannah died my father had a business trip in California. My mother insisted that we take a picture just to make sure we had one. Next to that is one with her new family her husband is too the right, his near bald head with his daughter on her right. Scarlett is a few inches shorter than Hannah was, her blond hair nearly goes to her shoulders.