Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  ‘Lila, it’s okay, it’s Doctor Honeychurch, please open your eyes if you can.’

  A doctor, not an angel. Lila opened her eyes, wincing from the light, waking to a new horror. A tube down her throat and strangers around her.

  No. Not all strangers. Charlie’s face was even more serious than usual, wracked with worry and pain, and was standing at the end of her bed. She lifted her hand and reached for him. Charlie glanced at the doctor who smiled at him encouragingly.

  ‘Please, take her hand. This is really good progress…she’s been in a coma for a month; this means she recognizes you.’

  A month. Oh Jesus, no… A tear rolled down her face and Charlie moved quickly then, taking her hand and bending down to kiss her cheek, kissing the tear away. It was such a loving, tender thing to do…but it felt so wrong. As much as she adored Charlie, it should be Richard here, holding her hand, kissing her tears away. She grabbed Charlie’s hand, opening it to his palm. The doctor hovered in her peripheral vision.

  ‘Lila, please don’t over exert yourself.’ But she ignored her and with her finger, traced letters on Charlie’s palm.

  Why here?

  Charlie’s eyes were haunted. ‘You were stabbed, sweetheart.’ So she was remembering it right. God.

  Why?

  Stunned, she saw his eyes fill with water, and he looked away. ‘We don’t know, Lila. Not yet.’

  How long?

  ‘A month, baby.’

  Where’s Richard?

  She saw him glance at the doctor and hesitate. The doctor gave a little shake of her head. Charlie gave Lila a smile – a forced one. ‘He’ll be here later, sweetheart.’

  Lila, exhausted, let her hand drop. The doctor stepped in then, checking her reflexes, shining a light in her eyes. ‘Are you in pain, Lila?’

  She tried to nod and the doctor, an African American woman with a kind, soothing face smiled at her. ‘Alright, I’ll get you some morphine. Try not to do too much, we’ve had to operate a bunch of times so your wounds are still raw. You kept trying to leave us, Lila, honey, but every time you changed your mind and came back. That’s my girl.’

  She smoothed a warm hand onto Lila’s forehead. ‘You’re a little warm, so we’ll try and get your temperature down before we take that tube out, okay?’

  Lila sighed. She felt bound up, the heavy bandaging on her belly and, weirdly, on her chest too – she didn’t remember being stabbed in the chest, but maybe it had been after she passed out. The thought made her want to vomit. Who could hate her that much?

  She felt fatigue flood over her, and she closed her eyes again. As she sank back into sleep, she heard another voice, familiar, warm. Delphine.

  ‘How is she?’

  ‘Still too early to tell,’ Lila heard the doctor tell her would-be-mother-in-law, her friend. ‘She woke up and recognized Mr. Sherman, so that’s positive.’

  There was a pause.

  ‘Does she know? Did you tell her?’ Lila was shocked at the pain in Delphine’s voice, and then Charlie cleared his throat.

  ‘No, we thought it wise not to upset her. We’ll tell her when she’s stronger.’

  Tell me what? What the hell is going on? Who stabbed me?

  And where the hell is Richard…?

  Then… Lenox Hill Hospital, Manhattan

  Lila stood at the elevator and hesitated. She had been determined to go visit Richard in the hospital after Charlie told her they were keeping him in with a head injury, but now, as she stood waiting, she felt dumb, awkward. He probably won’t even recognize me, she told herself, and I’ll make it uncomfortable. She hadn’t told Charlie her plan to visit the injured man, and now she didn’t know why. She just felt…something. A connection. She couldn’t get him out of her head. True, that night, after Richard had told her his name, he had collapsed into her arms, unconscious so by the time Charlie and Riley had returned to the car empty-handed, she was begging them to get to the hospital now and not wait for the paramedics. At the hospital, Richard had been borne away quickly into the labyrinth of the E.R. and Charlie had taken her home, still covered in Richard’s blood. The sudden silence of her tiny apartment seemed claustrophobic, and she’d been too keyed to sleep. Charlie had apologetically had to leave to file a report on the incident so Lila had simply decided to clean her whole apartment in a bid to exhaust herself into sleep. Luckily, Sunday was her one day off from all work and study commitments, so by the time nine o’clock came around, she showered then fell into bed and slept until three o’clock when Charlie knocked on her door with Chinese food.

  The elevator doors opened, and before she could change her mind, she stepped onto it. To hell with it, she wanted to see if he was okay. Yeah, right, so nothing to do with his gorgeous brown eyes, then? ‘Shut up,’ she muttered to herself, ignoring the amused look a nurse gave her.

  She found the floor he was on easily then again got cold feet. By the nurses’ station, she could see an elegant older woman with white hair, tall, talking to a doctor. She hovered near them, trying to hear if they mentioned anyone. Jackpot.

  ‘So Richard’s facilities remain as they were?’ The white-haired woman, spectacles pushed onto her nose, was ticking off items on a notepad. Lila saw the doctor repress a smile.

  ‘Mrs. Carnegie, as I said, Richard has a mild concussion and cuts and bruises. He was very lucky, given the severity of the injuries he might have received. Now I know he looks battered, and it’ll take some time for the swelling to go down but from the tests I’ve performed, there’s no brain damage. Your son’s ribs are understandably badly bruised but again, they'll heal just fine.’

  The woman – Mrs. Carnegie – Richard’s mother – thanked the doctor who escaped with a look of relief. He nodded to Lila on the way past. Lila took a deep breath in and went up to the woman. ‘Excuse me?’

  Mrs. Carnegie glanced at her over her glasses; severe at first then she smiled. ‘Yes, dear?’

  Lila realized her own hands were sweating and wiped them on her jeans. ‘I couldn’t help but overhear – are you Richard’s mother?’

  Her other woman smiled. ‘Yes, I am Delphine Carnegie…can I help you?’

  ‘Um…’ Lila got tongued-tied. ‘My name is Lila Tierney and I…’

  ‘Lila? You’re Lila?’ Suddenly the woman’s face changed, her eyes widened. ‘Oh, my dear!’

  She threw her arms around an astonished Lila and burst into tears. Lila hugged her back awkwardly and then as Delphine’s sobs subsided, she took Lila’s face in her hands and kissed both cheeks. ‘Thank you, my dear, for looking after my son so well. He says you saved his life.’

  Lila rocked back. ‘No, no, it wasn’t me it was the two cops with me – one is my friend, I wasn’t under arrest – they pulled the attackers off. I just…I just…’

  Delphine wiped her eyes with a lace handkerchief and then tucked her arm under Lila’s. ‘Nonsense. You took care of him, in the car. He told me everything…now, when I last checked he was sleeping but let’s go see if he’s awake now.’

  She was steering Lila inexorably towards a private room and Lila had no time to think before Delphine pushed the door open.

  Richard Carnegie was reading, but as he looked up and saw her, a wide smile split his face – which made him wince as the movement pulled on some stitches. Still, his smile made Lila’s stomach warm.

  ‘Here she is,’ Delphine said, beaming at them both. ‘Look who’s here to see you.’

  ‘Lila…wow, it’s so good to see you, thank you for coming.’

  Delphine maneuvered Lila into the chair next to his bed. ‘I’ll just go see where your father is,’ she said pointedly, with a grin and closed the door after her. Lila blushed furiously as Richard grinned at her.

  ‘I just wanted to see how you were,’ she said, hating that her voice trembled. The fact his face bruised and stitched didn’t detract from how handsome he was, how his eyes twinkled at her, his mouth seemingly set in a permanent smile.

  ‘I’m very well, actual
ly, although I’m milking it a little for the Jello they keep bringing,’ he chuckled as she laughed.

  ‘I’m glad to hear it…unless it’s a disgusting flavor.’

  ‘It’s mostly orange, maybe a strawberry now and again.’

  ‘Nice. I like lime too.’

  ‘I had one once. They’re like gold dust apparently. We have to swap packs of cigarettes for those.’

  She giggled. ‘Oh, you do?’

  Richard nodded, looking comically smug. ‘I’m a favorite of Big Bernard’s.’

  Lila snickered. ‘You mean you’re his bitch?’

  ‘Something like that,’ Richard laughed. He reached over and took her hand, winding his fingers between hers. ‘Seriously, though, Lila…thank you for coming. It gives me the chance to both say how much I appreciated your help that night…and to ask if I can see you again when they let me out of here?’

  Her stomach flipped, and she flushed with pleasure. ‘I would like that…but I really didn’t do anything.’

  He drew her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers. ‘Yes, you did. If I had died that night, at least your lovely face would have been the last thing I ever saw. I’m okay with that.’

  His compliment was lovely, but she couldn’t help the grin that crossed her face. ‘Dude…’

  Richard laughed sheepishly. ‘Too cheeseball?’

  ‘A little but I’m okay with it.’

  Richard leaned forward and tentatively brushed her lips with his. ‘So, can I see you again?’ God, he was a cheeseball but so, so adorable with it…

  Lila leaned her forehead gently against his. ‘Yes, Richard Carnegie…you can…’

  Then…Friedman’s Lunch on 9th, New York City

  Charlie Sherman sat at his desk, staring into space. He didn’t hear when his partner Riley called him the first two times so when Riley threw a ball of paper at him, he looked up, annoyed. ‘What?’

  Riley grinned easily at him. ‘I said, we going to this place for lunch or what? I’m starving over here.’

  They walked the two blocks to the sandwich place. Riley ordered a Reuben’s while Charlie just stuck with black coffee. Riley smiled at his partner. ‘What’s with you? You’ve been quiet for days. Not that you’re not always quiet. But heck, you’re freaking me out. What gives?’

  Charlie grinned suddenly at his friend. ‘Who needs to talk when you’re around, buddy?’

  ‘Fair point.’ Riley took a huge bite of his sandwich. ‘How’s my girlfriend?’

  ‘Lila?’ Charlie laughed and shook his head. ‘Dude, you wish. Anyway, she’s good. I think she’s gone to see Richard Carnegie today.’

  Riley’s eyebrows shot up. ‘Really?’ Then he laughed. ‘Knowing Lila, she has no idea who the Carnegie’s are.’

  Charlie looked confused, and Riley sighed. ‘If you hadn’t landed me with the paperwork, you would know that the Carnegies are old money – serious New York old money. Richard Carnegie Senior is Bill Gates times a million. Absolute genius. Richard Junior, same thing. Harvard grad, brilliant, loaded and good-looking. And right now, probably hitting on my girlfriend.’ Riley suddenly looked crestfallen, and Charlie chuckled.

  ‘Yep, try and compete with that, buddy.’

  Riley studied him. ‘Can I ask you something?’

  ‘Go for it.’

  ‘I’m serious now…if I had the ‘in’ you have with a woman like Lila…there’s no way I’d let her go. Let some other schmuck graze on that pasture. No way.’

  Charlie laughed. ‘’Graze on that pasture’? Dude, that’s gross.’

  Riley shrugged. ‘I thought it was poetic.’

  ‘This,’ Charlie said, stealing a French fry and pointing at Riley, ‘this is why you’re single. Anyway, Lila has the hots for Woods, she told me.’

  ‘Oh ha ha,’ Riley scowled at his partner. ‘Don’t invoke the Evil W.’

  Riley and Woods Kinsayle’s sibling rivalry was the stuff of legend. Riley blamed his overly competitive father, always pitting the twins against each other from birth but the glee with which Woods, his older brother by five minutes, carried on the ‘feud’ into adulthood was annoying. Woods, a sports agent, crowed over his ‘lowly’ cop brother all the time, and it didn’t help that his gung-ho father loved his college football more than life. Both of them dismissed Riley’s career as if it were nothing. Thankfully, Riley was old enough to ignore the petty childishness of it – and lately, Woods had seemed more supportive.

  ‘Yo, kids. ‘

  Charlie looked up at the precinct’s desk sergeant, Joseph Deacon, a large dyed-in-the-wood New Yorker with the accent to prove it. ‘Hey, Joe, you want something to eat?’

  Joe looked regretful. ‘Nah, Claudia’s got me on a diet.’

  Riley snorted. ‘Bummer. Joe, you really are a character from those old cop shows, aren’t you?’

  Joe grinned good-naturedly. ‘You got it, kid. Anyway, I was sent to find you. Deke pulled in one of the guys from that assault a few nights ago. The Carnegie kid.’

  Charlie and Riley got up and went back to the station. Deke Holmes, a detective from another precinct, greeted them. ‘Thought you might want this one.’

  They thanked him and soon they were facing the arrested man. Charlie studied him; dirty, edgy, continually sniffing. Stereotypical junkie, who he’d expect to find out on the streets at that time of night. They interviewed him, but he didn’t tell them anything they didn’t know.

  Afterward, back at their desks, Charlie finally confessed to why he’d been distracted earlier, and Riley nodded along as Charlie said aloud what they’d both been thinking.

  What the hell was a guy like Richard Carnegie doing on the mean streets of New York at three am.?

  Now… Lenox Hill Hospital, Manhattan

  Just five minutes, Lila thought, five minutes without pain, that’s all I ask. It was searing, agony shooting through her with every movement. He really sliced and diced me, she thought now, with a humorless snort of laughter. Whoever you are, I hope you rot in hell.

  She’d woken up in the worst mood a few hours ago and couldn’t go back to sleep. The repetitive bleep-bleep of the machines keeping her alive was getting on her nerves as was the tube down her throat. With any luck, they'd take it out, now she was doing better.

  Was she doing better? She didn’t know. The doctors and nurses talked in hushed tones, just outside her room – it made her paranoid. Not as much, however, as when Charlie and Delphine did the same thing. There were no words for how pissed she was at two of the people she loved most in the world. No-one was telling her anything.

  And where the fuck was Richard? He was the person she was the angriest at. She knew she was wallowing in self-pity, but she’d been stabbed, for Christ’s sake. Shouldn’t he be here, holding her hand? She entertained a thought of him rending his clothes at the sorry sight of her…now you are being a drama queen, she thought. But it was breaking her heart not knowing where he was…oh God. The thought hit her like a sledgehammer.

  Was Richard dead? Did whoever stab her almost to death kill Richard too? No, no…She couldn’t stop the hot tears then, and she started to sob, choking on the tube down her throat. Oh god…that’s why they weren’t telling her anything…now she couldn’t breathe, the panic attack overwhelming her. No oxygen, no oxygen…the machines beside went crazy, nurses rushing in, garbled voices, a prick as a needle pierced her arm and then…

  Darkness.

  ‘We had to sedate her, I‘m afraid, she had a panic attack. When she woke, she was calmer. She indicated that she wanted the tube out so we’ve asked for Dr. Honeychurch to come see if we can do that for her. We think Lila’s suffering from depression…she’s very down. Why don’t you go sit with her?’

  Charlie nodded, his face set. Delphine sighed, looking exhausted and patted his back. ‘You go in. I want to phone home, see if someone can come sit with her. Maybe Cora.’

  ‘I thought you said Cora was too fragile to see Lila like this?’

  Delphine, suddenly lo
oking every one of her seventy years, shrugged helplessly. ‘I think Lila’s need is more pressing. You should get some rest too, Charles, you’ve been here practically every day.’

  ‘I do what I need to do for her,’ he said gruffly, then impulsively kissed Delphine’s cheek. ‘I should check in at work, though, see if there’s…’ He trailed off, but Delphine understood.

  ‘I’m going to call Cora now.’

  Charlie waited until the woman had moved away then knocked softly on Lila’s door. His friend was staring out of the window, dark shadows under her eyes, her cheekbones – never prominent before in her softly rounded face – were sticking out. Her whole demeanor screamed hopelessness.

  ‘Lila,’ he said softly, and she looked at him with dead, flat eyes. The startling violet had dimmed to a dingy purple, and the depths of pain in them were hard to look at. The hated tube down her throat was obviously uncomfortable. Lila pointed to the pad and pencil on the table next to her, and he handed them to her.

  I hate this.

  Charlie took her hand. ‘I know, sweetheart, I know. But, please, you have to get better. For me. For the people who love you.’

  She stared at him, her expression was hard, and when she wrote again, she pressed down on the paper so hard the paper ripped slightly.

  I’m so fucking pissed at whoever did this.

  ‘Me too, darling, believe me. I can’t believe anyone would do this to you, of all people.’ He stroked her cheek, and she leaned into his touch, her eyes filling with tears.

  She hesitated before writing again and when she did, her tears splashed on the paper.

  Is Richard dead?

  Charlie read the note and looked up in shock. ‘No, no, God, no he’s fine, he’s…Jesus…’ He looked away from her. Lila scratched out another note and tapped him furiously on the arm until he looked at it.

  Then why the FUCK isn’t he here?! What the hell is going on, Charlie, and don’t fob me off, or I’ll rip this tube out of my own throat and stick it down yours!