by Venice Kelly
I’m not sure how long I stare at it wondering how quickly my mother could move on. I also have to remind myself that I decided to not come to her second wedding when I got the invitation I had been devastated. I couldn’t even bring myself to be there for her, my own grief kept me away. My own anger. Now however I need something from her as horrible and as wrong as that is. I need her to fully give me my trust fund I am a few years from getting my full inheritance. I need her signature on the paperwork. My father signed off on it years ago and I went to my mom after Hannah died for her to give it to me.
She had said no. Something that now looking back at the type of man I was the type of man I was becoming under my father and Jessica I am glad she said no. The money would not have helped my grief or anger about what happened it would not have brought Hannah back. It would have been spent foolishly.
“Jacob?” Her voice brings me out of my haze I stare at my mother entering through the side door.
“Mom.” I say looking at her and then at the ground while the housekeeper leaves.
“I was surprised when Isabelle let let me know that you were here.” She says her hands wring in front of her and I realize I didn’t even call before I came.
“I’m sorry to surprise you like this.”
“I understand but you made it very clear that you wanted no part in my life now. A call would have been-”
“I came to talk to you about my trust fund. If I would have called or had my secretary arrange it on my calendar then dad would know.” I say cutting her off and watching her face as my words register a mix of hurt and partial anger on them.
“You came here to discuss money? Not to see me. I see.” She says bitterly before she glances out the window and walks into her living room.
Following her I take a look out the window to see Scarlett outside on her horse in the pasture and I freeze looking at Vanessa with Natalie on the railing. I didn’t see the farm truck there when I pulled up, then again I didn’t look. No doubt my mother picks up on the tension as she looks at Vanessa out the window.
“Scarlett’s trainer left us in a bind last week and she has a show coming up. I had Sharon’s number and I made a call.” Her voice is strained a bit and I look over at her.
I can tell she is waiting for me to react her body stiffens. She is waiting for me to to be angry at her over this. For me to tell her how wrong she is to bring Vanessa into our lives, into her life. I’m not angry at her anymore or Vanessa over the last few weeks I’ve come accept that with everything. I was more pissed at myself and took that out on people that didn’t deserve it.
“It’s fine. She’s actually why I came to speak to you.”
“Oh.” Her voice is surprised and I turn around to look at her.
“Garrett was going to sell me the farm before he died and then you know how dad is. Once he got wind of it he started to plan out this new development project. I was never going to tear it down and do what dad wants too. I was going to go into business with him, help him at the farm with some of the bills. I can’t do that now unless I have my trust fund. I know before you said I wasn’t ready for it and I wasn’t back then. I am now.” My voice is dead even and I watch the shock on my mother’s face.
She’s always known my dad to be cruel when it came to the Harvell’s after what happened to my sister it was no doubt one of the reasons she left. He did everything he could to destroy the farm destroy their lively hood in town. Made sure renters and students went elsewhere. Took vendors and put them into other farms and land, despite all that Garrett was stubborn and told me good things come to those that wait. I see the faint hint of tears in her eyes.
“Hannah would never have wanted that. I told him to not make it harder on them but you know him he never listens. He couldn’t see past-” She pauses for a moment to take a breath before she looks at me. “Vanessa found out I take it?”
I nod my head at her shame filling me. I should have been man enough to tell her, I didn’t. Fear can make you do things like ignore something that you should talk about. My mother tried to raise me right, tried to raise my sister right and I suppose along the way we were outsiders in my parents marriage. Outsiders that when it came down to it at the end instead of dealing with my dad or us instead my mother sought out maids, nannies and others to do what she couldn’t at the time. I open my mouth to speak only to be cut off.
“I knew something happened when I called Sharon to have them come look at Scarlett’s riding. You plan on quitting don’t you? Once you do you and I both know your father will cut you off from the business. That is why you need me now since I was not willing to sign off on your trust fund before.” Her voice is now in between bitterness and hurt. I nod my head at her and take a breath.
“I’m sorry about everything that happened when she died. The way I acted. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you like you needed me to be with dad. I know you never liked Vanessa but I want to make this right for her, for her family. I don’t want to see them destroyed. I still don’t.” I can feel my throat tighten as the tears sting my eyes.
“I know.” My mother’s voice is soft when she speaks and I have to wonder if this is some alternate reality we are having.
The silence seems to overtake the room until the back door of the house opens and I hear Natalie’s voice enter the living room.
“Karen I think we should be able to fit her in. Holy shit.” Natalie stammers looking between us.
I try and gauge what her reaction has going on but instead I see Scarlett enter behind her and my heart stops when Vanessa rounds the corner. Her eyes glare at me pinning me against the window and I feel the air in the room drop or it’s all in my head. I’ve seen that look before I’ve given that look before to her and my mother many times. The silence is thick as we all stand there and I try to figure out what to say or do. My mother breaks the silence as she wraps her arm around Scarlett.
“Send the papers over and I’ll sign them. Scarlett let’s show Natalie around the grounds for a bit shall we?”
My mouth opens to object only nothing comes. Vanessa glares at her sister as Natalie leaves the room and we stare each other down again. I’ve given her some time apart well both of us some time apart. I see her turn to leave, tears threatening to fall down her face. Before I know what I’m doing I walk towards her while her back is turned to leave wrapping my arms around her.
“Don’t go let’s talk. I know I fucked up I get that but I had good reasons to not tell you and if you let me I’ll explain them.” I feel my voice cut off then the fear and the pain of her walking out of my life again is not something that I can even imagine again. I don’t want to be that person again, that man again. “I had no idea that Jessica was going to go to my condo that day. I didn’t know she was going to come at you like she did.”
Her body is still stiff almost like she wants to believe me and that give me the slightest glimmer of hope. She hasn’t told me to back the hell off yet so I consider that a good sign, her breathing is shallow and I can only guess that she is a steamroller of emotions. The fight in her is something that attracted me to her to begin with. She has never given up, always fought for what she wanted or at least she used to before everything went to shit.
“Let me go Jake.” She says her voice is even, cold in a way that unnerves me but I listen and reluctantly let her go.
I see her wipe at her eyes with her back turned to me and I have to wonder why she doesn’t look at me and I don’t even know if I want to know. I made her cry. Something that I vowed a long time ago I would never do I would never hurt her like I did in the hospital. My hands move to the pockets in my slacks giving her the space she needs.
“You have to believe me. I would never-” I start again and she turns to face me anger and fury crossed along her eyes and her face.
“You’d never what hurt me? Spare me your bullshit for once.”
“That’s not fair I would have never let you found out like that.”
“Fin
d out? You should have told me from the get go. It was all some game to you to get the farm and I fell for it.”
“You really think that low of me?”
That hurts from her that she would think that low of me after everything that we have been through together. That she thinks I would use her to get the farm, that I was after the land instead of working things out between us. I know how it looks on paper how convenient it all looks but that isn’t the truth and she should know that. She should know me better than that, know us better than that.
“It doesn’t really matter anymore now does it?” She says looking at me before walking out of the living room.
I hear her boots on the tile floor and listen as the front door to the house opens and closes. I don’t know how long I stand there until I hear Natalie’s voice with my step-sister and mother. I move slowly to the foyer and Natalie looks at me.
“Give her some more space she’s just angry. Plus Paige set some shit straight with her the other day. You and I both know deep down my sister loves you she’s just like you are at the moment scared.” Natalie says quietly before opening the door and leaving.
“I like them.” My step-sister chimes in before heading up the stairs to what I assume is her bedroom.
“You made quite the mess Jacob. Send the paperwork over and let’s rectify it.” My mother says squeezing my shoulder as I watch the truck pull out of the driveway. My heart stops and a faint smile appears at Vanessa behind the wheel.
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Vanessa
IT’S BEEN ALMOST a week since that day at Karen’s and for the first time since then I feel normal, my emotions have settled. I suppose someone else would be angry at Jake still hurt by him. I’ve learned unfortunately that is not the case with me. That’s never been the case with me even as I sit on the plane back to Los Angeles for a visit to Charlotte. Her younger sister is getting married and she asked me to go to the wedding with her. Things have went downhill for her over the last few weeks she and Michael ended things. I needed the break from home. She was recently let go from the hospital thanks to that asshole she was dating and now doesn’t know what she is going to do. Needless to say I need the distraction of Charlotte’s life compared to my own at the moment.
Even when I should hate Jake I can’t my mind refuses to even let that be a possibility. Over the years people told me I should hate Jake Brian being one of those people, what he never understood I think is I can’t hate him. Jake has tried texting me the last few days and I haven’t responded yet to them. He is trying to make things right and I understand that I just haven’t faced that reality. As the flight attendant announces our descent into the airport I take out my headphones and adjust my seat up. I’m only in town for a the weekend. Grabbing my carry on I set out of the plane into the hot airport and my face lights up with I see Charlotte at my waiting gate. Her red hair pulled back into a ponytail and she’s wearing a nice summer dress.
“Vanessa!” Her arms wrap around me as she lets out a squeal and I return the gesture just as happy to see my roommate and friend. She takes a step back to look at me nodding her head in approval.
“I think home suits you. I’m really glad you could make it in for the weekend. My parents are going to be so excited to see you!”
“I needed the break and I didn’t want you going to this thing by yourself either. I still can’t believe what Michael did to you. Is there anyway to appeal it? Have your dad make a few calls?” I ask grabbing my luggage was we make our way through LAX.
“No. I should have double checked when he told me to administer the medication and now I just hope this permanently doesn’t go against my record. I have to start job hunting and everything. Just because my dad is one of the best cardiac surgeons in the country doesn’t mean that he should call in favors for me.” Her tone is soft when she says it and I get her reasoning but I’m still pissed as hell that she was fired for something Michael did or ordered her to do.
She and Michael had been together for over four years and granted I was never too fond of him especially when he would hit on me at different times while drunk. Charlotte is a great nurse, she loves her job, loves to take care of people and she doesn’t deserve this with him at all. I always thought dating your co-worker was a bad idea and we used to joke about it until we both ended up with Brian and Michael. In her case it was worse Michael was an attending at the same hospital. Brian was never my supervisor. I still want to argue that her father should step in but I know better. Walking out of the airport we make out way through the parking garage to Charlotte’s Honda Civic.
Charlotte reminds me of Hannah which is probably why we became such fast friends in college plus she helped me get through my stats class my last year of college. She’s rich her mother is a former model and her dad is a surgeon, she’s gorgeous as well. Though underneath all that she is bubbly, outgoing and her money is something she never flaunts. I throw my bag in the backseat as she looks over at me.
“Honestly I don’t know what I’m going to do in a few more months when my lease is up. I know you paid for your half but I don’t want to do the roommate thing again. Everyone from college is moving on and getting married starting families I figured I would be there by now.” She says buckling her seat belt as she looks over at me. Her smile widens a bit. “I’ve never actually seen you not shake when you put the belt on.”
“Paige kicked my ass I’m even driving a bit. Definitely not ready for LA traffic but I needed that.”
“Hmm.”
“What is the hmm for?”
“Something tells me that your trip out here was a way to avoid all that other shit with Jacob Donovan back home. I’ll let it slide because I really don’t want to go to this wedding by myself but I know a bluff when I see one with you.” Her eyes narrow in at me and I want to tell her that she is wrong that I did not run back here.
“You were the one that called me.” I try and defend myself to her and realize I don’t have an excuse as to why I actually came.
“I did but you could have stayed you have that huge show coming up with your students. Besides from everything you did tell me I get why you would need to come here after everything but Vanessa, you love him. How long are you going to punish the both of you this time.” Charlotte’s eyes meet mine and they are full of an understanding between us she was one of the only ones to know how I felt about Jake while I was out here.
“It’s not that simple.” I tell her while she pulls out into LA traffic. Back to what I considered the mad rat race.
Charlotte shakes her head and I can tell in her head she is considering her words to me carefully.
“It’s only complicated because you’re making them that way. They guy you described to me over the last few years wouldn’t do what you think he has too you. I get you’re angry at him, at your dad but you shouldn’t punish him for something your father wanted to do with the farm. He sounds like a good guy Vanessa, a guy that learned from everything that happened all I’m saying is give him a chance instead of just shutting him back out.” She says as the silence fills the car I have to wonder if she is right about all of it.
***
Hours later at Charlotte’s parent’s huge beach house I watch the wedding unfold. Watch as the bride and the groom exchange wedding vows and wonder if that will ever be me if I will ever get that happy ending that I want, for a second the thought crosses my mind about if I deserve that after everything. I have to remind myself that Hannah would want that for me. By the time the ceremony is over and the guest begin to clear the way for the reception I turn and freeze, staring right into Jake’s eyes. How in the world did he even know where I was? Why is he even here? My mind is swirling as he makes his way to me and I glance over at Charlotte and the newlyweds. The moment she nervously looks away it hits me, she told him where I was. I don’t even feel angry about it, she’s a good friend and like Paige I know she means well. My emotions though are all over the place. I’m still angry at Jake,
livid would be a better word. By the time he reaches me I let out a breath I didn’t realize that I have been holding.
“How did you even?” I go to say more and he speaks not even giving me a chance.
“Your mom, Natalie and eventually I convinced them to give me Charlotte’s number. You ran out of my moms the other day before we even got a chance to speak. I figured this was the only way to get you to actually listen to me.” Jake says his voice is low when he says it kind even for a moment.
I want to believe him that it he had nothing to do with what Jessica accused him of. That he meant everything that has happened between us since I came back. But I don’t have anything left to give him when he keeps ripping my heart out.
“I needed a break.” It’s petty why I say it. Harsh even and the moment he glares at me is when I do I realize just how much it cuts at him.
“You ran away again. I let it slide before after Hannah’s funeral given what happened but not this time. I fucked up I know that and you will never know how much I regret that. But you also have to understand I did it to protect you and your family. Let me explain if you still don’t like what I have to say about it then fine cut me out. Move back here, leave me again but hell give me the chance to explain it before you do.”
I look over the wedding party as they all make their way back to the reception area the white tents lining the beach, looking for a way out. It’s what I’m good at with Jake, the running even though I know I shouldn’t. I close my eyes for a moment and feel him pull me towards him. His breath inches from my mouth before he kisses me gently, softly. It’s tender and sweet and when he pulls back moments later my eyes are still closed while his hand strokes my cheek.
“I’d never hurt you like that Vanessa. I didn’t know how to bring it up to you. I didn’t want you to think about me like that. That I was after the farm, your father came to me he knew my dad wanted it.” Jake says quietly. I allow my eyes to open and look at him seeing the truth behind his words. “He didn’t want my dad to have it. We came up with a plan I would by the land and let him run the farm. We signed right before the heart attack. I was going to meet him and your mother to get her to sign when your mother called me that day to tell me the news. Then you came home the first time I saw you at the funeral everything came back. The good, the bad the fucking ugly and I wanted it to be different this time to prove to you I wasn’t the asshole that let you go.”